Nights on the Road
by Nightingale N7
Summary: After losing everything, Aedan just wants to avenge his family. After being betrayed by her closest friend, Leliana just wants to forget. When a chance encounter in Lothering after a disaster brings them together, what will ensue? Random snippets from all three games. Features multiple Inquisitors and various retellings of some events. M for mature content and language.
1. First Kiss

_I needed to get my rapidly forming obsession with Aedan and Leliana out of my system, so here's a story about Aedan's awkwardness around the bard. From the title, you can probably guess what it's going to be about, but anyway, here you go! Set in the FC Universe, but can be read on its own. Oh, and it's in Leliana's POV._

Another night on the road, but this one feels different. Calmer, maybe? I'm not sure. I can't find a word for it. Calmer doesn't seem to fit.

I pitch my tent in its usual place several feet from the campfire, beside Wynne's. The others go about doing the same while Sten stands guard, glaring at anyone and everyone if we so much as look in his direction. Morrigan has her camp done before we do, like normal, and then sits and reads that book Aedan found for her in the Circle. I am sure that I don't want to know what it is about.

"You're a sack of potatoes." The familiar voice brings a smile to my face, but I don't look back to see what Aedan is talking about. No doubt he is teasing his twin, who is also the unofficial group leader. "Can't even cook, for Maker's sake!"

"Like Nan taught you how to cook," Elissa retorts.

I hear muffled laughter from behind me as the two chuckle, going about their separate ways to finish setting for the night. I'm done with my tent rather quickly, so I sit by the elected firepit's place and begin piling wood and kindling up in a triangular formation. Once I'm satisfied, I use the flint and steel by my foot to ignite it, and move back so Alistair can drop the bundle of branches he's carrying.

"Ah, there we go," he says, plopping down across from me. "Much better."

I raise an eyebrow as I brush a piece of red hair from my face. "Cold?"

He chuckles. "You didn't think the Tower was cold?"

I shrug as I scoot a little further back. "Not as cold as it could've been."

"Well, you're the eternal optimist," Alistair says, going back to warming his hands.

"I'm the brains of the operation," I say. "You're just hired muscle. Those are our roles."

"Except I'm not hired muscle," Alistair teases. "I was in the group long before you, my friend. If anything, I'm the handsome one here."

"What was that?" Aedan asks, looking up from whatever it is he's doing by his tent.

"I'm prettier than you are," Alistair says jokingly, laughing at the grin that pops up on the brown-haired man several feet away. His grin makes _me _grin, and I look down at the fire suddenly, annoyed by what that could mean. Yes, I've been awkwardly flirting with the man since we met (literally) but what if he just thinks it's nothing? What if he likes the witch? I have been dancing on nails since joining the group; I don't want to push myself over.

"Hello," Elissa says, sitting beside me. I flick my eyes up to hers for a brief moment, marveling in how two twins could have the exact same eye color when they're not identical. But for some reason, her eyes don't make me feel the same way Aedan's do. It is strange and I don't like it. They are the exact same shade of blue, bright and striking, always alert like Wolf's ears. Her eyes offer friendship and kindness. Aedan's eyes make me want to melt in them. More than once I have become a blushing idiot because of the way he looks at me. "You feeling okay?"

I nod a little too quickly for it to seem truthful. "Yes, thank you for asking."

She arches an eyebrow before leaning over to whisper, "I saw that look."

I scowl at her bemused expression, but that only serves to make her laugh. "I hate you. You're an evil friend."

"I'm a great friend," she says, looking at me like she's hurt and offended. I know her well enough to know she is teasing me, and whereas I would usually shoot back with a smart comment about her and Alistair, all I do is frown. She doesn't like that response, so she rolls her eyes and gets up, going to sit beside the blond Warden. With just a peck on the cheek, the man is turned into a stuttering fool, much to Aedan's annoyance. He sits beside me, grumbling something under his breath.

"Well anyways, what's up, Leli?"

"I...what?" I mentally curse myself, but find my mind wondering to thoughts of slapping the woman I call a friend as she covers her mouth to hide her giggling.

"Oh never mind," Aedan says, shrugging. "So...who's cooking tonight?"

"Maker, it better not be Alistair," I say.

"Nope, it's me," Elissa says. "And I actually can cook despite what Aedan says." She gives him a look that can only be described as a challenge, but he sits up straighter and raises an eyebrow. "I don't think grass is an ingredient at the very least." The warrior laughs loudly, shaking his head in his amusement.

"Oh yeah, magey?" Aedan says. "If your cooking is so great, then why don't you tell us if I cook better than Alistair? We could use a professional opinion."

The Warden chuckles. "Let's make this clear. Not only can't I cook, I can behead a darkspawn. Just so we're all aware."

"But my cooking doesn't make the party sick for days on end," Aedan says.

"Enough, enough," Elissa says, raising her hands. "We all suck at cooking. All of us except Wynne and Leliana."

"And me!" Zevran chimes in from where he and Cyrus are playing cards on a flat span of ground.

"And Zev," she adds, giving the three of us a look that says she said it for his benefit only. "So back to the original discussion." Her eyes meet mine again and her face cracks up in that stupid mischievous smirk she shares with Aedan. "Leliana, how do you feel about-"

"You think I won't hit you," I interrupt. "You're wrong."

"I'm faster," Elissa says. "You can't catch me even if you wanted to. That, and I have a really big dog."

I look up at Aedan, putting on my most innocent expression. "Who teaches Fereldan nobility manners?"

"Ourselves," Aedan says. "We just kinda go with it."

"Of course," I say, nodding. "That explains everything."

"If that really bothered you though, you would've left before we even got to Highever," Aedan says, putting his hand on my shoulder. He offers a smile at my frown. "That means a lot more to Elissa and I than you realize. You could've left us, any of you could have, but you all stayed and helped us take our home back."

I want to say that we're friends and that's what friends do for each other, but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to see if that's all he feels. If he said no, I do not think I would be able to bear it. Not after what he said to me once we killed Marjolaine. No, I would not. It would kill me.

"Well, bardmaster, why don't you tell us a story while I cook? Keep the boys entertained?"

I nod as I pull myself from my thoughts. Yes, that will help. I won't have to think about Aedan while I talk. "Anything you want to hear about in particular?"

She shrugs, looking at the other two for help. "Ooh! How about something made up and completely useless?" Aedan asks, a hopeful expression on his face. "I'm not in the mood for a history lesson. I feel we've gotten enough from Genitivi and we'll no doubt be getting more from the elves."

"Something useless?" Elissa asks, not looking up from the cooking pot. "Like your opinion?"

"You're a horrible sister," Aedan says. "Alistair! Wanna trade?"

He visibly cringes at the mention of his sister. Only he and Elissa went to meet her, but I get the feeling from the look on his face that it did not go over well. I was too absorbed in my own thoughts to pay much attention when they rejoined us after leaving Marjolaine's hideout.

"No, thanks," Alistair mumbles. "I'm just fine with Elissa where she's at."

"Really?" she asks, tone changing slightly. Alistair picks up on it the same moment I do and his ears turn red, much to everyone's amusement. "You don't want me in your lap?"

"Oh Maker," he says, groaning.

She laughs. "Well, how about it, Leliana? You got any stupid children's stories up in that head of yours?"

I smile as I lean forward. "Quite a few."

I randomly select one I haven't told for a while, and as I talk, Elissa cooks, listening with one ear while keeping track of what's going on around the camp. Alistair is listening intently, as is Aedan, but the way Aedan watches me as I talk, the way he listens, it's so sweet. He keeps his normally fleeting gaze fixed on me as I speak, asking questions when something confuses him. I end up turning to him to tell the story because Alistair blanks and starts whispering to Elissa. Aedan doesn't notice. He listens to every word I say, completely absorbed in the story and I hope he's more absorbed in my voice, although I know that cannot possibly be the reason.

"Food's done," Elissa says. "Mostly. Let it cool off."

I lean back on my hands, staring at the stars. "It took me that long?"

"Well, there was that one part where you just stared at Aedan," Alistair says. "It got kind of weird after that." I hear Elissa stifle a laugh while Aedan just clears his throat awkwardly. I find myself smirking as I close my eyes, beginning to hum a tune that pops into my head. The rest of the party shuffles over for dinner and I feel a familiar nose bump into my back like it does every night. Wolf knows who to go to for scraps. I swear I might make this 'warhound' a fat, Orlesian lapdog by the time the Archdemon is dead.

"You're too sweet to be a vicious killer," I say as Wolf lies down beside me. He whines softly, curling against my side. He casts a wary glance over at his mistress, checking like all dogs do to make sure their owners aren't jealous. I scratch behind his ears and he soon forgets his worries, panting away happily like he always does. "Too sweet and glu-" I cut myself off at the look from the mabari's eyes. "Excuse me. 'Lover of fine foods'."

"Are you having a conversation with a dog?" Cyrus asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Bitch, my dog kicked your ass," Elissa snaps. "He's far smarter than you and your sassy comments."

"Sassy? If anyone here is sassy, it's you, fearless leader," he says.

She laughs. "I won't deny it."

"Won't deny it?" Zevran asks, looking up from sharpening his daggers. "If you are in that mood, Warden, would it be a good time to ask what it was I heard going on in Denerim?" By the flush that appears on Alistair's face, it's obvious what happened.

"So the boy has become a man?" Morrigan remarks. "How wonderful for him." She takes her food and returns to her secluded area, content to eat alone.

"I was right?" Zevran grins. "Perfect!"

"Yes, Alistair became a man," Elissa says. Beside her, the subject of their teasing groans in embarrassment. "I showed him how to put his armor on all by himself. I'm very proud of him."

I can't resist. I have to ask. It'll make the _both _of them blush like idiots. "How is he? Does he follow orders or lead?" Alistair groans and falls over on his back, face beet red, but Elissa manages to keep her own embarrassment in check. Her cheeks flush only slightly.

"He comes up with some of his own ideas, too," she says, straight-faced.

"Ooh, so he is all grown up! It's nice to hear he can...ahem, play well with others."

That one stops her in her tracks as she pauses, thinking of a comeback to keep it going. As she opens her mouth, Alistair bolts upright and covers it with his hand.

"You can't talk about something normal? Or funny? Like...darkspawn?"

She raises an eyebrow again despite the hand covering her mouth. She says something that's far too muffled for anybody but Alistair to hear, but she must ask him to let go of her, because that's what he does.

"I don't quite see how darkspawn are funny," I say.

Elissa looks to me, grinning. "You been hit with one of their hammers? It's freaking _great_!"

I laugh. "I can only imagine."

"There are bound to be plenty around the Archdemon. You could always try it out for yourself."

"Ha! No, thanks."

That's how our evening continues. We spend it shooting jokes at one another because this is the one place in all of Thedas where we can be normal people. Outside of camp, we have to be more. Elissa has to be a leader when it's clear she does not like it, let alone have much experience in the matter. Aedan has to be ready to step in for his sister if necessary. Alistair needs to be more confident than he usually is.

I'm not sure what I have to do though. The only reason we're here is because the Wardens keep us together. Even Cyrus does whether he wants to admit it or not.

But at camp, we can be ourselves. Elissa is just some unlucky noblewoman who was born a mage. And despite it, she has manged to have a sense of humor during all of this. She's friends with everyone but Sten, and that is only because Sten prefers to be left alone. Aedan acts like a brother at camp, picking and teasing at his sister constantly. He has little humor unless directed at her, but it is slowly coming back. After what they went through to get here, how can anyone say they are surprised? I'm surprised they have kept going as long as they have. But who I am I lying to? My thoughts stray to Aedan no matter what I do. All the time, everyday.

Like they just did.

I'm suddenly aware that my face is warm, so I get to my feet and excuse myself, hoping the heat from the fire hides the blush. I go to my tent and just lay on the scattered blankets and furs, staring up at the canopy. Now that I am away from the fire, the cold of Ferelden's winter is creeping up on me. Not long now. We will be facing snow soon.

I fiddle with my fingers, an unconscious habit I have developed during my time with the Wardens. I tend to do it when I'm nervous about something, and every time I catch myself doing it, I force myself to stop. I hate giving people ways to read me. Reading people is _my _job. Not the other way around.

It is so strange, though. No matter what I do, Aedan always seems to be able to figure out what I'm thinking. It takes him time, but he has gotten better at it. So have the others, but he...excels. I can be sitting somewhere with a perfectly happy expression on my face while I'm slowly dying on the inside because of painful memories, and he'll notice. He comes to talk to me about it every time he gets the chance. It's another reason I doubt that he just wants to be my friend. Still, I can't see why he would want me. Right now, he is one of the most sought-after men in Ferelden. I know noblewomen throw their sons and daughters at the Cousland twins. Next to the Theirins, their family is the most powerful in the entire country. He could have literally any woman he wanted.

Yet there he goes, confusing me at every turn. I do not see how that's fair, considering it is always the women confusing the men, but...

"Leliana?" He's right outside my tent. What could he want now? Dammit, I feel like an idiot. "Are you awake?"

"Yes," I say, sitting up. I stare at his silhouette, unsure of what I'm supposed to do now, but then remind myself I'm an idiot and get up, going outside. "What is it?"

He looks at his feet sheepishly, saying, "I have first watch and...I was wondering if...you'd like...to...stay up with...me?" He winces as the last part of the sentence comes out, voice raising in pitch.

I don't end up at a loss for words this often, but I am now, so I just find the most casual smile I can and nod. He smiles back. It is much more nervous than he probably intended, but it's sweet nonetheless. Maker, I need hit. I told myself to not get caught up in something like this. Not after Marjolaine. I can't suffer that again. Not the lies, not the betrayals, not the torture...

I push those thoughts from my mind as I join him by the fire. We sit beside each other with our backs to the tents, watching the only way in and out of camp with heavy eyes. I will not allow something to happen again. I have finally recovered from the poison Howe's man hit me with, and I am not eager to have a repeat of the process. The poison did not even take affect until the original wound was healed. As a consequence, neither Elissa or Wynne could get whatever was in my blood out with magic. And despite her skills with herbs, Elissa had no idea what to do with me, so off we went, frantically searching for the Dalish in hopes they could do what others could not. They didn't disappoint. Only three days after their healer...healed me (I have yet to figure out exactly what she did to me) I was up and moving like normal. I could not drink much, let alone eat, without feeling sick to my stomach, but I was healthy enough to defend myself when Marjolaine's mercenaries attacked us.

"Nice night," Aedan says, voice so low it's barely more than a whisper.

I look over at him, smiling. "Yes it is."

Seems awkwardness finds people of all ages. I am not awkward, as I outgrew shyness several years ago, but tongue-tied. The last time I was awkward was when I first met Marjolaine. I was much younger and much more naive, probably a year or two younger than Aedan is now.

If I think about it, I realize that if Ferelden hadn't won its independence, our roles would probably be reversed. I would be higher in social status and he would be lower. Much, much lower. He would be the lowest of the low. That, or he would be a leader in whatever rebellion was left over. Then we really _wouldn't _be friends.

"There is a large age gap between us," I say. "Did you know that?"

He grins. "I've been taught to never ask a lady how old she was. Is that a problem?"

I shake my head, giggling. "No, that's a good thing. I spent a lot of my time thinking Fereldan nobles were uncultured barbarians."

"You described my older brother perfectly." We both laugh for a few minutes when he asks, "So...how old _are _you?"

"Twenty-five."

"Not that much older," he says. "Only three years."

"Old enough," I reply. "In Orlais, it is strange for women to marry younger men."

"But we aren't getting married, are we?"

"No, I suppose not."

He chuckles. "That might be a problem for my sister though. If she ever gets married, and especially to Alistair, she'll be older."

"It is a good thing your sister has expressed her dislike for anything Orlesian then, yes?"

"It's only two years," he says. "It's not that bad. Not as bad as..." He puts his hands over his cheeks and forms an 'o' with his mouth. "Three! Maker, what will we ever do? My friend, a whole three years older than me! It's...it's...that's just horrible! We should be punished for our sins, Leli!"

"Oh yes. I am a bad person for becoming friends with a younger man. Maker strike me down where I stand!"

"But...you're sitting."

I grin up at him. "Exactly."

Aedan shakes his head, running his hand along his hair. He had it cut close to his head when we first met, shaved almost, but now it is growing, and he doesn't seem to like it. He keeps flattening it. It is something he does quite often during the day. "Oh, Leliana. What a clever, clever woman you are."

"I'm a bard. I have to be clever."

"Very clever indeed," Aedan agrees. "After all, you convinced one of the most patriotic Fereldans I know to let you, an Orlesian, join our merry band of lunatics."

"That's because I'm charming, not clever."

Aedan smiles. Actually smiles. He rarely does that. Well, to people other than his sister of course. It seems he smiles for her all the time, and for me a few times as well, but not for anybody else. What Howe did...it must still be bothering him more than he lets on.

"Are you feeling all right, Aedan?" I ask carefully. He raises an eyebrow, an expression I've noticed to be common between the Cousland twins. They do it often in place of asking 'why'. His questioning expression makes me feel as if I shouldn't have asked, but when he waves a hand in a motion for me to continue, I do. "You look as if something is bothering you."

"I was just...thinking."

"About what?" He shrugs a shoulder and looks away, uncomfortable. I get a spur of courage from somewhere and reach out to him, putting my hand on his arm. "It's fine to be upset, Aedan. You can tell me what's wrong."

"I know I can," he says. "It's just...I've been thinking. A lot. Mostly about Highever and what my life was like when I was some 'womanizing nobleman with a weak shot at the throne'."

"You...are a womanizer?"

He shakes his head. "No. I haven't even kissed anyone yet. I was always too busy learning how to fight or read or something to have time for things of that nature. And when I wasn't doing that, I was playing with Elissa and Fergus in the gardens."

"Then what is bothering you?"

"Some days I just wish life could go back to what it was like before the Blight," Aedan whispers. "It's always been a dream of ours, me and Elissa's, to join the Wardens. Ever since she learned of them and told me, we've been fascinated." He looks slightly embarrassed at admitting that little fact about himself. "And don't get me wrong, I _am _glad to have joined the Wardens. I've made many friends here that I couldn't have made if I stayed at Highever to die at Howe's hands. But...I also don't want people to feel like they do. So many in Lothering, Redcliffe, and Highever feel there's no hope with Ostagar lost. After all, how is Ferelden supposed to fight a civil war _and _the Blight all at once? It's ridiculous, Leli. I hate it. I hate that there's a feeling of hopelessness. I hate that I lost my family to a murderer. I wish it never happened. I wish Howe had been too weak to attempt the attack, but at the same time, I don't."

"Why's that?" I ask, afraid of the answer. Not because of me. He's not happy to be a Warden because we met, right? That would just be silly. He might not have had the chance to...explore yet, but there's no way he would be interested in me. Is there?

He laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. "Because if he didn't, then I wouldn't have joined the Wardens. Ever. And...uh...well...if he didn't attack Highever, and if I didn't join the Wardens, then...we...would never have, ah...met."

I am not sure how to respond to that. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but there he goes, making me feel all of the feelings I swore I would avoid.

"Oh. Ah...um...hmm."

My lack of words seems to make him feel better because his face breaks out in one of the sexiest grins I've ever seen. "I thought bards were more eloquent than that."

"Not when a man tells them they're happy that the world is falling apart," I say, unable to meet his eyes. "Definitely not when he says it's because he got to meet you."

"So...I take it that wasn't a bad thing to say?"

I laugh out of sheer surprise. He's had no trouble flirting with me before, but now he is as awkward and bad at it as Alistair is. Completely unsure of himself. "No. It was really sweet, Aedan."

He lets loose a sigh of relief. "Oh thank the Maker. I feel a lot better now that I told you."

"Is that so?" I ask.

"Yes. Very much," Aedan says, nodding eagerly. "I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. It's a wonderful feeling."

"Is it?"

He pauses, scanning my face for any hint of amusement, but I have it well-concealed. That, of course, doesn't stop him. He can see that I'm teasing him as easily as I can breathe.

"Ha ha. So very funny, Leli."

"Thank you. I thought so, too."

Aedan huffs and rolls his eyes, shaking his head. We fall back into a companionable silence after that, both of us too nervous to broach the subject he just laid out in the open. I feel light, like I was just given the best present ever. I know what that feeling is, but I don't want to admit it to myself or anyone for that matter. I want to keep it hidden, smother it, so I never have to go through the heartbreak Marjolaine put me through again. I am afraid to care and I have made it obvious. Aedan is just reluctant, and after several minutes of a comfortable silence, it drags, creating tension I was not aware could exist between two friends.

"So..." Aedan trails off rather quickly, at a loss for words himself. "You're not mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" Now not only do I feel uncomfortable and awkward, but confused as well. Did I miss something offensive?

"Because I just told you I...like you when it's obvious you don't feel the same way. I thought that made people mad."

I shake my head quickly, leaning forward so we're shoulder to shoulder. "No! I'm not mad at you. What would give you a crazy idea like that?"

"You're usually not speechless, that's for sure," Aedan says.

"Fair point," I agree. "But, no, Aedan. I'm not mad at you. I'm just...confused."

He sighs, sounding sad almost. "I don't know why I let myself flirt with you. I should've known you'd never go for someone like me. Maker, I feel like an idiot."

"When did I say that I _don't _like you?" I ask softly. Aedan looks at me, eyes wide in shock, but he has no words. That much is obvious from the way his mouth moves without any noise. It's almost funny, but after a minute of it, it becomes ridiculous, so I think of a better use for his mouth. "Aedan, stop that. Calm down."

He snaps his jaw shut and nods hurriedly. He's far more nervous than I thought possible, but I have no place to talk. I have been a bumbling idiot around him since we met. There is only one way to solve this problem.

Carefully, I put my hand on his, and when he rolls it over to curl his fingers with mine, I sigh, feeling a little better. But my nerve is gone with that motion. I can't do that. Maker, I'm a coward! I look up and away, but don't let go of his hand for a moment. His palm is sweaty from nervousness. I'm surprised I can even tell. I am just as nervous and jittery as he is.

"Leliana?"

He's called me by my full name twice now. He usually calls me 'Leli' when it's just us. Why is he calling me Leliana all of a sudden?

Swallowing, I turn back to him, but instead of talking, he presses his lips to mine. My head spins for such a brief moment, and then I kiss him back. He groans, moving his hands to my hips, and lifts me onto his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my hands in his hair, enjoying the contrast of his soft lips on mine and his scratchy stubble rubbing against my face.

He's the one to end the kiss and he rests his forehead on my shoulder, breathing heavily. I lean against him, eyes closed in a strange sense of contentment as I play with his hair.

"I should've done that a while ago," Aedan says. I smile faintly and laugh, pressing a kiss to his neck. "Maker, Leliana...I don't even know what to say."

"Perhaps that you regret not kissing people more often?"

He pulls back, face pale. "Was it that bad?"

My eyes widen as I realize how that sounded. "No! No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I just meant that you probably wish you had started kissing people before me."

Aedan grins cautiously, like a boy when he first sees a sword but can't touch it. "So that was okay, then?"

I smile at him. "Yes."

"Good," he says brightly. "I rather liked it myself."

That's how we spend the rest of his shift on watch. Talking, whispering stupid, meaningless things, holding each other, and kissing. I cannot say I would have preferred to have being left alone. This turns out to be one of the best nights I've had at camp so far.

Several hours later, with his face buried in the crook of my neck, Aedan sighs. "Unfortunately, I think it's time to wake Elissa and Alistair for their shift."

I run a hand down his neck, almost like I'm petting him, and he shivers. "Oh well. I am tired, anyway."

He looks at me, smiling the biggest smile I've seen him smile yet. "Me too. But hey, it wasn't that bad staying up with me, was it?"

I shake my head, giggling. "I could think of worse things that could have happened." He nods as I move and get to my feet, stretching and yawning. I rub my eyes while he gets up, too.

Aedan pulls me against his chest and kisses my forehead, then my lips before whispering, "I'll get them up. Goodnight, Leli. I...look forward to tomorrow night."

"Think I'm staying up with you again?"

"Er...I was hoping-"

I laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'll gladly stay up with you, Aedan." I kiss him lightly. "Goodnight."

Then I free myself to return to my tent. Just as I step under the flap, I look back to see him watching with a smile on his face.

Oh yes. I am definitely looking forward to tomorrow, too.


	2. The Dark Ritual

_I f you want to see anything in particular, just let me know! This is just going to be a lot of fluffy goodness with little plot in it anyway, and was originally intended to be a oneshot. This chapter is in Aedan's POV.I know the story is rated M, but geez, I can't write Morrigan smut. I like her as a friend, but this is one point in Origins that I really can't stand her whatsoever._

I can't make myself look at anybody in this little room. I want to speak up, to say something, but I can't find my words. I want to tell them I'll kill the Archdemon, to stop fussing and arguing because they aren't going to die, but I can't. I barely manage to glance at my sister, eyes wide and staring at the floor in horror. Then her face straightens perfectly, becoming that flat, blank mask it has adopted so often since her return to Highever.

"I know the Taint won't spare you much longer, Riordan, but I'm a possessed mage, and it'll be safer for all of Thedas if-"

I can't describe the feeling of relief that washes over me when he has the gall to interrupt her, the leader, to tell her that she would just have to wait and see. Elissa fixes him with that glare of hers that says she's mad and plotting how to get her way. It's a look I rarely see on my sister because she usually never gets this upset about something _not _going the way she wanted it to, but when I do, I know better than to argue, and I give in.

This is the one time I refuse.

"Well, get some sleep," she says. "We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow."

I just nod and force my way out the door, staring at the floor as I walk. It feels like there's a lump in my throat, one constricting my breathing. I'm terrified. After everything I went through to get to this point, I was hoping I'd be able to walk away from this alive with Leliana. And when my sister showed up at Highever, I started hoping we could all walk away from the Blight with only stories and scars. Now Riordan is telling us someone has to die, whether it be me, Elissa, Alistair, Cyrus, or himself, one of us _will _be dead at the end.

I'm not one for crying. I'm one for punching something until my knuckles bleed, but that doesn't feel like it will help. Crying actually feels like something I might do right now. I'm tempted to break down and do it right here in the hallway. I lost my nephew and my sister-in-law and my father to join the Wardens. Then seven months later, my sister dropped off the face of Thedas and didn't show up anywhere for four months. I lost everything to get here and now I might lose it all again?

The Maker has a sick sense of humor.

As I walk past Elissa's room, I see Morrigan standing by the fireplace with her arms crossed. Elissa must not have stopped here. If she did, Morrigan would be gone. My sister must've just gone back with Alistair to his room.

"Are you going to stand there like a simpering idiot or are you going to ask me what I'm doing here?" Morrigan snaps, the venom in her tone obvious. Ever since she propositioned me at camp, she's been bitter. I refused because...well, I hoped Leliana was serious about our relationship. I know now that she is, but when Morrigan had asked me..._that_, I was still afraid Leli was leading me on.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting, if that much is not obvious to you," Morrigan says. The venom that was in her voice a moment ago is now gone, replaced by a much more docile feel. Morrigan being a bitch doesn't scare me anymore. But Morrigan being nice? I wasn't aware I could be more scared than I already am. "I had planned on asking your sister since we follow her, but you're here, and you would be far more useful in the matter than her."

"Um...what do you need?" I ask, crossing the threshold. I hesitate before closing the door behind myself, and when I turn back to Morrigan, she's looking at me with a serious expression I don't like. "Morrigan?"

"Let me put it simply for you," she says. "I know that a Warden must die to kill the Archdemon." I open my mouth to snap at her for eavesdropping on us, but she continues without reservation. "I also know that you would give your life without a moment's hesitation to save your sister and your friends. What I'm offering is a way out, a way for all of the Wardens to survive."

I start to reply, but I don't have any words. It takes me several minutes of just staring at her, dumbstruck, to think of something to say. "And why would you offer that?"

"Because it is why my mother sent me with you," Morrigan says. "It has always been the point of my staying despite your stupidity."

"Gee, thanks."

"Here is what I propose. Lay with me tonight, and from this union, a child will be conceived. When a Warden kills the Archdemon, the dragon's essence will be drawn to the child instead, and at this early of a stage, the child will be able to survive."

"You...want me to sleep with you." I blink, disgusted by the very thought of sleeping with someone other than Leli, and shake my head vigorously. "No. I can't do that to Leliana. Why don't you get Cyrus to do it? Or Riordan? Why me?"

"Riordan is far too old for the ritual to work," Morrigan says. "And Cyrus is nowhere to be found. He and Zevran have been whoring away their money for the past three hours."

"Great! He wants to have sex anyway! Go find him because I'm not doing it." I turn on my heel and start back out the door, intending on finding Leli back in my own room. I need to talk to her, to tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. I feel horrible. I don't want to die, but neither do I want to do...Morrigan's ritual.

"Think about it Aedan," Morrigan says. I freeze, hand still in the process of pulling the door shut behind me. "Both of us know if Riordan doesn't kill the Archdemon, Elissa will take it upon herself to do so. With her spirit, she will be faster and stronger than you are, and she will outrun you to it. You have a great chance of losing her. Would you rather see her dead than spend one night away from your Orlesian bard?"

I swallow past the lump in my throat. It hasn't gone away, and I'm sure it won't.

"Have you stopped to think what it might be like for Leliana if you did manage to kill the Archdemon instead of Elissa? Do you know how Leliana will feel? How do you think Elissa will feel?"

I shake my head. If I do this, every Warden will survive when the Archdemon dies. Or that's the plan, and if I'm going to go through with this, it damn well better work. And if it works, I'll be able to see Leliana again. I might even get the chance to use the ring tucked in my pocket right now. But if she finds out about this, she might not even agree to it.

I would rather take the chance.

"Fine." The word barely comes out. My mouth has gone dry and I'm already disgusted. Disgusted at myself for agreeing to this. I hate it. I don't want to, but I don't want to lose my sister to the Archdemon. I steel my resolve and stand a little straighter, clearing my throat. "I'll do it. Let's just get this over with." She starts forward, but I hold up a hand. "Tell me what you get out of it first."

"I preserve an ancient power," Morrigan says. "It will be harmless for quite a while, and by the time it could do any harm, I will be able to dispose of it."

I grimace at the way she speaks of the child. "It's going to be a person. You can't just do that."

"I can and I will," she says.

"Will you stay once the dragon is dead?"

"I will not," Morrigan says.

"What about Talith? You think that's fair to him? Did you even tell him what you came up here to do?"

"No. The less he knows, the better."

"Fine. Then...just...strip. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

* * *

The moment we're finished, I get to my feet and get dressed. I buckle every clasp to my armor and even throw on my weapons, leaving Morrigan to get dressed and go about whatever she plans on doing now without a word. My hair isn't exactly pretty, but I don't care. I walk down the hall to Alistair's room, hoping that someone is still awake in there, and knock on the door roughly.

"Go away," Elissa says. She sounds upset, like she's been crying.

"It's me," I say. "I uh...I need to talk to you guys. It's really, really important. Like...it can't wait important."

I hear some shuffling from within before the door swings open. I step into the room somewhat less gracefully than usual, and run both of my hands up and down my face. I can't believe I did that. I want to peel all of my skin off my body. I want to vomit. Dear Maker, I'm a horrible, horrible man. I don't deserve Leli. Not after what I just did.

"What is it?" Elissa asks.

I force myself to meet my twin's eyes. They are puffy and red, bloodshot. Yes, she was crying. I can't blame her. I am on the verge of it. "I uh...um...well, I did...this thing...with Morrigan...and we uh...we might not die."

"What sort of thing?" She looks suspicious.

"A...thing. Just...don't tell Leliana. I'll...I'll explain it to her after the Archdemon is dead."

Elissa's eyes go wide, and then a look of disgust creeps over her face. "You did _not_."

"I had to!" Why can't she understand?!

She throws her hands up in exasperation, groaning. "Well, we'll just see how this goes, then, huh?" I nod my agreement, feeling numb. "So, care to explain what happened exactly?" After a moment, she grimaces at how that sounded.

"Morrigan's pregnant," I say simply. "The kid absorbs the Archdemon's soul instead of the Warden. The baby and the Warden survive, but the child will have the soul of an Old God. That's the impression I got."

Alistair's face is pale. "So...we won't die?"

"If Morrigan's right, whomever kills the dragon will survive the soul-eating," I say, rubbing my forehead. "Now I'm going to go burn my skin. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night, brother," Elissa says. "I...I hope it works."

"Me too, sis."

Then I leave them alone, heading for the baths instead of my room. That'll be where Leli is, and I can't face her knowing what I just did. Not yet. I'll go burn myself in some water, eat, beat the shit out of some training dummies, and then maybe I'll be ready to go to bed. I make my way through the castle at a brisk pace as I search for the armory. Once there, I pull off my armor and leave it on an empty stand, resolving to come back for it in the morning. I head back out into the hallway and turn right. Now my steps are silent, no metal to clank and rub on itself. My boots are soft and comfortable, but they feel strange without the weight of plates covering them. It's been so long since I just...walked somewhere. I rarely go without my armor anymore, and I feel strange, bare, without it.

Before I know it, I find myself in the room where the servants bathe. It is long since empty, far too late for anybody to be awake except us. I know my way around the tubs though, so it's not hard for me to get one filled with scalding hot water. I scrub my skin furiously, submerging in the soapy water on several occasions to get the feel of Morrigan's hands in my hair gone. I scrub with all the energy left in my body. I want to wash the memory away and beg forgiveness from the Maker. I don't want to tell Leli, but I'll have to. I hate lying to people in general, but she's different. I love her so much it hurts sometimes. I _can't _lie to her.

I climb out of the water and dry myself off, briefly enjoying the feel of the soft towel running over my wounded flesh. I stand there for a few minutes, naked, absorbing the light draft as it tickles the hair on my body. Then I get dressed and follow through with the rest of my plan. Making my way down to the larder, I think on the food I want, anything to keep my mind from what I just did with the Witch of the Wilds. I don't want to think about that ever again. I cheated on Leli, and not even because I wanted to. I don't ever want to. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and I love her with every fiber of my being, but what I just did...that's the deepest form of betrayal, and I'm not sure how I'll tell her. I refuse to do it now when Morrigan is still within her reach. I know her well, and Leliana would go after her. She might even be able to kill Morrigan before her rational mind could take over, and then that all would've been for naught.

I'm close to the training yard from here, so I leave the keep instead of getting food, jogging down the steps three at a time. The wind chills my damp skin and hair, but in a good way. It reminds me of our nights at camp during the spring. We'd been in Orzammar for most of the winter, effectively avoiding the blizzards that ravage Ferelden. It had been well on its way through spring when we made it back to the surface, and it was a wonderful feeling. The sun on my skin, the crisp feel of fresh air in my lungs, the smell of wet dog that's everywhere in Ferelden...and no giant spiders. Elissa and I have had...issues with spiders since we were born, but Leli wasn't bothered by them. We fought through scores of the things, and they didn't even bother her. Not until one pinned her and tried to eat her.

Maker, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I barely had the willpower to move my feet, let alone help her. That had thankfully been the last one because the instant it was dead, Leliana had grabbed me. She was shaking so badly that I had begun to as well. I felt horrible. The fear on her face...I hated that I had seized up the way I did. I still do.

And now I've gone and slept with someone else.

I grimace at the thought, marching over to the rack with sparring swords. I grab the heaviest one I can find before I turn to the stuffed, wooden figures, and swing at the closest. Its side explodes in a puff of feathers. I don't care. I don't care now. I just want to beat away every single memory of this night. I don't want to remember what I did. I won't be able to tell her until the Archdemon is dead, and I won't feel right asking her to marry me until she knows. But why would she say yes if I slept with Morrigan?

The first training dummy falls off its beam, rolling away in the grass.

"Oops," I mutter to myself.

I continue beating the feathers from the dummies until my arm is too tired to raise. Then I throw the weapon aside, panting, sweating, but still furious. Furious with myself, with Morrigan, with her stupid ritual, with life. If the Archdemon would just die, we wouldn't have this problem. The four Wardens that ended the previous Blights would've had lives to live.

Instead, the Maker asks us to die, to give up one more of our numbers.

The thought of my sister serving Him makes me sick.

I make my way back up to the keep, using my left arm and shoulder to push one door open. I stagger inside and massage my right side, wincing at the soreness there. Well, I succeeded at forgetting what I just did, if only briefly. Now I'm too tired to walk, but I force my feet to carry me back upstairs and to my room. As I open the door, I start hoping that Leliana will be asleep. Please, just be sleeping. It'll make tonight so much easier.

She is. Thank the Maker.

I give a small sigh of relief as I step inside. I close and lock the door behind me, running a hand down my face. I'm so tired. I need to sleep, but I don't want to sleep in these clothes. Shuffling over to the dresser, I pull out a white shirt and a pair of black trousers, doing my best to change into them as quickly and quietly as possible. I use the towel beside the water basin to dry my face and neck off, splash myself with some of the bowl's contents, and dry myself off again. Now I can sleep.

As I turn back to the bed, I realize I'll have to sleep beside Leli. I wince at the idea of it. How can I do that after what I just did with Morrigan?

I hate myself while I climb into the bed. Her back is to me, but every fiber of my being screams at me to touch her, hold her, anything to remind myself that she loves me. And I hate myself more as I scoot closer. I need some comfort and Leli always makes me feel better. She's the only reason I haven't lost my mind on this stupid quest.

I press my chest to her back and wrap my arm around her waist, breathing deeply before I close my eyes. But sleep doesn't come. I'm tormented by thoughts of my time with Morrigan and fear of what's to come. If this ritual doesn't work, then cheating on Leliana wasn't worth anything, and I could lose my sister, my closest friends, or myself. I could die. I don't want to die. I have people I care about that I want to care about a little bit longer. Of course, for me to even have a shot at getting to the Archdemon, I'll have to make it to the damn dragon in the first place.

Somehow I know I won't be the one to kill it no matter what happens. I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not. If the Warden survives, sure I'll be happy. We all would be alive afterwards. But if the Warden dies...

I've lost too much this year. A large part of my family, countless friends from Highever _and _Amaranthine (I know I won't be able to trust Nathaniel anymore) and so much blood. So many people have died and all I have to remember anything are scars. I only ever had one from when Fergus and I were children, but now my body is covered in them. We'd been stupid enough to spar with real swords and he'd gotten a good shot at my shoulder, ripping it open. Elissa had been freaked out at the sight of my blood and ran for help while Fergus and I just sat on the ground and laughed about it.

But now I have ones from werewolves, from darkspawn, from abominations, even from Howe's men. Three large claw marks rake to my left down the center of my chest, but they're the only scars I can say I'm proud of. I'd jumped in between Leli and a werewolf when we'd first encountered them in the Brecilian Forest, and thankfully, didn't turn into a nasty dog. She panicked, yelled at me even, and then spent the next two days ignoring me because I had gotten hurt. The only reason she talked to me at camp was because I forced her to so I could give her a flower I found. I remembered how she said that she can only remember her mother through Andraste's Grace, a flower I knew was commonly found in those parts, and one night at camp, I snuck away to find it. She forgave me and agreed, albeit reluctantly, that Wynne was right when she said the only reason I survived was because my armor was so thick and heavy. Wynne had snapped back at Leli while she was healing me, saying how instead of cutting her like the claws did to me, they would've impaled her, pierced her heart and killed her right then and there.

Those are the only scars I'll ever be able to say I'm proud of. All the others are marks of when I let an opponent get past my guard. It hurts my pride to say that.

I don't realize Leliana is awake until it's too late for me to feign being asleep. She hums to herself like she usually does when she first wakes up, and then rolls over, fixing me with a set surprisingly alert blue eyes. Leli always manages to look like she's been awake for hours after just waking up.

"Where have you been?" Her voice betrays her alertness. She sounds exhausted, and the yawn that escapes her doesn't help her case.

I squeeze my eyes shut, swallowing past the now apparent lump in my throat. "Talking with Riordan about what's going to happen when we get to Denerim." It wasn't a lie, just a partial truth, and I hope she can't tell. She's always been good at figuring out what I'm thinking.

"And what did he have to say?"

I hold back the feeling of relief I get when she accepts my answer. "Nothing I can say," I whisper. "It's...a Warden secret."

Leli sighs, unimpressed with that response. "Fine," she says. "But he kept you so long. Why?"

"To discuss strategies with us on the best way to kill the Archdemon."

She wraps her arms around my chest and pulls herself closer. "You smell like soap."

"I needed a bath."

"Soap and sweat."

"I beat the hell out of training dummies before coming to bed," I admit. "I changed and everything, though. I'm clean. Sort of."

A smile tugs at her lips. "I missed you earlier. Why didn't you just come to bed?" I hesitate. How am I supposed to answer that without lying? She can tell when I am. She's always been able to. "Aedan?" Leli looks up at me, frowning.

"Because I don't deserve you," I say. "You're such a good person. You trusted Elissa when I was afraid to. My own sister, and I couldn't trust her. I thought she was a demon in disguise or a blood mage pretending to be her so they could kill us. Compared to you, I should hang."

"It was understandable," Leli says. "You are forgiven for it."

"It was still a mistake," I say, throat constricting. Yes, it was. I thought my sister was going to kill me, so I'd begun to figure out how to kill the monster masquerading around as her. My life is full of mistakes. "I shouldn't be forgiven so easily."

Leliana's frown returns when she reaches up to run her thumb across my cheek. It takes me a moment to realize that I'm crying. Silently, but the tears still fall, and it pains me to be so weak when I usually keep it together. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head furiously. "Nothing."

"Aedan, it's not nothing. You're crying, and you never do that."

I hate this. I hate it all. Why can life never be simple? "I'm scared, okay? Tomorrow, we're marching for Denerim when the army is unprepared. We're leaving the rest of the country open and defenseless. What if Riordan is wrong and the Archdemon is only leading a small band of darkspawn to the capital? What if the rest are waiting in the Wilds for us to leave so they can destroy Ferelden? What if I lose my brother or my sister? My friends? Nothing makes sense anymore! Any one of us could die when we reach Denerim, but no one seems to care. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose someone else. I'm afraid that I might die and never get to tell you how much I love you. I'm _terrified_, Leli. I'm terrified because I could lose the one good thing that's come of this, and I can't. I wouldn't be able to take it if you died."

She puts her hand on my cheek, saying, "No one is going to die at Denerim. Not you, not me, not Alistair, not Elissa. We're all going to walk away from this alive."

I only wish that were certain.


	3. Lies

_This IS going to span all three games, and will not be in any order. Ever. You just got lucky with these first three chapters lol. And this one is in Leliana's POV._

I cannot help grinning. The adrenaline coursing through my veins, the grin on my friend's face, it's all too much for me. I let the smile break through as I backstep and duck, her sword flying overhead harmlessly. Elissa steps back inside my reach, using her free hand to reach for my wrist. I feel the cool metal of her gauntlet close over my arm and she pulls it to the side, leaving us both with one hand and one weapon. I have a dagger and she has her sword. It is a rather plain weapon, or it would be, if not for the color of the blade. It is a cross between bronze and gold with the hilt and crossguard being a dark wood with lyrium veins streaking through. But there are no adornments, only the blade and the handle.

"That's cheating," I say.

"Nah, it's not," she says, twisting on my wrist so she and my are are behind me. "It's not like you fight fair. Why should I?"

"I _was _fighting fair. I don't have to if you don't want me to."

"That's a thought," she says, laughing as she releases me. I spin and swing the pommel of my sword towards her unprotected head, but she rolls away, springing up surprisingly easily for someone wearing a hundred pounds of silverite armor. "Aww, come on, Leliana! Actually try to hit me. And do it like you mean it."

I raise an eyebrow. "Like I mean it?" The blond woman nods, settling into a defensive crouch with a strangely eager look on her face. "I'm not sure I'll ever understand Fereldans."

"Well, aren't you a Fereldan?" Elissa asks.

I give her a look, but she only seems amused by it. "My mother was from Denerim. I consider myself as such although many would argue that I'm not."

"If you start swinging at me like you mean it, I'll jump to your defense every time."

I huff before leaping at her, driving my dagger up and swinging my sword at her side. She throws up her left arm to catch my left wrist, but I divert where my sword is going, and with her stance, she has no way to block as the flat of my blade collides with her upper arm. She yelps and jumps back while her hand opens reflexively. Despite how easily I disarmed her, Elissa still grins, favoring her right.

"Damn! When was the last time you used those things?"

"Fighting the Archdemon," I say.

"Didn't last long though, now did it? I mean the last time you actually used those for more than three minutes."

I shrug. "Does that matter?"

"If I knew you didn't need practice I never would've suggested it!"

A playful smirk tugs at my lips. "You are just like Aedan. You never turn down a challenge. All I would have had to do was suggest you were getting lazy."

"Hey! I am not lazy!"

I laugh, shaking my head. "See?"

She scowls. "Sometimes I really regret letting you tag along."

"Oh, but then you'd be stuck with the boys," I say. "And bored."

"I'd also have feeling in my arm."

"Quit your whining." She glares at me, but stands up straight, squaring her shoulders. "You in or you out?"

"Without my sword?" Elissa's glare quickly switches to another grin. "Ha! Let's do this."

I take a step back, holding my hands at my sides, while she watches with a concentrated stare on her face, eyes narrowed. She takes a few minutes before deciding on what she is going to do. Then she lunges, allowing me to swing my dagger. She slaps it aside with the palm of her hand and hits the inside of my elbow. I scowl as a hiss of pain escapes me. It's not so much the hitting that hurt, but the metal and the way it pinches my exposed skin. She has Warden armor on whereas I'm wearing the leathers Aedan bought and forced me to take.

"Fight like you mean it!" Elissa says. "Try to kill me, dammit!"

"You're insane!"

"So I've been told!" She hits my side with her hand and uses the buckle there as support. She holds onto the clasp as she latches her foot around my ankle. Elissa pushes on my shoulder and pulls with her foot, sending me sprawling in a matter of seconds. She crosses her arms while I scramble to my feet. "Not so cocky now, huh?"

I frown at her. "You're arrogant, you know that?"

"Not technically," Elissa says. "I don't exaggerate or think I'll do better than what I actually will. I _know _I can beat you."

"Is that a dare?"

"Don't like challenges?"

"Quite the contrary."

"Great!" Before I can so much as see what she's doing, she tackles me and wrestles both weapons from my grasp, using her elbows to pin my shoulders. I manage to get my foot between us and use it to push her off me. I roll onto my knees as she does the same. We both make a run for my weapons, as they're closer than her sword, but I make it first. I barely have the chance to scoop up my sword and swing it in an arc before she skids to a stop in the dirt and rolls around. Her boot catches my ankle and she trips me again while reaching for the dagger lying close by. The training field is nothing more than a cloud of dirt and dust, but that doesn't bother her, and it sure as hell doesn't bother me.

Elissa gets her hand on my dagger's hilt just as I get back up. She's on her feet not a moment later, and when I bring my sword full-circle, the dagger is up. She throws all of her strength into pushing me and the sword off, going as far as to feign kicking at me so I retreat to avoid the force that metal boot could bring. As she brings her arm back, I grab her shoulder and push her down to flip over her back. I use my free hand to pull her upright in the same motion. I pin her in place by grabbing her right wrist and holding the blade of my sword to her throat.

And despite her back to me, I can see the look on her face. She's not giving up yet.

With a well-placed elbow, she has me forced back and gasping for air as she takes my sword. The blond places the dagger behind my neck and points the sword at my throat, breathing heavily through her nose.

"Done yet?" Elissa asks, her breathlessness as obvious as my own.

I debate about it for a minute before nodding. "For the day, yes."

She nods and lowers her arms, returning the weapons to me before retrieving her own. "That was a good fight though. I had fun."

"I let you win."

The Warden laughs, shaking her head, as she straightens. "Of course you did." I shove my daggers in their crossed scabbards at the small of my back. Elissa returns to my side, eyebrow raised. "Hungry?"

"No, not particularly."

"Excellent," she says. "To the larder!" Just as she starts to lead me into the keep, a clamor rises at the gates. "Or not." She jerks her head. "Come on. Let's go see what Fergus blew up this time."

"I don't see any smoke," I say, following her lead. "Or smell any fire."

Elissa laughs. "Highever is made of stone. It doesn't catch."

I raise an eyebrow. "Aedan told me how you found out you are a mage. Set that larder on fire, huh?"

"That's different!"

"Oh really? How?"

She shoots me a glare and I laugh, shaking my head. I push my bangs out of my face, wishing my hair would grow out faster so I could pull it back. The Archdemon has been dead for a fortnight. It can't grow just a few inches? Now I have hair that sticks to everything if I get into a good fight. I hate sweating.

"Oh great," Elissa says. I pull myself out of my thoughts to follow her gaze. "I think this is just for me." A man in silverite armor marches up to us, removing his helmet. By the way he walks, I can tell he has training as a Chevalier, if not actually being one before joining the Wardens. The sight of his white stallion confirms my thoughts. One of the Orlesian Wardens sent by their Warden-Commander and the First Warden to help Elissa, Aedan, Cyrus, and Alistair kick the rest of the darkspawn back to the Deep Roads.

"Commander," he says, inclining his head in greeting. "You're needed in the Hinterlands. The darkspawn are massing there."

She exchanges a glance with me before nodding. "Fine. We'll leave in the morning. Go...go find a bed at the inn. I'll meet you there after breakfast."

He nods. "Of course." He inclines his head in my direction, saying, "Ma'am." Then he puts his helmet back on and returns to his horse, pulling himself into the saddle effortlessly. I still don't quite understand how Wardens manage to mount a horse in a hundred-some odd pounds of armor. They all seem unfazed by it, like the weight isn't even there. I'll have to ask someone.

Once the Orlesian Warden is gone, Elissa looks back to me, forcing a smile. "So much for sticking around."

"The Blight is hardly over," I say. "Just because the Archdemon is dead doesn't mean the darkspawn are going to leave peacefully. I understand. I need to leave for Orlais anyway."

"I'd hoped I'd be able to spend some time with Fergus and my mother, though," Elissa says, sighing. "And you and Alistair. It's not like we've talked much outside of the Blight."

"That's what writing is for," I say, shrugging. Not that I'm opposed to actually getting to know my best friend outside of being a mage and a Warden. But I understand she's busy, and she's going to _be _busy for quite a while. We might have killed all the darkspawn we could find, but with the massive hordes of people fleeing Denerim once the army pushed the monsters back to Fort Drakon, plenty of the darkspawn got out of the gates. They scattered, leaving the four Wardens a break. A small break. Last week, Elissa spent her time running around Denerim's outskirts, killing more darkspawn with a group of elves. Now Aedan, Alistair, and Cyrus are helping the dwarves chase a party of them off Highever's lands. A busy two weeks. I'm the only one of our party that has stuck around. Wynne returned to the Circle immediately, Zevran disappeared after saying something about the Crows still hunting him, Sten returned to Par Vollen, Oghren is...somewhere doing...something, and Morrigan wasn't even around to see Anora's coronation. She was gone the instant the Archdemon died. He didn't let it show, but it bothered Talith, and he went back to the Circle after making sure the Wardens didn't need him any longer. I sort of feel bad for the Templar. He was a nice man once you got through his shell of emotionlessness, and Morrigan just left. She didn't even say goodbye to anyone. Not even Elissa, and she claimed to be friends with her.

Now we have Orlesian Wardens and thousands of darkspawn roaming the countryside.

"Yes, well, I'm not much of a writer," Elissa says. "I'm more of a...shoot darkspawn in the face person." I smile, nodding as I look down at my feet. "It's what I excel at. Usually."

"Usually?" I ask, head snapping up to raise an eyebrow. "I have yet to see you miss what you aim at."

She grins, slapping my shoulder in the way the guys do. "The last time I missed a hurlock almost took my head off. Wasn't even a Warden yet." She nods back the way we came. "And it's not like I've seen _you _miss a shot."

I laugh as I follow her to the front courtyard of the keep. "You were missing for four months, my friend. You missed quite a lot."

"Not as much as you might think," Elissa says.

"Is that so?" She pauses, crossing her arms. I watch her for a moment, follow her gaze, and look back to her. "What's wrong?"

She shrugs. "It's not everyday you walk through your home as an outsider. I was just...thinking." The Warden sighs and shakes her head. "I suppose it's not healthy to wish I could've made Howe's death far more painful than it was." I shake my head in agreement. "Or to say I wish that I could've inflicted the same pain on him as he did to the people here." She swallows deeply. "I'm not a perfect person, you know. I think about as many dark things as you and everyone else. Those four months I was gone? They were the worst four months of my life."

"Why? What happened?"

Elissa laughs bitterly. "Too much for life to be the same for me." She beckons me after her, so I follow, running a hand across the back of my neck. "For Thedas, too. The Blight...it's not even the worst thing to happen this age. There will be so much more dying and suffering. You know the Maker wants us to suffer? He wants us to hurt because mankind still needs punished for what the magisters did all that time ago. The Blight isn't enough. The next two, when they end, we'll still be punished for that sin." She looks back at me, smiling in a sad sort of way. "I learned that while I was away. I learned that the Maker wants to _fuck _us over as many times as He can."

"Did He tell you that? Or is this your own belief?"

"I don't know, actually. A little of both, I think," she says. "My point is, I shouldn't be so upset about having to leave and neither should you."

"When did I say I was upset?"

"I know you well enough to be able to tell, Leliana," Elissa says. "But hey, when Thedas is about to be fucked, the four of us will be at the center of it. Literally."

"So...we'll all be fucked over together?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"For lack of better words, yes," Elissa agrees, laughing. "When Thedas falls to hell, it'll be my fault. When the Conclave explodes, it'll be my fault. When that stupid magister nearly kills the Inquisitor, it'll be my fault. And because you're my friend, Thedas will blame you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I say.

"You don't need to," she says. "You will. Eventually. You'll remember this conversation long after it's too late to reverse the consequences and you'll hate me. Aedan and Alistair will have vanished and it'll only be us and you'll hate me. When that time comes, you remember this. I didn't do anything because I wanted to. I never get to do what I want anymore. That sparring match? Hope urged me into it. Accepting the rank of Warden-Commander last month? Hope. Spending four months of my life hunting the Witch of the Wilds? That was the Maker. I don't even exist sometimes. Sometimes I'm only them."

"That's not true," I say flatly. "You're still my best friend."

"I hope so," Elissa says. "I hope so. If I lose my family, living won't really be worth it, right?"

"You fought through the Blight thinking Fergus and your mother were dead."

"I had Aedan," she says. "He's the only family I ever truly had. He didn't hate me for being a mage. Fergus always looked at me funny; my parents never trusted me to go anywhere alone." She looks up at the sky, frowning. "Then the Blight happened. I found a family in that mess of armed lunatics. Did you know the first thing Alistair said to me at Ostagar was about how the darkspawn were bringing people together? Is it weird he ended up being right? I found him." She looks over at me, stopping to grin. "I found a sister, too."

"You sound like you're going to die."

"I will. Probably before my Calling, too. I was _born _to die, you see. That's why I..." She shakes her head. "Never mind." Elissa offers her hand. "I'm not going to end up dead anytime soon, but I wanted to make sure I told you that. Long after I'm dead, people will think of me like a legend, good or bad depends on how I make the Agent of the Maker thing work, but I wanted someone to know I'm still just a human being."

Something about this entire conversation put my mood south. So, swallowing back whatever emotion is rising in my throat, I take her hand in mine. "I'm finding it hard to believe I'll ever hate you."

She smiles. "I still find it hard to believe my best friend is an Orlesian bard."

"You think I expected to be friends with a Fereldan noblewoman?"

"Uh-uh. Not noble anymore. Now I'm just a Grey Warden," Elissa says. "And to be honest, I think I like this life more than the one I had as a noblewoman. This family is real. My other...not so much."

"Even if you die?"

"Dying isn't an 'if'. It's a 'when'. And when I die, I'll be happy to say my family consisted of a Qunari, a dwarf, a hormone-driven elf, a Nevarran Warden, an Orlesian, a Templar elf, the daughter of the Witch of the Wilds, another Templar, and a mage." Her smile returns, much wider. "A nice, large family. Isn't that what everyone wants?"

"Usually," I say, nodding.

Elissa nods, inhaling deeply, before saying, "Enough of the depressing talk. We're going to the larder. Now. I'm starving."

"Wardens," I say, laughing. She laughs too, but it sounds like she actually means it unlike the way she did a few moments ago. That's all I want. She's been back for a little over a month, and all she's seen is death and hatred for her. It has to be horrible. The 'Hero of Ferelden' doesn't seem to feel like a hero. "I owe you, you know."

"Really? Why's that?" she asks.

"For saving my life," I say. "I only ever did get to thank you for running through the Brecilian Forest."

"Thanks is enough. It's what friends do for each other."

"Nonsense. I owe you something."

Elissa raises an eyebrow. "Have you ever had a real friend, Leliana?"

I open my mouth to answer, but I snap my jaw shut almost the same instant. Have I? I think back to my time in Orlais and my time with Marjolaine. None of those people would ever do something like what Elissa and Alistair did. And just like I did when I compared Aedan and Marjolaine, I compare the two Wardens with everyone I ever called 'friend'. None of those people measure up to them. Alistair was always a little awkward and sympathetic because I acted so strangely when we left Lothering. He was an easy friend to make. Elissa expressed her hatred of me early on. She was raised to dislike Orlesians, yet she risked her life to run through a werewolf-infested forest to find an elven healer. They might not have known about the werewolves until it was too late, but they made sure they got back to us so I didn't die.

I don't expect anyone else would have done the same.

"No, I don't think I have, actually," I say.

"Aedan wasn't a bad first friend, was he?" Elissa asks. She pauses before laughing and continuing. "Oh, who am I kidding? He's a horrible friend to have."

"You should know," I say, laughing with her.

"It's a good thing you're more than friends, then."

"If there's only one thing Aedan's good at, it's-"

She slaps her hands over her ears. "Not listening. Lalalalala!"

I shake my head, rolling my eyes. "You and Alistair are perfect for each other."

"Hey, my sex jokes are shared with him and him only!"

"Probably because he's the only person you've slept with."

"Ack! Shut up! Stop talking! Blah blah blah!"

"You Fereldans are so fickle," I say, giggling.

"I have virgin ears!" Elissa says defensively.

"Not after spending five seconds around Zevran."

"He's easier to tune out. Accent isn't as annoying." I push her shoulder hard enough to send her into the wall. She hits with a metallic clang, laughing her ass off. "Ha! I win!"

"The only thing your brother is good for is sex."

"Maker, I hate you." She scowls at me as she opens the door to the kitchen. "And here I got you a surprise, though now I'm seeing it's just because you want sex."

"What about sex?" Aedan asks.

My jaw drops. "And _I'm _the bad friend?!"

"Yeah, obviously. You make me look like an idiot in front of everybody in the castle, I make you look like an idiot in front of the person you love. It's an even trade-off."

"What's going on?" Aedan asks.

"Leliana only likes you for the sex," Elissa says.

Aedan laughs. "Maybe I only like her for the same reason. Isn't that fair?"

"Hmm..." She looks between the two of us before nodding. "So, I should probably leave so I don't have to watch?" Aedan whips an apple across the room at her, but she ducks, laughing. "It's for Leliana's benefit, not yours, you jackass!"

He hops the table and runs at the two of us, grabbing his sister in a headlock before she can so much as blink. He's a lot faster than I thought. "You're an evil sister, you know that? I hate you with all my heart, servant of the Maker or not."

She laughs. "I'm the older sibling. It's my job to torture you." The two struggle against the other, but Elissa manages to free herself rather quickly, dancing backwards in a show of her training as a rogue. "I'm not as evil as you may think. You two are only in it for the sex? Well..." Aedan grabs the same apple he threw and throws it again. This time it clips her shoulder as she bolts for the higher levels of the castle. "Keep it down, will you?"

"How about you try that with Alistair?" I shout after her. I finally found the brainpower to think of something to say.

"I don't like being quiet! It's not my style!" Elissa retorts.

"Damn, her mind works fast," Aedan says.

"Oh obviously! That explains _everything_!" I say.

"You...you shut up!" Elissa shouts.

Aedan and I laugh. "What did that mean?" Aedan asks.

I shrug. "Who knows? It meant something to her, so that's what counts."

"You cheated."

"I'm a bard. Did you expect me to not?" I shrug.

"No, not really," Aedan says, chuckling. "You never play it fair. Sneaking up on me like that at Lothering. Not fair. Not fair at all." He walks up to me, arms crossed. I raise an eyebrow and do the same. "You cheated. You had me wrapped around your little finger before I knew what was happening."

"I thought it was harder than that," I say.

"No, I was pretty much gone from the moment I laid eyes on you."

"Is that so bad?"

Aedan grins, resting his hands on my hips. "I _could _think of worse things to happen now that you mention it..."

He leans in to kiss me, but I whisper, "Like what?"

Aedan doesn't try to hide his amusement. He laughs softly, resting his forehead on my own. "You really are a sneaky little lady."

"Lot sneakier than you," I say, briefly pressing my lips to his in the briefest of kisses. "You and your big, clanky armor. You could be heard coming from a mile away."

"Yeah, but that's what I have you for," he says. "I run up and distract them with my clanky loudness and you sneak up behind them. No one will ever know!" I laugh once, leaning on his shoulder. The metal guard protecting it is cool to the touch, a feeling I welcome. I'm still sweating. Aedan does not seem to mind. "I love you, you know that?"

I smile even though he cannot see it. "I love you too, Aedan."

"I'm glad to be so lucky for however long it'll last," he says.

I pull back and knit my eyebrows together in confusion. "What makes you think I'll stop loving you?" He swallows and looks away from me. "What's wrong? Aedan?"

"I...I need to tell you something," he says, stepping back. "It's important. And it can't wait any longer." He extends his hand, so I take it. He winces, but says nothing other than, "Come on. Upstairs we go." I allow him to lead me into his old room, to shut the door behind us. He drops my hand almost instantly, flopping on his bed with a heavy sigh.

I sit beside him. "What is it?"

"Um..." He seems at a loss for words. "Uh...well, the Warden that kills the Archdemon is...is supposed to die."

"Elissa doesn't look dead to me."

He groans. "I know she's not, and that's great, don't get me wrong, but she's _supposed _to be dead. Every Warden that kills the Archdemon dies in the process. Its soul...it tries to jump into the Warden that struck the blow so it can reform, but it doesn't work because the Warden already has a soul. Both are killed. And I did something I'm not proud of to...to prevent it."

"And this is such a bad thing?" I ask, quirking an eyebrow. "Elissa killed the Archdemon and lived. You all lived, except Riordan, but...he fell off it."

"Leliana, you don't understand how bad it is," Aedan says. "I need to tell you, but I can't at the same time."

"Just tell me. It can't be as bad as you say."

He doesn't look like he believes me. "You'll take that back, I swear it."

"Then just tell me, Aedan!"

"I don't know how!" he says, bolting upright. "What I did...Leliana, I can't forgive myself for it. If I can't forgive myself, how can I expect you to? I hate myself for what I did, but at the same time, I don't, because if I didn't do it, my sister would be dead right now."

Sighing, I put one of my hands on his. "It cannot be as horrible as you make it out to be, Aedan." I pause before adding, "I love you. If anyone can forgive you for something, it would be me."

He runs a hand through his hair. "You want to know what I did?"

"Obviously."

"I...I slept with Morrigan. Okay? That's what I did. I slept with her because she said it would produce a child, and that child would absorb the soul of the Archdemon instead of the Warden. The Warden and the child would both survive and the Archdemon would stay dead."

"_You did what_?!"

He refuses to look at me. "You heard."

I pull my hand back and get to my feet, clenching and unclenching my fists repeatedly to keep from punching him or something else. I don't even know what to say. How could he do that?! He _slept _with Morrigan?! How _could _he?! I was afraid to let myself near him like this so I could avoid being betrayed! I even told him that, and he goes and does that?! He...it...how? How could he manage to do something like that? Did I ever make him think that I don't love him? Did he get curious? Did he lie about the dying with the Archdemon? Is this some sort of elaborate excuse to get away with it?

"How could you?"

"I-"

"If you'd come to me and explained, I would've understood! You know I would have! Aedan, how could you think I wouldn't?! I would rather have you do that if it means I wouldn't lose you! But you said _nothing_! You didn't trust me enough to tell me!"

"Leliana, I-"

"No! Don't talk to me. I'm done." I march over to the door, yank it open, and slam it shut behind me. I start back down to the guestrooms, but I hear him come after me, so I run.

"Leliana, please, listen to me!"

"I don't want anything to do with you!" I snap. "Leave me alone!" I sprint for the room I was using and slam into the door, throwing my weight into it to open it. Before he can reach me, I shut the door and lock it, sliding to the floor.

I...I can't believe him. It's not even so much that he had sex with Morrigan. It's that he didn't tell me what was going on. I would have understood, I know I would have! Anything is better than losing him, Elissa, Alistair, or Cyrus. Anything! I...I...I don't even know if I can look at him again.

I pull my knees up to my chest, wrap my arms around my legs, and lean forward, biting my tongue hard enough to draw blood so I don't cry. He...he slept with Morrigan. The thought of it breaks my heart. But he lied to me about it, too, and that's what kills me. I trusted him. I told him everything about me, but he still goes and keeps secrets. I trusted him to be better than Marjolaine. Even she would've had the decency to _tell _me! She didn't even care, but she would have said something!

Maybe that's why Aedan didn't tell me...? Because he does care?

I slam a fist into the door and choke on a sob. It doesn't matter what his motives were. He lied to me. I can forgive him for sleeping with Morrigan, but Aedan _lied _to me. I'm not sure if I can forgive him for that.


	4. An Unwanted Reunion

_This is a request I got on Facebook that I actually thought would be pretty fun to write! In the main story, Aedan and Leliana kill Marjolaine, but we wondered what would happen to the bardmaster if she somehow survived that and came after Leliana in Inquisition._

"Spymaster!"

I flick my eyes up for the briefest of moments and extend my hand for the scroll my spy is carrying. I don't look away from the report I'm scribbling down for Arin Lavellan, the Herald of Andraste. He had me send people to keep an eye on my brother-in-law earlier this month, and I suspect he'll want to know what happened. Fergus was eternally grateful for the support, as he usually is, and sent along a sword for the recently appointed Inquisitor. Cullen already sent men to Highever to oversee some burials for the Haven soldiers, but Fergus was fearing a Red Templar presence, and when Elissa didn't respond to his pleas for help, he turned to me.

"What is it?" I ask as I close my fingers around the parchment and set it aside for later.

"We...are not sure," he says nervously. "But you told us to watch out for mention of the Agents of the Maker, and that mentions them."

I nod, halfway between listening to him speak and writing. "Thank you. You're dismissed." He nods too before running off. "Oh! And do me a favor. Find Aedan. He should be around here somewhere."

"Of course."

I finish my scribbling in relative silence, twitching when I feel the familiar tingle signaling the approaching Grey Warden. I'll never get used to being one of them. It...it's strange. I do not like it.

"That guy on the steps said you were looking for me," Aedan says. I tear my eyes away from the envelope in my hand to look up at the man standing across the table from me, and smile. He returns the gesture, sitting to reach across and place his hand on mine. He has grown out his hair (probably because I asked him to do it) and has allowed his stubble to remain. Although he keeps it trimmed to a small goatee around his mouth, it's still a stretch for him. Aedan...I haven't seen him in so long that I can't remember seeing him with facial hair. The last time we spoke, nearly two years ago, he was still clean-shaven. I'm not used to it, or the scratching feeling on my face when he kisses me.

"I am."

Aedan raises a brow, smirking. "Is it business or...of a more personal matter?" I huff, but allow a small grin to crack through my wall. His smirk broadens at the sight. "You should smile more often. It would make you seem less...terrifying."

I shrug absentmindedly. "I'm supposed to scare people. If I didn't, I would be a bad Spymaster."

Aedan chuckles. "You know you'll never be able to scare me, right? I still see you as the crazy Chantry Sister talking about visions from the Maker."

I point my quill at him, closing an eye like I would when aiming my bow. "I'm not completely crazy. My hand doesn't glow like Arin's or Elissa's. And your sister does claim to have the Maker speak to her, so... I'm not all that crazy compared to her."

"Instead, you plot on how to best kill the next Comte or whatever these stupid Orlesians do."

"I could have Josie's job," I remind him. "Then I would drag you to all of these political meetings."

Aedan grimaces at the very thought and I give a recently uncharacteristic giggle, covering my mouth with a hand to cut the sound off. "You ever drag me to a political meeting, we're marching to the nearest Chantry to absolve this marriage, woman."

"You say that like it's supposed to hurt me." I say it with a straight face and a raised eyebrow. Aedan buys it for the first second, but quickly realizes I'm just teasing him, and gives me his typical sarcastic laugh.

"That was _hilarious_, Leli. Truly."

"Clearly. It was me making the joke."

He rolls his eyes and I grin, looking down at my hands still clasped in his. "So what's this you wanted to see me for? I'm up for anything. Not like I have much to do around here other than help you out." Aedan smiles. "And I think it's long overdue, us spending time together. Don't you agree?"

I feel squishy inside and look away from his eyes so he does not see my blush. After all these years, I've adopted a shell to keep from getting hurt again, and yet, he always manages to crack it and bring out the blushing idiot side of me. "Of course I do, but...we've both been busy. It...it's understandable." I try to keep the relief from my voice, but I know I failed before I even continue. "You're here now. That's what matters."

"Sounds like you missed me," Aedan remarks.

"You didn't miss me?" I ask sarcastically.

"Oh, if we're playing the mean game, then no. I didn't." Aedan gives a short laugh after I do. "No, I did. Everyday I missed you, and I'm glad to be back in Ferelden."

I hesitate before saying, "I am glad to be here as well. Ferelden, I mean."

"What? Did we grow on you, love?"

I scowl at him and he laughs openly, releasing my hands to clap his together once. I roll my eyes despite my obvious amusement, and reach for the scroll my agent brought me. It concerns the Agents of the Maker, so it concerns Aedan and I, but most importantly, Elissa and Alistair, the only two of the original four that are completely loyal to the cause. Aedan has been looking for a cure to the Taint and I've been with the Inquisition, searching for a way to explain who the Elder One is. Well, I was until Corypheus nearly obliterated Haven.

Unrolling the dusty piece of paper, I spread it out on my desk...table...thing. Ugh, I feel so eloquent. I shake my head at myself as I skim for the words I'm looking for, but that's when I see something I never thought I'd see again. My eyes widen on the pseudonym and my heart races much like it did when I first found out she was looking for me. Except...this time, I know for a fact Marjolaine is dead. Yet there sits her pseudonym in a sentence explaining how Corypheus wants her to handle the assassination of Arin and Elissa. Two different targets at two different locations.

Aedan must notice a change in my demeanor because he takes my hand and looks at me with his worried expression. "Leli? What's wrong?"

I move my mouth, but words don't come out. Not for a while. "It's...I...that name..."

"What name?" Aedan asks, getting up to sit beside me. I tap it as I feel my heart clench in my chest. "Raven? What about it?"

"All bards take on secret names in case we ever need to keep our identities hidden. Mine was Nightingale. Marjolaine..." I shudder at the memory. "She gave me it."

"Why didn't you change it?" Aedan seems confused. He knows better than anyone how terrifying I find just thinking of the person who betrayed me. I like to think of myself as a brave person, but Marjolaine...after what she did to me, I don't feel like I can think about her without feeling terrified. I acted brave when we went to confront her in Denerim. I acted like nothing mattered except finding her, and eventually, killing her. As far as anyone who was with us knows, that's how I actually felt on the subject. Only Aedan knows how scared I really was, how terrifying I found being forced to confront her was. I try not to think about her so I can avoid the fear and sense of betrayal, but when everything in my life has been influenced by that miserable excuse for a woman, it's hard not to. If she hadn't trained me, I never would have ended up in Lothering. I never would've met Aedan, or Elissa, or Alistair. I wouldn't be who I am today.

Sometimes I wonder if that would be better for the world.

"I...don't know," I admit. "You think I would have, but it just stuck."

Aedan nods his understanding, squeezing my hand the way he always does when he tries to comfort me. "Then what's Raven? Was it...hers?"

I squeeze my eyes shut and force myself to nod. "It's foolish to think it's her, but...I get the feeling it really is Marjolaine. She would do something like this." I hand the missive to Aedan so he can read it. "Either she's working for Corypheus, or she has held a grudge for what we did to her."

Aedan _growls_. Actually growls. He quickly becomes angry and frustrated, crumpling up the sheet of paper in his hand. "Leli, if it really is Marjolaine, if she did somehow survive us killing her, then she will want revenge, and we both know it. She'll see you dead in the ground when she comes after Arin, if she does." I hadn't realized that. I was too absorbed in my flash of fear. "I won't let that happen. I'll protect you the same way I did when we first confronted her. I promise." I just nod. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Not her, not Corypheus, nobody. I'd have to be dead for that to happen." He hugs me to his chest, and instead of fighting him off and telling him to save it for later, I let him hold me, thankful for the man the Maker has gifted me with. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest, breathing so deeply my lungs ache. "If you get your men on this, I swear to the Maker that I'll help you hunt Marjolaine down again, even if we have to travel to the ends of the earth this time. She will _not _hurt you. Not while I still draw breath."

* * *

Aedan follows me to Arin's quarters. It's been three months since my spy found the letter ordering his and Elissa's deaths at the hands of Marjolaine, and I believe I finally have a location on her. It took everything I had, all of my contacts and all of my spies, to track the woman down. And surprisingly, it was her. She isn't dead.

Not yet. I intend to change that in the near future. That is one mistake that needs to be rectified. Immediately.

I knock once before going in. Arin is sitting on the balcony with Sera, like he usually is on Wednesdays. He blinks at me, confusion apparent, as I march right up to him. His brows crease into a frown. "What is it, Leliana?"

"Do you remember that woman I told you I would be tracking down?" Arin blinks again, and then nods, crossing his arms. "I found her."

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asks.

I glance back at Aedan for a brief moment. "Ah...no, thank you. Aedan and I can handle it. This is more of a...personal issue. It won't take us too long. We should be back at Skyhold within a few weeks."

He raises an eyebrow. "You have someone to fill in while you're gone?" I nod, mouth set in a grim line. "Then good luck. See you soon."

"Thanks," Aedan says when I just make for the door. I walk right out of Arin's quarters and down the steps without another word. I cross the main hall, glaring at anyone who dares to look at me, Varric included, and head up past Solas and Dorian to the rookery. Aedan manages to keep up with me, calling out my name even though I ignore him. I go straight to my supplies and begin packing, blatantly refusing to say anything. He walks up to me, bumping my shoulder with his, and when I still ignore him to pack, he grabs my hands in his. "Look at me, Leli." I exhale slowly and squeeze my eyes shut. It takes every ounce of willpower to keep from snatching my hands back when I know he only wants to help. "Leliana."

"I don't want to talk about it, Aedan. I don't want to go after her, I don't want to think about her, and I don't want to see her again."

"Then why are we still going?" By the look he's giving me, it's obvious that was a rhetorical question. "Why? It's not like she's not going to end up here eventually. Why do we leave when she has to come here to kill Arin? What's the point? We both know she'll make a side trip for you. Marjolaine will march in here and do her best to kill you regardless of what happens. She won't leave until you're dead. So why? Why do we go?"

My eyes narrow and I pull my hands away from his in a fit of irritation. "You know why."

"I do not. So tell me." I decide it's safer territory to ignore him again, so that's what I do. I shove my flint and steel into my pack, tucking them between a spare shirt and bandages. I drop a waterskin inside before going towards my bow, but Aedan catches my arm, blue eyes narrowed. They are bright in the way that shows his anger. Not like I'm going to let him, of all people, stop me. Right now, I couldn't care less what he thinks of me and my own fury. I suppose most people would be mad at him because he didn't actually kill Marjolaine, but I find myself feeling indifferent on that matter. What's pissing me off is the fact that Marjolaine still breathes. Not that she survived his sword, that she survived in general. The fear I felt before is almost nonexistent. I know that the moment I see her I'll be as terrified as I was previously, but at the moment, all I know is anger. I want Marjolaine dead more than I've ever wanted anyone (except perhaps Howe for what he did to Aedan) dead. She wants to kill Arin, the only person on the face of Thedas who can close Fade rifts, and my best friend that I've been through hell and back with. Aedan might not want to admit it, and it's not like I want to either, but if Marjolaine has the chance to kill him, she will take it. She probably wants to see him dead as much as she wants to see me in the same position.

I'll be damned if I let any of my friends get hurt.

"Leli, answer the question."

"I shouldn't have to," I snap, yanking my arm from his grasp. "You should know me well enough to know the answer for yourself."

"I do," Aedan says. "I want to hear you say it, though. I want to hear you tell me you don't want to kill her because she's threatening the Inquisitor, but because she hurt you. I want you to admit you have human feelings."

I freeze in the process of reaching for my quiver to look back at him with wide eyes. He looks embarrassed to say the very least, and ashamed for saying such a thing aloud.

"Why wouldn't I have human feelings?"

He shifts awkwardly under my gaze before standing up straight and fixing me with his serious stare. "Don't you know how you've been acting these last few months?" I just blink like an idiot. "From what you've told me, you've been acting _exactly _like Marjolaine would. You're like a demon, Leli. You play the Game with much more cruelty than you should. You are so cold and insensitive that I fear there's nothing left of the woman I love. The only person you act normally around is Josephine, and even she's told me about your ruthlessness. It...it's not normal to order the death of someone who was once a friend so willingly even if he's a traitor." My eyes widen even further and my head snaps up. How did he find out about that? "Normal people look for ways around it and use death as a last resort. You just told your man to kill him without a second thought, and only let him live because the Herald told you to." Aedan walks closer, eyebrows knit together in concern, as he rests his hands on my elbows, effectively trapping me. I could probably get free if I wanted, but I find myself unable to move. "The Leliana I know wouldn't do such a thing. She'd try to excuse him until she had no excuses left. She's kind and brave and knows when being selfish is better than selfless. This Leliana... I don't like her. She's terrifying. She's cold, and ruthless, and is so close to becoming what she swore to not that I don't believe there's a way to save her." Aedan releases me with a shaky breath. "You've changed, Leli, and not for the better."

I don't want to admit he's right, want to believe the lie that I'm still me, but I know he is. I've caught myself reveling in the kill of enemies recently. I've enjoyed playing the Game again. I'm slipping. I'm losing my grip on everything I've sought to become. I'm falling closer and closer to Marjolaine's level, and now that I know others care enough to be disturbed by the change, I find it scary too. I'm becoming the very monster I seek to destroy.

"Why are we going after Marjolaine?" Aedan asks, arms crossed.

"Because she needs to pay for what she did to me."

Aedan grins. "Good. To the Hinterlands we go."

I pull my quiver over my shoulder and grab my pack, slinging it across my waist. Aedan tosses me my bow before pulling on his shield and sword. He shoves a few essentials into a pack, and then he's as ready to leave as I am.

I get a sick feeling of excitement as we make our way down the tower and to the stables. The hunt has begun.

* * *

Aedan jostles my shoulder to rouse me. I blink back my sleepiness to reach out for my bow and climb to my feet, stifling a yawn. Aedan beckons me after him, so I follow, rubbing my eyes. We slept without a fire or tent last night on account of our nearness to Marjolaine's supposed location. Just thinking of how close she might be right now...it sends the nauseating fear rushing through my body in waves. I squeeze the grip on my bow so tightly my knuckles turn white. My heart races. My breath hitches in my throat. I'm terrified of facing her again. I can't...Marjolaine has always been one step ahead of me, always better. I never thought she taught me everything, and now it could be my downfall. Permanently. She's always been good at manipulating me. She knows what makes me tick, and if she's smart and resourceful (which she is) she already knows about Aedan and I. He'll definitely make me twitch.

I don't want to get any closer to Marjolaine than I have to. If she talks, she might dissuade me. If she fails, she'll attack. If she attacks, Aedan could get hurt. I could get hurt. One of us could die.

Marjolaine makes me feel like a soldier entering battle for the first time. Useless, terrified, and utterly stupid. I don't know what to do with her! She...she...I can't even...

I bump into Aedan from behind as we crest a rise. I scowl at myself when he turns back from looking at me like I've lost my mind. In the predawn light, the camp below is hard to pick out, and the moving shapes even harder. I don't know why I expected her to be alone. Marjolaine never goes anywhere without at least one person backing her up. This time, she has several mercenaries. Some are bound to be apostates. Aedan has that look in his eye that confirms my suspicions. Alistair trained Aedan well.

"Should we go now?" I ask softly, feeling oddly submissive to him at the moment.

Aedan hesitates, glancing between me and the camp before saying, "No. You're far too tired for any fighting. We'll head back to our own camp so you can sleep some more. I just wanted to show you what I found while scouting around."

I nod, failing to stifle a yawn. Aedan smiles and wraps his arm around my shoulders, kissing the side of my head. I groan at him halfheartedly as he leads me back to our little hideout among the trees. It's far away enough to be hidden from their sight and their ears, so I risk leaving Aedan up alone. I attempt to disentangle myself from his grasp, but he pulls me closer.

"Why don't you want to sleep beside me?" He literally looks offended.

I yawn again. "Because you might need to move without me being in the way."

Aedan sighs in amusement. "Oh, Leli. You never seem to understand when to be smart and when to be foolish." He gives me a look that brooks no argument and adds, "You're sleeping beside me." I just nod as he goes to sit against a tree. Patting the spot beside him, he waves me over, so I go, setting my bow by his feet. I put my quiver beside my leg after sitting. "See? I'm good company."

I smile faintly as I wrap my arms around his abdomen. "Of course you are." I lean on him and almost fall asleep instantly. Normally, I would welcome such an easy time falling asleep, but with the nightmares I've had recently, I wouldn't mind having the opportunity to enjoy the feeling of Aedan's arms around me. His embrace is comforting and warm, offering an acceptance I never knew existed until I met him.

"You're safe here, Leli. I promise."

My smile widens as sleep claims me.

* * *

I'm awake when Aedan starts to try to wake me. My eyes snap open and I breathe deeply. Fully awake as soon as possible, I reach for my weapons. I sling my quiver over my shoulder before scrambling to my feet. Aedan is on his feet just as quickly, stretching, while I retrieve my bow. He rolls up the blanket he had and tucks it away in his pack.

"Ready to go?" Aedan asks.

I swallow. I look down at my feet, unable to meet his eyes, and nod. I feel foolish, like a weak puppy. Marjolaine shouldn't have this effect on me. I've fought her before; she's the one who trained me. I know her fighting techniques better than my own. Aedan will be right there with me, too.

"Come on," Aedan whispers gently, extending a hand to beckon me after him. I follow wordlessly, eyes focused on the ground under my feet, and listen. I want to hear everything I possibly can. Marjolaine not knowing about us...it's strange. Unless Aedan knocked her brain loose, she should be smart enough to have a perimeter. But we would've been camped in it all morning. How did they not find us? "Down."

Aedan drops into a crouch as he leads me forward. We go a new way, sneaking through the brush and shrubbery instead of peeking over the hill as we did earlier. I stay back several feet so that the movement of the leaves we rub against is more fluid.

Then I see a figure between Aedan and I.

My mouth opens to call out to him, but I restrain myself. Marjolaine does have men running rounds. Aedan and I were dumb enough to pass into someone's rut. I grimace as he walks after Aedan. I can barely see past the mercenary to him, but I know he's trying to find a way to move out of the mercenary's path that does not raise suspicion. My hand drops to my dagger as I creep closer to the leather-clad man. The moment he stops to watch, I rip the blade free of its scabbard on my belt and lunge. He begins to turn. The sound of steel on leather is probably what alerted him, but I don't give him the chance to call for help. I clasp my hand around his mouth and plunge my dagger into his neck. Blood sprays onto my hand, making my stomach churn. In the back of my mind, I know his death was necessary, but all I can think of is how wrong killing is. In that brief moment of disgust, I realize just how much I've changed. I used to be like this, queasy and uncertain at the sight of blood. When I met Aedan, killing was as easy as breathing. It hardly fazed me. Now...now nothing stops me. Or that's how I've been lately. Marjolaine's reappearance has turned me back into the spineless idiot I was when she began training me.

"Get down!" Aedan hisses.

I blink stupidly. I hear a twig snap, so I jerk the dead man down after me, freeing my weapon from his flesh. I wipe it on the grass hastily before snaking off after Aedan. I'm not sure how he manages to stay as quiet as he does in armor like that, but if he knows how to, I won't question it.

Glancing over my shoulder, I faintly see the outline of the man I just killed lying in a puddle of blood, and someone new. He looks around, eyes narrowed. By the lack of terror that would usually be apparent in a new person's eyes, I expect he has some experience. He's smart enough to stay quiet as he draws his sword. It's still too late. I am reaching for an arrow before I can stop myself. My bow is in hand the same moment I'm standing. The instant he turns, I fire, and he drops with a dull thud.

I would normally go back for my arrow. I don't now.

"Leliana," Aedan whispers. I slide back into a crouch as I turn. "Come on. Keep up." He nods at the camp that is slowly becoming visible through the trees. Nervousness worms its nasty way into my head and I completely miss what happens between here and the collection of tents. My palms become sticky with sweat; my heart races. I feel sick.

What in the Maker's name is happening to me? I shouldn't be like this!

Aedan was right. I was turning into a monster. If killing bothering me is what it takes to avoid that, then I'll take the sick feeling. I've felt it creeping up on me since my spy brought me the letter. The realization first started when Aedan snapped just before we left. Now it hits me full-force. I would do anything, give anything, to prevent from turning into Marjolaine. Aedan once said I was better than that. I want to go back to being better.

"Wait here," I whisper, forcing myself to focus on the task at hand. We're crouched behind a stack of crates beside a tent, and I want to take the opportunity to get ahead of him. He won't stop me from killing Marjolaine, but he'll stop me from the arguing I find myself desiring. I want to scream at her, to make her understand how much she broke me, and then I want to hurt her just as much.

A smile breaks through my façade. A sick, masochistic smile that I never want to experience again. But...I think I will indulge this side of me one last time. After all, she wants to kill Arin and Elissa.

"Are you sure?" Aedan asks, eyebrows drawn together to show his concern.

I nod grimly. "You'll know when I want you to join me."

"I don't like the sound of that," he admits with a frown.

"It will be fine," I say forcefully. Aedan hesitates, a look of indecision crossing his features, before he nods.

"She's yours this time."

Good.

I draw several arrows and tuck them between my hand and my bow before pushing to my feet and entering the camp. At this time of day, it's relatively empty. That doesn't include the people dozing in their tents, far too lost in themselves to see my silhouette on the canvas, or the men patrolling thirty yards out.

I walk through the camp unopposed and determined. I want her to be awake. I want to see the light leave that bitch's eyes.

_I want her to suffer._

I clench my fists when I hear the canvas of a tent flap ruffle. I freeze, squeezing my eyes shut, before whipping around and firing one of the arrows in my hand. I don't need to see to know whomever it was is now dead. I don't even need to see to aim at them. The idea that I've been killing long enough to fire my bow off sounds makes me sick. I bite my tongue, eyes locked shut, and wait for the half-asleep others to hear. The victim yelped when he fell, and I wasn't exactly trying to be quiet when I fired my arrow.

They start coming to. I can hear the familiar sound of rustling armor and weapons. Aedan can hear from where he is. I know because he runs to my side, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Easy," he whispers. When I don't respond, much less open my eyes, he jostles me once. "Leli. Look at me. Come on." I force my eyes to open, wincing at the rush of light, and he smiles. "Good. You can do this."

"No, I can't," I mutter.

He squeezes my shoulder reassuringly before releasing me to draw his sword. People straggle from their tents, fully armed and armored, and I begin to think I've gone insane. I turned down the Inquisitor's help...for what? He offered to come with us, but that undoubtedly would've meant Sera, Dorian, and Cassandra would have come as well. We'd be better suited for a fight like this with four others.

Of all things for me to notice, it's the birds. They chirp and whistle at each other despite the clamor that has formed beneath them. Usually, birds would have flown off at all the noise. These stay.

"They killed Rin! Get 'em!"

I didn't need to hear his name.

Aedan launches himself into the fighting the same way he always has. Without hesitation, energetic, and furious. He kills the first man to charge him easily. Then I lose sight of him in a rapidly closing crowd of armed men and women. Whatever fear might've existed is gone and I raise my bow. The arrows in my hand are gone quickly, several bodies left in their wake, when I feel a knife being pressed into my side.

"My little Nightingale, come to sing."

I start to turn, but the knife is pressed more firmly and a hand covers my mouth.

"Weapons down," she croons. "Down, or all three of them die."

Three?

My hand snaps open and my bow falls to the grass. Marjolaine laughs, actually laughs, and every fiber of my being screams at me to kill her, to twist around and snap her miserable neck. "Good. Now kick it." I get the tip of my boot underneath the grip of my bow, and with a swing, kick it to my left. "Excellent." I can hear the smile in her voice. I hate it. My chest constricts when I inhale and fill my nose with her scent and fresh air. My muscles itch, _ burn, _to hurt her. "Fate is a strange thing, is it not? Ten years ago, you came to me as you do now. With more passion and swagger than I've ever seen." I twist, or try to. She pulls my head farther back so she's speaking right beside my ear. "You came to kill me."

I want to tell her that was not the plan until Aedan suggested it. I want to tell her that's my plan now, that I want to see her suffer as much as she made me, but I couldn't even if I was able. My heart hammers in my chest so loudly that my head aches from it. I'm more than scared. I'm petrified.

"Now it is my turn to kill you, Leliana."

I hate the way my name sounds coming from her.

"But first, I would see you suffer. I would see you scream as you once did. I would see you break." She snaps out an order in Orlesian. The men fighting stop. "In all my life, you seemed to be the last person I would expect to tie yourself to another." I jerk again, but Marjolaine presses her knife further into my side. "What person was lucky enough to claim you the way I sought?"

I almost laugh.

"Was it someone from the Inquisition?" she asks. "Perhaps a man from Orlais? A woman from the streets of the dog-city you adore so much?" The group breaks out in a small fight and wrestles Aedan forward. I hear Marjolaine inhale sharply, surprised. The shock quickly changes to amusement as she laughs. "The Warden? A Fereldan man?"

I want to strangle her.

Aedan looks dazed. Blood pours from a gash in his forehead into his eye. There's a burn mark on his shoulder guard, but I don't see the mage who caused it. I have a very strong urge to hurt Marjolaine. It's made worse by the state Aedan is in.

"Do you truly love him, Leliana?" Marjolaine asks. "Or is your love for him the same as yours for me?" Oh Maker. She's going to hurt him. "Would you leave him if he couldn't see?" I struggle yet again, and yet again, she effectively manages to keep me from breaking free. "Uh-huh! You must stay to watch, yes? I hear you enjoy torture these days. You have become quite proficient, no?"

Aedan looks up as he's forced to his knees. His eyes find mine, but he doesn't show his fear. His eyes are empty, calm even. He's confident. Something is making him that way.

"What would break you, Nightingale? His screams of pain? The look of betrayal as you stand here and let my men break his hands?"

Aedan barks a laugh and extends his hands for them. My eyes widen. What's he doing?!

"Hmm," Marjolaine says. "A brave man." The mercenary on his left takes his hand. "I've heard he's kind as well. A good person." She brings her face closer to mine as she whispers, "It's a wonder that he chose you. A murderer, a liar. Someone like me."

It is. I gave up trying to change his mind a long time ago.

Aedan keeps his eyes locked on mine through the entire ordeal. He groans as his bones snap. The mercenary throws his crushed hand back at him, but Aedan doesn't twitch. He lets the man take his right. It kills me to watch this. I can't believe...!

Yes I can. I can believe Marjolaine would do this.

"Not even a whimper?" she asks. "Break his other, then. You will bend before me, Leliana. I will spend everyday I have making you suffer."

The mercenary closes both of his hands around Aedan's. My heart lurches, urging me to do something, anything, to help him, but Marjolaine moves the knife to my neck. She presses hard enough that my skin breaks and blood drips out onto it.

Just as the man begins to squeeze, he collapses with an arrow in his back.

"I suggest you let them go and surrender to us, or we'll have to kill you."

I want to laugh again. I never told Elissa about my...issue with Marjolaine. I spoke about her with Aedan, once, during the Blight, and after what happened, Aedan and I agreed to not bring it up if I wouldn't bring up Howe.

And there she stands, the Inquisitor and his party in tow.

"You said three? Try six," Elissa says. "Honestly, I thought if Leliana had enemies, they'd at least be able to count."

"Kill them!" Marjolaine orders.

"Or we could do that," Arin grumbles.

The mercenaries forget Aedan and scramble for their weapons. Marjolaine takes a step back, trying to force me after her, but instead, I drive my elbow into her side. Her grip on me weakens, so I wrestle free. I start to turn to face her. Then I decide I'd rather have my bow and run for it, scooping the weapon up. A foot pushes me to the ground just as I get a hand around its grip. I roll to the side and up onto my feet before a sword can impale me, and when I finally meet Marjolaine's gaze, everything comes rushing back. All of the memories, good and bad, all of the pain, the betrayal.

"My Nightingale," she says, smiling.

And I snap.

Without pause, I load an arrow and fire it. My arrow hits her foot a moment later, sticking her and it to the ground. She cries out, but I don't give myself the chance to find satisfaction in the noise. I march up to her while she recovers and kick the shaft so hard it splinters. She looks up at me in horror. I allow myself the briefest of grins before pushing her to the dirt. The arrowhead remains stuck, twists her ankle, and before I can realize what I'm doing, I step on the joint. I apply pressure, just enough, to make her ankle break as slowly and agonizingly long as possible.

I love broadheads.

Her scream only drives me on. I stand back, arms crossed, as I decide what I'm going to do. When I see her leg, I can't help but crouch down beside her. I pull my dagger from my belt, running the point along her thigh, and flip it fluidly. I slam the weapon point-first through the artery I know is there. That'll make her bleed. That'll make her hurt.

"I'm going to make sure you are dead this time, Marjolaine. I'm going to see you dead in the most painful way possible, and then I'll leave you here for the buzzards. It's all you deserve."

I take another of my arrows and pin her arm. When Marjolaine realizes what I'm going to do, she struggles, but I have the advantage of being on top and heavier. Her fight barely fazes me as I press the tip of the arrowhead to her wrist. Blood trickles into the grass.

"I can't make you feel what I felt all those years ago, but I can do my best to make you hurt."

I twirl my arrow in my fingers before dragging one of the four blades on the arrowhead across her wrist. She groans in pain. That's not enough. I want her to _scream. _I want her to know the pain I felt. And I'll make sure she does, even if it's the last thing I do. Changing course, I move the bloodied arrowhead further up her arm to her elbow and press it through the flesh there with little effort. The arrowhead bounces off her bone, but I force it on, using all of my muscles to cut the bone.

"You...are like...me," Marjolaine gasps.

I bring my face closer to hers, sneering as I say, "You're right. But I don't care."

Seeing the scar on her face, the one I left during our fight with her at Denerim, gives me a sick sense of pride. Everyday since, she's woken to a mark I left on her, a mark she will never be rid of.

I get to my feet, leaving my arrow and dagger embedded in her, as I pace around to her right, crossing my arms again. I stare at her, disgusted. Disgusted with her, with myself, with everything. She doesn't need to know I hate what I am. As long as she believes I'm as ruthless as she is, then she will believe I'll let her live for later. I won't. I am not that merciful. I'll kill her.

Bringing my leg back, I hit her in the side with my armored boot. Her cry of pain isn't enough. I do it again, and again, and again, until I'm sure her ribs are broken. Then I move to her shoulder. Kicking it hurts me, too, but I couldn't care less. The bone dislocates first, so I keep at it. It's unfair, cruel, wrong, and not my place to punish her for everything she has done, but that does not stop me. I hit her until her body is numb from pain. When I can't possibly hurt her anymore, that's when I stop kicking.

Marjolaine is still breathing. Somehow. Miraculously.

I crouch again, this time by her shoulder, and lean down.

"Tell me why I should be merciful. Tell me one time you were kind to me, and I'll make it quick."

Her eyes roll around, dazed and unable to focus. I doubt she even heard me. So I wrap my fingers around her throat and squeeze. She struggles only slightly, barely anything at all. Her eyes are now locked on mine with some last ounce of defiance. They radiate fear and anger, emotions she will take with her to the grave.

When her face slackens, I sit back.

She's dead. Good.

I stare at her bloodstained corpse, unblinking, when someone sits beside me. The lack of a shine and the silent movements tell me it's not Aedan. The wider shoulders say it's not an elf, so it's not Arin. A quick glance tells me it's Elissa. She's not looking at Marjolaine or me; she's staring forward with a carefully blank expression.

"Are you hurt?" she asks. I shake my head. "Do you want to be left alone?" I shake my head again. "Do you want to come back to camp with me?"

"Where's Aedan?" That's all I can think to say. I didn't care about anything but Marjolaine once the fighting started, and now I'm worried.

"At camp. With the Inquisitor." Elissa gets to her feet and offers me a hand up. I flick my eyes to Marjolaine one last time before accepting the help. The blond drags me to my feet. "It's good to see you again."

I just nod.

Who knew? A reunion with someone who was supposed to be dead ended with another destined to die.

Elissa hands me my dagger. "Come on. This way."

As she leads me from Marjolaine's camp, I push the memories with the Orlesian woman to the back of my mind. I am just like her, but instead of using the anger to kill for myself, I use it to do whatever I can to protect others.

Like Aedan said before, evil doesn't worry about being evil. It's strange that only Marjolaine ever makes me worry about being evil.

I look over at my friend and her easy smile before deciding that I am going to change.


	5. Promises

_This chapter also takes place in Inquisition, but in Aedan's POV. It's during the time when the Inquisitor and Dorian would be looking for Leliana in Redcliffe after Alexius sent them forward in time. Warning to you though! I was close to crying when I wrote this, so feels ahead!_

What has this world come to?

There are burned bodies of villagers scattered around the Chantry. Mabari lie dead with their masters, knights still clutch their swords, mothers hold their children in their arms in vain attempts to assure them everything will be all right. The stench of death hangs over Redcliffe and the Hinterlands, sickening me. I have never smelled anything so horrible. Not even Denerim was like this after the darkspawn attacked it.

"Aedan." I look away from what I see to my sister, who is clad in her black leathers with a swirling white eye painted on the front. She has the hood of her cloak up like Alistair and I, giving her a strangely frightening appearance. Her hand glows in this part of Thedas. Always lit up in the presence of the massive Fade rift hanging over Ferelden and half of Orlais. She isn't the Herald of Andraste, who I heard also had a glowing hand, but the Agent of the Maker. "We need to get moving. Come on." She beckons me after her, so I follow. Alistair appears from a building that's nothing more than a shamble of what it once was. He has his sword drawn, but the Warden weapon is quickly returned to its scabbard as he rejoins us by the docks. Elissa leads us into the village and past more piles of bodies. I grimace in disgust.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Alistair whispers.

I look up at the sky. The Breach started in Haven, at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, and has since spread over this part of Ferelden. We had to avoid several Fade rifts to get across the lake. They dotted the shorelines like it was nothing.

"The Herald died. Corypheus got what he wanted," I mutter. "Of course this happened."

"I just wish it didn't," Alistair replies bleakly.

Elissa pauses in her sneaking to look back at the two of us. "We can't change what happened. We have to keep moving. My contact said Leliana is in the castle. If my information is good, and it usually is, she should still be here."

"I want to find her as much as you do, but I doubt that magister let her live this long," Alistair says. "This is a stupid idea, Liss. We're all that's keeping Corypheus from his goal, and yet you insist on continuing. Is Leliana worth Thedas?"

"Yes," I snap. Alistair glares at me, daring me to continue. I'm about to when Elissa tells us both to shut up and keep moving. Alistair sighs, shaking his head, and follows. I bring up the rear of the party, glancing up at the sky every now and then, hoping to get a glimpse of something other than the green glow or the black clouds. I want to see the stars again. I feel stupid and sappy for wanting it, but I do. It'll mean there's some semblance of normalcy rather than Corypheus, the Venatori, or the Red Templars.

"Stay here," Elissa whispers. "Wait for my signal." She sneaks off, sticking to the shadows the way only rogues can do, and manages to cross the bridge leading to the windmill without alerting the patrol she's headed after. Alistair and I remain crouched in place while she takes down the first black-clad man. His friend doesn't even see my sister coming, and when he's dead, she waves us after her.

I lead the way up the hill, across the bridge, and to my sister. She's standing, bronze and gold sword in hand. With the only light coming from the Breach, a strange glow emanates from the blade. It has a similar effect on the lyrium infused in it as well.

"That thing will get us caught," I say. Elissa shakes her head and tosses the weapon aside. It vanishes into thin air like it always does, and I shrug. "Do you even know where it goes?"

"Probably the Fade," Elissa says. "I've been waiting for it to drop from the Breach, but I guess not."

Elissa sighs and throws back her hood to scratch her head. Everything is black or dead, but she's managed to keep her hair the same wheat blond it has always been. Even Alistair's hair has darkened to the point of being dirty blond, or even brown, but nope, not my sister's hair. She's still a blond through and through.

The thought makes me smile. One incorruptible thing is exactly what Thedas needs to be freed from the darkspawn magister causing this.

"Let's go," Elissa says, yanking the black hood back up.

It's another quick walk to the windmill. The door is falling in on itself, but I force it in, snapping the rusted hinges effortlessly. The metal creaks slightly and the wood groans as I lean the rotted thing on the stone wall. Elissa and Alistair are already at the trapdoor I told them about. As I join them, my twin forms a ball of light in her hand, leaning down over the signet ring lock. Then she extinguishes it, squeezing her hand into a fist, and casts a spell. The air in the room suddenly gets colder (if that's even possible). When she opens her hand, she produces an exact copy of the ring I used to get into the castle years ago, but made of ice. Once she unlocks the secret entrance, she tosses the now useless item aside.

"Let me go first," I whisper, catching her hand as she reaches for the handle. "Please."

Elissa hesitates, eyes zoning out to show she's arguing with Hope. It takes a few minutes, but when they return to normal, she nods. "After you, brother."

She steps aside, so I crouch down by the trapdoor. I swing it up and drop ten feet to the musty passage below, landing with a very loud, very noticeable, clang. The noise echoes off the stone walls, but when no one questions it, I assume no one is down here. I bite back my disappointment and worry. If Leliana's not down here, she's up in the castle somewhere, meaning we'll have to look for her. I may not admit it aloud, but Alistair was right. Coming here was reckless and extremely stupid, and more than a little selfish. I talked Elissa into coming for Leliana, and by default, that means Alistair is going to tag along as well. I'm risking the fate of Thedas on saving one person.

I'm finding it hard to care.

I draw my sword, pointing it forward as I creep towards the door at the far end of the hall. I glance between cells as I pass them. Nothing more than corpses and skeletons, spiderwebs, and a strange red glow coming from the walls.

I sigh to myself, grumbling, "Of course there's red lyrium. There's _always _red lyrium."

"Aedan?" Elissa whispers.

"It's clear," I reply. "We got lyrium down here though. Don't touch it. It's the bad stuff."

I hear Alistair grunt as he drops down. A moment later, my sister follows. "How very eloquent, brother."

"I'm not trying for eloquent," I retort.

"Fair enough," Elissa says, walking up to my side. She's brushing dirt off her armor, muttering something to herself and Hope. "Let's get started."

I shrug my shield onto my forearm and follow her through the door as she opens it. Sure enough, the first thing the three of us see is red lyrium. Giant spikes of it jutting up from the ground and extending into the ceiling.

"They could decorate better," Elissa mumbles halfheartedly.

"Let's just find Leliana and go," Alistair says.

"Good plan," I agree. I take the lead, shouldering through an iron gate. "They changed the place. Huh. Time to get lost." I glance down at the water covering the floor before hopping into it with a slight splash. We come into an intersection, the only openings being left and right. Right leads into a small chamber that is similarly flooded to the hallway we are in. I think I see two bodies floating in the water, but I can't be sure. As I start forward, Elissa grabs my arm.

"Venatori," she says.

"Someone else is here," Alistair remarks.

"If they're killing Venatori, I'll take them as an ally," I say, tone dry and flat. Alistair nods his agreement and I start left, using the eerie glow from the red lyrium to light my way forward. My steps echo off the walls as do Alistair's, but Elissa walks along silently. The cells here are similarly decorated as the previous ones, plus some wonderful shoots of red lyrium. I take them up a staircase into a chamber with two large cells on either wall. The center of the room is dominated by a gigantic pillar of the Tainted lyrium. I frown as I step under a part connected to the wall, scraping my shoulder plate and cloak across it. I shiver, biting my tongue to resist the urge to touch it. Alistair and Elissa have similar looks of horror on their faces.

I hear shouting up ahead, quickly followed by the sounds of steel on steel. Seems our would-be allies have gotten caught.

"Move it," Elissa says.

I nod grimly, continuing on at a run. Through another hallway filled with lyrium-covered cells and up another staircase, we come out into a strangely shaped chamber. It's large, with a stone platform in the center and four mesh bridges connecting it to four smaller platforms and doors. There's also the Venatori fighting with four people, but you know, that's not important at all.

"So much for stealthy," I say, irritated.

"Stealth never was your strong point, brother," Elissa quips.

I snort before running forward, slamming into the first Venatori I lay eyes on. He stumbles back and falls within reach of a woman's sword. Her face barely registers in my mind before she moves on.

"Hey! Sis! It's that Seeker!" I shout over my shoulder. An axe sails for my head, but I duck behind my shield. The weapon bounces off harmlessly and I pop back out, driving my sword into the Venatori man's chest.

"Cassandra?" Elissa asks.

She just makes a disgusted noise.

I catch an arrow on my shield and whip, driving my sword into another's stomach. As I pull my sword free, a fireball whizzes past my face, followed by a lightning bolt in rapid succession. Another arrow flies, but I step out of the way. Instead of hitting me, it bounces harmlessly off the far wall.

"Hit the archers!" I shout. I bring my shield up to reflect another. Just as I lower it, I see a sword coming for my neck. Before I can so much as twitch, an arrow comes from my left and hits him in the chest. I glance in that direction to see an elf there, frowning, as she readies another arrow for firing. I nod my thanks and move on, following Alistair as he forces his way across the chain bridge to the platform the Venatori are defending.

On my left, I catch a flash of movement. I turn to it as a pair of daggers slip past my shield. One skims my armor and bounces off, the other tearing my shirt and nicking my belt. The stalker pulls back and begins to retreat, but I slam my shield into his abdomen and send him tumbling off the edge. I look down after him and wince. That had to hurt.

"Aedan!"

I look up to see a sword coming for my gut. Twisting, I bring my shield around and down, catching my attacker's wrist with the lip, and push up. Locked in place as he is, weaponless with a dislocated shoulder, Alistair jumps in and decapitates him. I push the body off with a foot and race after my brother-in-arms. He dispatches the first archer easily while I go for the second. The Venatori swings his recurve bow at my ankles, aiming to trip me, but from training with Elissa and Leliana, I know how to see it coming and dodge. I kick his bow away, bash him with my shield, and once he's down, drive my sword through his chest.

"Anybody need any healing potions?" a voice asks from behind. "You're all good?"

Three affirmatives sound off as Alistair and I rejoin Elissa. She's frowning as she rubs a salve into a cut on her cheek. The poultice takes hold and heals the minor wound within seconds, so she peels the dried paste off and tosses it aside. "You guys okay?" Alistair and I both nod. "Well, then time to go see who we saved." I shove my sword into my scabbard, resolving to clean it later. It'll likely only get covered in more gore anyway.

She steps past me and Alistair, headed straight for the ring of four people. By the insignia on the leader's chest, I'd assume they are Inquisition forces. Scouts at the very least, but what would they be doing here? The Inquisition all but disbanded when the Herald died.

"How is it you're alive?" Elissa demands.

The leader shrugs and looks to the mage beside him. "Dorian? Care to explain?"

"Ah yes. Long story made short, Alexius used some strange magic that threw me and the Herald forward in time."

"Yeah," the dark-haired elf says. "I didn't die. Here I am."

"Time travel magic?" I ask, confused. I can't quite wrap my head around it.

"Yes," the mage named Dorian says, his exasperation apparent. "Time travel magic."

"So...what are you doing here?" Elissa asks, interrupting before I can demand a better explanation.

"Trying to find Alexius, the magister that caused this," the elf says. "We think he can reverse this and send us back to the moment we disappeared. He had a necklace that opened a rift in the main hall and it dropped Dorian and I in the dungeons today. Dorian believes he knows how to reverse this if Alexius can't."

"Is that all? Do you know where Alexius could be?" Elissa asks.

Suddenly I'm more focused on finding this magister. If we can prevent this, I won't have to worry about Leliana much longer. That, and I have no urge to find her body somewhere.

"He's most likely in the main hall," Dorian says.

"Then let's get a move on," Elissa says. "I have a dragon to get back to killing."

She starts forward, Alistair and I moving to follow, when the Herald turns and catches my sister by the shoulder. His eyes show worry, and the set of his mouth, along with the tone of his voice, only further that emotion. "You're the Hero of Ferelden, right? Friends with Leliana?" My sister glances back at me before nodding. "The Grand Enchanter said she was here. Have you seen her?"

"We're actually here to find her," I say. I don't like how worried he is now. I feel my jealousy creeping up on me. She's been around this man for months, helping him while I was looking for a cure to the Taint.

"I hate to say it, but we should check the torture chambers," Cassandra says.

"If the Venatori have someone important to the Inquisition, that's probably where they will be," Elissa says. Why didn't I think of that? The idea of Leli going through more torture makes my skin crawl and my temper flare. I flex my hands, holding my breath, to refrain from punching something or someone. A hand on my arm snaps me to reality, and my eyes come into focus on a pair of the exact same blue eyes as my own. "We'll find her, Aedan. I promise."

I grit my teeth and nod, forcing my muscles to relax.

My sister scans my face a few times before nodding and turning back to the Herald. "I know the castle fairly well, but I don't recognize this place. We'll have to look around."

"Well, that way is the only place we haven't been yet," he says, pointing towards the doorway the Venatori had been guarding. "So...up?"

"It's a start," Elissa says. "Come on. Follow me." I pull my shield back over my shoulder and start after her. As soon as we leave the chamber, the red lyrium appears again. Elissa and I avoid getting too close to it as we follow the stairs to the main building and out of the basement. She eases the door open and I recognize where we are. The hallway before the kitchen. "Can you hear it?"

"Hear what?" I whisper. I strain my ears to listen, but hear nothing other than my own breathing.

"It sounded like screaming," she whispers.

"Do you think it was Leliana?"

"It definitely wasn't a man," Elissa replies. She starts to go down the hallway, but she freezes, holding up a hand. "Listen."

And there it is. So faint, probably only audible because of the echoing, but it's there. My muscles itch to move. That had to be her. I hate that sound so much that it's burned into my memory. It kills me every time I hear it because I know I'm not able to help her. There's no way in hell that I'd let anyone near her long enough to hurt her.

I clench my fists, growling out my frustration.

"Rift nearby," Elissa says, resuming the walk to the kitchen. She nudges the door open with her foot and jumps back, pointing her recently formed sword into the deserted room. "Clear."

"How do you know there's a rift nearby?" the Herald asks.

"Considering the fact that I'm technically an abomination, I can sense them," she explains with a shrug. "Hope is drawn to them. Not because she wants out of the Fade or anything. She's already out. Living up here." She taps her temple as she tosses her sword away.

"You're possessed?" Dorian asks. "And by a spirit of Hope? Fascinating!"

"That's not fascinating, mustache!" the female elf exclaims. "That's frigging freaky!"

"Relax, Sera," Elissa says absentmindedly. "Hope didn't hurt you when we asked for information during the Blight. She won't hurt you now."

"You remembered that?" the Herald asks.

"I remember two elves rolling around in the mud when me, Alistair, Aedan, and Leliana walked into the Alienage. And I remember hearing the name. Hope doesn't allow me to forget faces." She grimaces as she walks up to the door leading deeper into the castle. "Two. Two rifts. I think one is out in the courtyard."

"Well, let's go," the Herald says.

Elissa nods, beckoning us after her. I follow closely, Alistair on my left and the Herald on my right. The hallway is eerily quiet as we continue. The red lyrium has become less frequent as well. The only trace of it is the red glow coming from the floor. It reflects off my boots. In the back if my mind, I swear I can hear singing. I push the thought away. I don't want to entertain the possibility I could lose my mind if Dorian and the Herald don't get sent back. I ignore the question of what will happen to those of us not sent forward, but it's almost too tempting to ask.

Hearing another scream jolts me back to the present and I scowl, furious. A quick glance up at my sister shows she's just as angry as I am. I see her flash once as she struggles to keep control of Hope. I feel a twinge of guilt for bringing her here to suffer that battle, but when I hear Leliana talking, followed by a sharp cry of pain, I completely forget. I want to strangle the person hurting her.

"Easy," Alistair whispers to Elissa. She just nods. "Perhaps you should go first, Herald." The elf nods, jogging up the next staircase, and heads into the room on his left with his companions while the three of us stand down here. "Liss? Look at me, okay? Don't let Hope control you. We can't afford that right now. Do you hear me?" My sister nods once, eyes squeezed shut as if in pain.

"It's...not her," Elissa groans. "You remember what happened to Anders, how Justice split into Vengeance?"

"Don't tell me that's happening to you," I say, suddenly distracted by the idea that my sister could be losing herself to a spirit that's breaking apart.

"It's not so bad. Not...yet," she says, rubbing her forehead. "It just started a few weeks ago. Splitting headaches and a strong urge to punch anyone and everyone. If we can get them back to where they were in time, I shouldn't have this problem. It...this is from the stress. Hope is splitting into Despair because I've had to keep Thedas from being destroyed..." She groans and falls to her knees. "Maker, it hurts..." Her skin flashes white one more time before she visibly relaxes. "Ugh, that's so much better."

I'm about to help her up when someone slams into me. Arms are flung around my shoulders and a head is buried in my shoulder. As I stumble back from the weight, I inhale a lungful of her scent, and my arms tighten around her. The relief I feel is staggering, but not as much as having her pressed into my chest, safe and alive.

"Thank the Maker," I whisper into her hair. I hold her tighter, afraid it's all just a dream, and that she'll disappear if I let go.

"I thought you were dead."

Hearing her voice again, for the first time in three years, makes me smile. I can't help it. I've missed her so much that I ache everywhere. When I release her and find her eyes, my smile only widens. She returns the gesture, and that only makes it worse. I want to crush her to me and never let go. I restrain myself, however. That can wait for this to be made right. I _will _see the Herald through this, and the moment I can, I'll leave for Ferelden and Haven.

"I missed you too."

* * *

I notice Leliana's disappearance first. When I look to my left to see if she just moved, I see Elissa's vanished too. My sister has gotten progressively worse the farther we've gone. I thought she was going to burst at that last rift. She didn't, but the pain the struggle put her in was obvious. It was as obvious as Leliana's still is. She winces when she pulls back on her bowstring. She holds her side after each fight. But their pain doesn't seem to have stopped either of them from sneaking off to do what they do best.

I search the shadows on both walls, but see neither of them. Not until Leliana lunges and grabs Alexius' son, Felix, by the throat and puts a knife to it.

"What are you doing?!" Arin, the Herald, demands. "Let him go Leliana!"

"Why? The magister deserves to suffer as much as the people he claimed to protect! You haven't seen this world, Arin. You wouldn't understand."

As soon as Alexius has his back turned to the opposite wall, I see my sister, crouched in the corner with her sword in hand. She must've lost her battle with Hope because she's glowing now. The two of them must have planned this because Elissa dashes forward to Alexius so quickly I don't follow. One moment she's in the corner, the next she's in front of the fireplace snatching the amulet from the magister's hand. She tosses it back to Dorian and kicks the magister roughly enough that I hear his bones snap from the force. I wince at his yelp if pain. Leliana doesn't even flinch, but she releases Felix, a look of disgust on her features.

"We don't have much time," Leliana says stiffly. "Focus on getting the spell to work. We'll keep the demons back."

"They come," Elissa says. It's not her voice though. It's not even Hope's voice. She didn't lose to Hope, which would've been slightly helpful. She lost to Despair, and now I'm nervous. The look she's giving everyone is terrifying. The only person she doesn't seem to be furious with is Leliana, but the two of them look equally angry. "Start the spell, mage."

"We'll keep them out as long as we can," Cassandra says. Sera nods and follows the Seeker back outside, closing the doors behind them.

"Whatever happens, you _do not _look back," Leliana says to Arin. "You get out of here and don't stop until you've fixed this." The elf nods grimly. "Good luck." She turns and walks back to the lower level of the room, drawing her bow. Elissa follows, sword at the ready, so after we exchange a quick, nervous glance, Alistair and I follow.

"We're going to die," Elissa says, voice devoid of any and all emotion.

"Then we die," Alistair says.

I walk up beside Leliana, smiling reassuringly when she looks up and reveals the fear hidden in her eyes. I take her free hand in mine, squeezing as I stare ahead at the massive doors. "I will find you, Leli. I swear I will."

She squeezes my hand back. "I'll hold you to that."

I kiss the side of her head when the door bangs, whispering 'I love you' into her hair. Then I release her to draw my sword and shrug my shield into place.

I feel the air behind me shift, but force my eyes to remain locked on the shaking door.

Let them come. Let them take me.

I settle into a crouch as the doors slam open. Cassandra and Sera fall, dead, and Dorian orders the Herald to stay put. Terrors come first, but Elissa blasts them back to the Fade with her own mark. Venatori follow, weapons bared. So many...so many enemies...

I'm ready to die. I'll die for Thedas, for Ferelden.

"Blessed are the peacekeepers, champions of the just." Leliana drops the first man through the doors. He crumples, and that's the last thing I hear her say.

"If you move, everything is lost, Herald!"

And the three of us with swords run at the Venatori. I flip the first I collide with over my back with a well-placed shield bash. I run the next through with my sword. Elissa leaps past and into the thick of the fighting (literally). She blasts men back through the doors and into their allies with various spells. Others are more fortunate and fall to her sword. Those that pass her fall to Alistair and I, and those that pass us are cut down by Leliana's arrows.

But it's obvious we're being overwhelmed even now. There are far too many for even Elissa and her wild movements. There are so many that I'm taking on five men at a time. I resort to ducking and rolling more often than I usually would. Leliana's arrows come less and less frequently until they completely stop. Alistair cries out somewhere to my left. Elissa freezes entirely, and I know it's time for me to get out of the line of fire. I retreat to Leliana's side where I find her fending men off with her bow.

That's also when I see the arrow shaft that's been snapped off at her shoulder and the blood pouring from a wound on her side. She holds a hand to it when I break through to give her a respite, but without any healing potions or my sister and her healing spells, we both know that wound is going to be what does her in.

"Alistair!" As the realization of his probable death hits my sister, several Venatori implode. Literally. The crushing spell I've seen few mages cast is so powerful she catches at least ten of them with it.

I look back. The thing is almost complete. I think. I hope. Arin is staring at us in horror. His desire to help us is obvious, but I point.

"Stay there!" I pull my dagger from my belt and give it to Leliana. Terror and adrenaline is pumping through my body as I realize just how close to death I am, how close the woman in front of me is. I don't want to die. I don't want her to die. "Til death do us apart." How sick does the Maker's sense of humor need to be for this to end in the literal meaning of that statement? Very. "Together?" I wrap Leliana's fingers around the hilt of the weapon and offer the most reassuring smile I can muster. It's not much and I know it.

She inhales deeply, nodding. "Together."

Maker, this had better work.

Elissa, my sister, my first friend, my twin, cries out in pain. My heart breaks at the sound and I whip, barely catching sight of her as she falls to the ground, dead. My eyes widen, and with one look back at Leliana, I return to the fighting.

Behind me, Leliana starts repeating the Chant of Light again.

"Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter." A sword clips my arm and sends blood pouring down to the floor. "Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just." I drive my sword into anyone that gets close enough. "Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow." An arrow pierces my shoulder and I yelp, reaching up to snap it off as soon as I can. "In their blood the Maker's will is written."

A sword slips past my guard as I block another, groaning in pain as my blood drips down my arm. The steel stabs into my abdomen. Leliana cries out my name desperately. The world spins.

The Venatori man pushes me off his sword and I fall to the ground. He steps over me, headed straight for Leliana, and all I can do is watch. I'm powerless to do anything. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate watching her back away, desperate for an opening she won't find. I hate the look of hopelessness she wears. I hate that she's terrified. I hate knowing she's about to die when I can't protect her.

I feel myself slipping. My eyes close of their own accord, leaving me with an image I'll never forget. A man closing an arm around Leliana's neck and snapping it.

I won't forget it. Ever.

* * *

It really fucking worked. Maker be praised. I'm alive! Ha!

I look down at my unharmed torso and laugh in disbelief. I'm still alive. I'm not dead! Elissa's not dead! Neither is Leliana! If I wasn't in public, I'd fucking dance, that's how happy I am.

"Ser?" The Warden beside me seems confused. "Is everything all right, ser?"

"Everything is great," I say, grinning. "Excellent, even." I get to my feet and head out of the library. He rushes to follow.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," I say.

"But you've only just returned to Weisshaupt!" he says. "The First Warden will want a report and-"

I shrug and interrupt with, "That's not my problem. Tell him if he wants that report to send an order to Ferelden. I have a promise to keep." I unconsciously pat the folded up letter in my pocket. I was meaning to head back to Ferelden to see Leliana, and the letter from her friends in the Inquisition only reinforced the idea in my mind, but I had no way of getting out of here without having permission from the First Warden. Now I don't care. I _swore _I would find her.

I intend to keep that promise whether I have permission to leave or not.


	6. Spiders

_Up to the first break is Aedan's POV. The rest is in Leliana's. Thanks for reviewing, Zacharti! Cliffhangers are my speciality. But for now, we're going back to a time during the Blight, so you'll just have to be patient and wait and see what happens after that. _

We've been in these tunnels for nearly a month now, and haven't seen anything having to do with Branka since coming down here. That's not even the worst part of being in this hole. It's the never-ending darkness, the feeling that the roof might collapse on you every minute of everyday. I have no problems with enclosed spaces. I have problems with being underground and gigantic spiders trying to eat me and my companions. I hate spiders. Maker, they're disgusting. If Elissa were here...

I pull my cloak tighter around myself and push thoughts of my sister out of my head. She's dead. Gone. Vanished at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. It's been three months. I need to get over it and focus on ending the Blight.

My skin tingles, but I swat at my arm to stop it. Yes, I get it. Darkspawn are down here. Thanks. I definitely didn't know that already. Alistair warned it might be overwhelming for us in the Deep Roads, but I laughed it off, saying that all the darkspawn were on the surface. I was wrong. The moment I set foot in Orzammar, I could sense the damn creatures. They weren't nearby, but I could tell they were there.

I manage to doze off for the last hour of our break. Then I get to my feet, stuff my cloak in my pack, and rouse the others alongside Alistair. He had the last half of the watch and I had the first. Sleeping in the Deep Roads without a Warden on guard is stupid. Everybody else gets to sleep all night (or what I'd think was night) while we only sleep for three or four hours. The rest of the time Alistair and I are supposed to be asleep we're tossing and turning in feeble attempts to find sleep. Sometimes, I feel as if I can sense the horde itself, and my body aches.

I'm tightening the straps of my shield to my forearm when I see a very familiar pair of blue eyes catch mine. Leli peeks down at me, an eyebrow raised and smiling.

"Hello," I say, looking up from my arm. "Sleep well?"

"As well as I could have," she replies, handing me a waterskin. "Careful with that, Aedan. We're running low on water."

I didn't even realize how thirsty I was until she offered. I accept the water gratefully and take a swallow from it before handing it back. "Thanks."

She nods as she slings it back around her waist. "I hope we find some water soon or this Maker-forsaken hellhole will be the death of us."

I snort and pick up my sword, following her to the rest of our party. Alistair's standing at the base of a small bridge, watching the opposite end with narrowed eyes. Leli stops to help Wynne with her bag of potions while I walk up to my fellow Warden. "There's something waiting for us back there."

"There's always something to kill down here, Alistair," I say. "It's not that big of a shock."

"I suppose," he agrees, shrugging his shield onto his arm. "Whatever it is, I've been listening to it move around for the past three hours. I think there are more spiders."

I groan inwardly. I've had enough of spiders. "Fantastic. Let's get started." I wait for the rest of the party to finish getting up and moving before Alistair and I lead them across the bridge. The spider-infested tunnel we camped in opens put into a small cavern. I scan the walls and stones quickly. Yep. Spiders. "That tunnel back there looks to be devoid of webs and bones." I point to the left with my sword, all the way back. Alistair follows my eyes and nods.

"Unfortunately, I think we found their nest," he grumbles. Two spiders rush across the bridge to meet us. Alistair and I have them dealt with quickly enough, but there will be more. Undoubtedly. There are always more spiders. "There are darkspawn up ahead."

I nod. "I know."

"So...left or straight?" Alistair asks as we hit the base of the bridge.

"Let's try left," I say.

I take a step forward when I hear the familiar sound of webs splitting. I look up at the ceiling, but it's too late. Fear grips me in an instant as the spider drops. Its...fangs clack off each other as it snaps at me. Andraste's ass, I'm going to-

"Move!"

The word spurs me into action and I roll out of the way, getting to my feet just in time to see an arrow slam into the spider's face. Leliana's at my side the next instant, launching another arrow off at the pack of spiders creeping out of crevices and dropping from the ceiling.

"I'm good," I say, waving her off before she can fuss. "Just...caught me off-guard is all."

Her eyebrows knit together in concern, but before she can say anything, I run into the fighting, cutting off a spider lunging for Wynne. The monster slams into me with enough force to knock me to my knees. Its legs wrap around my body as it bites at my shield. I shove my sword into its abdomen, push it off my shield, and kick another into Wynne's fireball. It fries right then and there, much to my disgust. That reeks.

"Spider for supper anyone?" I say, grimacing as I bash my shield down onto one.

"Aedan, that's disgusting!" Leliana says.

"Hey, easy food!" I reply.

She sighs and an arrow whizzes past my face. "Sadly, I see your point. Still, I'm not eating a giant spider."

I laugh. "How do you think I feel?"

"On your left!" Alistair says.

I whip and drive my sword into its side. The creature squeals, twitches, and dies while I pull my sword free. Oghren, the newest addition to the party of lunatics I pal around with, raises his axe overhead and drops it into the spider approaching from my right. Gore sprays over our boots. The dwarf grins drunkenly at me before moving on to the last of the spiders fighting Alistair. I start forward to help them, but I hear a distinctly feminine yelp come from behind. My chest seizes as I turn.

"Leliana!"

A spider has her pinned to the ground. She's lost her bow. She could reach for an arrow, but the spider is trying to get its fangs around her throat and she has to hold it back. Even from this distance, I can see it is a losing battle for her.

She yelps again and I steel my resolve. I am not losing her too.

I run to her side and shove my sword through the spider's midsection faster than I've ever moved in my entire life. It twitches and jerks, making little squeaking noises. It's still struggling against Leliana, but it's weakening, so I twist my sword. It jerks again, spilling blood all over the ground and my companion. It still keeps snapping, so I yank my sword out and drive it back into the spider, pushing the blade through so far that the crossguard is touching.

Finally, it squeals and crumples on top of her. I pull my sword out of its flesh and toss it aside, crouching to roll the repulsive monster away. Leliana starts, eyes wild, hyperventilating, and terrified. Her eyes lock on me and she pulls me against her so quickly I don't have the chance to react. She's shaking so horribly that I am too. I can feel her breathing heavily through her armor and my own. She's so horrified, far more than I am. After coming to my senses, I hold her to my chest until she calms down.

"Everybody all right?" Alistair asks. When Wynne and Oghren sound their affirmatives, he walks over to us. "How about you two? You okay?" I just nod, refusing to let go of the bard in my arms. Alistair seems to accept that as an answer and rejoins the other two, sitting down to check his equipment. Oghren follows suit while Wynne just stands watch, scanning the rest of the cavern so Leliana has the chance to recover.

"You're not hurt?" I whisper. She shakes her head, hugging me tighter.

"Thank you," Leliana says softly. "I...I thought it...that I would-"

I kiss the top of her head to silence her. "It's okay. You're safe now, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you." She shudders, scooting closer, and I let her. I thought that thing would get her, and all I did for thirty seconds was stare in disbelief. It's my fault she's like this. I feel horrible. I almost lost her to my own stupidity. Nothing will make me feel better until the five of us are out of here and back where there's fresh air, but holding her against me, knowing she's alive right now, is a start.

* * *

After fighting spiders, spiders, and even more spiders, we finally exit the cavern, forced into stopping to kill some darkspawn on the way out. I found Branka's journal near the nastiest spider we've fought yet. Aedan said something to Oghren while the three of us cleaned and patched ourselves up. He told the rest of us about heading into the Dead Trenches, and off we went, through the newest tunnel. I don't see any webs or debris like earlier, so I risk hoping that means we're clear of the spiders now. I almost start to feel safe when we see a group of dwarves, but then I see something I never want to see again.

A massive dragon swoops through the canyon-like cavern we are now in, landing atop the bridge. I do a quick scan and find that's our only way forward. The dwarves duck behind the railing to the platform, smart enough to hide from the beast. We sneak forward as a group, crouching behind an outcropping of stone. Aedan climbs up it and looks over the edge.

The dragon roars and both of our Wardens go rigid. Alistair's face scrunches up as if in pain and he squeezes his sword hilt tightly enough he shakes. I look at Aedan to see if it's having a similar effect on him only for that suspicion to be proven correct. He's stiff all over. I cannot see his face, so I risk climbing up beside him. He's gripping the lip of the stone and staring down in horror. I follow his gaze and I almost stop breathing.

Thousands, if not millions, of torches glisten below as the darkspawn march onwards. The vibrations of their footfalls can be felt from up here.

I place my hand on Aedan's, and he instantly turns his over to squeeze my own.

"Leli...it's...talking to me," he whispers, turning to look at me. "It's telling me to follow it."

I put on a brave face even though I'm terrified. I squeeze his hand back and he closes his eyes, swallowing deeply. "Focus on our hands, Aedan. Ignore it. You're stronger than that thing. You can make it." He nods. In a matter of moments, his grip on my hand is so strong I fear he might crush my fingers. I don't wince or tell him to let go. He needs this. Instead of thinking about the pain, I look back at Alistair, but he's moved a little back into the tunnel. He's sitting with his head between his knees and his arms wrapped around them.

I look to the dragon, what I can only assume to be the Archdemon, as it roars again. Aedan groans as if in pain. The darkspawn shriek at their leader, and then it takes off, flying deeper into the unknown. Aedan slowly relaxes, lessening the pressure on my hand, and I roll my wrist and flex my fingers to return feeling to them. He's trembling, but not as badly as I was earlier. His breathing is heavy.

"Thanks," he whispers, opening his eyes and fixing me with an intense stare. "Really, Leli. You...you don't know how much that helped."

I smile at him. "I don't want to see you suffer, Aedan."

A smile of his own forms on his face. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I love you, too."

His smile grows larger as he turns and slides back down to the others. I follow him, grabbing my bow from where I set it. Then I turn to see where Alistair went, noticing he is still in the tunnel, but much more relaxed now. I glance at Aedan before walking to the other Warden and crouching beside him.

"Are you okay?"

Alistair shakes his head. "Thanks for asking, but no. I'm not."

"Was it telling you to go with it?"

Alistair hesitates. "Not...not exactly," he says. He looks away, embarrassed, when he adds, "It told me it could bring back Elissa if I helped it."

I don't expect the sting that hits me in the chest. If that's what it was doing to get to Alistair...I don't want to know what it was promising Aedan. I reach out and put my hand on his knee, smiling in the most reassuring way I can think of. "I am sorry, Alistair. Truly. I can't imagine what you and Aedan are going through." He just shrugs. "But for now, we need to get up and keep moving. The faster we are back at the surface, the better."

"Yeah." He blinks, and then nods, meeting my gaze. He inhales deeply. "Yeah," he repeats forcefully. "You're right."

We both get to our feet and rejoin the others. Once Aedan is satisfied that Alistair's okay, we continue forward to the dwarves. Oghren mutters something about 'sodding Legion of the Dead' as we approach them, and just as Aedan goes to speak with the leader, I see a faint flash. An arrow. I barely have the chance to push the Warden out of the way, let alone duck. It sails overhead harmlessly, bouncing off the wall behind us.

The leader grins maliciously. "Send them to the stone, brothers!" The dwarves shout their agreement and excitement.

"Well, it's not spiders," Alistair admits with a shrug.

Aedan snorts. "Darkspawn aren't much better."

"They don't try to eat you though," Wynne points out.

"But that's not fun!" Oghren replies, pulling out his axe.

"Neither is getting eaten by a gigantic spider!" I retort, drawing an arrow. I aim it at the first hurlock as the group of darkspawn pass around the break in the bridge. Within seconds, I've fired and killed it. I can see the black blood gurgle from its throat and spill on the stone. Several others trip over the dead, but the dwarves and my companions don't give them the chance to recover. They run forward and push several over into the abyss.

From back here, I can't see any opportunities to fire without risking an ally leaning into the arrow. Wynne seems content to just cast supportive spells from here, so I run off on my own. I skirt the fighting and hop onto the railing. A quick glance down and left says I'm going to die if I even lean that direction. Praise Andraste that I'm not afraid of heights.

* * *

It feels like hours until we finally stop. Aedan decided we would stay in the creepy room that had ghosts in it earlier. We divide up the food and water the Legion soldiers gave us. They said something about going nug-hunting once we ran out (because they know we will) and went back to find their outpost to get supplies.

Alistair and Oghren are smashing old crates they found in the back for firewood. Aedan is getting a wound on his shoulder tended to by Wynne, and I'm just sitting in the middle of the floor, watching the doors we came through. They're closed and barred so we can all get some much-needed sleep tonight. The light comes from strange sconces higher up the walls. I was tempted to find a way up to check it out, but I decided against it in favor of watching the doors. My bow is sitting at my feet and my daggers beside me. If anything tries to get through those doors, I'll know.

"Leliana, you got the flint?" Alistair asks.

I reach into my pack and toss it over my shoulder wordlessly. He doesn't say anything, but the flash of light behind me says the fire is lit. I don't move to sit by it. I almost died today. I see those fangs snapping at my face every second. I remember the fear that consumed me entirely, and the way Aedan held me while I'm shook. It's not something I want to happen again. He was shaking too, but only because I was. I was so terrified that I couldn't think straight. I still am. I don't want to see any spiders again. I've never been this afraid of anything. Never. Not even Marjolaine. She was nothing to me after I fled to Lothering. And now she really is nothing. Nothing but a pile of bones in a shack in Denerim.

I catch myself staring at the floor with a blank look, so I force my eyes into blinking and look up at the ceiling with a sigh. Everyday I question my decision to leave Lothering. Everyday I'm with the Wardens, I wonder if perhaps I'm insane for thinking the Maker sent me a vision. Each day with them, I wonder if it could be my last. Each day, new challenges are thrown at us without a moment's hesitation or warning. Between Elissa disappearing and the task facing us now, Aedan and Alistair both have little humor left in them. I feel it having a similar effect on myself, being the only one here to have come with the Wardens through all the treaties. Morrigan might have been with them the longest, but she doesn't like the Wardens the way I do. She sees them as a means to an end (one I have yet to figure out) whereas I look at them like a family. The one Warden Morrigan took a liking to was Elissa, but now that she's gone, I'm starting to question why Morrigan stays. She has no reason to help with the Blight anymore, and she's not exactly the most morally-upstanding person I know, but there she is, waiting with the others for us back in Orzammar. I stay because Alistair is my friend and the love I'm slowly coming to terms with for Aedan. Part of me wants to believe she stays because it is the right thing to do, protecting people and Ferelden itself, but I know she wants something.

"You hungry?" Aedan asks, crouching beside me. I just continue to stare forward, not trusting myself to speak. I'll either burst out in tears or snap about Morrigan still being around, neither of which seem very appealing at the moment. "Leliana?"

I shake my head.

He hesitates, glancing back at the others, before deciding to sit with me. He scoots close enough for me to lean on him, but I refrain from doing so despite the urge to let him take everything bothering me away. Aedan is good at it, making me feel better. He knows what to say, what to do, and how to weasel his way into making every conversation end in a kiss. Sometimes I hate him for it. Other times I think it's silly.

Now I just want to be left alone to mope.

Aedan nudges me with his elbow, leaning forward to look in my eyes. "Leli?" Well, now I've successfully gone and made him worried. He never calls me that unless we're alone, or when he's upset about something. "Hey. What's wrong?"

I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow, shaking my head again. "Nothing," I say. My voice shakes, but I ignore it. "I'm fine."

"You're a bad liar," he says. "I can tell something is bothering you. What is it?"

I snort and look away. Did he really just say I'm a bad liar? How many times did I dance around the truth when I would've had to explain Marjolaine to him? Several. How many times did he catch it? Not once. He can be thick, but it is rare.

"It's nothing, Aedan. Go eat; I can hear your stomach rumbling."

Aedan huffs before getting to his feet. I hear him return to the others, so I resume my blank stares at the door. The silence doesn't last long, though. Not a moment later, he comes back with two bowls of stew (the best food we've had in weeks). He sets one in front of me before he starts eating his own.

"It's been a fortnight. You aren't going to last long with that food in front of you. Especially when it's not deepstalker or nug," Aedan says past a mouthful of food.

"You are seriously underestimating how much I want to be left alone."

Aedan just shrugs and resumes eating his food. I look back to the door, hands clasped firmly in my lap, when I realize just how hungry I am. After a few minutes of gnawing pain in my abdomen, I give in and take the bowl, scowling when I hear Aedan chuckle.

Ass.


	7. Apologies

_So...yes. Smut. Shameless smut. You don't wanna read that, then don't read the chapter. It'll be in Aedan's POV and is connected to chapter three. Oh, and just in case...NSFW. Entirely smut for the most part._

Maker, I'm such an idiot. She was right, as usual. I could have just explained what was going to happen and she would have understood. I know she would have. Leliana's not unreasonable. She wouldn't have been happy, but she would've understood if I'd just tried explaining. But I didn't, and I deserve this. She has every right to be angry with me. I was such an idiot. Giving up Warden secrets would be better than this by a mile. More than that. Nothing is more important to me than her, and I could've just ruined everything. I don't even know how to begin apologizing, let alone how I'm going to get her to open that door and talk to me. I wouldn't even be surprised if she was gone by tomorrow.

I'm not even surprised. I always manage to mess up with women. When I met Leliana, all I'd ever successfully managed to do was flirt with someone. I would always do something wrong, and then my siblings would jump to my defense and Father would spend hours yelling at us for misbehaving. Fergus got a broken nose in a fistfight once. My fault. Elissa broke her leg in another. Not sure how she managed that, but also my fault. And now here I am, messing up all on my own without any guards to argue and fight with.

No, I really fucked this one up. The look of utter shock and disbelief on her face when I finally admitted to what has been eating away at me for the past two weeks...I've only seen that look on her once, and that was when we confronted Marjolaine. I've never seen Leliana look more betrayed and furious in the time I've known her as she did mere moments ago. Not even when she was nearly stabbed by Marjolaine. That look was cold and calculating. The look I got...it radiated fury and betrayal and all the hurt those emotions bring. The only time I've ever felt this guilty about something was when I snapped at Elissa for falling for Alistair. I deserve everything she can throw at me. Hate, anger, even leaving. If she leaves, I'll have no right to follow. I don't even have the right to ask her to forgive me.

I have made a lot of mistakes with women in my twenty-three years of life, but nothing as horrible as this. I got over rejection and anger before. And yet for some reason, I know I won't be getting over this anytime soon. This is easily the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. Why didn't I tell her first? What was I thinking?

I hear a faint sob come from the other side of the door. She's...crying? I've never even gotten the feeling that she would do that. It seems so...out of character for her. And to know I'm the source of the pain to push her that far kills me. I want to make this right. Not for me, but for her. I don't want to apologize so I'll feel better. I want to apologize for making her so upset. I want to hold her and make the pain go away. It's such a childish and weak thing to say, but it's true. Hearing Leliana cry hurts me. It's a foreign sound that I never want to hear again.

Out of nowhere, I find myself standing and knocking softly on the door. "Leli, please. Talk to me." I'm not sure where my voice comes from, or how it stays so calm and level.

"Just...leave me be. Go." Her voice isn't nearly as level as my own.

"Not until you let me talk."

"You can damn well talk through the door then," she snarls.

"No," I say resolutely.

After a long moment, the door swings open. She's glaring at me full-force, but I'm not surprised. I should have expected that. What I don't expect is the blank look in her eyes. The utterly cruel look of not caring that she plastered on for her old bardmaster. That's a knife to my heart, and when I wince, I see the corner of her mouth curl in the faintest of sadistic grins. It's gone just as quickly, and a brief flash of fear crosses over her features. It too is gone before I can mention it.

"You wanted to talk." She doesn't even look like she was crying.

I clear my throat nervously. I don't even know how to begin apologizing. Nothing I say will cover how much I regret what I did. "Leliana, I...I..."

"You have a lot of nerve," she says flatly.

"I...what?"

"Coming after me like you have the right to," she snaps. "You don't own me. You don't seem to even care." I visibly flinch at her words and she notices, snorting in annoyed amusement. "I don't know how I did not notice before."

"Notice what?" I ask, throat and mouth having gone dry. I know exactly what she's going to say.

"How much you were like Marjolaine," Leliana says, laughing in bitter disbelief. "I was such a fool for thinking that you ever truly cared for me."

I've held eye contact up until this point, but now I look at my feet. Shame doesn't even begin to cover what I feel. "I...I did," I whisper. I didn't trust her to tell her about the ritual. "I still do." I'm such an idiot.

"Then why didn't you tell me what was happening?"

I shake my head, at a loss. "Because I'm stupid," I mutter. "Because I was too scared and weak to admit that I was afraid to die."

Leliana gives another snort. She crosses her arms in a guarded manner and leans on the doorframe like what I say doesn't matter. "Always back to you."

My head snaps up and I'm not sure where my anger comes from, but it appears with a vengeance. Something on my face must give it away because her eyes widen. I don't give her the chance to slip past and escape. I grab both of her arms and use my height to back her into the room. I kick the door shut behind us before spinning around and pressing her against it. I'm not overly gentle, but by no means do I hurt her. I never would.

I step closer enough that my body is pushing on hers. I don't drop my eyes or even move them from hers to reach over to the lock and slide it into place. And to make sure she can't pull away, I put my knee between her legs and pin her hands over her head.

"Don't think I didn't hate myself every minute I was with Morrigan," I say. "I did. I still hate myself. I can't look in a mirror for fear of who I'll see staring back at me. Everyday since then, I've regretted every minute I spent with Morrigan because it was a minute I wasn't with you. I've hated myself for laying down next to you at night knowing what I did. I've hated myself for being so cowardly and selfish to do it. I've hated myself for lying through my teeth to Cyrus about how Elissa survived killing the Archdemon. I've hated living with the memory of it. I hate remembering that night. I hated every minute with Morrigan. Every stupid fucking minute of it. Any minute I'm not with you makes me worry for your safety, but those were horrible. It killed me to have sex with that witch. And I'm sorry. Sorry for not telling you sooner, or before the ritual happened. But what's done is done. I can't take it back, Leli. And I don't want to. If I did, my sister would've died in that tower. Or Alistair would have, and Elissa would have gotten herself killed because of that stupid spirit. Or I'd be dead and I'd have lost you. So think of me what you will. A coward, an idiot. Whatever. Leave me if you want to. There are better people out there. You deserve someone who could give you everything you ever wanted. But never think I would hurt you, or lie to you, or sleep with someone else because I wanted to. It's not how I was raised. I was raised to treat a woman like an equal, someone to be revered and loved should the Maker ever grace me with someone to return the feelings. I was raised to defend her like no other, to put her before everything and everyone. I liked those ideals so much that my parents saw it fit to let me handle my own affairs, not that I've had any before you. I'm glad they did, too. If they hadn't, I would've been married off years ago and never would have had the chance to become a Grey Warden. I never would've met you, Leli. I never would have met the kindest, strongest, most loving woman I've ever seen. The very thought of it scares me. Not once in my life did I ever think I'd be so lucky as to find a woman to put up with my stupid sense of humor long enough to fall in love with me. And I sure as hell didn't think if I did find one that they would be an Orlesian bard Elissa found in Lothering. But I always knew that if I did, I'd never hurt her, I'd never want someone else, and I'd always want her to be with me." I inhale deeply, fixing Leliana with a hard stare. "Don't you get it? I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone. I would never hurt you intentionally. I don't think ahead very often, but if I did, I would've told you. I was terrified though. I didn't want to lose my sister or Alistair or Cyrus. I didn't want to die because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you behind for someone else. I regret what happened that night at Redcliffe. Truly, I do. I should've gone and told you first. But I can't change the past, Leli. All I can do is ask you to forgive me and hope I can spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Leliana's blue eyes have gone wide. Her mouth moves, but no words come out. Not at first. "Aedan, I...I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be," I say. It takes me a brief moment to realize I'm still holding her against the door, so I release her wrists. But before I can move my knee and step sway, she wraps her arms around my neck and presses her lips to mine. Relief hits me first. Knowing she forgives me, or is trying to. It's quickly followed by a wave of blinding lust. I've been away for almost two weeks now, not seeing her since the brief celebration in Denerim when Anora officially recognized Elissa as Warden-Commander and gave us the Arling of Amaranthine as a reward for defeating the Blight. I've been without Leliana just as long, the last person I slept with being Morrigan. The thought makes me cringe from Leliana's kisses and dampens my arousal fairly quickly.

She seems to understand as I break away from her lips. A faint smile crosses her face and she runs a thumb across the facial hair around my mouth and to my chin. I do my best to keep from growing a beard, but I've also found I like having a goatee if I keep it as short as possible. I never let it grow to be longer than stubble. My hair has also gotten longer, long enough that I have bangs. She runs her hand through my hair, frowning in the slightest.

"You look different," Leliana says at last.

I quirk an eyebrow. "Different? How?"

"Well, for starters, you always got rid of your stubble before heading out from camp in the mornings," Leliana says, laughing. "And you'd always ask me to help you keep your hair cut short."

"It's still short," I say defensively.

"Not as short as it used to be," she mutters. "It's long enough I can run my hands through it." Tilting her head to the side, she resumes the motion, and my eyes drift shut. The way her fingers rake over my scalp...Maker help me. "It's soft. You should let it grow out more often."

"Not so obsessed with my eyelashes now that I have hair, huh?" I tease, forcing my eyes to open.

She giggles. "I haven't seen your eyelashes in far too long. I forget how they flutter when you dream."

"I'd like for that to change," I say softly. "I want to be with you more. I...I enjoy spending time with you, Leli. Especially now that there's no Blight to worry about."

"Mmm." She must have caught on that I like how her hands feel because she starts doing it again. Something about that makes me shiver. My eyes close again, giving me the opportunity to fully appreciate how wonderful it feels to have her hands in my hair. I lean forward and rest my forehead on hers, reveling in the fact that I'm even here. She hasn't told me to leave. She's let me keep her trapped like this for a good ten minutes now. Not that I want to move. Here I can inhale her intoxicating scent. Here she can play with my hair.

I'm about to fully move and let her go so we can stretch, but she pulls me back again, holding me against her.

"I missed you," she whispers. I go to tell her the same thing, but she continues. "Don't leave now. Please." Her hands freeze when I hesitate to tell her that I can't bring myself to stay after what happened. I want to stay and hold her until the day burns to night, but I can't. I feel like I'll hurt her again or do something wrong, say something wrong, that pushes her away. "Aedan, please. I'm not mad at you. I understand. Don't leave again." It pains me to hear her beg for me like that. I don't want to leave, but I can't bring myself to stay.

"Leli, I-"

She's smart enough to hear the answer before it leaves my mouth. So before I can finish my sentence, she kisses me again. My head spins and I have to grab her hips to steady myself. The kiss is never gentle. It's hungry, fueled by desire and need, and I don't want to end it. It makes my blood run hot in my veins as it all rushes south. Her hands curl in my hair and her nails trace patterns on my scalp. They leave trails of heat in their wake, but chills run down my spine regardless. When I finally get the sense to return the kiss, Leliana moans and grinds her hips on my knee that is still pressed between her thighs. Another wave of desire shoots straight down and I press into her more firmly, taking more pleasure out of the closeness than I usually do. It's been far too long. I forget why I wanted to leave already.

"Maker," I groan, pulling away to catch my breath.

She laughs a lilting laugh that makes a smile tug at the corner of my mouth. Hearing that wonderful sound after being away from it for so long makes my heart soar as much as it did when we'd kissed for the first time. "Did you miss me too?"

A breathless laugh escapes me. "You have no idea."

Leliana plays with my bangs before a mischievous smirk crosses her face. "Do you want to stop?"

"Well..." She raises an eyebrow and looks at me like I'm insane. Her eyes are so dark from her own desire that I'd be afraid to say 'yes'. Not that I want to. Why would I? She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and like I said earlier, there are better people for her out there, but she chose me over all of them. I swore months ago to give her whatever was in my power to give in return. And right now, she wants me just as much as I want her. What fool would be dumb enough to refuse?

"No," I say. She grins wickedly before I press my mouth to hers in a desperate kiss. It doesn't take me much coaxing to get her to part her lips. The instant I can, I slide my tongue across hers, eager to taste her again. I could never figure out what the taste was, but I know for a fact it's better than darkspawn blood. Far better. She's so sweet and feminine beneath her outer shell, and I feel honored to be the one person in Thedas to get to see that side of her.

I move her head to the side to press light kisses to her neck. She moans wantonly, fisting her hands in my hair, and decides to drop one lower. I feel her fumbling with the clasp of my silverite breastplate before mumbling something in frustration and using her other hand to help. I can't help smirking as I trail my kisses down to her pulse point. The moment my lips graze her skin, she whimpers, pausing in her fidgeting to enjoy the sensation. The noise only arouses me further, and now I'm painfully hard in my trousers. I groan when she rubs on my knee again.

"Too...much armor," I growl.

"Agreed," she pants.

I take one of her hands in mine and help her free the clasp on my side. We work in tandem to undo the other three, but not once do I stop kissing her throat and cheeks. Not even to shrug the large, clanky plate off. It lands with a clatter, but I don't care. My shoulder guards remain still, yet Leli manages to get those on her own and throw them aside carelessly.

As I begin to move my lips to her exposed collarbone, she grabs me by the hair and jerks my mouth up to hers. She kisses me furiously, fisting my hair with one hand while sliding the other under my blue, grey, and silver Warden tunic. Her fingers trace my muscles and leave feather-like touches in their wake. I shiver under her touch, but before she can react, I grab the buckle holding her armor on. I yank it free and push the offending leather outfit off her. I pull everything off her in a matter of seconds. She's still pushed against the door, now completely bare before me, and I find myself staring, tracing her curves with my eyes.

I groan and push back against her, kissing her harder than I have the entire time. Leliana wraps her legs around my waist with a moan. My hips jerk forward of their own accord, enticing another whimper from her, but I swallow the sound in my mouth.

"Aedan..."

The way my name falls from her lips makes my heart race. I can't wait. Not any longer. I slide my arms around her back and crush her against me before stumbling back to the bed. Leliana settles over my hips and starts tugging on the laces of my breeches impatiently.

She's preoccupied...

A grin tugs at my lips as I pull away from her mouth. One of my arms comes up to encircle her waist, and while she looks down at me with a slightly confused expression, I tighten my grip to roll over, reversing our positions. She giggles as I press a kiss to her nose. For a moment, I allow myself to be distracted by how she looks. Hair slightly out of place, eyes so dark they're black, and lips swollen from my hungry kisses. A huge smile crosses my face as I settle on my elbows.

"What?" Leliana asks.

I just shrug, cupping her face with my hand. She leans into the touch and my smile grows. "I don't know. I was just suddenly struck by how beautiful you are." The Orlesian returns my smile, pressing a chaste kiss to the palm of my hand. I usually do that to her.

"You sound silly."

I quirk an eyebrow. "Is there a problem with me saying how attractive I find you?"

"Yes, considering I'm completely naked and you still have your clothes on," she says dryly. "When that changes, I may find myself more inclined to allow you to talk more."

"Allow me?"

A grin crosses her features only briefly. "Shirt. Off. Now."

I match the grin, grabbing the hem of it before pulling it over my head. I toss it aside and lean back down, eyebrow still raised. "Better?"

"Boots too."

I kick the plate-covered things off without dropping her eyes. "Anything else?" I wiggle my brows suggestively, but she shakes her head. Her gaze traces my shoulders before falling to my chest and the scars left. She starts to frown as she reaches up to run her fingers over them.

"Why didn't you let Wynne heal these?"

"Because I like them," I say, shrugging a single shoulder. "When I get dressed in the mornings, they remind me that you're alive." I smile sheepishly. "I like remembering that I was willing to die for you. I, uh, I still am."

Leliana smiles. Her hand moves away to trace my muscles and I shiver, squeezing my eyes shut at the pleasurable tingles. "Comparing you to Marjolaine was a mistake."

I allow a faint smile to tug at my lips. "Why's that?"

"You're kinder," she says simply. "You care."

I open my eyes and fix her with a hard look. "Of course I care. Why wouldn't I?" She looks away and starts to reply, but I grab her chin, turn her back to me, and press my mouth to hers. Her body has gone rigid since she mentioned Marjolaine, so I wait for her to relax before pressing my body on hers. She takes a few more seconds to kiss me back, and even longer to become fully comfortable with this idea again, but I don't push. Hurting her is the last thing on my list of things to do. It'll never happen. Not intentionally. And if I ever do, Maker damn me.

"Aedan, please..." I didn't even realize she was fumbling with the laces on my breeches again until she spoke. I yank off my belt, and then quickly revert my attention to helping her. A muffled groan escapes my throat when I finally free myself from the confines of those blasted things and my smallclothes. I debate about teasing her for a brief moment, but decide against it. I'd kill us both if I did. Still...

I pull away from her, knitting my eyebrows together. "Are you sure?"

When she nods, I don't wait. I kiss her furiously and shove myself inside of her in one quick, short thrust. Her back arches against my chest as a moan rips out of her throat. I freeze completely, eyes squeezed shut, to take in the feeling of being inside her again for the first time in weeks. I'm not a virign by far (I have Leliana to thank for that) but Maker, I forgot how amazing it felt to be with her. All I had to occupy myself with were dreams and memories. They weren't enough. They never will be.

She tugs on my hair, impatient, and I actually laugh. "Problem, Leli?"

She fights to keep a straight face as I ever so slowly pull back. "Not one." Her fingers twist in my hair, a faint whimper coming from her.

I raise an eyebrow and slam back into her with so much force that she practically screams. "You sure about that?"

"Yes," she manages to say.

"Really? Well that needs to change." I kiss her mouth once before I move my way along her jawline, rolling my hips against hers the entire time. The sounds she makes...they make me want to abandon any sense of control I have and just fuck her. I love the noises coming from her throat. I love that I'm the one making her feel like this. She mewls as I kiss my way down her neck, pressing herself closer to me. Her hands keep my head on her, guiding me closer and closer to her chest. She definitely knows what she wants. Leliana is practically trembling with anticipation once I finally kiss the hollow between her collarbone and neck.

I shift in the slightest as I pull out of her, and as I drive into her again, she throws her head back and moans so loudly I'm sure someone outside could hear. "Yes, oh Maker, Aedan...right there..." I press a kiss to the swell of her breast before drawing her nipple into my mouth. Her hand clenches in my hair while she digs her nails on the other into my shoulder. The pain feels good, so unbearably good, that I suck harder than I intended to. Leliana doesn't seem to care. She arches her back into my touch and whispers something I don't catch.

Her legs come around my waist again. The change in angle creates friction in new areas for both of us. I thrust another time, and unlike the others, she raises her hips to meet mine.

"Harder," she moans.

The tone of her voice sends me into a frenzy. I grab one of her hips and pull myself back so far I'm almost completely out before slamming back into her. I growl at the feeling coiling in the pit of my stomach, but I hold off, determined to make her fall over that edge first. So I harden my thrusts as demanded, hitting her innermost pleasure point so many times that she's a writhing mess beneath me. She matches each thrust with her hips, taking me as deeply as possible, when I feel her muscles start clenching. She's close.

I lift my mouth to hers, delving my tongue inside to swallow any noises she makes. I squeeze her hips and hold them against mine, ramming into her faster and more erratically than I probably ever have. The way she squeezes me...Maker...I just need to last a few more seconds...

As soon as she cries out her release, I let go. Her muscles spasm around me as I release my seed into her, groaning and burying my face in her neck. I hug her to my chest, inhaling her scent, as we both calm from the aftershocks. She's trembling in my arms, panting heavily, but smiling.

I flop on my back, staring at the ceiling with my eyebrows drawn together in a frown. She curls into my side and hums to herself. "Why did you forgive me so easily?"

Leli blinks. Her blue eyes are so much different from my own. More clear, more sky-colored. I love them. She blinks several more times before answering. "I'm not mad."

"Oh," I say. "So...not forgiven?"

"No."

I shrug. "If you forgave me that easily, I'd think you were a demon in disguise." She shrugs back, wrapping her arm around my stomach. Again, she's drawn back to the claw marks on my chest. She seems fascinated by them.

"I still can't believe someone would do something like that for me."

"Marjolaine wouldn't?" I ask, confused.

Leli frowns, shaking her head. "I do not think so. Elissa and I had been talking a while ago. She's sure I was just being used."

I hesitate before saying, "She's probably right, you know."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it," Leliana replies. "How would you feel if you spent years of your life dedicated to someone only to find out they would toss you aside like a street whore?"

"Well, I suppose I'd just stab them," I say. I keep my face blank while her eyes narrow. She searches my face for any signs of humor before she huffs and rolls her eyes, only slightly amused. I grin at her, kissing the side of her head.

"Can you ever take something seriously?"

"Usually," I say. "But for what it's worth, I really am sorry, Leli."

"I don't have to worry about that from you, do I?" She smirks the comment aside like a joke, but I can see the truth behind her eyes. She's dead serious.

I kill the urge to make a joke. "Never. I'm yours from now until the moment I die." She merely nods, resting her head on my chest. I can feel her smile, but I don't bring it up. I just wrap my arms around her shoulders and doze off.


	8. Skyhold

_This chapter takes place in Inquisition. It starts out in third person, following Josephine, and ends up going to Leliana. This takes place just after Haven during Josie's part, jumping ahead to when the Inquisition has been_ _at Skyhold for_ _a while during Leliana's (by_ _a_ _while,_ _I mean Morrigan is at Skyhold). Sounds fun even to me lol._

She can see her doing it again. Fiddling with her hands. The Spymaster has been fidgeting and glancing back for the Hero of Ferelden since they broke camp to make for Solas' supposed fortress. The Herald seems content to follow his friend's lead, dragging the few survivors of Haven through the Fereldan Frostbacks. Josephine has noticed that Leliana is spending far more time near the back of the procession than she probably should. While her and Cullen do their best to keep up with Lavellan, the Spymaster purposely lags behind, looking for someone the rest of the Inquisition believes to be dead. If Josephine even suggests that the Hero is dead (she learned her lesson earlier) Leliana will whip around and glare, snapping something about how her friends can't possibly be dead. Lavellan has kept his distance since the Spymaster first lost her temper, and now no one, not even Cullen, will approach her. She shoots glares at anyone who tries to speak with her, including her own agents. Varric claims to be brave enough to walk up to Leliana, but when Sera suggests him trying it, he laughs it off and says maybe later.

Josephine falls back to Leliana's side, expecting to be yelled at, but Leliana says nothing. She stares forward with an uncharacteristically blank face, hands now at her sides.

"What is bothering you?" Leliana gives her a dark look, as if asking how Josephine could be stupid enough to ask that question. "Exactly? What exactly is bothering you?"

"That I couldn't see Corypheus coming," Leliana says bitterly. "Here, or at the Conclave."

"How could you?"

"I should have felt him from a mile away." She ignores the question. "I should've known. Elissa should have, too, but we couldn't. It's almost as if he has found a way to conceal the Taint..."

Josephine opens her mouth, but closes it just as quickly. It seems that the disappearance of Elissa and Alistair is not bothering her. Or at the very least, not as much as what she's talking about now. "What do you mean?"

"Have I ever told you why I hide Warden armor with my things?" Leliana asks suddenly, looking up at the sky. She squints, stopping for a brief moment. "I don't believe I have." The Orlesian continues walking, catching up to Josephine rather easily. "The last time I was in these mountains...Aedan and I...we were traveling to Orlais to speak with the Divine." Josephine notes how her voice catches at the name of Ferelden's Warden-Constable. "It was also the point in time where Corypheus was terrorizing Ferelden. We'd been making our way through the pass to Orlais when we were attacked by darkspawn. I was wounded, and at Aedan's urging, we returned to Ferelden. I had caught that disease the darkspawn carry, and the only way to keep from dying was to join the Wardens."

"You...are a Grey Warden, then?"

"It's not well-known," Leliana says flatly. "In any case, Wardens can sense darkspawn. Literally. At the Conclave, Elissa and I should've known Corypheus was coming. I should've been able to sense him instead of Elissa and Alistair at Haven. But no. It's almost like he blocks us from sensing him. To do that, he'd have to have a way to conceal the Taint, but I'm not even sure how he would manage to go about doing that."

Josephine hesitates. While Leliana makes a good point, Josephine didn't walk back here to talk about Corypheus. She came to see if Leliana was still stressing over the missing Wardens. Just as she goes to ask, Leliana stiffens. Checking to see why, Josephine spots Blackwall as he marches up to them.

"Excuse me," Leliana says.

"I-" Blackwall starts. The Spymaster brushes past without another word, glowering at the ground, and the Warden looks to the Diplomat with a confused look on his face. "What's wrong with her?"

Josephine shakes her head. "Besides the obvious?" Blackwall just shrugs. "We need to cheer her up. As soon as we get to wherever Solas is taking us, you need to help me with something."

"What would that be?"

"We're tracking down Aedan Cousland."

* * *

I managed to refrain from stabbing Morrigan the entire way back from the Winter Palace. I have managed to do the same for the past three weeks, but seeing her come to the war table every time the Inquisitor calls a meeting makes things difficult. I keep my hands clasped behind my back and refuse to respond to anything she says. If I do, she will make a smart comment and I'll end up throttling her. And she knows. She knows how irritating I find her presence. The witch will shoot me little smirks at least once during a meeting. I tried ignoring those too, but she stands right next to the Inquisitor. If I so much as look at him when he asks me to send my people somewhere, I'll catch her grinning at me out of the corner of my eye.

It happens to be one of those times now. I stiffen and glare in her direction, making my attitude clear, but she only laughs.

"Are you all right, Spymaster?" she asks. I recognize that tone. She used it on Alistair all the time.

"Yes," I growl through gritted teeth.

The Inquisitor frowns, crossing his arms. "Are you sure? You look ill."

"Yes, I'm fine," I snap. Arin Lavellan throws his hands up innocently. "I'd be better if you kept her out of these meetings."

"But...she's Empress Celene's representative. Aren't you and Josephine always telling me to be more diplomatic?" He looks genuinely confused now, glancing between Morrigan and I as we exchange glares. "Am I missing something?"

"No," Morrigan says.

"Yes," I retort.

"She is still simmering over the past."

"That has nothing to do with it!"

Morrigan scoffs. "You may be thick, but you are by no means a fool. We both know the problem."

"My problem is I can't stab you with my dagger."

"How is that diplomatic?"

"Maker, I'd kill you if I could," I snarl.

"You can certainly try, Orlesian." The Witch of the Wilds shrugs. "Without your pack guarding you, you wouldn't be able to do much. That's correct, yes? That is why we had to confront Marjolaine with you? Because you were too weak to do it on your own?"

"Do not bring her into this."

"Are you afraid of painful memories?"

I clench my fists and squeeze my eyes shut. No...no...can't kill her...behave. Can't avenge the people she left to die...think about other things, dammit! Like...like the way it felt to-

"See? A coward. That is what your Spymaster is, Inquisitor. She leaves her friends to die at Haven and cannot think about one of the few times she had actual support."

"Stop. Talking. Right now."

"You claim the Wardens are your friends? Elissa and Alistair still have yet to be heard from. What have you done to find them?"

"What have you done, Morrigan? Aren't you friends with Elissa? Or did that change when I wasn't looking?"

"That's never changed."

"Then why in the Maker's name have you done nothing?!"

"Because I am not one of your cultists. I am not forced into helping any of the Agents with anything. I help when I choose."

"Oh, like when you slept with Aedan?"

"I thought that was not the problem?"

I bite my tongue to keep from growling. I'm almost shaking with how furious I am. It takes all of my self-control to keep from walking up to her and doing something stupid. "It's not. My problem is how you left before we marched to Denerim. My problem is that you took Talith and ran before we confronted Flemeth. I can't stand to look at you. Every time I come near you, I find that we get betrayed more than anything else! I can't believe I suggested bringing you here in the first place! And to make it worse, you knew what would happen at Kirkwall, but you said nothing until it was too late! Cullen almost died, I almost died, several Wardens almost died. You cost an entire city so many lives that it'll never recover!" I slam a fist on the war table to keep from punching what I really want to. "What you did with Aedan...I find it hard to care anymore. That doesn't bother me. I've gotten over it. But everything else...no. I'll never see you as anything other than a lying backstabber."

Morrigan blinks once, stares at me, and then laughs. "Feel better now?"

I throw my hands up. "Ugh. I can't...ugh. I need to leave."

Without another word, I take my leave, marching across the keep and back to the rookery. Solas and I share a quick glare. I know what he is. I'll make sure Elissa knows, too. I'll help her kill him if I have to. But for now, since he's helping the Inquisition, I leave him be. The elf has adopted the same attitude. We had an argument at Haven about...that issue, and have left the other alone ever since. As long as we're trying to achieve the same goals, we tolerate the other. When Elissa and Alistair showed up at Haven though, his effort to not attack her was obvious. I kept my bow in hand until we parted ways.

As I march into the library, Dorian can be seen with Kieran, showing him various books and drawings in them. My skin prickles at the sight of the child. It's not even because of Morrigan. It has everything to do with the fact that the soul of an Archdemon is living inside of him. The boy looks at me after a moment of staring and frowns. This is the first time I've been within ten yards of him, and now he looks curious, walking over to me and forgetting the book Dorian was showing him.

"You were there," he says.

It doesn't take a genius to know what he means. "I was."

"He's not happy that you still live."

"I hope he knows I'm happy he's not trying to eat me and my friends anymore."

"He wants to know if the Architect is dead."

"He is."

The boy smiles. "Good. We are both glad to hear it. The monster deserved to die." Before he can run back to Dorian, I crouch and reach out, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Is he your friend?" I ask carefully, searching Kieran's face for any changes.

"Why wouldn't he be?"

I lean forward and whisper, "Some friends only seek to hurt you and those around you. You are a mage, and you must be careful. Understand?"

"Mother has taught me this lesson already. So has Talith."

"What...what has she told you about your father?" I can't believe I'm asking him this.

He shrugs. "Not much. I have heard stories though. He's a Warden, too. He was at the burning city with you and the woman that killed Urthemiel."

I cringe at the way he says the name of the Archdemon. "Yes," I mutter.

"She says you might hurt me if we talk," Kieran says. "That you are angry."

I shake my head. "I'm not mad at you. None of what happened is your fault. It was the Archdemon." He frowns, starts to reply, but I reach down to my boot and pull out the blessed dagger every Agent carries. His eyes widen and he starts to back away. "I won't hurt you. Here." Taking his hand, I press the leather-bound hilt into it and close his fist around the weapon. "You keep that. If word gets out about you, you'll need it. And whatever you do, don't tell Morrigan. Can you do that?"

"Why would you help me?"

"Because I might not be friends with your mother, but Aedan...his sister went after Morrigan to question her about you so he'd know. He cares more than your mother will tell you. And I care about him. That's reason enough."

He frowns at the weapon in his hand, flexing his fingers around it, before nodding. "He still wants to eat you."

I force a smile. "We won't have any problems as long as you don't do that."

The boy grins. Those blue eyes...they are the exact same as Aedan's. My heart clenches, but I keep a straight face. "I can't make any promises."

I laugh before ushering him back to Dorian. The mage casts me a wary glance as I pass. "You look sick, Spymaster."

"So I've been told," I reply, climbing the stairs to my makeshift hideout. I order everyone out before kicking the door shut behind them and locking it. Living in a tower offers little privacy considering that hole in the center of the floor. I can hear Dorian talking to Kieran, people moving around, and when Solas curses, I can hear that too.

Sighing, I walk over to the door opening up to the balcony and shove it open. Warm air wafts inside, tickling my face with my hair. I swat back my hood and throw my gloves on the table, stepping outside. The clang of steel on steel reaches my ears from the sparring ring. The bard in the tavern is singing some song about Wardens, but I don't pay attention to it. Leaning on the railing, I strain to see over the walls of Skyhold. All I see are mountains. Mountains, mountains, and more mountains.

These mountains bring back horrible memories. We crossed the pass Aedan and I had been in when we were going to Orlais. Orzammar isn't far away. The very thought of being underground again...it makes me shudder.

"Is Leliana up there?" I frown at the sound of Arin's voice. Dorian replies his affirmative and soon enough, he's coming outside to stand with me. "So..."

"I told you I don't care for Morrigan, Inquisitor," I say flatly. "She was nothing but a bitch during the Blight, and has been that way everyday since."

"I was more confused about this man she slept with," he says, leaning his elbows on the ballistrade. "This man I've never heard of. Aedan. Who is he?"

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter anymore. I haven't heard from him in nearly two years, and now with Elissa and Alistair missing, I probably won't." Running a hand down my face, I add, "I'm finding it hard to stay at Skyhold. I want to leave and find my friends, but at the same time I feel like I should stay."

He raises at brow. "I think you should go look for them."

"I'm needed here."

"Cassandra has been kind enough to inform me that being needed somewhere hasn't stopped you from leaving before. Especially when the Hero of Ferelden pops up somewhere." I just sigh, looking down at the courtyard below. "So why do you stay? You're free to leave and come back, Leliana. No one said you had to stay away."

"Because if I leave, I'll be roped into staying with them. You know as well as anyone that I was there when the Archdemon died. You also know about the heretical army trying to destroy the Chantry. Yet you fail to make the connection between the two."

He frowns. "Are you...one of them?"

"More or less. It's not the first thing I'm known for in this part of Thedas."

"And that would be what exactly?"

I shrug, running a hand down the leather sleeve on my arm. "Helping defeat the Blight? I was always with the Wardens when they went somewhere. There's also the fact that I'm a Warden, I'm technically an heir to the Fereldan throne, and that I've blown up half the Korcari Wilds in a vain attempt to kill Corypheus before this could happen."

His eyes had widened during my small speech. "You...blew up a forest?"

"That's not exactly what I thought you'd ask, but yes. Before Elissa had raised an army to fight the Chantry, there were only four 'Agents of the Maker'. Her, Alistair, Aedan, and myself. We were tracking the magister because he'd been opening up entrances into the Deep Roads to terrorize the Hinterlands so he could keep the Wardens from figuring out what he was doing. Turns out, he was pretty damn close to finding another Archdemon before I threw that grenade. It fell into a chasm and, hopefully, is lost to the Deep Roads forever. In the process, I managed to cave the ceiling and drop the forest down after the dragon. Aedan almost..." My voice catches and I look away, frowning.

"There's that name again. Tell me. Who is he?"

"A...friend I made during the Blight."

He grins. "A friend, or a 'friend'?"

"Maker's blood, you're as bad as Dorian sometimes."

The Inquisitor laughs, holding the stone to keep from falling off it. "In all seriousness though, why don't you just tell me who this guy is?"

"Because if you haven't heard of Elissa's brother, then there's something wrong with Varric's stories."

"Brother? I take it you two used to uh...erm..."

"He's my husband."

Arin's eyes bulge so much they almost pop out of his head. "You're married?"

"Didn't I just say that?"

"And he slept with that bitch holed up in our garden?"

"So his sister wouldn't die when she killed the Archdemon, yes."

"Is that why you haven't spoken in so long?"

I shake my head. "Aedan has no intention of being claimed by the Taint. He's been gone, searching for a way to cure that issue since Kirkwall. I would've accompanied him to Weisshaupt, but Elissa talked me into staying in Ferelden. I left a year later to return to Justinia, but...you know how that worked out. He had been sending letters that first year. Then they stopped coming and we figured him dead. The First Warden sent us a missive saying Aedan and his patrol had vanished from the Anderfels, and since that only confirmed my fears, I returned to Orlais. As I've already said, I went to Justinia. Then I followed her to the Conclave, ran into Elissa and Alistair, and when they said they were looking for Corypheus, the three of us ransacked the Temple of Sacred Ashes."

"Little did you know that it was pointless."

"I did, actually. The Maker truly does talk to Elissa. She knew this would happen. We wanted to find him so we could keep everyone away."

"And instead, he blew up the Temple and plopped me in charge of a renegade army."

"It's not all bad. You could still be a heretic. I am," I say, shrugging.

Arin laughs, turning to lean his torso on the railing. He looks out over the mountains when he speaks up again. "Wait, you said you thought Aedan was dead."

"Yes."

"But didn't he come to Redcliffe during that...thing when Dorian and I were thrown ahead a year in time?"

"He did."

"So why don't you send men to find him?"

"Because it's a waste of our resources. Aedan will come back when he can."

I hope.

* * *

This is not the first night I've had nightmares. I've been having nightmares that resemble what Elissa has described as the Calling for months now. Problem is, I haven't even been a Warden for a decade yet. I'm pushing seven years now, but not a decade. Aren't we supposed to get thirty years before that happens?

Stiff and angry, I fight off sleep until I'm fully awake, and at that point, I get dressed in my armor. I'm just pulling on my gloves when I feel my skin crawl, a feeling I've come to get used to meaning there's a Warden nearby. Or darkspawn. I honestly prefer the former. Wardens don't make women Broodmothers. We kill the things. Thank the Maker. Aedan claimed to be near one that was in the middle of birthing little ogre babies. Elissa even backs him up on it, saying it was when she first met Corypheus in his elven ruins.

I still think she should have found a way to destroy that place.

"Alert the Inquisitor and open the gates!"

I grab my bow and quiver, slipping them over my shoulder as I make my way down the tower. The ravens rustle their feathers in annoyance; I'm disturbing their sleep, but I couldn't care less about that now. I managed to rouse myself just before Cullen's night patrols started shouting about something, so I'm going to go check it out, angry birds be damned.

Solas is awake when I'm walking through his office and the glare he shoots me is wicked. I return fire like usual, keeping my mouth shut as I enter the main hall. Cullen is already here, half-dressed and armed, and Josephine is fully clothed, looking like she hasn't slept at all yet. She smiles as I join them.

"Do you know what's going on?" Cullen demands, stifling a yawn.

"I know you should have put on a shirt before coming here," I say flatly. "The servants are gawking."

"I don't care this late at night, Leliana. Do you know or not?"

"Obviously not. I'm just as confused as you two." I glance at Josephine, but she seems utterly calm and collected. "Or at least as confused as you, Commander."

He ruffles his hair before smoothing it out. "Whatever idiot woke us up this late better have a good reason for it," he grumbles.

I rub my eyes and bite back a yawn as a soldier rushes past and back outside. He came from Arin's chambers, so I can only hope that he's right behind. It takes another few minutes of us shifting and fighting off sleep (Cullen and I, really) for the Inquisitor to appear, hair messier than usual and eyes bloodshot from rubbing them. He does his half-assed combing job with his fingers that I see him do every morning as he beckons us after him. Whereas Cullen and I refrain from yawning, Arin does it every few feet, stopping at the landing to do so again. He leads us in a loop and down another staircase to the courtyard where several Inquisition soldiers are waiting.

"What is it?" he asks, still sleep-rattled. His tone makes his exhaustion obvious.

"Four riders are approaching, ser," the one in front says. "One flies a banner none of us recognized and wears a set of black and silver plate with the same crest painted on it. The other three wear Warden armor."

"What was the crest?" I demand suddenly, pushing my way to Arin's side. Dare I get my hopes up? "Was it this?" I pull my bow off my shoulder and show the man the swirling eye burned onto the grip.

He nods. "Aye-"

My eyes widen. Maker's breath...it could be them. I can't hear what Arin is saying to the soldier, or what the soldier says to me. I'm far too focused on the annoying itch running along my spine. I step around past the small congregation we have going here, pulling my bow back over my shoulder, to watch the riders cross the bridge. It's too dark for me to see much, but I see the banner the soldier mentioned. Yes. Definitely the Agents' crest.

The four of them funnel into the courtyard, slowing their mounts to trots, as the portcullis closes behind them. The one in Agent armor starts putting away his banner while the Wardens dismount.

"Anybody else think I could use a bath? I smell like Red Templars. Blech." Alistair laughs at the woman beside him, exchanging grins.

Someone laughs. I know that laugh. It makes my heart beat faster. "Where's Leliana to tell you saying stuff like that isn't very professional?"

"Fuck professional in the ass, brother," Elissa says. "The only thing 'professional' about me is the fact that I didn't kill the Divine when I had the chance. That was professional."

"You're just such a ray of sunshine, sis. Why did I ever leave?"

"Hmm...let's see...because you'd rather not spend your final days in some dank, smelly hole filled with darkspawn and spiders?"

"Oh. Right." I hear him shudder. I can almost see him past the horses and the Agent still astride his horse. I want to move, but I can't. How do you walk up to the person you love after not seeing them in years? What are you supposed to say? I haven't felt this conflicted and tongue-tied since he first kissed me. If I could, I'd be pulling my hair out. "It'd be great if I could get out of this stupid ass armor. Maker, it's heavy!"

"You always wear that!" Alistair retorts.

"I haven't taken it off in two years!"

"Will you two stop shouting? It's the middle of the night."

"Oh like that's stopped you and Alistair from-"

"Shut up!" Elissa snarls. "People are trying to sleep."

"Nah, you already got us all up," Arin says, walking up to the small party. "That happens when you come riding up to Skyhold at three in the morning." He offers a hand. "Arin Lavellan. Herald of Andraste and Inquisitor."

She laughs once, shaking the mage's hand. "Time for the formal introduction, Herald? Wasn't saving your life good enough?"

He grins. "I like to show off. What better way than introducing myself as formally as possible? Your friend has taught me well."

"Leliana's teaching you formalities?" He nods, chuckling. "Anyway, if you're up for formalities, allow me to introduce myself as sarcastically as humanly possible." She takes a step back and bows like an idiot. Typical for her. I stifle a laugh. "Elissa Cousland. Hero of Ferelden, Commander of the Grey, heir to the Fereldan throne, and Commander of the Agents of the Maker, at your service, Inquisitor."

"Ah, yes. You're the lady that one-ups me with her list of titles. Impressive."

Cullen walks up to my side, whispering, "Are you sure it's a good idea to let them speak to each other? What if the Hero meets Sera?"

I can't contain my laugh this time. "Then, to put it simply, we abandon Skyhold and run for the hills." Cullen chuckles.

"I one-up everybody, Herald. I'm just spectacular like that. Being insufferably annoying and making spectacular, unwanted entrances are my specialities."

"Really? Does that entail a sharp tongue?"

"I'm not whittling my tongue to a point, pal. Not for you, for Alistair, not even the Maker."

Arin laughs. "I see! The full package indeed!"

"You're missing out on my amazing ability to find trouble and get myself stabbed. It's like a talent, I swear."

"And her amazing ability to annoy the twin who should expect this," Aedan says.

"Hey, I wasn't as bad as you until I shoved my sword into that dragon's head," Elissa retorts. "You have no place to talk, brother. You're just as bad as I am."

Alistair, who I can see the best, groans, running a hand down his face. I can't help laughing quietly to myself. "So you're the mature one, Alistair?" His head snaps up, but he grins, shrugging.

"Well, with you here, someone had to step up to the job," Alistair says. "It certainly wasn't going to be one of these two. You should've heard them on the way here. Aedan was worried about coming up here and Elissa kept telling him to grow a pair. I was so close to pushing them off their horses and into the snow."

I nod, crossing my arms with an over-exaggerated raise of my eyebrow. "I...stand corrected. You're all children."

"And we're totally lost without you!" Elissa exclaims, throwing up her arms. "We need someone to keep us serious! Hope is horrible at it! She can only yell at me! Do you know what it's like having a spirit yelling at you inside your head all day? It's terrible! I feel like I'm going insane."

"And you already aren't?" I ask.

She blinks, taken aback, before bursting into laughter. "Look, I'm no blood mage, and I've yet to attack a dragon on my own, so it's safe to say I'm not completely crazy."

"Ah, but you are, sis," Aedan says, grabbing his sister from behind. My eyes widen and despite his wrestling with Elissa, I can't help staring at him. He doesn't look very different. His hair is slightly longer than he likes it and his stubbly beard is still in place. Otherwise, he looks exactly the same as the last time I saw him. Same blue eyes, same slightly unkempt brown hair, same Warden armor. Same attitude. Definitely the attitude. That hasn't changed in years.

Elissa wrestles his grip off her, panting, wild-eyed, but grinning. "And you're telling me I'm unprofessional?"

Aedan scoffs. "Yeah. Tell her, Leliana."

I blink, confused, and jump slightly. "What?"

He grins. "Like what you see?" My jaw practically drops. The Inquisitor, my fellow advisors, the Agent, my friends, they all laugh at my expression. Thank the Maker the soldiers went back to...patrolling a very boring and otherwise silent shift. "Honestly, I thought we were past staring at each other in public. Was I wrong?"

I huff indignantly. "I was not staring at you. I was merely...appalled at the utter lack of etiquette you are showing in the presence of the Inquisitor. Don't flatter yourself."

Aedan walks right up to me, one brow raised, and clearly biting back a grin. "Oh, so you wouldn't mind if if left then? It's obvious you don't want me here. I can go back to the Agents if you'd like."

My eyes narrow. "I dare you."

"I like challenges though. I can't resist them. Isn't that what you said?" I shoot Elissa a look, but she just smirks triumphantly. "I don't want to leave; I just got here. But you're making it really hard now, Leliana."

I shrug nonchalantly. "Fine. I'll just head back to bed then." But I don't move. I keep my eyes locked on his, arms crossed, eyebrow raised, waiting for his response.

Arin yawns somewhere behind me. "If you've got this handled, Leliana..."

I nod, but I don't turn away from Aedan. "I'll deal with these four. You can go back to bed."

"Thank the Creators." He and Cullen shuffle off, Josie following them back up to the hall. I wait for them to be gone, listening for the sounds of the doors closing, before sighing and looking away. I see him grin out of the corner of my eye as I walk over to the others.

"Are you staying?" I ask.

"For a while, yes," Elissa says. "Alistair and I have to help Hawke with something, and then return to the Agents."

"Help Hawke?" I frown. "The Inquisitor told us about a meeting he had with her. We've been looking into the disappearance of the Orlesian Wardens."

"That's...what Hawke wanted us to help her with." She glances at Alistair before shrugging. "Oh well. Glad to see we're dancing to the Inquisition's tune instead of Anora's." She shudders as she walks back to her horse, pulling something from the saddle. "You know I'm not allowed to leave Ferelden anymore? I'm 'too important to the country and the people'."

"That's what happens when you agree to let someone make you their successor," Aedan says.

"I don't care. How does she expect me to keep Orlais from attacking us if I can't take any troops over there and attack them?"

"Simple. You ignore this stupid war until Corypheus is dead."

"Ha!"

Aedan just raises an eyebrow and looks to me for help. "Celene brought it up when I was at the Winter Palace with the Inquisition," I say. "She refuses to drop the subject until either Anora or Elissa surrenders to Orlais."

"Because I'm going to do that," Elissa grumbles. "Hey, Blake, you can head back if you want. Tell Theorn to keep the men ready at the pass between here and Orlais. You see any Orlesians crossing that, you turn them back, or you kill them. Got it?"

He nods. "Aye, Commander." He turns his horse, walking it over to the gates, and shouts up for the guards to open it. He leaves when it's open just enough for him to squeeze beneath it.

"Has Orlais sent men into Ferelden?" I ask, taking brief note of how the Agent is a former Warden. It's hard for me to make out exactly how many Wardens or darkspawn there are. It always has been.

"I caught a patrol of Chevaliers approaching Haven a few weeks after Corypheus' attack there. I didn't want to risk them being allies with him, so...Alistair and I just killed them." She pauses, gaze frozen on the saddle in front of her. "We had been in the Hinterlands before the Conclave. The scouts reported Orlesian troops advancing on Redcliffe, so we intervened. With Teagan's forces and ours, we managed to keep them back long enough for their leader to decide Redcliffe wasn't worth the trouble. They vanished into the hills, and my men haven't seen hide nor hair of them since. I worry that they're still here."

"I wish I could return," I say flatly. "I do. But I'm with the Inquisition, and I believe Corypheus is more important than a war between Ferelden and Orlais."

"You don't think we do?" Elissa asks. "I'm here to offer the Agents to the Inquisition instead of defending my home. Ferelden has no standing army capable of fighting Orlais, though, so I keep them out in the field while driving myself ragged getting our allies to pledge their armies to Ferelden all over again. Not only do we have to worry about Chevaliers, we have Red Templars running around, burning villages all over the countryside, and only my men are trained well enough to do any damage against them."

"I'm sorry I assumed."

"It's fine," Elissa says.

"So...you got somewhere we can leave our horses?" Aedan asks. "And a place to sleep?"

I nod. "Follow me."

As I lead them to the stables, I feel slightly ridiculous. I can't resist the urge to smile at Aedan. With him here, maybe I can stop stressing over the constant nightmares.


	9. Surprise

_This chapter is set just after the end, and then_ _a __few months after the end of Inquisition._ _I'm_ _not sure_ _if_ _Cassandra or Vivienne is Divine yet_ (_I don't want it to be set in stone for the story this follows) so assume whomever_ _you'd like_, _but it's not Leliana due to her being connected with the Agents of the Maker (they want to raze the Chantry and remake it). This chapter is actually in Aedan's POV._ _I wrote it just for movienut96 because_ _I __completely agree with you on that one suggestion. You'll figure out which pretty quickly. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!_

_Review please! You tell me if there's something in particular you want to see and I'll do my best to make it happen! Thanks for reading!_

I'm back at Skyhold for the celebration of Corypheus' defeat. Not that Leliana knows. I've taken to surprising her with random visits. She claims they annoy the hell out of her, but she hasn't objected to me actually popping up yet. I'm not dumb enough to think she's not expecting me, not after what just happened, but still, I want it to be as big of a surprise as possible. I even persuaded Elissa into letting me bring Wolf, her old mabari that's been living at Denerim for breeding purposes for the past four years. Leliana loved that dog, and that dog loved her. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he loved her as much as he loves me and Elissa. Being twins, Wolf has always been 'our' mabari even though he imprinted on my sister. It shows his true loyalties when he has to choose between one of us. But Elissa and I were inseparable as children, so Wolf grew up with 'two masters'. Many in Highever believe he somehow imprinted on the two of us since we are twins. Elissa and I know the truth, but we have not said anything about it to anyone.

I grin as I make my way up the steps of Skyhold. She can't sense me. My friends at Weisshaupt finished my work in searching for a cure. They sent enough of the potion, along with instructions on how to make it, for Elissa, Alistair, Leliana, and myself to absolve ourselves of the Taint. Elissa and Alistair needed it so they can produce heirs once Anora dies. I just wanted it because...well, to be perfectly honest, so I could have more time with Leliana. I don't care how selfish that sounds. It's true. After everything I've done, and everything I've seen, I just want a chance to have a normal life. Nothing will be normal until the Agents are no longer needed, but now I don't need to worry about being claimed by the Taint in the next twenty years. I'll live beyond that.

The thought makes me smile broadly as I step into the main hall. Arin knows I planned on coming and so does Josephine. I sent a messenger to them so they'd know. Now all I have to do is hope Leliana didn't catch the poor kid.

Wolf looks up at me, wagging his tail excitedly. I'm not sure if it's because of all the food or the fact that he's somewhere new. He's always been an adventurous dog.

I reach down to scratch his ears before straightening my shirt. This is one of the few times in several years where I haven't worn armor. One was at Anora's announcement naming the Couslands heirs to the Fereldan throne, and that ended with Orlais forfeiting our treaty and declaring war on us. The other was at an Orlesian party I spied on. Don't ask how I did that without Leliana giving me pointers. Let's just say it took lots of whiskey and a rope and leave it at that.

"Aedan Cousland." I turn to the voice, grinning at the dwarf who said my name. I walk up to Varric and offer him my hand. We clasp arms as best as our drastically different heights will allow before he chuckles.

"Here for Red, Cap?"

I look at the Qunari shuffling his way over to plop in a chair next to the fireplace. Then I look back to Varric, raising an eyebrow. "Have you told everybody my nickname?"

"Not Curly. We don't talk much." Varric shrugs, laughing. "Well? You here for Nightingale?"

I scowl. "I find myself missing when you called her Orlesian."

"Really?" Varric's eyebrows go up. "You want to be reminded of the war between your two countries?"

"It would remind me less of my war with the Chantry."

He shrugs. "Which is the lesser of two evils?"

"Neither," Bull says, kicking his feet up on the small table. He takes a drink from his mug. "I get that right, pal?"

"More or less," I grumble. "See you later."

"Enjoy the party!" Bull calls after me.

I sigh, running a frustrated hand down my face as I weave through a crowd, Wolf padding along happily behind me. Several Orlesian noblewomen step out of the way at the sight of a Fereldan and his warhound, making noises of disgust, but I keep my mouth tactfully closed and my hand away from the sword resting on my hip. I don't carry my shield, but I'm smart enough to know if I march into a party filled with Orlesians that my sword could be useful. Thankfully, their husbands and I share a silent agreement to keep it nice and in the books. War is for tomorrow. Tonight is to celebrate. Thedas is safe, and now, only Orlais has to fear the Agents of the Maker. Any and all countries of importance quickly took to our views once Elissa demonstrated what her mark did to them. And with many soldiers in the Agents being Fereldan, few people are objecting our involvement in Orlais' latest attempt to occupy the Blight-weakened nation. Since we hold most of Thedas under one banner (all but the Qunari, Tevinter, and Orlais) the Orlesians' invasion attempts have been met by Nevarran, Antivan, and even Marcher troops. Once I'm done here, I'm to rejoin my sister and the Agents for a march on Val Royeaux. We want Orlais to come easily with as little bloodshed as possible, so we're attacking the heart of the problem. And once we've claimed Orlais, all we'll have to do is take Tevinter. They might be the largest nation in Thedas, but not even they can hope to stand against an army as large as ours.

Part of me hopes to talk the Inquisitor out of defending the Chantry. It shouldn't be hard considering he's a Dalish elf, but at one point, he had been from the Alienage. He used to share my beliefs, and that may obligate him to protect their founder. I seriously hope to persuade him into joining forces with the Agents. It would add to our credibility and would give Orlais pause when we arrived.

That, and the fact that I have begun to doubt Leliana's allegiances. I'm no longer sure if she would throw her lot in with the Inquisition if Arin doesn't agree to combining forces or if she would stay with us. I don't want to have to enter a battle knowing my wife was a leader of my enemy.

"Aedan?" a distinctly Antivan accent asks. "What are you doing here? We didn't think you would come."

I fight the urge to say fuck. "Well there goes that plan. Tell me; where's Leliana?"

Josephine shakes her head. "I honestly do not know. I haven't seen her since the party started. Perhaps you could check her quarters?"

I nod. "Thanks, I'll do that. Come on, Wolf. Let's go find the lady who makes you fat." He barks excitedly. He knows who I mean. I used to refer to her as that all the time when talking to him after doing everything possible to make sure she wasn't within earshot.

We manage to get into the tower without much incident, but that's when I remember the other thing the Maker has assigned the Agents. This is a job for the original four of us though, and us only. Hunt down and kill the elven gods. I completely forgot about Solas. As I step into his office, I prepare for a confrontation, but he's nowhere to be seen. I still keep a hand on my sword, however, and actually end up finding Leliana in the process of coming downstairs.

"Hello."

Yep. She caught my messenger. There's not an ounce of surprise in her tone.

I smile. "I brought a gift!" Stepping to the side, I release the mabari behind me, allowing him to run forward and jump on Leliana's chest. She grunts, but the grin on her face says she's fine. "Wolf, the fattest mabari Ferelden has ever seen!"

She laughs, holding the beast of an animal up by his elbows. "Oh, it's good to see you! Yes it is!" He gives her a big, slobbery dog kiss similar to the one I received when I picked him up from the kennels in Denerim. Still, it's nothing compared to how he greeted Elissa when we stopped at the army camp by Lake Calenhad. "It's been years, my furry friend. Tell me. Have you been eating enough, or do I need to go to Denerim and tell those handlers how to feed you properly?"

Chuckling, I say, "They said he was too fat when Elissa and I took him in." Leliana looks up, grinning, and I'm struck by how familiar that face is. Everything I've heard about the Inquisition's Spymaster has been about how ruthless, cold, and calculating she is. Her only saving grace would be how much she cares about her men. After knowing her during the Blight, her carefree and friendly personality, and knowing her now as the woman who arranges people's assassinations, I wasn't sure if they were the same person. I only saw her a few times since Haven was attacked by the Red Templars, but I never caught the brunt of her anger. She was always too relieved to see me.

But seeing that grin, the same one I fell in love with, wipes those fears away. She's still the same person I met in a tavern at Lothering. She just chooses who gets to see the soft version of her now. The only people I know of that get to see it are me, Elissa, and Alistair. Showing that side of herself cost her enough and allowed her to gain so little that she doesn't flaunt it about anymore. Best to seem cold and stiff until you know someone can be trusted enough to see your kind side.

"Aedan?" She raises an eyebrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

I blink stupidly. "Like what?"

"Like I've gone and grown a second head." She lets Wolf hop off her chest and sit by her feet.

I shrug, laughing. "I don't know. I can't just be glad to see you?"

"That doesn't entail looking at me like I have two heads."

I grin. "Maybe it does now. Who knows? You haven't seen me in a while. Things can change."

"They can," Leli muses. "But you never do." She walks up to me. "See this?" She traces my jawline down to my chin. "No stubble." She taps my head. "And your hair is back to being as short as it was during the Blight."

"You like my short hair," I counter. "And I shaved to look fancy."

"Fancy?" she asks incredulously. "Then you should've come in your armor and let me dress you."

"Hey! Unfair! I did pretty well on my own!"

She laughs, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Your shirt should be tucked into your trousers and your trousers should be tucked into your boots."

"Pfft. I gave up dressing like a noble when I joined the Wardens." She looks at me quizzically, eyes narrowed, and my grin broadens.

"Something about you is different..." She stares at me for another few seconds when it dawns on her. "You found a cure!"

"Not me technically, but yes. When I left Weisshaupt, my friends there kept working on it. They found a way to rid a Warden of the Taint and sent four vials to Amaranthine immediately."

"Four? Does that mean Elissa and Alistair have taken it?"

"Alistair has, but Elissa is willing to remain a Warden to keep them as allies to the Agents. Once that's over with, she's taking it too." I remove my hand from her waist to reach into my pocket. I pull out a vial the size of my pinkie finger full of a foul-smelling (and foul-tasting) clear liquid. "For you." Her eyes go wide as she takes it from me. "Careful though. If you thought darkspawn blood was gross, that stuff will kill you. In comparison, I mean."

Leliana can only stare at it in awe. "You know how useful this would've been when Corypheus was tricking Wardens into thinking they all had their Callings at once?"

I nod, looking down. "I'm sorry I wasn't here long enough to help you with those nightmares, Leli. I can't imagine how horrible they were."

After a minute, she tucks it into the purple scarf-hood thing she wears and looks back up at me, smiling wolfishly. "You know what I just realized?" I shake my head.

"What?"

"That I'm a Warden and you're not," she says. "It's so...strange. You were always a Warden, and now you're not."

"I wasn't always a Warden." She gives me a look and I chuckle. "Fine, fine, I'll shut up. But yeah, I know what you mean. It's weird to think of that. No death sentence, no creepy attraction to red lyrium. It's great."

"Is that all that makes it good, or are you just making me work for it like that time at camp?"

"No, I was being stupid," I say. "It's great because of all those things I already listed. It's amazing because I finally have the chance to offer you a real life away from the Wardens. And it's even better because I could grow old with you."

"Mmm." She hums to herself, leaning her head on my shoulder.

Yes. She is still the same person I fell in love with all those years ago.

* * *

Elissa permitted me to return to Skyhold again. Her and Alistair have to head to Denerim to speak with Anora, but I'm not needed there, so I came here. I haven't been here since the celebration for Corypheus' defeat months ago. Elissa and I didn't even argue about it. She said she'd send for me when I was needed and that I was to try to bring Leliana back. So far, nothing. It's been a week, but I'm not complaining. I won't start to worry unless this lasts much longer.

I crack my eyes open to see how late it is. Hardly any light is shining in from under the door leading outside and Leliana's still burrowed into my side, so I don't make any move to get up. She's always up before I am, down at Josephine's office for something or other while I doze. I'm usually woken up by a shoe bouncing off the side of my head. It doesn't even faze me anymore. She's been moody, switching from happy and smiling to someone who would rather punch a wall. My day always starts out with the angry version. Hence the shoe. I asked her what the point of that was the first time, and she shrugged, saying she wasn't in the mood for my bad jokes. That, and she was too lazy to walk over from her table that doubles as a desk.

Just as I feel I've managed to doze off again, I feel the customary shoe hit me a little harder than usual. "Get up!"

I groan. "You can't let me sleep longer?"

"No. Go get me food."

"You don't think you eat enough as it is? You eat more now and you're not even a Warden."

She's silent for a moment. When she speaks up again, I want to smack myself. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I scramble out of bed, grabbing my shirt from where I left it last night. "I'm going! Maker, woman!" I pull it over my head before tugging on my boots. "Can't even let me wake up."

"I'll throw something harder tomorrow. You'll be awake faster."

"Thanks so much," I mutter. I walk past her, yawning, while she reads some report about something I don't care about in Maker knows where. I rub my eyes as I open the door to the library with my shoulder. Dorian, a Tevinter mage, is standing there waiting. "Morning."

"Good morning," he replies. He follows me down to the now-abandoned lower level and out into the main hall before saying, "Do you mind me asking how she wakes you up?"

"With shoes," I say gruffly. "To the head. Hard shoes." He laughs. "She's got an arm. Don't let her throw something at you."

"Well she's an archer, yes? Shouldn't you expect that?"

"I never thought she'd be throwing shoes at me or I would've talked her into using her daggers more often," I grumble. "Do me a favor and get her breakfast. I don't want to get yelled at for picking something that was pink or green or whatever she wants."

"And you think I do?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I want to ask Josephine if she knows what's wrong with her."

Dorian laughs again, patting my shoulder. "If you're not quick enough to figure it out, then there's a problem." And before I can ask what he means by that, he goes through the first door, and then the one on the left leading down to the basement. I scowl after him. I hate it when Leliana does that. How am I supposed to not be annoyed by him doing it?

I march through the second door, finding Arin in Josephine's office, talking to her about something or other.

"Creators, please tell me Leliana's in a better mood," he says. "I need to talk to her about an issue in the Hinterlands and I don't want to get yelled at for having sloppy hair."

I bark a sarcastic laugh. "You might want to wait a while then, Inquisitor. She's still in a bad mood."

He groans, flopping sideways on the couch. "I almost enjoy leaving Skyhold now."

I shut the door behind me and drop into a chair. "How long has she been like this?"

"Two months almost," Arin grumbles. "I let her stay in her tower for most war meetings and post guards up there to keep her from coming down when we have someone important here. I'm afraid she'll punch someone."

Josephine just laughs, scribbling something down on her desk. "You both are so thick."

"Woah, wait, do you know what's wrong with Leliana?" I demand. Arin sits up, focusing on her too.

"Of course I know. Your sister knows," Josephine says, shrugging. "Almost all of Skyhold has it figured out. Even Cullen does."

"And how don't I know?" Arin asks.

"What he said."

"Because you're men," she says simply. "Men always figure it out the slowest."

My eyes narrow suspiciously. So...everybody else knows what's going on, but not me? How don't I know? I spend most of my day holed up inside with her, helping her with reports and anything else she could possibly ask for. I used to stay outside most days and train with Inquisition soldiers, but ever since I got here, Leliana's practically been alone in the rookery when it's usually full of her agents. People have been avoiding her, leaving her to do her work by herself. If she needs help with something, it's fallen to Dorian and I to do whatever it is. I originally thought it was her moodiness keeping people out, but her spies come up from their places to speak with her constantly. She doesn't even leave that tower most days. She has food brought up for her. Lots of it, usually the exact same thing.

"Figure it out yet?"

I open my mouth, pause, and hold up a hand. "Er...maybe. Why is she down here every morning?" When Oriana was pregnant with Oren, she used to get up an hour early to take some medicine Highever's herbalist had for her morning sickness. And everything wrong with Leliana points to...

I drop my head on Josephine's desk. "She's taking medicine, isn't she?"

"Oh yes. Some days she can barely make it here."

I get up slowly. "Wonderful. I'm going to go see if she's going to bite my head off for making Dorian get her breakfast, and then probably be back to write my sister a letter."

Arin looks confused. "Wait...what?"

"Elissa needs to be yelled at," I say before turning on my heel and marching back out into the main hall.

How didn't I figure that out sooner? I knew why Elissa and Alistair got the cure for the Taint. I knew! I told Garrett that was the whole reason I was looking for it! And yet I was too stupid to even consider that it could happen. I want to slam my head off a wall. I'm such an idiot. I guess I'm too used to the idea that I can't have kids to think that might be a possibility. When Leliana joined the Wardens, it was a guarantee that we couldn't have children. Now that neither of us are...

I smack the side of my head. "Stupid!" I mutter.

Leliana's pregnant. I'm going to be a father.

I find myself grinning like a fool at the thought. During the Blight, I was more concerned with keeping everyone alive long enough to kill the Archdemon. I didn't think about what might happen afterwards until Riordan told us how the dragon died. I was barely twenty-three when the Blight was actually considered over (months after the Archdemon died). Guys at that age don't think about having families. I was, sort of, because I wanted Leliana to really be mine in every sense of the statement. But having kids? I never thought about it. We never even talked about it before because I thought I couldn't have any.

I'm not sure if I should be happy or terrified. Leliana's the Spymaster for the Inquisition. I'm the second-in-command for the Agents of the Maker. Neither of us are ever safe. How are we supposed to bring a child into this?

Easing open the door to her quarters, I do my best to be quiet. I'd rather not get yelled at for something that doesn't make sense.

The lock clicks as I shut the door and I wince, preparing for the outburst.

"Is that you, Aedan?"

She doesn't sound mad. Maybe she's not? No. Don't believe that lie. She's never this calm before noon.

"It's me," I say, walking up the spiral staircase. I look towards her desk first, but she's not there. I check the bed, but she's not there either. "Where'd you go?" The door outside is shut.

"Over here," she says. I turn to her voice, spotting her on the floor beside a wall of crates. Most people would lean against the crate and stretch their legs out. Not Leliana. She's laying on her back with her legs resting up on the boxes.

I laugh nervously. "You got that backwards, you know."

"I couldn't get comfortable."

"And that is?"

Leliana cranes her head back to look at me. She starts to reply, but then she pauses. "Well, it was until you said something." She rolls onto her side and bounces to her feet. "I hate it when that happens." She scowls at the crates before walking back over to her table. I'd expect her normal grace, but she just drops onto the bench and sprawls out on the paperwork. "Ugh. Maker, I'll never get this right."

"Get what right?" I ask, walking over to sit beside her.

"Getting comfortable," she says, voice muffled by the papers and her arms. I run my hand up and down her back, frowning. She relaxes almost instantly. "Actually-"

"So how about you tell me this secret everybody else knows about?" I ask, intentionally interrupting.

"I'll do that when you get me more food."

"That's what I thought. What did Dorian get you?"

"Fruit. So much fruit. I've never seen that much fruit in my entire life," Leliana says. She groans. "I've also never been this hungry. Not even after my Joining." I laugh, leaning my elbow on the table so I can rest my head on my free hand. I catch myself staring at her while she just sits there silently. "That feels so good, Aedan." I snort another laugh. "I don't want to move."

"Wasn't I supposed to get you something to eat?"

"I don't know. I hurt everywhere and I'm tired all the time. Can't I just sleep?"

"You just woke up, Leli," I say. "You have a job to do."

She groans again and swats my hand away from her back. Then she just...falls over backwards, staring at the ceiling again. "I can't be lazy for once?"

"I thought that's why you threw shoes at me to wake me up."

"Aedan...stop being a twit." I want to laugh at the hurt look she gives me, but I can't find the courage to. She really does look tired, and her skin is paler than usual. "Mmm. Come down here."

"Uh...okay." I get up and sit as carefully as I can. I don't want to sit on her. No, I'd never hear the end of it. I stretch my legs out beneath the bench while she leaves hers on it and bent over the other side. "Why are we on the floor?"

"Because the floor is comfortable."

"I feel ridiculous."

"And I feel fat."

That's a first. I'm well aware every woman to ever have kids thinks they're fat at one point. But seriously? She's still as thin as she was months ago!

"Uh...Leli? You realize you don't look like you've put any weight on?"

She grunts. "I still feel fat. I ate so much yesterday..."

I shrug as best as I can. "Well, I'm off to get you something to eat. Unless...you've changed your mind and will just tell me now?" I raise an eyebrow. Leliana looks away from me and folds her hands over her stomach. She fidgets with her fingers, the telltale sign of her being nervous. I frown, but resist the urge to touch her shoulder. She's...not big on touching lately. I'm surprised she let me rub her back.

"Um...I...well..."

I laugh to try to ease the tension before it can start. "You haven't been speechless since we met."

Her nervousness changes to annoyance in the span of three seconds. The glare I get...I probably shouldn't have said that. I already know what she's going to tell me, but I want to hear her say it. I don't want it to be something I figured out and went with. I want to hear her tell me that she's pregnant. It won't feel real until she tells me.

"I'm...er...uh, hmm," she says, resuming the fiddling with her fingers.

Sighing, I sit up. Before I can think better of it, I grab her shoulders and pull her into a sitting position. Then I take her hands in mine. "Leli, just tell me. There's nothing to be worried about, I promise." She looks at me suspiciously and I bite my tongue to keep from laughing or smiling. "Please?" I fold my fingers with hers. "I even used my begging voice for you."

Leliana blinks, and then laughs so hard she falls on her back again, pulling me on top of her. "And you think that will make me tell you?"

"I was hoping," I admit. "It usually works, anyway. And you told me before you thought it was cute when I talked with that tone."

"Oh, so now you're manipulating me?"

I smirk. "Is that wrong?"

"Maybe. You'll just have to figure that out for yourself, yes?"

"Maybe," I agree, kissing her forehead. "Now quit being so...goofy, and spit it out." I push myself onto my knees and sit back against the wall. She sits up too, watching me with a torn expression. I reach forward to put my hand on her knee. I allow my smirk to grow into a smile and I do my best to make it reassuring. "It's okay, you know. Tell me what's bothering you. I'll be here if you need me." Leliana looks down, sighing, and I stoop forward, looking up at her. "I will. Always."

She barely flicks her eyes up to meet mine, and they drop before she speaks. "I'm..." I squeeze her hand comfortingly. "I'm pregnant, Aedan."

I smile so hard I'm sure my face will crack. I have her in my arms so fast that she's taken off-guard and yelps.

Not that I care. I'm too happy to care if I spooked her.


	10. A Flower

_Gah! So many updates lately! Thank the lord for finally gracing me with the opportunity to update. And thanks to you guys who patiently awaited chapter four and everything else! All these updates are for you! And thank you for the reviews! I got three in one day! THREE! That's a first! Keep them coming please? If you do, I'll promise to quit with all the angsty stuff and throw in some happy, useless fluff that will end up leaving me in giggles. Guest reviewer: get an account! You'll know when this gets updated so you don't lose it lol. Zacharti: get an account too! For various reasons other than keeping track. _

_Okay, back to the original purpose of the ANs in this story. This chapter follows Aedan in Origins. It's based off the one conversation the Warden can have with Leliana when she mentions falling asleep on watch, but after the eyelash thing. I love that eyelash conversation lol._

As I straggle out of my tent, I yawn and stretch, rubbing the back of my head. My chest is healing nicely, Leliana isn't fuming anymore, and we should be meeting back up with my sister in a few weeks at Redcliffe. She's to gather the dwarves' treaty with help from Alistair, Zevran, Cyrus, Talith, and Morrigan after finding the Temple of Sacred Ashes (if it even exists). That leaves me with Wynne, Sten, Wolf, and Leliana to gain the elves' assistance, but they haven't been very...willing. They dropped us out here in the middle of a werewolf-infested forest and told us to kill some wolf named Witherfang. Not helpful if you ask me.

Leliana is already awake, sitting by the fire with a twig. She glances up at me for a moment before looking back down to poke the flames. I yawn again as I join her, plopping down on the forest floor with a sleepy groan. She smirks and I frown at her. "What?"

She shakes her head, shrugging. "Feeling better, I take it?"

"I guess. I can move my arm. I'll take that as a good sign." I cough into my elbow before reaching up to scratch my chest. I wince. Leliana raises an eyebrow instead of her usual fussing when I'm injured, so I get the feeling that she actually is still a little mad at me. I decide to take the subject off my wound. "Do we have any food left from supper?"

"I think Sten finished it on his shift," Leli replies. "I was looking for it before you came out. I couldn't find any."

I frown. "We may have to head back to the Dalish to restock."

"They won't be very impressed," she remarks.

I bark a sarcastic laugh. "I'm not here to impress them. I'm here so we can get their help defeating the Blight. If they want to believe I hate them on principle, let them. It won't be the first time someone assumed something about me and got it wrong."

Leli nods absentmindedly. "Did you see the size of that werewolf earlier? The black one with grey fringes?"

"You mean the one that tried to free us from Sten's glares?" She giggles and nods. "Yeah. I wish it had succeeded."

"I'm awake, Warden," he says from his tent.

"This is why I wish it had," I retort. "Eavesdropper."

The Qunari grunts. "Perhaps you should be more quiet then."

I snort and keep my mouth shut, deciding it's wiser to ignore him. Leli shares a look with me that can only be described as conspiratorial while she pulls off a grin, and I almost lose it right there. We both know what he meant, but I can't help chuckling at the face Leliana made. We stay silent until we're sure Sten has fallen asleep, and then for a little while after. He's one of those people who will wake up to any little noise the moment he hears it. I want to give him as much time as possible for him to be well and truly asleep before we start talking again. So in the meantime, I unwind the bandage on my hand and wrist. It has been used so many times that it's brown, so I don't bother saving it for cleaning. I toss the linen into the fire and rummage around in my pack for a clean one. Fighting with a wrist support isn't easy, and having to use one of the few bandages we have left to keep from breaking it is ridiculous. If we were on the road, I'd risk using a splint, but we're still in the Brecilian Forest with werewolves everywhere, and I'm right-handed. I need to be able to defend myself.

I look up from twiddling with my thumbs when I hear Leliana yawn. A smirk tugs at the corner of my mouth at the sight, but I don't tease her about always falling asleep while on watch. Her irritation with my injury is still obvious.

"You can go back to bed, you know," I whisper. "It's not like I can go to myself and rat you out."

"I'm fine," Leli retorts. Another yawn slips through her and she scowls.

"Just go back to sleep for another hour," I say. "I'll be perfectly fine by myself."

The hesitation is obvious. Her eyes widen for the briefest of moments and her mouth forms a small 'o', but after a moment of thought, she nods. "Let me get a blanket. I'm not leaving you out here alone. It's too dangerous."

At least she's not completely furious at me anymore.

I nod and shuffle around a little while she gets up and returns to the tent we share. A moment later, she returns with a thin blanket. At first, I think she's going to lay beneath it, but instead, she sprawls it out on the grass and pretty much flops over on it. I raise an eyebrow at the display, stifling a laugh.

"I don't have to be graceful around you," Leli says defensively.

I laugh that time. She always knows what I'm thinking. Sometimes she takes it to the point where I end up teasing her about possibly being a mage. "No, you don't. I like you the way you are," I admit once I finally stop chuckling at the indignant look she's giving me. "You don't have to impress me." She flashes a smile before rolling over. Yeah, still mad. I shrug to myself, rubbing the back of my neck. Most nights when I tell her to go back to sleep, I tell her to sleep beside me. I usually spend that time watching. Yes, I actually keep watch. Just...not where I'm supposed to. I wind up staring at Leliana more than I'm willing to admit. But tonight, I'd rather not offer and annoy her further. And I have a plan. She can't be too close or I'll wake her up.

A day before we separated from Elissa and her party, Leliana had told me about her mother and how she was from Denerim. The conversation led to how she thought it was ridiculous that she remembered the lady her mother worked for more. I told her it wasn't as silly as she thought, and then she told me about the flowers her mother always smelled like. If I felt a littler braver, I might've told Leliana that _she _smells like those flowers too, but I kept that to myself, opting to find the flower, Andraste's Grace, instead. I know them well enough. My mother used to grow them in the gardens and braid them into Elissa's hair when we were little. I also know that they only grow in this part of Ferelden unless introduced to a new area, so I had to be patient and wait to track one of the little things down.

I stretch my legs out and lean back on my hands, staring at the sky as I count in intervals of one-hundred ten times. Once I've convinced myself that Leli is fully asleep, I get to my feet and creep past her as quietly as I can, headed for Wynne's tent.

"Wynne?" I whisper.

"Are you ready?" the mage asks, appearing from within her tent. When I nod, she makes her way over to the fire and sits. "How long do you suppose you'll be gone, Warden?"

I shrug. "Hopefully only a half hour or so. I've only got an hour after all, right?" She nods back before ushering me off. I head back to my tent and reach in for my sword, and then jog into the brush, ducking a low-hanging vine. I strap on my sword after slowing to a walk a few hundred feet out of camp. Now that I am away from the crackling sounds of the fire, I can hear the forest. Without the light the fire gives, I am almost entirely blind. If it wasn't for spending hours of my life on watch duty, I'd get lost within seconds. Staying up for three hours a night to keep an eye out for intruders helps you adjust to seeing in the dark.

I roll my wrist, flexing my hand while I walk. I keep my eyes peeled for the white flower, searching every nook and cranny visible to me. I make my way to the river we used for bathing earlier where I am sure Andraste's Grace will be. I use the sounds of running water more than anything. I may be able to see, but my vision still isn't great. I can barely see three feet in front of my face.

Somehow, I manage to stumble my way to the riverbank. I sit on the pebble-covered shoreline to take in my irrational sense of victory from getting here. I feel like a kid again when I realize I feel the way I do because I 'beat the forest'. I chuckle to myself, rubbing my forehead, and inhale deeply. I wonder how Elissa's doing...I'd say she's probably doing better than we are and probably feeling a lot better than us, but after I admitted how I felt to Leliana, I've felt like a grinning idiot every waking minute of my life. And when she admitted to loving me back...I don't have words to describe that feeling. Getting the weight of that off my chest made me feel ridiculously amazing, but...nothing has ever felt as great as Leliana telling me she loves me too.

I find myself grinning again as I push up to my feet. I brush my slightly muddy hands off on my cotton trousers before setting towards the brush. Somewhere back there will be that flower. Or, at least, it had better be. If I marched out here to return unsuccessfully, I'll smack my head off a tree. Good thing there are plenty around.

As I hop over a fallen tree, I see what I'm looking for. A white flower with a redish-orange center. I take my dagger from its scabbard and cut the flower at the base of the stem. I run the prickly plant through my hand, inspecting its petals. Satisfied with it, I shove my dagger away and get to my feet. For a moment, I just stare at the thing, and then I bring it up to my nose experimentally. I inhale the scent and nod to myself. Yeah, Leliana smells like that. A weird part of me wants to keep the flower because between the same smell, and the same shade of red, it reminds me of her.

And then I want to hit myself for being sappy.

I clamber back over the tree and to the river, briefly stopping to wash out the small cuts on my hand. Damn thorns. Just as prickly as she is. That time I hit my forehead. I feel like a moron as I splash to the other side. I jog up the muddy incline and use a slanted tree to pull my body over the rise. It's a short walk to the camp, but I know I'm pushing my half hour deadline. I put the flower in my mouth as carefully as I can before beginning to unstrap my sword and its belt. As I pass my tent, I toss the weapon inside.

"I assume you were successful?" Wynne asks, a white eyebrow raised. I grin like an idiot and nod. Wynne smiles as she gets up. "You remind me of Alistair sometimes, Aedan. You are both...overly sweet."

"I don't blush," I retort.

She chuckles. "No, of course not, dear boy."

I scowl at her back as she returns to her tent. I told Morrigan I thought her mother was a nutty old bat, but Wynne is proving to be the definition of it. I sit on the ground stiffly, glaring at Wynne's tent while I get comfortable.

Placing the flower on the side opposite of Leliana, I almost wake her up, but decide against it. Wynne has...Zevran tendencies. Sneaky old woman. Some days I hate her while others I love her like a mother. This is one of those days I wish Morrigan were here to set her on fire. Morrigan wouldn't object. So I flop over on my back, folding my arms beneath my head. I glance down to make sure the flower is fine before looking up at the sky. We found a relatively clear spot to make camp earlier, affording those who want to the ability to look at the stars. I know Leli loves to; she'll spend our entire watch shift pointing out various constellations to me. I never liked learning about stuff like that when I was some third son to a powerful family. She makes it interesting. Well, that's what I tell myself. That has nothing to do with it. It's just the fact that all we can really talk about without our conversations leading to the Blight are things it can't touch, and stars are one of the few. If I have to live through that nightmare everyday, I'd rather not talk about it with someone who knows already.

I glance at Wynne's tent again before I roll onto my side. I reach out to Leliana to wake her, but she yelps and starts awake on her own.

"Maker, Aedan! Don't do that!" she hisses.

"Don't...what?" I ask, confused. She swats my hand away from her shoulder as she sits up, kicking the thin blanket off her.

"Don't scare me," she mumbles halfheartedly. "I nearly pulled a knife on you."

I raise a brow. "Do I want to know where this knife is concealed?"

She starts to shoot me a look, but stops herself. "I do not know, actually. Maybe. But you'll just have to wait for us to be done here."

I groan and fall onto my back. "Fine. Be that way." She laughs a little, shaking her head. Then I remember why I woke her up, or at least attempted to, in the first place. "So...I found something."

Leliana scoots closer to me. "And that would be a brain, perhaps? Something useful to us?"

I snort out a laugh. "That was great. Thanks for wounding me." She flashes a grin in my direction. "Anyway, while you were sleeping, I had Wynne take my place so I could go out and find this." I grab the thorny piece of-

Handing Leliana the flower, I watch her for a reaction, but she looks more confused than anything else. She stares at it for a moment before flicking her gaze up to mine, brows creased together. "You...got me a flower?"

"You seem like the frilly sort," I tease. "Talking about shoes and whatnot." I shudder. "Don't you know that fashion hurts me? I'm a Fereldan man. I'm all about practicality, love. I have no idea what you mean when you talk about shoes."

The flower is momentarily forgotten when Leli laughs. "Oh I know. The way you try to talk your way out of it is sweet though."

"You're an evil woman," I grumble. "And you win that round."

"Of course I do," Leliana replies. She looks down at the flower in her hand, frown returning, as she thumbs the petals. "You aren't the kind of man to just get me a flower for no reason."

"You sure?" I ask. "If you don't smell the damn thing, I will be."

She shoots me a look. "Some sensitivity wouldn't hurt you."

I smack my face and sigh. "Leli, please, just smell the damn flower before you yell at me. I was trying to be nice."

I get another glare as a response, but she brings the flower up to smell it anyway. Her brows knit together and she frowns. She blinks several times, trying to place it, when her eyes widen. "This is the same flower my mother used to-" She cuts herself off and looks up at me. "You remembered?"

"Um...yeah," I say, slightly confused. "I care about you. Why wouldn't I remember?"

Her face lights up. "It's just...never mind. Thank you so much." Leliana smiles hugely, causing my heart to beat a little faster than usual and my mind to go blank, but I have enough sense to return the gesture. "This means a lot to me, Aedan. More than you could probably understand."

I shrug a shoulder and look away, saying, "I understand. If I had something to remember my father by, it would mean the world to me." I feel a hand on my shoulder, but refrain from looking at her. I'll never understand how she or my sister move so silently as easily as they do. I stare into the fire for a while when she settles down beside me. Leliana rests her head on my shoulder and hugs my arm to her body, uncharacteristically quiet. "But I have you. I wouldn't trade you for anything."

She hums to herself. "I forgive you."

"For what?"

"For worrying me the way you did," she says. "For getting hurt."

I pull my arm away to wrap it around her. The forest is cold and unforgiving; I'd take her over a blanket any day of the week. "If getting you flowers will solve all of our fights, my life will be a while lot easier."

She laughs. "If only it were so."

If only.


	11. Love Letter

_This is going to be a short chapter, not much more than Aedan's letter to Leliana. It's my take on what the Warden's personal letter would be. Don't worry; another chapter will be up soon to make up for the shortness of it. Leliana's POV._

I'm sitting on the floor by the small alcove in the rookery that conceals a statue of Andraste. My face is buried in my hands, my knees drawn up to my chest, and my mind in tatters. Every waking moment, I'm tormented by a soft, crooning voice begging me to go to the Deep Roads to die, and every night, I find myself caught in the throes of horrible nightmares begetting the Calling. I have hardly slept in the past three days out of fear of the dreams, yet the Taint manages to find ways to mock me even when I'm awake. I'm not myself at the war table, and the others are noticing. Josie asks how I'm doing constantly, Arin comes up to check on me when he can, and Cullen has even started taking some of my responsibilities for himself. Only Josie knows exactly what is troubling me, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. If I don't, Arin will question why I had him hunt down Blackwall.

Sadly, I can only wish it were nightmares of darkspawn keeping me up at night. Sometimes, I stay awake in the hopes that Aedan will show up at Skyhold to help the Inquisition. Other nights, I stay awake and torture myself with thoughts of my friends lying dead on the mountainside at Haven. And more often than not, I find myself staring at the floor with a blank look on my face as I wonder why I'm still here instead of with the Agents. Haven't I already made my allegiances clear by telling Justinia to consider surrendering to them? Why do I stay with a Chantry organization when I'm a leader in a heretical army?

When I hear Arin's voice drift up from the library, I scramble to my feet. I try to make it look like I haven't adopted the floor as my new home before the Inquisitor gets here, but I fail miserably. Several things are scattered on the cold stone that should be on my bed, or on my desk, and by the look he gives me, I can tell he's worried.

"Er...are you all right, Leliana?"

"Define all right," I mumble, picking up a report from where it fell.

"You know, mentally stable with a little bit of happiness thrown in."

"I'll get back to you on that."

Arin frowns as I drop rather unceremoniously onto the bench beside my table. He joins me at the opposite side after a moment of hesitation. He asks, "How are you? Truly?"

"Horrible," I say. "Between not sleeping and everything I do, I feel like I'm insane."

The elf offers a weak, friendly smile. "I, uh, I was hoping this would make you feel better." He pulls an envelope from his pocket and hands it to me. "When I tried to contact the Hero of Ferelden, another Warden answered. He didn't sign his name, but his letter said that was for you."

"I...thank you for bringing me this, Arin."

He nods and gets back up. "If you need me, you know where to find me. See you later."

I just nod back, too dumbstruck to do anything but stare at the paper in my hands. Written on the front is my name in Aedan's simple script. He...I...I don't know what to do with myself. I thought he was all but lost to me since the mage conflict in Redcliffe.

I turn the letter over, sticking my thumb under the small flap. It's sealed with the Cousland crest, not the Warden one. The thought that he might be at Highever, or at least was when he sent this, makes me smile. I haven't done that in months. He could be in Ferelden.

I open it slowly, blinking once, before unfolding it.

_Leliana,_

_First off, let me tell you how sorry I am for not writing to you sooner. That was unfair of me and I deeply regret it. I find myself missing your letters as much as you probably miss mine, but when the Wardens at Vigil's Keep presented me with a letter from the Inquisitor for my sister, I had to send a response to him. I have had an urge like no other to send you a letter, but the one I'd been meaning to send seemed out of sorts and inappropriate, so I sat down to write this and the letter for your new boss. How about that? For once, you're stuck following someone other than me or Elissa. Do you like it? I hope he's as good a leader as the Wardens tell me. They say he can close things called Fade rifts! I don't even know what those are, but from the way the people here talk, I take it that's a big deal. _

_Secondly, I want you to know I'm sorry for not being there to help you cope with Justinia's death. I know she was your friend for the longest of times, and I know you chose us over her, but I can't help feeling horrible. Losing a friend is never easy. I hope her death hasn't caused you too much trouble. I don't even know how to express how much I wish I was with you to tell you this myself._

_I should stop with the formalities, right? I mean, I'm writing to Leliana, not the Spymaster of the Inquisition. If I was writing to that other person, I should use them, but can't I pretend for one minute that you're still the bard Elissa recruited to our party of lunatics back in Lothering? _

_Anyway, my search for a cure to the Taint is going great. When I left Weisshaupt, the other Wardens working with me were close to a breakthrough. I would have stayed, and oh Maker did I want to, but I promised I'd come find you. I gather the First Warden isn't very happy about my sudden departure, not that I care. Much. He's an intimidating man, but I told the others you were more important. I'd rather have a shortened lifespan if it means I could take back the years I was away. This isn't the first time I've wished that I just stayed with you and Elissa and Alistair. At least with you three my life wouldn't be as full of books as it has been. _

_Have I wrote that much already without once telling you how much I've missed you? I hope not. If I wasn't so tired, I'd go back and read it, but I am so tired it's not even funny. The past two years (nearly three!) haven't been the same without you. I often find myself looking over my shoulder for you, or listening for your voice, only to be disappointed by the lack thereof. I'd say you have no idea how much I miss you, but you (hopefully) miss me as much. I miss the way your face would light up when you were telling a story about something, or the way you would smile when I told you that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss hearing you laugh. I miss your voice. I miss your embrace and your love. I miss spending my nights holding you in my arms. Leaving you is the dumbest thing I've ever done. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me when I arrive at Skyhold. It'll hopefully be sometime soon, but with Elissa gone doing Maker-knows-what, the Wardens need me. _

_I've stopped at Highever for a brief visit with Fergus and my mother. Did you know he's gotten married again? Why haven't I heard of this? I'd be more willing to expend my happiness for him if it were not for Mother. She's grown ill, severely so, and I fear she has little time left. I'll probably stay here at Highever for a few more days, head off to Amaranthine and deal with the court there, and Maker willing, be on my merry way to Skyhold. Didn't I tell you I'd find you? I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I've never wanted to hurt you (but I know I have) so doesn't that mean I won't lie consequently? You're probably sitting there reading this with a smirk on your face as you analyze how many times I've lied to you in each sentence. Well let me tell you now, not once. _

_I love you so much, Leli. I promise I'll see you soon._

_Always Yours,_

_Aedan_

I read through it several more times, smile widening each time I do. He's worried that I won't forgive him, but how could I not?


	12. Haven

_This story isn't just about Aedan and Leliana. It's going to end up encompassing their relationships with Alistair and Elissa as well, like this chapter. This is Corypheus' raid on Haven, told from Leliana's POV for obvious reasons. Unless you want it in Elissa's? You let me know if you want someone else's POV thrown in randomly. Elissa's always makes me laugh. Worse than Aedan by far._

As I'm motioning to an area on the map to Cassandra and Josephine, I feel something run down my spine. It feels like I walked through an ice-cold waterfall. I haven't felt that in months, no thanks to Blackwall, and now it hits me so hard I freeze, eyes wide, mouth open in shock. I don't know how to feel about this. There's either multiple Wardens marching up the mountainside or...or Corypheus has decided the Inquisition needs to be dealt with. If it's the latter, it'll feel like my job to kill that thing after what happened to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. That place meant everything to the Agents, to Andrastians everywhere, and Corypheus blasted it to pieces in less than five minutes. As if I needed another reason to hate that thing.

Being an Agent would obligate me to kill him. No, obligate isn't the word for it. I'd want to, but whether I did or not, I'd end up trying to. I remember that feeling from when the four of us confronted him in the Korcari Wilds. We...weren't necessarily happy to find out that the Maker was influencing our bodies. Elissa especially wasn't.

"Leliana? What's wrong?" Josephine and Cassandra are both looking at me with varying degrees of worry on their faces. I froze up entirely for a good thirty seconds, unexplained.

"I...am not sure," I say. "I just...I need to leave. I'll be right back. Bring Arin here. I'll get Cullen."

Cassandra knits her brows together. "You're sure nothing is wrong?"

"You know about my...devotion to the Agents of the Maker the best," I say carefully. "And to the Wardens."

Cassandra only knows because she was tasked with keeping an eye on the four of us while we were in Kirkwall. The less people know, the better; Josie included. I hate lying to my friends the most, but on a scale, my loyalty to Elissa, Aedan, and Alistair is at the top. If I know something about them, I'll keep it to myself unless told otherwise, and if I manage to actually get the reports Elissa tries to send me, I keep the Agents' secrets. Cassandra is the only person here that knows I'm one of them. People suspect, but then assume I'd be with the Agents instead of here, and the rumor dies. How wrong they are...

Cassandra nods, face blank. "I understand."

"You know what to do, then."

Whomever I'm sensing, they're moving fast.

"I'll find the Herald," Cassandra says. "We'll meet you here shortly."

"Josie, stay here. Please." The Antivan woman nods and Cassandra and I march out of the makeshift war room. We pass Mother Giselle while she speaks with a woman I'm almost positive I recognize, but as soon as she sees me, the stranger looks away, shifting so her back is to me.

"What is it?" Cassandra asks quietly.

I shake my head. "I'm not sure. It could be Wardens, or darkspawn. Either way, there is more than one, and if it's the latter, we'll have a problem."

"Your friend is not doing a very good job as Warden-Commander," Cassandra remarks dryly.

"Elissa does what she can," I reply. A neutral answer is the best opportunity to keep from risking further confrontation, and right now, getting into a fight with Cassandra is a bad idea. "For now, we need to alert the Herald and Cullen to the possibility of a darkspawn raid."

Or an attack from an ancient darkspawn magister that has it out for me. That's a possibility too.

I'm still working on how to explain Corypheus to the Herald and the others.

Cassandra and I leave the Chantry to go our separate ways; she turns to the left to head to the tavern where Arin is undoubtedly talking to Sera while I head to my poor excuse for a hideout. I need something better than this tent. I don't think anyone will object to me commandeering the caves in the mountain.

I need to just stop. I've been like this since Arin secured the mages' assistance. Seeing Aedan alive, even for that short amount of time, did wonders for me. I've even started talking to Varric again, and he's more than happy to let my teasing come out on him as long as I agree to tell him stories about what the four of us did after we left Kirkwall. And he is helping me work through explaining Corypheus. As it turns out, he and Hawke had fought the magister before, and they're the ones who released the menace. Varric feels extremely guilty, but when I tell him Corypheus is something the Agents should have known about and dealt with, he nods and agrees. I can tell that doesn't sway him; we talk about what we could've done differently to prevent this more often than not. I could've thrown that combustion grenade at Corypheus instead of the Archdemon. I could've let Aedan die.

No, I'm too selfish for that.

I grab my quiver and my bow before turning around and hopping off the dais into Varric's small camp.

"Never take that armor off, do you?" he asks.

"I've lived in armor for ten years," I say. "Wearing normal clothes..." I shudder and he laughs, making me grin.

"Spoken like a true warrior there, Nightingale."

"Thanks, Varric. I always enjoy being called a big sweaty idiot."

"Like Cap?"

"Yes, but Aedan's _my _big sweaty idiot," I retort.

"And that makes it better?"

"Maker, I hate you some days," I mutter.

He grins as I walk down to the lower level of the small town. I can only imagine the horrors Elissa and Alistair saw when they discovered this place. A cult worshipping a dragon they claimed was Andraste only to have Elissa taken and made into a present day version of her once they killed the beast. Part of me is glad I wasn't with them, but another wishes I was. Alistair says the Guardian wouldn't let them into the Temple after her, but I can't help feeling that Aedan or I would've fought our way through if we had to.

It's a foolish thought. I know we wouldn't have found her. She would've been gone before we could have gotten to her. When the Maker wants her hidden, that's how she stays. It's not hard for Elissa to disappear. She does it constantly, lately with Alistair in tow.

I brace my hands on the gates and shove them open. I can hear people arguing from the encampment Cullen trains soldiers from. The soldiers have stopped training to watch. My brows furrow as I make my way over. It doesn't take me long to recognize the voices. Slipping between the crowd's back rows, the soldiers start to stand aside so I can see what's going on. I find Cullen glaring at Elissa and Alistair while she yells at him to do something before...something?

"Elissa."

She whips furiously, mouth open to yell, but stops herself. "Oh thank the Maker. Will you tell this idiot you need to evacuate Haven? Now?"

I raise an eyebrow. "Why would we do that?"

The Warden-Commander marches up to me and grabs me by the shoulders, jerking me once. "Because shitface is on his way here _right fucking now _and he's bringing an army with him!"

"An army?"

"Yes! Are you insane?! He has Red Templars! There's too many for the men I left in the pass. They'll be overwhelmed soon. You. Need. To. Get. Out. Now."

Cullen sighs, massaging his temples. "Please tell me you aren't taking her seriously, Spymaster."

I frown. "Why wouldn't I?"

Cullen groans and beckons me after him. "The lot of you! Get back to work!" He walks a little ways away from the tents while the recruits return to their sparring. The two Wardens are whispering to themselves, gesturing frantically to the pass they came through. Cullen turns to me when he stops, leaning on a tree. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you believe them?"

"Because they're my friends and I trust them? Is this a rhetorical question?"

"No," he says, sighing. "I just find it hard to believe. What are Red Templars? How does...'shitface' have an army of them? Why would he come to Haven?"

I glance over my shoulder back at my friends. They're still whispering, but now it's more heated. They are both frustrated. Looking back to Cullen, I say, "Commander, Red Templars are Meredith. They took red lyrium and are now corrupted because of it. They...they are what the Agents have been battling with for the last few months. They keep intercepting reports Elissa and I send to one another, and are learning things about the Inquisition and the Agents that they shouldn't. And...shitface, as Elissa calls him, is the Elder One."

He keeps his face carefully blank, but the mounting anger is apparent in his eyes. "And you're just telling us about this now?"

I ignore the question. "The four of us have been hunting him for years now, but his Templars have been too distracting. The Elder One...he's not what you think. He claims to be one of the Tevinter magisters that entered the Golden City. I wouldn't believe it if the darkspawn didn't revere him as a god, and if Elissa didn't confirm it herself."

"You expect me to believe this, let alone the Herald? He's a Dalish elf, Spymaster. This story is far-stretched even for me, and-"

"The lyrium...it tastes like fire," a voice says. "If I march here, maybe I'll die. Maybe the pain will go away..." I turn to see a...boy standing behind me. He's wearing a hat, a ridiculous hat, and has his face hidden by it. He's looking at his hands as he plays with them. "They're coming, Inquisition. They come to burn and to bleed and to kill. You stand to fight when you should run."

I give Cullen a look and he makes a surrendering motion with his hands. "Fine, Spymaster. You do what you want with the Agents. I'll get the soldiers inside."

"Good."

Before Cullen and I start back to the camp, the sounds of the sparring die at once.

"Get down!" Elissa shouts. I run back to them, shoving past the strange kid, but Alistair grabs me by the wrist and jerks me behind some barrels. Not a moment later, hundreds of arrows rain down upon the small camp. People scream around us, Elissa included. Alistair yells at her to get over here, to hide, but she stands right in the middle of the tents, staring at the pass. "Quick, while they reload. Leliana, help me!"

I scramble to my feet and rush to her side, refusing to be sidetracked by the rapid appearance of torches storming towards Haven. She has her bow in hand, arrow at the ready, aimed at the monster stalking forward. Alistair follows me to her side, and even from this distance, I can see his sneer as he spots us.

"Guess we were uninvited," Elissa says.

I pull my bow off my shoulder and load an arrow. "Now you're invited to the party."

"Excellent!" she replies a little too enthusiastically for it to be normal. "Now let's kill this thing before he can do more damage."

Behind us, Cullen is ushering the soldiers back into Haven. "Warn Arin!" I yell back at him. Then I bring up my bow, not bothering to make sure he heard, and pull back on the bowstring. I aim it several feet above Corypheus' head to make sure the arrow gets where it needs to.

"Wait for it," Elissa says. "Wait for it..." The ground shakes under the weight of something huge. "Dammit, they didn't kill it. Ugh." I don't ask; I have a good idea of what she's talking about. I hear the sound of bowstrings being pulled back. Hundreds. Most, if not all, are concentrated on us. "Now."

I make a last second adjustment to the angle of my bow before firing. Elissa fires a half a second before I do, and as our arrows sail towards their target, the bowstrings from the Red Templars snap. A sea of fire-tipped steel flies above our heads.

"Oh shit," Elissa says. "Did not think of that..."

I feel something wash over me, but I don't pay much attention to it. I take a step back, eyes wide, as the arrows begin their descent on us. Andraste's ass! How are we supposed to survive that?! I flinch, looking down, accepting my imminent death, as I feel one hit me. But there's no pain. Scores of fiery arrows bounce off my armor and clothes, harmlessly extinguishing themselves in the snow and dirt.

"Ha! It worked! Son of a bitch."

"Nice timing," Alistair says, resting a hand on Elissa's shoulder. "I think some of it is still working too. Good shield."

On our left, the sound of fighting erupts by one of the trebuchets. My head snaps around and I take off towards it. "Leliana!" I hear Elissa and Alistair race after me. I cut through a side path barely wide enough for me to slip through, skipping going around past the blacksmith's.

My heart practically stops beating.

I skid to a stop, eyes widening, at the sight of the monster towering above the Inquisition soldiers. Red lyrium grows from its skin, its eyes radiate a red glow, and its one arm...the entire thing is covered in the Tainted lyrium, forming a rather potent weapon for it to swing. The soldiers do their best to avoid it, but even at that size, its fast. Their weapons barely hurt it.

"Oh look! Jackass is back," Elissa says, jogging up to my side. "Hey! Asshat!"

The monster turns towards the three of us.

"You are such an idiot," I growl.

Elissa laughs. "Nope, just crazy." I draw an arrow while her and Alistair run to the beast. The Inquisition soldiers run back to avoid it, dragging injured friends out of its range. Alistair takes it on directly, ducking beneath his shield every time the lyrium arm swings at him. Whatever that shield is made of...it's strong. Alistair doesn't budge when it collides with him. And while it is distracted, Elissa climbs up the trebuchet.

"Some help-" Alistair grunts, looking back at me. "-would be great!"

"Oh. Right."

I grab an arrow, but instead of firing it, I throw it. The broadhead slams into the exposed eye. Or what I suppose would be the eye, at least. The beast rears back, staggering closer to the trebuchet, and just when it's about to fall back on it, Elissa leaps onto its back with enough force to knock it forward. The monster stumbles a few feet and collapses, giving the Warden that hit it the chance to drive her sword into the back of its head.

She heaves a huge breath, looking up at Alistair and I with a grin on her face. She ruffles the back of her hair as she climbs off with her bronze weapon. "Just like killing ogres with you guys."

"Except that thing is about five times as large."

"And uglier," I add, frowning. "What is it anyway?"

Elissa snorts a laugh. "You would be the one to say it was uglier." I walk up to it, crouching by its head, when the red lyrium arm lashes out. It connects with my torso and throws me back several yards. The air is expelled from my lungs when I hit the stone outcropping blocking the trebuchet from Haven's view. My head hits the rock hard enough to make my vision turn red. I fall into the snow with a groan, holding my eyes shut to ward off the incoming headache. It washes over me with a vengeance, deafening me to the world.

Did not see that coming.

I draw in a huge breath to fill my lungs while putting my hands beneath my chest. My ears are ringing as I push myself to my knees. My bow is somewhere, but I don't see it. All I can focus on is the hand in front of my face, glowing blue, sending waves of healing energy through my body. It's a calming feeling, one that soothes every ache and hurt in the body, and I expect Elissa to be behind it, but instead, I see Solas.

"And you expect to kill me one day?"

I grit my teeth. "Not me."

"You will be there though. Undoubtedly. If a beast such as that can knock you down so easily, how can you hope to defeat me?"

I glower at him. "Go back to your spells, mage. The Herald could use the assistance."

He snorts as I stagger towards my bow, hugging my side. I bend down to scoop it up and wince. Whatever Solas did...it didn't heal whatever is wrong with my side. I inhale, but I get less air than I intended. My lungs ache.

"Liss? I can hear it!"

"So can I! Leliana?" She turns to me after finishing off one of the recent Templar arrivals. "Leliana!"

"I'm fine," I snap. I reach for an arrow and fire it to prove my point. A Red Templar falls in response, but the ache in my chest stops me from firing another. I double over, hands on my knees, as I heave for air. Maker, if this is what Elissa goes through when she has one of her attacks, I feel horrible for making her run through that forest.

"Watch out!"

I glance up to see a sword coming for my neck, and without any other options, I look over my shoulder at the twenty foot drop, back at the Templar, and flip backwards. I land on my feet a moment later only to find more Templars surrounding me. They're everywhere! It's ridiculous!

I draw in the deepest breath I can manage and hold it. In the span of time I take to exhale, I get three arrows fired off before having to retreat. I sling my bow over my shoulder as they close on me, holding my hands out flat. One man approaches, shield bent towards him at an angle, and I take my chance. I empty and fill my lungs as best as I can again. Then I run and leap onto his shield. As he pushes up to throw me off, I place my foot near the bottom and shove. He throws me well over halfway up the small cliff, but as I come down, I realize I'm going to land on my face. I stick my hands out, pushing up before my weight can settle, and launch myself back over the edge. I land on my feet somehow only to have a Templar detach from his duel with Cassandra to attack me.

"Cassandra... Potion! Now!"

I duck under the Templar's sword, get my hand around the hilt of my dagger, and tackle the man. I slit his throat, ignoring the spurt of blood, and get to my feet. Cassandra tosses me a stamina potion when the Templar she's fighting backs off, and I down it quickly, blinking several times. My lungs start to function; my muscles don't ache as much.

I notice Arin and a group of Inquisition soldiers preparing to fire the trebuchet, but then I also see a black mass swooping down on them.

"Dragon!" I shout.

Just as it fires, a huge fireball blasts it to pieces.

"I thought you killed that thing!" Elissa shouts.

"I did!"

"Well, apparently it doesn't know that it's supposed to be dead!"

I grab my other dagger to help block a blade coming for my side. With a flick of my wrist, I send the weapon flying. I kick the Templar back and advance, sidestepping his shield bash. I pass his guard and stab his chest with one dagger, and his stomach with the other.

"You're the Warden!" I retort. "You can't tell that's not an Archdemon?!"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess so. Duck!"

I drop to my knees as she throws a small knife across the battlefield. I hear a fleshy thwack from behind and spin, shoving one dagger back into its scabbard as I go. I rip Elissa's throwing knife from the Templar's throat and whip back around, throwing it into the Templar she's fighting. He cries out and reaches up to the wound, but Elissa already takes her knife from him.

"Nice shot," she calls.

"Fall back!" Arin yells. "Back to Haven! Move!"

The seven of us make a break for it, stopping the fights instantly. The Red Templars give chase, but between Solas, Elissa, and Arin, they fall behind us under several fireballs. Arin and his companions go around past the blacksmith to respond to his cries for help while the three of us continue to the gates. Cullen, the strange boy from earlier, and several Inquisition soldiers are keeping a crowd of Templars from getting in, but they're on the verge of being overwhelmed. Elissa drops a chunk of them with lightning bolts and arrows while Alistair runs one through. I don't kill any; I'm too busy looking back at the cliff where Corypheus and...Samson! Maker's blood, what is this world coming to?

"Andraste's ass!"

"Leliana!" Elissa looks shocked that I'd even say something like that. The soldiers have finished off the rest of the Templars and are now waiting for the Herald.

"It's Samson," I say, pointing. "He's working with Corypheus."

"What?!" Cullen demands. He pushes past his men, eyes widening in surprise. "Maker's blood. It is him."

"What's he doing?" Elissa says.

The dragon roars as it comes back around for another pass. "Don't care; back inside!" I run backwards a few steps before spinning and slipping through the gates. Cullen and his men follow, the Herald and his companions right behind them. The soldiers shut the wooden doors behind us and drop the bar sealing us inside.

"To the Chantry," Cullen orders. "Come on!" He takes his soldiers and races off to do just that.

"Leliana, go with them," Arin says, brows furrowed. "See if you can get anyone off this blasted mountain."

I nod, out of breath, and beckon for the two Wardens to follow. We run through Haven at a sprint and get to the Chantry just after Cullen. He closes the doors behind us, stationing two men to watch out for the Herald's return.

"There's no way out of Haven," Cullen says, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. "We're all going to die on this mountain and the Elder One won't have anyone to oppose him."

"Actually," Elissa interrupts. "We _do _have a way to get the townsfolk out of here."

"You know another way down?" Cullen demands.

She nods grimly. "I used it myself after..." She glances at Alistair. "I used it, all right? But there's no way we're getting anyone out with that many Red Templars knocking. Haven will be overwhelmed too quickly for it to work."

"There's one more trebuchet," I say. "Inside the walls. If someone could fire it-"

"Yes!" Elissa exclaims. "Yes, that could work."

"This escape route?" Cullen presses desperately.

Elissa turns to me, face blank like it always is before something life-changing. "Take them into the mountain. Follow the path to the Temple, but in the cavern with the remains of the dragon, head to the north wall. Look for the eye. Press your dagger into it and tell the Guardian you are an Agent of the Maker. He'll let you pass. You should come out a day's walk from Orzammar."

"And who fires the trebuchet?" Cullen asks.

The way Elissa looks down, I know the answer. "Her and Alistair."

"Yeah," she says softly. "After all, it'll save the Herald, and it is our job to protect him."

"I'll go with you," I volunteer.

Elissa shakes her head. "Only an Agent can open the passage, Leliana. You have to go."

"I can't just let you and Alistair die!"

"Born to die, remember?" Elissa smiles reassuringly. "It'll be all right. You go with the Inquisition and stop Corypheus. Alistair and I will do what we can to help." The blond man nods, mouth set in a grim line. "You're not just an Agent after all. You're the Spymaster for the Inquisition. Far more important right now than either of us." I start to object, but she holds up a hand. "There's no guarantee we'll die, but if we do, I want you to lead the Agents. Aedan is too distracted by the Wardens to risk it. You know what needs to be done. You get out of here and make sure Thedas knows what's going on. You get a message to the Agents and tell them to mobilize. Understand?"

I just nod. How can I agree to letting one of my closest friends, my husband's sister, die? How can I let the heir to the Fereldan throne sacrifice herself like this?

Elissa hugs me. "You go because Aedan will need you. Think of him. It'll make this easier."

I hug her back. "If you live, you better tell me as soon as you can."

"Of course."

I release her, and she steps back. "You be careful," Alistair says. I nod as I hug him too.

Then they start for the doors. "May the Maker watch over you."

"May He watch over us all," Elissa replies softly. They're gone a moment later, and as of now, I could be the last original Agent of the Maker standing in this part of Thedas.

Elissa is right. I need to go for Aedan if not for the Inquisition. But how will he be able to forgive me when he finds out how his twin died?


	13. Darkspawn Terrors

_This chapter is set in DA2 during Act 3. It's during the 'Finding Nathaniel' quest you get if he became a Warden in Awakening._

* * *

_"We're going into the Deep Roads again?" _

_Leliana doesn't look very happy at the thought of it. She seems to be remembering our past experiences in those cursed tunnels, and the prospect of facing similar moments is terrifying. _

_"The First Warden wants us to," I say. "If he wasn't ordering it, we wouldn't be."_

_"Why does he care how far Hawke got into the Deep Roads? It shouldn't be a big deal. We went so far down we saw the Archdemon." _

_I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Leli, I don't know why he wants us to go, but we are. Elissa is already on thin ice with him; we don't want to make it worse by arguing." _

_She grabs my forearms, eyes shining. "Aedan, I _can't _go back there. Don't you understand? I can't. It terrifies me just thinking of it. I still have nightmares about that place." _

_I wrap my arms around her and she buries her face in my chest, trembling. "I know you do. I do, too, but we don't have much of a choice. The First Warden wants us to go, so we go. This time, there will be six of us, and we'll have plenty of rations and water and anything else. I swear we will. None of us will get hurt. We'll be as safe as we can." _

_"It's not that. I'm afraid of sensing all of those darkspawn."_

_I do my best to smile in a comforting way. "It won't be as bad as it was during the Blight. The darkspawn are far too busy looking for another Archdemon."_

_I spend the rest of the night holding her and comforting her, but in the morning, she still looks sick. She's as appalled by this as the rest of us. Elissa doesn't know what it was like, but she knows what it was like being around the horde. Us and Alistair...we know the pain from being near so many darkspawn._

_It is not easy to cope with. _

* * *

I run a whetstone across the blade of my sword, ignoring the constant tingle on my spine. We have a small fire going to keep the deepstalkers at bay. The others are sitting around it, eating or talking, barely paying any attention to me. Leliana is staring mutely into the flames. Elissa and Alistair are whispering to each other. Carver and Nathaniel are talking about the best way to kill darkspawn (not surprised).

"We should get moving," I say flatly. "We've wasted away enough time down here."

Elissa tears her eyes away from Alistair to look past his shoulder at me. "Eager to see more darkspawn, brother?"

"No. I'm eager to get out of here."

"I second that," Alistair says.

She sighs. "I suppose you're right. Come on; let's get moving. Nathaniel, Aedan, stay back to keep this tunnel clear. The rest of you, with me. We'll see you in a few hours."

I catch Leliana's gaze as she gets to her feet. She looks more tired than anything, but the unwillingnesss to continue deeper is still there. Elissa believes in learning on the job in situations such as these, so she's taking Carver and Leliana deeper into the Roads even though their discomfort has been clear since we set foot in the entrance. Leliana seems to be suffering more than the black-haired man though. When we stop for sleep, she'll wake up from nightmares constantly. They haven't been darkspawn dreams, mostly, but more terrors of memories left over from the Blight. The first night down here was the worst for all of us; the transition from semi-normal dreams to Tainted nightmares was sudden and unwanted. For those of us used to being near so many darkspawn, it has gotten better, far more bearable. If I'm lucky, I can block the dreams some nights, but Leliana and Carver have nowhere near the amount of experience as the rest of us. They suffer through the torments daily, jumping at every little movement or sound.

I should've talked Elissa into letting Leli stay in Kirkwall with Cyrus. Maker, I feel horrible. I want nothing more than to take Leliana as far away from here as possible.

"And then there were two," Nathaniel says.

"Two plus a billion darkspawn," I reply. He laughs, but it isn't the same laugh as a happy one. He sounds bitter. "What's wrong, Nate? Miss Amaranthine already?"

"Don't tell me you like it down here."

"We have it better off than Leliana or Carver. I can't complain."

He sighs, getting to his feet to move around and stomp out our now pointless fire. "Do you ever wish you didn't join the Wardens?"

"Um...no."

"Why?"

"Because that means your father killed me," I state flatly.

"Ah, yes. Good point," Nate agrees.

"Why'd you ask? Do you?"

Nate shrugs and leans on his bow. "Some days. It hurts to see your sister with another man. The dreams are horrible."

I look down at my sword, inspecting the nick in the blade I have been trying to get rid of. "You really did like her, didn't you?"

"Of course I did. Being a Warden...you lose too much for anything to be worth it. I haven't found a happy moment with them yet."

I flick my gaze up to his, chuckling. "You think I don't know that? All I got are my bones and my crazy family of armed lunatics."

"You've got more than most Wardens," Nate says.

"I do," I admit. "I've got my sister, a brother, and my wife. That's pretty much all I want, though. I like being a Warden for the time being."

"All we've got to look forward to is the Calling."

"Yeah, that kinda sucks ass, but hey, what're you gonna do? There's no happy ending for anybody."

"Always the philosopher," he says, laughing. I laugh too, shaking my head. "So. Found yourself an Orlesian?"

"Is that a problem?"

"What did my father say he betrayed your father for? Consorting with the Orlesians?"

I stifle another laugh. "Consorting is one way to put it."

I get to my feet and tuck my whetstone into my pack. Then I pick up my shield, tighten its straps on my left forearm, and shove my sword into its scabbard. Just as I do, I feel the tickling on my spine increase.

"We're in for a long day," Nate grumbles.

"One, long Maker-forsaken day." I draw my sword, turning back the way we came, but I hear heavy footfalls coming from both openings to the cavern. "Great. They missed some." The grunts and screams of the darkspawn are only coming from the way forward, but I don't trust the other direction. I decide it's best to face the way I know there are darkspawn coming from, and Nathaniel follows my lead.

The first darkspawn falls to Nate's arrows. They come in a swarm after that, tripping over the bodies of their fallen comrades. I settle into a crouch. Placing my shield between myself and the darkspawn, I catch the first swing of an axe without much trouble. The sound of fighting erupts, and our day of darkspawn killing and Grey Warden-ing begins.

It's only when I feel a rush of heat do I realize that they have an emissary.

"Watch out for the mage!" I call to Nathaniel. "Take him out!"

I duck behind my shield as the axe swings again, and the metallic ringing in my ears drowns his response out. When the pressure lessens, I bring my arm in before shoving it out, ramming the hurlock. It falls, tripping over the rock-strewn ground, and I drive my sword into its chest. A genlock approaches from my left, but I rend its head from its shoulders before it can so much as twitch.

"Aedan! The emissary!"

I look up to see the hurlock running down the tunnel it came from. After kicking a hurlock away, I bolt after it, swinging my shield over my shoulder. Almost immediately, several arrows bounce off the hardened metal, further ruining the paint on the Cousland crest. I sheath my sword as I chase the monster deeper. It runs down a stone staircase and past a gigantic spike of lyrium, up another staircase, and out onto a road. It heads left towards a debris-covered section. Stone golems stand alongside the wall, and despite my fascination with them, I don't stop. I chase it through the winding path and into another cavern where the others are fighting a massive wave of darkspawn. I'm only a few feet behind it, but it is just enough to give it the chance to launch a lightning bolt at the Wardens before I can reach it. I don't see who it was aimed for; I tackle the emissary and roll several feet with it. I begin to prepare a smite when it kicks me off. I jump to my feet and rip my sword free of its scabbard, sliding into a defensive stance. The monster shrieks at me, raising its staff for another spell. But by then, I have my smite ready, and I blast the mage with it. The energy that takes...it makes my skin crawl. As it tries to recover, I march up to it and free its head from its shoulders.

An arrow bounces off my back, forcing me to turn to the fighting. I shrug my shield onto my arm as I turn, but the archer has already been silenced by an arrow with black fletching. One of Elissa's. She must either be out of mana or trying to conserve it. Before I can join them, they finish off the darkspawn here.

I frown. I don't see Leliana.

"Didn't I tell you to stay back with Nathaniel?" Elissa asks, walking up to me.

"I planned on it, but then we were attacked, and that idiot tried to get away."

"You-"

"Liss!" Alistair shouts. "We need you over here!"

She turns and I look past her shoulder to see him and Carver crouched around someone. My eyes widen. Oh no. Maker, please, don't let this be real.

The two of us run over to them. Alistair is saying something about not moving, to not aggravate the wound, to breathe deeply and slowly, to just keep her eyes open a little longer. My heart clenches and my breath hitches in my throat. In the center of the metal guard all Warden armor has is a massive hole. It has scorch marks all around it and red stains. Maker, there's so much blood...I wasn't even aware of being able to bleed from a burn.

"You two, go keep an eye out for more darkspawn," Elissa orders, pointing at Alistair and Carver. "And you, get your ass moving and help me."

"Help? I'm no mage. What could I do?" I crouch by Leliana anyway, too shocked to do anything else.

"Keep her awake. Talk to her, hit her, whatever. I don't care; just don't let her go into shock. Can you do that without panicking?"

I nod stupidly. "Yeah, I can."

"Good, but be ready to get up and help them if more darkspawn come," Elissa says. "I swear to the Maker they can smell blood."

I shift around so I'm sitting by her head, and cross my legs so I can pull her head into my lap. She's blinking at the ceiling, eyes unfocused, darting around confusedly. I force a smile onto my face as I brush her hair from her face. "How is a burn bleeding?"

Elissa shakes her head as she rummages around in her pack for lyrium and healing potions. "I don't know. But she's toughed out a wound in her chest for a good three minutes, so I'd assume that the lightning bolt didn't hit her heart. Perhaps an artery or some other blood vessel." Elissa finds what she's looking for and gulps down one of the blue potions, scowling at the flavor. "You're one tough son of a bitch, Leliana. I'll give you credit."

I laugh once, bitterly like Nate did mere moments ago. I hope he's all right. I'd feel horrible if he got hurt or died, but not as bad as I would if Leliana did. She's hurt, yes, and it pains me to see her like this, but I can't stand the thought of losing her too.

Her eyes drift shut. Panic starts forming in my gut, but I force it back to lean down and whisper, "Open your eyes, love. Please, you need to keep them open."

"Aedan?"

"Keep your mouth shut lady," Elissa orders. "You watch Aedan and don't move one inch, or this'll hurt more than it did to die. Got that? Good. Now shut up."

"You don't deal with losing people well, do you?" I'll say anything to keep from thinking about what could happen to Leli. I already know the answer to that question.

"I'm not losing anybody," Elissa snarls. "Not if I have anything to say about it."She stands up on her knees, folding her hands together. I tear my gaze away from my sister to find Leliana's. She's staring at me, blinking slowly in late intervals. Her breathing is ragged and her skin is pale, far too pale for it to be healthy. She's losing a lot of blood. Out of the corner of my eye, I see light blue energy coming from my sister's hands as she readies a healing spell.

I can tell when she starts the healing process. Leliana's face twists up into an expression of pain and discomfort. She squeezes her eyes shut, but I don't tell her to open them; it's obvious she's not passing out. I feel helpless. It's all I can do to comfort her. If Elissa hadn't come like she originally intended... Leliana would be dead. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lost her. She's been my whole world for years. Losing her would break me. Seeing her like this, in pain that is my fault, hurts more than anything I've ever felt. Not even losing my friends and family hurt this much. Leliana isn't even dead, but it hurts more. So much more. I haven't felt this guilty about anything, or this distraught over someone's injury. I didn't even feel this upset when I found out Elissa had vanished. Yes, I was upset, upset enough to hold off leaving Redcliffe for another week, but...it has nothing on this. It's in my chest, eating away at me. Her pain is breaking my heart.

"Darkspawn coming!" Alistair shouts.

Elissa looks up at me. "Go."

I hesitate, glancing between her and Leli, feeling torn, when my choice is decided for me.

"Stay. Please." Leli looks like she's begging now, and it hurts even more.

Elissa sighs. "I told you to be quiet." She makes a motion with her hand. "You can stay. Alistair! Can you hold them off for a few minutes?"

He laughs. "You won't get to kill anything, Liss!"

She looks back to her current task, faintly smiling, and I understand. Just hearing their voice...it's better than anything. I still feel like an ass for getting defensive and yelling at her for getting involved with Alistair. If anyone deserves to be yelled at for getting involved with someone, it would be me. I'm a Fereldan, and even though I consider her as such, Leliana is an Orlesian. Few outside of our circle believe her when she says her mother was from Denerim, and those that do, don't think it's enough to be 'another barbarian'. Leliana has always seemed fine with being a Fereldan though. She doesn't care what people say. But it's not everyday people hear about a Fereldan and an Orlesian marrying because they actually love each other. It's bred into both nationalities to hate. I was raised to hate Orlesians, and yet here I am, completely in love with a woman with an Orlesian accent. Fereldans and Orlesians don't mix, but I got upset over my sister caring for another Fereldan. He doesn't hurt her at all. They fight, that much is clear by the glares they'll shoot each other sometimes, but Alistair protects her regardless. I've caused Leliana so much grief that it's not even fair.

"Aedan, I need you to help her get a healing potion down. There's something wrong that I can't heal," Elissa says. She passes me a flask of red liquid after checking to see if it's still safe for consumption. The cavern shakes, making both of our heads snap up. The tingling on my spine intensifies, signaling the impending arrival of an ogre. "Hurry!"

I pop the cork out of the flask while Elissa continues healing. I put the flask to Leliana's lips and tilt it slowly while she swallows every disgusting drop of it.

"Good to go!" Elissa exclaims. "On your feet; we've got company!"

Elissa scrambles for her equipment before leaping to her feet and running back to the other two. After some careful movements and winces, I've helped Leliana to her feet.

"You think you can fight?" I ask.

"Do I have a choice?" Leli retorts.

I look down briefly before looking back up and shaking my head. "No, I guess not. But when do we ever?"

* * *

We're sitting in the Hanged Man for the first time in years, but at a table separate from Hawke's. Elissa and Miranda clash more often than not, and putting the two mages in the same room is dangerous enough. Anders has apparently gotten worse during the time we were away, or that's the impression I got when he came to talk to Elissa and I. He begged for our help with something. I was so disgusted by what he was asking that I wanted to strike him down where he stood for suggesting it. But the look on Elissa's face...she agreed. I don't understand why, but it's not the time to question her decisions. Right now, we need to recover from our most recent trek into the Deep Roads, and then get back to Ferelden to fight off the newest Orlesian invasion.

I chance a look over at Leliana, but she's just staring at her food with an uncharacteristically blank expression. "How are you holding up?"

"I have seen better days."

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "This was my fault."

She frowns and forces herself to tear her eyes away from the tavern's mystery meat stew. "How was my getting injured your fault? I made a stupid mistake, one I won't make again." I start to reply, but she gets up and walks upstairs.

"Well that was weird. She usually eats as much as Liss," Alistair says.

"Hey!"

I allow a faint smirk to cross my face. "Elissa, you have already admitted to eating more than most Wardens. Getting defensive about it now means nothing."

She snorts. "I'm getting defensive about Alistair believing someone might actually eat as much as I do."

I manage to laugh with the others. "In all fairness, the women in the Wardens do eat quite a bit," Nate says. "The two of you did spend more of our sovereigns on meals than us four."

"All right, fine," Elissa says. "But Leliana has nothing on how much I eat."

I roll my eyes and push my chair back. "I'm heading to bed. I'm tired as it is, and I should probably check on her."

Elissa nods, waving me off. "See you tomorrow, brother. Sleep well."

I force a smile for her. Elissa's always got my back, and vice versa. I can always count on her, just like I can always count on Leliana. I just hope she's all right.


	14. Sleeping In

_This chapter is set right after Aedan arrives at Skyhold for the first time, told from Leliana's perspective. Slightly NSFW._

I leave the tavern after showing Aedan, Elissa, and Alistair to it, intending to return to my bed and get some much needed sleep. It was a long day of planning for the Inquisition's march into the Arbor Wilds, completed by an argument with Morrigan, and then being questioned by Arin about Aedan. I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd just dropped it for another day, but he insisted. He's the kind of person to do that. He'll be serious one second, witty another, but always concerned for others. He has a good heart; he just doesn't know when to leave someone alone.

When I hear someone following me, I freeze, doing my traditional tensing to prepare to hit the person. A hand touches my shoulder.

"Leliana."

I relax, but not by much. I am happy to see Aedan, don't get me wrong, but I'm exhausted, and I want sleep. Maybe to even sleep in his arms, somewhere safe and warm, where I'm just Leliana again. I don't enjoy what I do, killing people and spying on them beforehand, but with the Inquisition, I'm protecting more people than I am with the Agents. Aedan will undoubtedly accompany Elissa and Alistair when they leave Skyhold, but if I can even get a day where I have him, I'll feel so much better. Aedan has never cared what I've done, or who I've wronged. To him, I'm just me. Sometimes, being Leliana is what I need. I need time to let my protective wall drop, to return to the teasing nature Aedan imprinted on me. I rarely get that anymore.

To hell with propriety.

I turn and throw my arms around his neck, embracing him as fiercely as ever. I bury my face in his shoulder. When he wraps his arms around my waist, I let myself breathe again. I inhale a lungful of his scent; he smells of something distinctly masculine, something I've never been able to place. It is comforting to have a shred of my life returned. I have missed him more than I thought possible most days, aching for anything, a hug, a kiss, even a simple smile. His embrace, his very presence, makes everything seem more bearable.

"I told you I'd find you, didn't I?"

I hold him to me, tightening my grip on him. "I don't want to think about that."

He makes a noise deep in his throat. I don't know how to describe it. "That's all I've been able to think of since I left Weisshaupt, Leli. Getting here to make sure you really were still alive." He inhales deeply, sighing. "I can't forget it. I want to, but I can't. It...it's burned into my memory. Seeing you die is something I don't want to have to live through again."

My throat clenches and I squeeze my eyes shut. The memory of him falling flashes through my mind. Nothing has ever terrified me as much.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Aedan asks softly. I feel his lips move as he speaks into my hair and the sensation sends tingles down my spine. Pleasurable ones, ones that don't alert me to the possibility of fighting.

I almost say yes, I almost say something about what he did with Morrigan, but then I realize he never did lie about it. He never said one word on the subject until he told me. "No."

"Did you think I wouldn't keep my promise then?"

"Yes," I admit awkwardly. "I...did not want to get my hopes up."

Aedan laughs, _laughs_, and pulls back to look me in the eye. Even though it's darker than night out here, I can still see how bright his eyes are. I've never understood how someone managed to have eyes a shade of blue like that, but Aedan and Elissa both do. I could spend hours just staring at Aedan's eyes.

"What's wrong with hoping for something? You're only human, and humans need hope."

I find a joke buried inside of me and say, "So we need your sister?"

Aedan grins before kissing my forehead. "Always so clever. My clever bard." He lingers longer than he should, or rather, than I should let him, but I don't care. This is the first time I have seen him in years. Redcliffe...I do not count it. That was different, and terrifying, and just wrong. I can sympathize with the Templars after what I saw Alexius cause. I even stopped Josie from intervening when Arin sentenced him to be made Tranquil. I have never once believed that to be a fair punishment until we had the bastard locked up in Skyhold's dungeons.

I reluctantly disentangle myself from Aedan's arms. I already feel colder. "I need to get some sleep."

He nods, taking a step back from me. "Of course. I understand."

"But...I'm starving," I add. I reach out for his gloved hand and tug him after me. "Don't tell me you're not; you eat more than you think."

"And you don't?"

I raise a brow as I back towards the steps leading to the lower courtyard. "Did you just call me fat?"

"Mmm. Perhaps. Did I?" His brows knit together and he grimaces. "You and your Orlesian bullshit is wearing off on me."

I laugh out loud and turn to walk him down the steps. "Keep that up, and you will play the Game quite well."

"You act like I want to get involved in Orlesian politics."

I throw him a grin over my shoulder. I feel much more relaxed with him around. "Who knows? You may be involved whether you want to be or not. After all, aren't Elissa and Alistair destined for the Ferelden throne? They'll need ambassadors."

"If you're crazy enough to suggest they hate me enough to make me-"

"A key to having a good ambassador is to have someone familiar to the way the court in that nation works, or is able to learn quickly."

His eyes narrow. "I'll lock you in our room if you even think about it."

I stop walking to face him, giving him my best innocent face. "Why would you do that? There's nothing I can do in _there _that could even possibly interest you..."

Aedan growls low in his throat. He grabs my forearms before I can stop him and pulls me close, leaning forward to whisper, "If I had you locked in a room, neither of us would ever leave, Leli. I assure you of that. I'd be far too...'interested' to walk away." He releases me abruptly to see my reaction, and from the half-smirk he cracks, I don't disappoint. I shiver at the way he's looking at me, gulping at the look in his eye. "I'm not hungry."

"Um...then you, uh-"

Aedan grins triumphantly. "Such an eloquent bard."

I snap my mouth shut and regain my wits before even attempting to respond. "What in Andraste's name has gotten into you?"

His face softens for a moment. "I've been without you for years. Don't you know how cold it was to sleep alone, or how terrible it was to wake up without you smiling at me in the mornings? I've missed you so much that I can barely think straight now that you're standing in front of me. I've missed the way you frown when I tell you to go away and let me sleep longer. I missed your smile and your laugh. I missed holding you and knowing you're safe, Leli. I wanted nothing more than to be near you again. I don't care what we do, eat, talk, sleep, or even fight. I just want to be with you. And now that I _finally _have the opportunity to gain what I've lost, I want it."

I blink, swallow, and run through all of my options before pushing his shoulder. "Quit being so sweet."

"No," he says, smiling so widely I can see his teeth. "Do-"

I grab him by his armor and pull him closer, close enough that I can stand up and press my lips to his. I can hear my heart racing in the thrill of the moment, and when he kisses me back, I swear he can hear it too. Aedan crushes me to his chest, groaning in frustration.

"Why is it we're always wearing too much armor?"

"I'd like to not die, thanks," I mumble halfheartedly.

"That's a convincing argument now that I think about it," Aedan agrees. He rests his forehead on mine, eyes closed, as he breathes through his nose. I'm not sure when my hood fell back, or when his hands found their way into my hair, but I don't care. I have always liked the way he runs his fingers through my hair, and I'm not about to tell him to cut it out. It feels too good. I don't want him to stop, or to move, or to let me go. I could stay standing here with him forever and not care. "I love you, you know that? More than anything."

I smirk faintly. "More than food? I suppose I should feel honored."

"Wait, I can love food? Then stand aside, woman. I've got some munchies to sate."

"Munchies?"

Aedan chuckles. "I've no idea. I heard one of the dwarves say it at Weisshaupt. It sounded different."

"Pfft, different doesn't even begin to cover it, Aedan."

He smiles. "Seriously though. Food? Please? I'm starving."

I return the smile and reach out for his hand again. "Fine. Come on." I pull him after me through the various courtyards until we're standing in front of the stables again, and then lead him to the left, up a staircase into the kitchens. The cooks and servants have all gone to bed for the night by now, but that does not stop him from raiding what he can. I bite my tongue to keep from laughing. He shoots me a dead serious look before cracking a grin and I lose it, falling back on the wall from laughing so hard. He sets the loaf of bread he was eating on the table to walk up to me, standing by the door leading into Skyhold's basement.

"What's so funny?"

I shake my head. "Just...your face."

"And how's that funny, Leli? Did I do something wrong?" By the way his eyebrows are risen, and the look he's giving me, I can see his teasing. But instead of giving a serious answer, I stand up on my toes so I can whisper in his ear.

"You sidetracked for food."

When I drop back onto my feet, I see that Aedan's face has paled slightly, much to my sudden wave of amusement. "Was I not supposed to do that?"

"No."

"Oops." He shrugs nonchalantly as he goes back for his bread. "Sorry. Got a Warden appetite to sate. Maybe later."

"I _hate _it when you tease me."

Aedan grins at me past a mouthful. He swallows before saying, "Maybe you shouldn't be teasing me then. I'd be less compelled to return the favor."

I cross my arms. "You like the teasing."

"So do you, despite the denial. It's...fun," Aedan says. He wiggles his eyebrows, but remains by the table, eating. "I'll quit on one condition, though."

"Oh?"

"You let me stay with you tonight." He's staring at me now, gaze locked on me, daring me to say no. I swallow, surprised, and nod numbly. He shoots me a triumphant grin as he resumes his snacking. "So. What do you have to say? Do I leave?"

I walk up to him and swat the bread from his hand. "If you leave me again, Aedan Cousland, I'll hurt you." He looks hurt, casting his food a sad glare, but laughs anyway.

"Ah, so I take it staying was a good idea then?" I'm close enough that he can wrap his arms around my waist, and I let him. He pulls me against his torso, a brow raised. "I don't like getting hurt. I can take it though. At least...the normal way. Stabbed by a sword or something. I don't want to see how inventive you can get."

I smirk. "It would be simple."

"Oh? And how's that?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I need to prepare myself," he says dramatically. He squeezes his eyes shut and inhales deeply. "Okay, I'm ready. Hit me with it."

"Just how much do you love me exactly?"

His eyes snap open. "That's cold. Ouch. I'm wounded." I throw my head back and laugh. The sound is almost completely foreign even to myself. I've had little reason to so much as crack a smile since Elissa and Alistair left Haven after the Conclave. I need to be the serious one in the war room, or else we'd accomplish nothing. Sometimes I falter and let a joke slip through (like when I told Cullen to shut up and stand there all pretty the other day). Laughing is not...not something I'm used to doing anymore.

"Do you need to warm up?" I ask innocently.

"Well, that depends. Just how will I be 'warming up', Lady Nightingale?"

My eyes close at the tone of his voice. Chills run down my spine. Oh sweet Maker. It's his mocking tone, the one he likes to use when he's trying to get me to be straightforward about what I want. He's called me that before, just once, and it was more exciting than I'm willing to admit.

"However you see fit."

The corner of Aedan's mouth turns up in a mischievous smirk. "Then I hope you've got somewhere for us to go that's more...private than the kitchens."

* * *

Aedan passes me into my quarters, wandering up the stairs without any signs of hesitation. I lag behind to lock the door, but follow him up the last flight of stairs only a moment or so later. He's already looking around while he meanders by the railing.

"Always take the high ground?" Aedan asks over his shoulder.

"I like to see what's going on," I say defensively. He just laughs, clearly amused by something, as he turns back to face me.

His face is slightly pink. It takes a moment of his awkward stares for me to realize he's blushing. I almost laugh at the absurdity of it. "You look..." He swallows nervously. His boldness is gone now. The blush has spread all the way to his ears. I cross my arms, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "That armor... I wouldn't object to seeing you in it more often."

I blink stupidly, surprised at the comment, and then laugh. I almost fall over from laughing so hard, and every time I look up at him, his hurt expression only makes me laugh harder. Downstairs, less than ten minutes ago, he was doing his best to ask for sex without saying it, and now he's telling me to keep my clothes on. Maker, this man...some days...

"Now I'm crushed."

I walk up to him, still giggling, and take his hand. "Thank you, Aedan. I feel so ridiculously pretty now that you've told me I look good in my armor."

He grins hesitantly. "You're welcome."

I pull him after me, heading for the door to my quarters. "I've missed you." The words are so simple that I feel like I lied to him. They don't even begin to cover how I felt. I thought he was dead for Maker-only-knows-how-long, and then found out he's alive after spending a year of life in one of the worst nightmares I could ever imagine, only to watch him die a few hours later. All I've felt is heartache since then. It was like those first few months after he initially left, but ten times worse.

I sense the smile on his face rather than see it. "I missed you too. But you already knew that, right?" I look back at him, but his smile has turned back into his sneaky little grin, and his blush has faded. Now that he's not figuring out how to compliment me, his courage is back. The sight of that grin makes my heart beat faster. My blood feels like it has turned to fire in my veins. "Allow me," he says, stepping around to open the door.

"Chivalry is still dead."

He chuckles. "In all fairness, that was the first proposition I got in my entire life, all right? Yes, looking back on it now, I was being thick. Will you ever let me live that down?"

I hum to myself as I toss my gloves on a dresser. It doesn't have much in the way of clothes in it. More books than anything. Books and reports I've decided to file away. "As soon as you let go of my pressed flower collection, and that comment about caramel."

"That reminds me!" I glance back at him from pulling off my chainmail coat to see him rifling around in his pack that he's thrown on a table.

"Nice to see you making yourself at home."

He shoots me a look. "Like you're going to complain." Before I can reply, he presents me with an envelope. "I thought you would want to add to that collection."

"Oh how I hate you some days."

"The feeling is mutual. Now seriously, open it. I missed out on a lot of important things, and was sort of hoping that would make up for it."

I set it aside, saying, "If you want to make up for being away for so long, quit stalling."

"Stalling? Stalling what?"

"Now you're just being stupid."

He grins. "The one thing I'm a master of."

"My master of stupidity and tact," I tease. Aedan's grin broadens as he steps up to me. He knows his way around humor, all kinds of it, and he's comfortable when I tease him. Teasing is straightforward and that's what he likes. I am so used to teasing him so he doesn't feel awkward that I've adopted it as a common practice.

"My master of...spy stuff."

My face falls on his shoulder as I laugh. By the way he looked at me when he said it, I know it was intentional.

"Delaying the inevitable."

"Like an expert," Aedan says, grinning wider. "Better at it than you are."

"Always," I say sarcastically.

Aedan is so close, so painfully close, that all this talking is making me ache. He used to do this, talk so much that I'd get bored, walk away, and then give him the opportunity to work me back into the mood. Except, I'm not in the mood for his games tonight. Tonight, I just want to feel him again, and this dancing is starting to annoy me.

He starts to reply, but I grab the breaks in his armor and pull his mouth down to mine. A laugh rumbles through his chest at my impatience. I don't care. Why would I? He can laugh all he wants. I've been dead to the world for too long. When asked, I'd put on a smile and tell whomever was asking that Aedan would come back, and when he did, that I would be waiting for him. I never once let on that his absence was hurting me as much as it did.

"This needs to come off," he says. I feel him tug on a clasp on my ribcage, so I reach for the one I know will be in the same place on him. He has the one on me undone faster than I do on him. I've never been good at working armor clasps when I have the time to fuss over them. I'm so desperate to be able to touch him, feel him, anything, that I barely have the brainpower to figure out what's what. My lack of dexterity amuses Aedan constantly.

It takes far too much cursing and fidgeting with each other's armor to leave us with any patience whatsoever. The moment we're down to nothing but clothes, he pulls me against his chest again, crushing his lips to mine. I feel him poking at my hip, urging me to pull myself closer, but I stay where I am. If he's going to play games, I'm going to play games. After all, it's only fair...

Aedan's tongue brushes against my lips in an informal request. I'm more than willing to give him what he wants. When his tongue slides across my own, pleasurable tingles run down my spine. He tastes of ginger and something else I can't place.

I slide my hands under his shirt. I feel his muscles tighten at the contact, but he doesn't shy away. My hands find their way to his back, leaving goosebumps on his skin where they pass. It's all I want to just touch him. I just want to know he's real, that this isn't some sick nightmare the Fade has thrown at me. After running my hands all over his chest and abdomen, I'm satisfied that this is really happening, but it's so achingly slow that I can practically hear my heart thumping in my chest.

I start to shift so I can push his tunic over his head, but he moves his lips to my jawline, and I freeze. I lean into him, sighing. His arms tighten around my waist and pull me closer as he trails his kisses down to my neck. My breath hitches in my throat, coming out in little more than ragged gasps, until he finds the one spot that makes me unravel. He sucks on the juncture between my shoulder and my neck, pushing my shirt aside, and keeps at it long enough that a whimper escapes me. His body goes rigid at the noise.

"Again," he growls. "Moan for me." He presses a kiss to the spot before sucking again, slightly harder. The feeling of it has me whimpering and moaning for him within seconds, pressing my body against his in a weak attempt to get closer. We're both still fully clothed and yet he has managed to turn me into a bundle of nerves. I somehow manage to get out his name in little more than a breathy whisper, but the next thing I know, he has spun us around and pushed me up against the table. His hands hold his hips to mine, allowing him to wriggle between my legs and rub on me. A wave of heat washes over my body and I hook a leg around his waist.

"I said _moan _for me."

He lifts me up and drops me on the edge of the table before stepping between my thighs. He holds me against him as he pulls back, leaving me breathless. My heart is hammering, my blood is burning, and I just want to feel him inside of me again. That's all I can think of.

Aedan practically rips my loose shirt off my body. He groans, loudly, and squeezes his eyes shut. Before he can stop me, I grab the hem of his tunic and pull it over his head. My eyes lock on the scars running down to his left ribcage first, but then I find myself tracing all of the little marks on him. Old scars I know of, and new ones in strange patterns. They are rough and jagged, but as I'm about to ask, his lips are on mine again, silencing any questions before they form.

* * *

When I open my eyes the following morning, the sounds of people moving about in the tower can be heard from the library, but not from the rookery. That's strange. Why wouldn't my scouts be out there? They're always out and about before I'm up. I know I get up early, but they're usually awake a little earlier than I am so they can be ready for the day's work at the same time I am.

Then I notice the body pressed to my back and the arm around my waist, and the mutual lack of clothing. The previous night comes back to me slowly, but I see the Warden tattoo on the person's forearm, and manage to keep from rolling over and strangling him. I wasn't expecting to wake up with Aedan right here. It's a pleasant half-surprise, one I'm sort of glad to have forgotten in the few hours of sleep I found.

Wait. There are people out there! They're awake! I get up before everybody!

A fist slamming on the door to the small bedroom confirms my fears. I definitely slept in.

"Leliana! Leliana! Wake up, we've got work to get to!" The Inquisitor. "I let you sleep longer, but now Cullen is shitting bricks in the war room about it, and if I have to hear one more metaphor about what you could've been doing from the Warden , I'll kill the woman. Get up!"

Oh, Elissa is going to pay when I get down there.

"I'm awake, Herald. Give me ten minutes."

I hear him huff. "Ten minutes my ass." Was that...Dorian?

"Fine, but bring that Warden. We need him down there too."

After I'm sure they're gone, I force myself to get up and get dressed. It takes some careful maneuvering to get free of Aedan's arm, and even more to get out of my bed without waking him. I only pull on my clothes before going back over and pushing his shoulder to rouse him.

"What?" Not a morning person.

"Time to get up. I have things to do today, and apparently, so do you."

He grunts. "This is the first time I've been able to sleep in a bed for nearly three years. Can't you just let me have my moment? Please?"

"You can sleep later."

"Ugh, fine," he grumbles. While he forces his way up, I start pulling on my armor. I follow my usual routine in the mornings, dress, comb my hair, things like that, while carefully avoiding looking at the man wandering around doing similar things. I'm done in the span of four minutes, but he's still fussing with his armor, and alternatively, his hair. Some days he can be finicky about that. The sight makes me smile. I end up staring long enough to catch his attention, and when he flicks his gaze up to me, he asks, "Little help here?"

I sigh like it's a problem to walk over and help him fix his bangs while he fidgets with the clasps on his chestguard.

"You're helpless," I mutter, dropping back onto my feet.

Aedan smiles widely, showing off teeth. "That's why I have you. You make me useful." He kisses my cheek briefly. "Now where are we off to, Spymaster?"

"Formalities after last night, Warden? Tsk tsk. We're at least on a nationalities basis."

"All right, Orlesian. Where are we off to?"

"The war room," I say, starting out the door. He follows. The click of the lock sounds behind me. "Your sister has apparently been making colorful jokes about us. the Inquisitor isn't happy."

"What? Why? Were you supposed to be awake by now?"

"Let's just say I'm late and leave it at that."

Aedan sighs. "I'm sorry, Leli. This is my fault and-"

I turn and stop him with a hand on his chest. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Arin will understand after he gets over Elissa taking all of his jokes before he can make them." I stand up to kiss him, but just as it starts to get more heated, I pull away. I smile at the brown-haired Warden. "You'll see, I promise."

Aedan returns the smile and follows me through Skyhold. As we pass through the main hall, I'm thankful that Varric isn't anywhere nearby to say something inappropriate (he would, and then Josie would break her back trying to apologize to whomever he scandalized). We cut through her office and down the hall, past the gaping hole that lets in a wonderfully ice-cold breeze, and finally, into the war room. By now, Elissa has managed to make Cullen and Josie flush, along with Alistair. Arin is chuckling about something as I walk around to my usual place at the table.

Cullen, always eager for something not dirty to be said, jumps at the chance for a topic change. "If you squint, Lake Calenhad looks like a bunny." He tilts his head to the side, doing just that. "Well, sort of." I lean forward and cock my head to the left, eyes narrowed.

Josie sighs. "Commander, I hardly think it's appropriate to say something like that with-"

"Ooh! I think I see it!" I hear the distinctive sound of someone slapping their forehead, so when I look up, I see the Herald standing there, trying not to laugh with his face in his hand. My eyes narrow on him. "What?"

He looks to my friend standing on the opposite end of the war table. "And you want to teach me proper etiquette on how to act around visiting dignitaries?"

Elissa snorts. "Leliana doesn't need etiquette around us. She belongs with this family of lunatics. We don't judge each other."

Now it's my turn to smack my forehead. "You want a lack of etiquette, Inquisitor, talk to Elissa. She's very good at lacking manners."

She flashes me a grin. "My previous comments about you and Aedan notwithstanding-"

Aedan pushes her shoulder to shut her up before smiling apologetically at the other Inquisition members in the room. "I didn't intend to keep your Spymaster late, and for that, I apologize. Now if we could get down to business so I can go get something for breakfast, that would be great."

I shake my head, laughing softly. That's Aedan all right.


	15. Fun in the Snow

_This chapter takes place a few years after Inquisition in Aedan's POV. I was listening to 'Let It Go' and then this happened. A what-if scenario in the main story (for Elissa and Alistair at least). _

Redcliffe is covered in snow. It has been this way for weeks now, the force of a Fereldan winter washing over it with as much vengeance as ever. Still, I'm outside of the castle early for my arranged sparring match with the Hero of Ferelden. People caught wind of it easily, and whereas we would usually spar in the castle, Teagan requested we move it out to a field not so far from the village so people could watch. That's where I go now, sword and shield in hand, armor equipped. The village is bustling as I pass it; Elissa so rarely comes through this area of Ferelden anymore, and the villagers clamor when the person who saved them does put in an appearance.

Looking down, I see the statue erected in the center of the town, right out in front of the Chantry, and smirk. Elissa's reaction upon seeing that was priceless.

_"Is that supposed to be me?" Elissa frowns, brows drawn together. "Blech. I'm even uglier as a rock."_

_"You're not ugly," Alistair replies._

_"I don't know," I say. "That is one ugly rock. Are you sure you want to let that stay?" _

_Elissa grins halfheartedly. "Do you think they'd listen if I told them to get rid of it?" I shake my head, so she shrugs. "You know what, I've seen uglier all over Thedas. Remember that statue of Andraste in the Vigil? The one Anders said was a looker? I feel like I'm going to turn into that. That statue was horrendous." _

_"Another reason why we should've known to never listen to that damn mage," I say. _

_We had been standing in the center of the village for a while now, talking to each other and various villagers as they passed, when two small boys run up to us in turn. _

_"Mama! Mama! Cameron said you broke the Chantry!" _

_Elissa looks at both of them, a brow raised, before looking up at me. I throw up my hands defensively. "All right, so which one of you told the boy that?" _

_"Oh, it was me," I say. "Obviously. I also told him that you can fly." _

_Both boys' eyes go wide. "Is that true, Mama? Can you fly?" _

_She sighs. "The darkspawn probably think so. Come on; let's go get lunch where your uncle can't fill your heads with lies." _

_"I'll tell my son whatever I want whenever I want, sis. Just because you're the Queen of Ferelden doesn't mean you can give me orders." _

That was an amusing day.

I shake my head before continuing to the field. A ring has been thrown together rather quickly to keep the children from getting too close; I suspect that was Kaitlyn's intervention. She always has been more...family friendly than Teagan. He's a good man and a good father, don't get me wrong, but he's like Alistair and I. If the kids want to run amok like crazies, why not let them? I swear, if it wasn't for our wives, our children already would have killed themselves. Cameron and Blake (Elissa and Alistair's son, named after an Agent who saved both of their lives, but ended up costing him his own) are thicker than Elissa and I ever were, and get into just as much trouble. They're only cousins, but they already show signs of sharing habits with all four of us. Cameron has hair as red as his mother's, and an attitude to match Elissa's. He's a fiery boy. Blake has dirty blond hair and his father's sense of humor, and already shown signs of being a mage.

"You ready to have your ass kicked, brother?" Elissa asks, flitting over to my side as silently as ever. I'm used to it from her; Leli still manages to scare me half to death when she does that.

"Like that time I knocked you on yours?" I ask, raising a brow.

She grins, shrugging. "I've gotten a lot better over the years."

"You've gotten complacent," I amend. "Sitting in a palace all day will do that to you."

"I go out and train with my guards every morning!" she says defensively. "What do you do? Look over reports sent in from the various nobles? Pfft. You're the complacent one."

"I'm just fat," I say, waving her comment aside. "I'm ready to fight every minute of everyday." She starts to reply, but I cut her off. "No magic tricks."

Elissa laughs, shaking her head. "Good thing you said something about it now, or else I would have. No Templar stuff from you, either, or I'll smack you with a rock."

"Fair deal," I say, nodding.

She leaves me at that, walking back to where Alistair and Blake are waiting for her. I start to join them, but a voice behind me catches my attention first.

"Papa!" I turn to face the boy running up to me. I grin and extend my arms for him. Cameron jumps into them easily, nearly knocking me off my feet.

"What are you doing up so early, kiddo?"

"I wanted to come watch you fight," he says excitedly. "Mama thinks you're going to lose."

"Mama is a lady of little faith," I say, laughing. "But she's probably right, you know. Your aunt always beats me."

"She's wrong!" Cameron protests. "You'll win! You always win!"

"Not when I'm sparring with my sister," I say.

"You have to win, Papa," Cameron says. "Please?"

"All right. I'll do my best, buddy." I set him down on his feet, smart enough to know Leliana will be somewhere behind him. "Go play in the snow with Blake."

"Yay!" He runs off to do just that. They launch into some made-up game only they know the rules of, throwing snowballs at each other and hiding behind large drifts to avoid being hit. I don't lose sight of Cameron once; his hair gives him away easily.

I shake my head, chuckling to myself.

* * *

After having my ass thoroughly kicked, the crowd fans back to the village. Cameron and Blake have practically forgotten the sparring to chuck snowballs at each other, having dragged Alistair into it, and leaving Elissa and I to clamber out of the fence ring on our own. Elissa goes to join them, laughing as her boy whips a snowball at her face. I don't exactly see how that's funny, but then again, I don't exactly understand my twin, and I've known her since birth.

I'm checking my sword for any damages, frowning slightly, when someone says, "Avoiding the fun?"

I jump, nearly dropping my sword, and scowl at the woman staring at me. Leliana is wearing an amused smirk, arms crossed over her chest. "Will you _ever _stop that?"

"No, probably not. It's actually funny watching you start like that."

I glare at her and resume my task, flicking a gloved finger over a speck of brown to check that it's not rust. Leliana is much more obvious now that I know she's here; I hear her footsteps (barely) as she siddles up to me. I catch a glimpse of her, watching me frown at my sword as I take care of it, eyebrows knit together. Half a laugh escapes me and I shake my head.

"All right, what?"

She raises an eyebrow. "I didn't say anything."

"You were staring at me."

"I was not!"

I laugh entirely, rolling my eyes. "You know, you're not as sneaky as you think. I've got you figured out. See, being around someone for as long as we have will do that." She starts to reply, but I continue. "And I can tell when you're lying. You get defensive. Unbearably so."

"I...what?" She blinks, confused, and then shakes her head, glaring. "No I don't!"

"You just did. Twice."

Leli groans, obviously not pleased with how easy I find reading her. "Yes, I'm an open book." She shoots me a grin, one that has me groaning for a very different reason than her. "One you enjoy reading, yes?"

"There are children around. One of which is ours."

"And you haven't said worse, or let Elissa say something?"

I open my mouth, a comeback ready, but snap my jaw shut. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a blur coming for my head, and without thinking, I duck. The snowball passes me harmlessly.

And smacks Leliana right in the face.

"Oops," Cameron says. He's already retreating, afraid of the onslaught of strictness he's about to see. "I'm sorry Mama!"

I stifle my laughs as Leli wipes the snow off her skin and spits it out of her mouth. She shakes her head, blinking rapidly, but her hands are behind her back now, on the fence. She's smirking at me as she steps past.

"_Cameron!_" The boy shrinks back, completely oblivious to his mother's snowball hidden behind her. "You're in so much trouble-" I bend down and, setting my sword and shield aside, form a snowball of my own. I put a finger to my lips so the rest of them get the idea to be quiet, and while she pretends to be mad at Cameron, I sneak up behind her. She's just about to throw it at him, but I lock an arm around her waist and pull her into my chest, ignoring her yelps of surprise and the elbow digging into my ribs. I smother the lightly packed snow on her face, cutting her off mid-sentence. I set her back on her feet a moment later and step back, crossing my arms.

"Yay Papa!"

Leliana clears her face again before turning on me. Her skin is flushed, whether from the chilly air or laughing, I'm not sure, but she marches up to me all the same. "Aedan Cousland!"

I quirk an eyebrow. "Leliana Cousland!"

That catches her off-guard. She hardly uses the name despite being my wife, and people rarely call her by it. Still, she plants her hands on her hips and tries to keep a straight face while glaring at me. "What did you just do?"

"I defended my son's honor like a good man. He can't be beat by a woman."

"Is that so? Are we going to be sexist now? Last I saw, Liss just beat you in a sparring match. And I-" She brings her arm up and whips the snowball into my own face with a surprising amount of force. "-just beat you!"

The boys start giggling as the snowballs resume flying. It ends up with me, Leli, and Cameron throwing them at Ferelden's royal family, and losing. Elissa cheats and blasts me off my feet with an entire snow drift, but Cameron and Blake jump on me the same instant, pushing snow onto my face and my hair. The other three just stand there, laughing, as I wrap my arms around them and roll them into the snow. They squeal with delight, kicking fluffy white stuff everywhere, while I alternate tossing them up into the air and catching them with dropping handfuls on their heads.

Eventually, we return to Redcliffe Castle as a group. Cameron sits on my shoulders, his customary place, and Leli walks along beside me, telling a pointless story meant to entertain the two kids. Leli will smile up at Cameron every so often. The sight of the easy grins makes my heart swell. She never smiled this much, or laughed as much, or even looked as genuinely happy as she does now. She's changed into the woman I met in Lothering again. She's not afraid of showing her softer side around us, and she's even started composing ballads of her own, something she's talked about doing but never got around to. I'm not sure if she avoids telling our story, the four of us, or if it was Elissa's urging, or of her own will, but I'm thankful for it. As far as I'm concerned, only one good thing came of my time as a Warden, and that was Leliana. I don't want people to remember the hell we lived through for over a decade. I want to forget, for it to fade away and become nothing, but I know better.

Remembering the moment I finally got to see her and the redhaired boy on my shoulders, I realize how lucky I am. I never thought I'd end up with a family that I made on my own; I thought my mother would marry me off to some Bann's daughter and that I'd be forced to live a boring life with the woman. Instead, I have Leliana, the most beautiful, caring woman I've ever met, and Cameron.

The Maker is finally smiling on my family. Elissa is safe as a mage (a mage, the Queen of Ferelden!) and Alistair doesn't have to worry about the Crows coming after him for being King. I'm perfectly happy where I am with them and Blake and Cameron. Leliana is back to her old self, and surprisingly, that's all I find myself caring about.


	16. Don't Worry

_From here on out, I'm going to try and steer clear of author's notes, but I'll make it obvious who's POV it's in as early as I can. As for this chapter, it's Leliana's POV during Inquisition. After the last break though, it'll be Aedan's POV._

After spending my remaining hour of sleep tossing and turning, just unable to reach the Fade, I decide to get up. I get dressed, brush my hair, and go out to the rookery, leaving the door open behind me as usual. Today feels like any normal day in Skyhold except for the nightmares. Corypheus has stopped trying to control all of the Wardens, so I've stopped hearing the Taint singing, and the nightmares of darkspawn and Archdemons have gone away, but last night, my dreams were unnaturally...vivid. I crossed into some demon's realm when I did find sleep, and it tormented me all night. Whatever kind of demon that was, I would be perfectly happy finding myself clear of the thing. It dug deep into my head, causing fears I didn't even know I had to surface. From my experience, that would be a particularly powerful opponent, and suddenly, I'm all the more glad I get to remain in Skyhold when the Inquisitor hears of a rift that needs closing. I would help if I could, but after all the demons I have had to deal with alongside my family, I would be just as happy to avoid them. Still, that was frightening enough that the nightmares stick in my mind all morning, distracting me and keeping me from getting much done.

My agents notice rather quickly, but Arin, on his routine visit to the rookery he takes when he returns from somewhere, is the first to say anything about it.

I'm standing by the small statue to Andraste hidden in an alcove when he appears. He says something I don't catch, too absorbed in my thoughts on the dreams, and he has to touch my shoulder to get my full attention. By the way he cringes when I snap myself into reality and look to him, I gather that was something he was afraid to do. At first, I wonder why. Elissa, Alistair, and Aedan touch me all the time, sometimes in public in front of all the soldiers. Then I remember I don't exactly encourage anyone else's touches. The casual bump of shoulders will set me off on bad days.

"I'm sorry, Inquisitor. What did you say?"

"I asked if you were feeling better," he says, visibly relaxing at my ignorance of his hand.

"Feeling better? Are you referring to my outburst in the war room last week, or something else?"

"Both?" Arin says awkwardly.

I debate about it. I really can't hate Morrigan no matter how much I want to. We have never exactly been friends, but we've been on a first-name basis before. Years ago, when I still found myself able to put a little trust in the woman. Now we find titles or other ways to talk when necessary, but thankfully, that is uncommon. Her work and my own rarely coincide. I gave up trying to get past my dislike for her after she disappeared just as we went to confront a Maker-damn god! Still, she did save the Wardens from the Archdemon, and that remains to be the only reason I have for tolerating her existence.

"I am better now," I decide aloud.

Arin smiles, clearly happy at the realization. "Good, I'm glad to hear it. Has seeing your friends alive helped any?"

"As it always has," I admit. Not that I'm embarrassed about it. Those three are everything to me. Who wouldn't be emboldened by a visit from them, especially if they all were believed to be dead? "I was glad to see Elissa and Alistair made it out of Haven unharmed."

The smirk that cracks Arin's face makes me feel the need to scowl. I know that look; I know that look very, very well. "And the other Warden? Aedan? How happy did that make you?"

"Happy enough to threaten the Inquisitor's life," I retort, stepping past him. I intentionally hit his shoulder with my own, but he only laughs.

"Ooh, mutiny from the stony Spymaster? Varric will love to hear about this," he says, following me to my desk. I snort indignantly, picking up a report I have yet to read. "So I take it that's a good thing, then?"

"I don't know. I am very good at killing people while they sleep." He chuckles. "You may want to start sleeping somewhere else. I know I can pick the locks on the doors to your quarters."

Arin's face blanches. "Do I even want to ask?"

"No, probably not," I say. I flip the envelope over and run my thumb beneath the flap to tear it open. "So is there something you wanted to talk to me about in particular?"

"First I'd know why you seem so unfocused this morning."

I shake my head dismissively. "It's nothing to concern yourself with, Inquisitor. Just had a bad night."

"Uh-huh. That's what you said after the Agents left the war room at the beginning of the week. Is it _that _kind of bad night, or was sleeping just rough?"

I ignore that he implied I would sleep with someone other than Aedan to say, "Trouble sleeping is all, Herald. Don't worry about it when there are far more appropriate things to worry over."

He raises a brow. "Such as?"

I look up at him, frowning at the teasing light in his eyes. "You need to spend more time away from Sera and her immaturity."

He laughs, saying, "No, I need my daily dose of crazy blonds."

"You could talk to Elissa for that."

"I could," he says, shrugging. "But I always feel like Elissa would snap me in half if I said something wrong."

"Who knows? Elissa is a crazy blond."

"And I feel like she knows everything I say or do," he says nervously. "The way she looks at me...ugh, it's creepy, to say the least. I hate how she zones out and just stares at me. I think she's trying to look into my soul or something."

"She does give off that impression that she could, doesn't she?"

"Creators, you're a difficult person," Arin groans. "Must you torment me with the possibility that she seriously could be doing that?"

"I'm completely serious," I say flatly. "I don't know everything she can do. I am not even sure she does. Things just...happen. Sometimes it is magic Hope creates, but more often than not, it's something being the Agent of the Maker does to her." I don't mention that when that's the case, I feel...different. Having talked to the other two, I understand they feel similar, like we could do anything in those few seconds, but as far as I know, Elissa doesn't know she does that to us. The first time she did something with us around, during her duel with Loghain, I will admit to having a ridiculously strong urge to pummel the general before he could hurt her further. It took all of my willpower to stay where I was standing. If we have nothing else holding us together, we have the strange bond we created when we all pledged ourselves to the Agents.

"That's even creepier."

"I'm not sorry."

Arin snorts. "Well, anyway, I just wanted to let you all know we were back. Cole got himself hurt, but it's nothing major. Only a little out of my power to heal. The mages are working on him now."

"Anything else?"

He shakes his head. "I want to call a meeting after supper. Be ready, and no throttling Morrigan. She's coming to this one."

"I'm not making any promises."

The Inquisitor rolls his eyes. "If I knew what having them show up would turn you into, I would never have agreed to helping Josie track the Wardens down."

I shrug. "I'll be back to myself as soon as I see Morrigan."

He laughs, turning away to start back down the tower. "I'll talk to you later, Spymaster."

One of my agents runs up the stairs past him. He hits Arin rather roughly, making him pause and turn. As the man draws closer, I realize I don't recognize him. While I may not know every single name of my scouts and spies, I make an effort to remember their faces. I have yet to forget one, and I don't remember anyone telling me someone new was places under my command.

Arin starts back over towards us as the man clad in typical scout armor stops. "I was sent with a message from one of the scouts in the Fereldan-Orlesian pass."

My eyes narrow suspiciously. "And?"

Arin joins us in time to hear him say, "All of them are dead. All of them. The Agents, the scouts, _your _Agents. Anyone and everyone was killed."

"Just how exactly do you expect me to believe that?"

A grin slowly forms on his face. "Because I struck the Cousland down myself."

My fists clench, but I restrain myself. This has to be some morbid prank Sera came up with. That's the only possible explanation I have. "Very funny." He reaches into his pocket and slaps down a leather cord. I don't understand, not at first, but then the worn out leather and red weave clicks in the very back of my mind.

I gave that to Aedan.

"I figured I'd bring that back for you, Warden," he says. I can't look away from it. Maker, this can't be happening. "After all, it really is not fair to leave you wondering when we'd come for you."

We?

The man lunges for me, slamming me into the wall, but Arin yanks him off and throws him to the ground. The Inquisitor goes for him, but I pull him back by the shoulder. The man tries to climb to his feet; I don't let him. As he's pushing himself up, I kick under him, hitting his chest with enough force to knock the wind out of his lungs. He crumples, coughing, and I push the pain in my foot aside. I crouch beside him, forcing the soon-to-be dead idiot to roll over. He whips, having recovered surprisingly quickly, and swings a rusted knife at my chest. The blade hits my armor, but as damaged as it is, does nothing. I swat the weapon away before grabbing the stolen armor he's wearing to lift him, and then slam his head off the floor.

Dazed and hurt, I bring his face inches from my own. "You're going to tell me everything. And if you won't do it willingly, I'll make you _sing._"

He laughs past a cough. "Nothing...to tell. All dead."

Arin had been calling for guards, for Dorian and Solas, but as soon as he sees me raise my arm to punch the moron on the floor, he grabs me. "Leliana!" I shake him off and get in a hit good enough to crack the man's nose. I feel the bone break the instant my fist hits his face, but that doesn't make me feel guilty. All I feel is a grim sense of satisfaction. I go to do it again, intending to break his entire face, but Arin yanks me back, pulling me to my feet. "Leliana, stop!" He throws me towards the table to prevent me from doing something further. "You need to think. Don't come any closer."

Now that I'm over here, away from the intruder, the fear sinks in, pushing the anger and confusion to the back of my mind. "Didn't you hear what he said? He...he..."

I don't have words. I have nothing to say.

Arin and the recently arrived guards, along with Solas and Dorian, get the man on his feet after Arin gives them a brief summary of the events. I, however, lose interest in their conversation. My eyes have drifted to the worn leather bracelet by my hip, and now I pick it up, hoping, begging, praying, that this is a fake. I would do anything for this to not be happening. As I turn it over in the palm of my hand, the voice in my head tells me what I already know. This really is happening. Something happened to the others, to Aedan, and now I'm terrified.

Seeing the laurel imprinted on the leather confirms my fear. That crest was the whole reason I bought it in the first place. We were in Denerim, looking for Brother Genitivi, Marjolaine, and Alistair's sister. We had dealt with the latter two almost immediately, and being unable to express how thankful I was for his help with words, I had gone out to the market on my own after everybody ate supper. The first vendor I stopped at had a pile of these, but this was the only one with the Cousland crest stamped on it. Aedan had spent weeks doing everything in his power to remember a family he lost, so I bought it right then and there, not caring how many sovereigns it would cost. To this day, I don't remember. All I remember is his smile when I presented it to him later that night.

And then I think of how I may never get to see that smile again. That smile I used to have to work to see, the one I earned, my favorite thing to see when I wake up in the mornings. It could be gone. I could have lost it forever.

I can't take it. I squeeze my fist around the leather and red string bracelet before collapsing onto a bench. Sitting here, I realize how my entire world is balanced on their survival, on Aedan's, and how my world has already begun to crumble seconds after finding out. The only three people I could ever give my complete and total trust to, the only people to have stuck by my side through everything, could be dead.

The last time I let myself cry was when I had a breakdown the morning of the Landsmeet. I had a vivid nightmare of my time in the Orlesians' possession and ended up crying in Aedan's arms. A place where no one else could see me, where I could walk away and still be the same person I was when I entered.

I don't try to stop the tears this time. It would be stupid and pointless. I could have just lost every reason I have to keep living. I couldn't care less what people think of me or the sobs racking my body. All I can think of is how Aedan is lying somewhere, hurt, bleeding, possibly dead, and that I'm alone without him. It hits me hard, the realization that I might never see him again. I might never hear his voice, see his smile, feel his lips on mine, or the flutter of my heart when he tells me he loves me. I could never feel his touch, hear his laugh. After everything we went through, how would it be fair to lose him now? I refuse to believe he's dead. He can't be. I already lost Justinia because of the Inquisition. The Maker _can't _take him. Not now. I just got him back...not more than a week ago...

I have to find them.

* * *

Days pass. I put all of my resources and all of my men into finding the Agents and my missing soldiers. I hardly eat; I hardly sleep. I hate to say it, but I can take my scouts being dead if my family is returned to me. I'll be able to cope. Just...I don't even know anymore. I am at a complete loss for things to do.

The rookery is empty now. I am the only one inside, just as before, but Arin does not walk in. He is busy helping Cullen with the search parties. All of my energy was wasted that first night on beating that fool to hell and back. I kept my promise. He sang. And then he died. I made sure it hurt, but I couldn't let him live long enough to make sure his information was correct. So far, it has proven to be false, but the pass between Ferelden and Orlais is large. They could be anywhere within. I had my scouts check the Inquisition agents' posts first, but there was no sign of them ever being there, or of anyone going towards it for them.

I want to give up. This is foolish; we could search for weeks and find no traces of them, or the people that attacked. I don't call off the search though. Arin could, being the Inquisitor and therefore, my superior, but he allows the burning of our assets. The Agents and missing scouts must mean more to him than he lets on.

People have been avoiding me for the most part, leaving me to my thoughts and my fear. Josie comes up with food everyday as an excuse to check on me. She'll stay for an hour before having to leave so she can get back to work, but other than Arin, and the occasional visit from Cassandra, I'm alone. I don't talk much when they come looking for me. I sit here with a blank look, staring off into space. Every part of me aches. My agents are dead or injured. My family is in a similar condition. The two I found a brother and sister in, and the man I love. There isn't a moment that goes by when I don't think of them. I beg the Maker every morning to bring them back alive, and every night, Andraste for some sign that they're still alive. Nothing happens, but I never expect something to. The Maker works in His own ways, so I don't question it. I've learned to go with what He throws on my plate, yet I find myself wishing He would do something for me. Just once. Just once, I want my answer immediately. My patience is gone; this waiting is killing me.

The tower is usually bursting with signs of life. Now that my agents aren't coming to and fro at all hours of the day, it is silent. Dorian and Solas are with the Inquisitor at all times, as are most of his companions. They go out with him when he goes to personally oversee one of the searches. Not one of them stay behind. If someone has the numbers to take down as many men as the idiot claimed, then it is a good plan to go in a large group.

I hear the door open and close, but I don't move to see who it is. I'm sitting on the balcony with my back against the wall. The wind whips at my face and my hair. A normally pleasant feeling, but right now, I only feel despair. Aedan could be dead. The very idea of it causes images of him covered in blood, eyes wide, locked on some distant point no one understands until they see it themselves. I watched him die twice. Once at Kirkwall when Elissa barely managed to revive him, and the other time being at Redcliffe. That is two times too many. The thought of him being dead brings tears to my eyes. I've cried more in the last few days than I have in my entire life. When I sleep, I cry myself there. I will be working on securing more resources for the Inquisition, and out of nowhere, a wave of grief will claim me, and not go away until I've forgotten what I had been doing before.

"Where are you?"

I don't bother to be confused by Morrigan's voice. "Out here." She appears in the doorway a moment later, arms crossed. "What?"

"I...came to see you," she says.

I snort out a bitter laugh. "That's a first. Did Talith talk you into it?"

"Of course he did," she snaps. "After last week, what makes you think I would want to be around you?" I shrug halfheartedly. Being around anyone associated with my Wardens hurts. Her presence is doing more damage than not.

"What?" I repeat.

Morrigan hesitates before walking around in front of me. "You cannot stay like this. Tis foolish, and unhealthy. You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"And you are a Grey Warden. You should be eating enough food for three grown men, not starving like a leper in the streets." I blink. I should be eating. I can't make myself though. I do not have the energy to, nor the willpower. When I just sit here, my blink my response, Morrigan sighs. "How are you feeling?"

The question is so stupid that I want to hit something. "How do you think I'm feeling? Everyone I love could be dead!"

"If you would take a moment to stop wallowing in sadness, I would be able to tell you my other reason for joining you, Leliana."

I cringe at the way my name sounds coming from her, but say nothing about it. "They're dead, aren't they? That is it? Their bodies were found?"

"No," Morrigan says. "They are not dead." For a split second, I get my hopes up. They were found alive! And then, being foolish and stupid as I am, I realize she means that their deaths still have yet to be confirmed. But in the corner of my mind, the possibility of seeing Elissa, Aedan, and Alistair again ignites the spark that died. They could be...

"Don't lie to me," I snarl.

"I do not lie," Morrigan says in a matter-of-fact tone. "The report came in minutes ago. The Inquisitor sent me to tell you they were found." I look up from the bracelet I've been twirling in my hands. I have not let go of it since the intruder slammed it onto my desk. "Few survived, and those that did are wounded severely enough that all of the mages in Skyhold will be needed for healing."

I feel broken parts of myself piecing themselves back together. "Are you helping?"

"I owe it to Elissa."

"How do you know she's alive? Are the others? Did the report say anything about-"

Morrigan interrupts my outburst by raising her hand. "Do not tell me you expect Elissa to be dead. If so, you are a bigger fool than I thought."

"Well, fine, but did-"

"The report said nothing on who was found. Your scout only said that he found the party being looked for, and to send help to him."

"I...thank you Morrigan."

She nods. "You are welcome. Now excuse me while I return to the garden to throttle Talith."

I wave her off, now too absorbed in the thought of seeing them all again. They could be alive...Aedan could be alive. I might be able to see him again.

A smile cracks my face. Small, faint, nearly nonexistent, but there. Aedan could be alive!

* * *

A week passes before any new information is sent to Skyhold. It has taken some effort, but the search party is returning, and should be in the hold within the day.

That was this morning.

Now it is long past nightfall, and my body has gotten surprisingly sluggish. I haven't slept since finding out about what happened. Not even Morrigan telling me that they had been found would let me sleep. The excitement is pumping through my veins again with renewed force, but it's not enough to keep my eyelids open. My lack of sleep is catching up on me. I still have to force myself to get up and go to bed. I want to stay up, to be awake when they arrive, but my body can't handle it. So I collapse on the blankets, fully clothed and armored, and fall asleep.

It feels like seconds have passed when someone is calling my name from the door.

"The Herald wants you at the gates, Leliana," Josie says. "Wake up."

I grunt, but if Arin wants me at the gates, that can only mean one thing. I may be tired, but I'm not stupid. The search party is returning.

I roll off my bed, tangled in the blankets, and free myself rather ungracefully. Josie gets a few laughs out of it, so I shrug and say nothing. She leads me through the deserted tower and out of the main hall. Down in the courtyard, people are running around, shouting for healers and medical supplies. The portcullis is raised, but no one stands by it. Josie and I walk there anyway. I pull up my hood as I go to help keep my hair from getting in my eyes, my nose, or my mouth. As we approach, voices can be heard from the causeway. Someone is shouting for everyone to 'just get the fuck off me and let me walk!' while the Inquisitor tells them to lay still or they'll have to be knocked out.

Josie stops in front of me, so I walk around past her to get a look at who is coming. Six stretchers are being carried between the scouts, and Arin is running between them, casting small healing spells where they're needed so the mages will not have to worry about the minor wounds. One particular person is causing a fuss, arguing every time the Inquisitor tries to heal her.

Morrigan was right.

Elissa sits up, and even from this distance, I can see she's in bad shape. The blues and silvers of Warden clothes are stained red, cut to pieces, or burned off in areas. Her hair is a mess. She has a bruise on her forehead that stretches down to her left eye and a gash along her hairline on the other side. One of her arms is in a splint and wrapped in bandages. Her armor is blackened from scorch marks. It's hard for me to tell, but I think they've wrapped her entire leg in linen. Several bandages on her torso have already been soaked through by blood.

I snap myself to attention, and abandoning all sense of propriety, I run across the bridge to them. She's yelling at the scout in the front, saying that she'll make him wish he were dead if he doesn't let her down. She reaches for him just as I wrap an arm around her chest and shoulders.

"Calm yourself," I say. "You are injured. Don't reopen your wounds."

The scouts have stopped walking, so when Elissa chokes on a sob and throws her arms around me, it is not awkward for me to walk. "Oh thank the Maker! They said they were coming for you!" For most people, seeing the Hero of Ferelden snap and cry where people could see would be strange. For me, it's not. It would be if I wasn't so relieved to see her. She latches onto my torso, hugging me so tightly that my bones ache. As badly injured as she is, I wouldn't expect her to be that strong. Still, I let her cry herself out. The other scouts have continued on, into the keep, so their charges can be seen by the healers. I don't get to look for Aedan. It hurts to have to wait longer, but Elissa needs me to stand here and have my bones crushed. Her face is buried in my side and her arms are around my waist, but I don't try to move her. I just wrap my own arms around her head and neck, patting her shoulder in the most calming way I possibly can.

The Warden is shaking when I get free and have my agents continue moving. She tries to remain sitting, but I urge her to lay down and rest.

"I spent days lying in puddles of my own blood and snow. I don't need to rest."

I roll my eyes, thankful for the distraction of dealing with her. While I love her like a younger sister, Aedan is who I've been so worried about, and I need something else to think about. She provides that freedom.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" I ask as we cross beneath the portcullis.

"Four," she says.

"No, all of them," I say. "Lay back and get some rest. You have a concussion on top of everything else."

"I'm fine!" she protests.

"No, you're not!" I snap. "Your leg is broken, your arm is in a similar condition, and you have so many wounds still bleeding that I can't even begin to count. Have you see your face recently, Liss? You have a bruise covering the entire left side and a wound leaking blood on the right. You're in no condition to argue."

She gives a bitter laugh. "I wouldn't even be like this if I could get Hope to come out." Her face darkens and her eyes water, but she holds herself together.

"We can worry about that later," I say. "For now, you go with these soldiers and allow the mages to heal you. I'll be down to check on you and the others in a few hours."

"No!" Elissa exclaims. "You need to come with me. I need to know who attacked us and who is after you. I won't remember as much if they put me to sleep. Please, come. I swear I'll tell you everything, Leliana. Just don't let me forget."

After knowing her as long as I have, you would think I'd expect her mood swings. I do not. She is never like this. I would expect her to be upset, furious even, but not broken.

"I can't, Liss. I have to help the Inquisitor."

I still start to follow them up the stairs, but Josie grabs my shoulder to hold me in place. Elissa looks annoyed with the both of us as my men carry her to the building being converted into an infirmary. I watch them go, silently praying to the Maker to have Aedan as one of the men brought back.

Then I turn to find a crowd has gathered. Fereldans, all of them. Worried about their Hero.

"Will she be all right, Spymaster?"

I almost answer, almost lie to them and say of course she will be, that she's the Hero of Ferelden, that nothing will stop her, but Cole, damn boy, appears beside me.

"Why wouldn't the spirit do what she does? Why is everything I love falling apart? Would the Maker truly abandon us?" I don't shut him up. I feel him rooting through my mind, finding all of the problems bothering me, but I let him. I am not sure why. "Why do I stay with the Inquisition when the Agents need me more? Why do I let things like this happen?" I usually make him stop because he drags up painful memories. Memories of the Blight, of battles with the Orlesians, of Corypheus before the explosion at the Conclave. "I am a traitor, playing both fields, and the whole of Thedas knows. I stay when the Inquisition will be forced to submit to the Agents of the Maker. I stay when I know I'll turn on them without hesitation."

Cole blinks, taking a deep breath. "So much fire...so much burning. So many darkspawn. Can we expect to get to the Archdemon? Is it even safe to do so? We could be dead within the hour." I remember running through the streets of Denerim with the Wardens, stopping every few feet to kill more of the blasted fiends. "So many people are dead, so much blood. Screaming everywhere. Mostly innocent people caught by darkspawn. Denerim is burning. The Blight is consuming Ferelden. We failed."

I remember standing at the gates to the Alienage, thinking of the two elven children who helped us find the slavers taking them to Tevinter. Arin and Sera. How were we supposed to know we had met the most important person Thedas would see this age? All I was concerned with was getting through the Alienage to the Archdemon.

"Celene is going to violate the treaty between Ferelden and Orlais. Elissa knows. She looks scared, faintly. I should go in with her, or let her take her bow. I should be smarter than this." I shudder at the memory. That was the day Orlais attacked Ferelden, the day it was decided the southern half of Thedas would be consumed by war. "How am I supposed to find them in this mess? I need to find Aedan. He could be hurt. Anora could be dead. Where are they?!" I am feeling a familiar sense of fear now, standing here as Cole puts _everything _out there for the Inquisition to see. "We need to get out of here, to get somewhere safe. Aedan refuses to leave Anora's side. He leaves with her, going to Highever. It's my job to find Elissa and Alistair. Why did he leave me like this?" I feel the sense of betrayal all over again. "She did not just tell me that. She can't be serious. But she is; I know she is. She's willing to burn Denerim to the ground to spare the rest of Ferelden from the Chevaliers."

"That's enough, Cole," Josie says. Her face betrays nothing, nothing but her concern for me.

"No, I want to hear this." Arin is halfway down the steps, sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows. His pale skin is covered in blood and his shirt is stained with it. "Continue, Cole, if you would."

"Don't I have a choice? It _is _my mind after all," I say.

"No, you don't," Arin says, uncharacteristically serious and cold for his usual self. He joins us at the front of the crowd. "But we can wait until later if it would be more appropriate, and do it somewhere more private than here." At my nod, Arin starts dismissing the Fereldans. They return to their duties wordlessly, eyes cast down. Once they have gone, the Inquisitor turns to me. I expect him to say something about what he heard, but he doesn't. Instead, he says, "You both are needed in the war room." His hand keeps me from going further. "But we can wait for you." The elf jerks his head in the general direction of the infirmary. "You're needed elsewhere anyhow. Go."

"Are you sure? They can always-"

"I know that look whether you want to admit it or not," Arin says. "You won't be fully committed to anything until you know that they're safe. So go. We can manage without you for the time being."

I hesitate. I have never let anything or anyone come between me and my duty to the Inquisition. But I have never left them to suffer alone either. And I _have _to know about Aedan. Now. "You'll send someone if I'm needed?"

Arin nods. "Of course."

While he and Josie make their way to the keep, leading me up the stairs, I start towards Cassandra. The quartermaster's office has been relocated to a collection of rooms in the main building so as to leave this small, beaten up one free for the injured. It is far better than being out in the cold during the occasional blizzard Skyhold will see. I shoulder the door open and kick it shut with the heel of my boot. Few people are actually awake to moan in pain with the spells. Bandages are flying around the room, tossed away when used or unused, depending on who they go to. Most of the light in the building is coming from the blue glow emanating from the healers' hands.

One of my scouts is closest to the door. He has linen wrapped around his eyes and a salve being rubbed into his forehead. His torso is concealed by the mage tending to him, but by the burns on his leg, and the bandage presently soaking through with blood on his calf, I gather he's not in good shape.

A mage, a short, stout man with a neatly trimmed red beard, walks up to me. He's swallowing a flask of blue liquid as he does so, and tosses it to the side once drained of its contents. The vial shatters on the stone wall, but I say nothing. Behind him, a few of his fellows do the same. Their apprentices hurry about to clean the mess up and bring them more lyrium.

"Can't be in here, miss," he says.

I raise a brow. "Why?"

"Busy," he says, folding his arms. "I don't give a rat's ass that you're one of the boss-ladies, or that these are your men, or that these are your friends. You go sit outside and wait for someone to come get you. Otherwise you'll just be in the way."

"Don't try my patience. I'll stand where I want to, and you will say nothing of it. Get back to your job before I make you."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

I huff while he waddles off to heal the wounded. My arms cross over my chest as I sidetrack myself to a free table. It is the farthest away from the mages, but affords the best view of the room. I still can't see the final two cots, and the four I can see occupy Elissa, Alistair (thank the Maker) and two of my spies. Alistair and Elissa are both half-conscious, whispering reassuring words to each other. It's so ridiculously sweet that it makes my heart clench. Whatever voice I had when I walked in here is gone. I can't ask if Aedan is one of the two I cannot see. I don't want to know if I lost him. Not yet. I couldn't bear it. I would completely break down if someone told me.

My hand reaches into my pocket for the bracelet I've been fondling for the past week or so, and like usual, I twist it through my fingers and over my knuckles. The feeling of the rough leather running over my skin takes my mind away from the present. Normally I would have my gloves on, but since finding this sensation helps me cope, I have gone without them.

I pull myself onto the table and lean against the wall, stifling a yawn. I am still as exhausted as I was earlier, and I don't feel like anyone will need me in the coming hours, so I put my head back and close my eyes, hands clenched around the leather and red bracelet.

I just hope that Aedan's there when I open my eyes.

* * *

A shaking feeling is what rouses me. I refrain from lashing out with the little energy I have to open my eyes. Elissa's face is right next to mine and I jump, pushing her away with a yelp of surprise. She laughs, holding her sides, doubled over to keep her balance.

"What the hell was that for?" I hiss angrily. "You should be resting!"

Elissa straightens and clears her expression. "Could you go snore somewhere else then? I was trying to sleep, but you're so Maker-damn _loud _that it's impossible!"

"I haven't slept for days," I retort.

She snorts indignantly. "I haven't felt safe for days. We're on equal footing." Then she turns on her heel and limps back to her cot, favoring the leg that was broken not so long ago. The Warden flops down and is asleep within seconds of closing her eyes, leaving me to my thoughts.

My muscles are stiff from sleeping in such a strange position, but I hop off the table anyway, stretching the soreness out of them. I yawn as quietly as I can so as not to disturb the people arranged in a neat row. After rubbing the sleep from my eyes and steeling myself for the possible grief I'm about to experience, I make my way towards the cots. I pass my scout, who has had the bandage around his calf removed, and Alistair's sleeping form, followed by Elissa's, and another spy, but the last two...

I can't be sure who they are. The man on the end is quite a ways away from any real light, and the man only a few feet away is wearing Agent colors. Despite being their leaders, Elissa, Alistair, and Aedan don't wear the black and white expected of them. They seem content to wear Warden blues and silvers.

I swallow what little resolve I have and continue past the Agent to the final bed. My eyes have to adjust to the lack of light, but the instant I recognize the crest badly burned silverite armor, relief floods through my body. I can't begin to describe how relieved I am to see Aedan lying there. He's hurt, covered in plenty of blood and bandages and salves and everything in between, but he's alive.

That feeling of overwhelming relief I had when Elissa stirred after killing the Archdemon? It's the exact thing I feel now, magnified by ten. It nearly chokes me, making my throat tighten and my eyes water. I have to cover my mouth to stifle a sob as I sit on the crate beside him. I have been running myself ragged to track the survivors of the attack down, praying everyday for my friends and my scouts, not once seriously expecting to see Aedan again. But here he is, breathing easily and healing. He has many little cuts all over his face; he and Elissa must have fallen from somewhere. He has the whiplash cuts and she has the broken bones to prove it. But other than a large gash on his upper arm, and a splinted ankle, he seems fine.

Thank the Maker.

* * *

I hurt. _Everywhere. _My head throbs, probably from the boom of the trap's explosion Elissa set off, and my arm feels like it's on fire. The cut I got from that boulder must have been worse than I originally thought. My ankle is sore; Elissa and I were thrown off a twenty-foot cliff by a massive hammer. I sprained my ankle on the fall. My sister got the worst of it, having her arm crushed by the head of the weapon, and then breaking her leg. I'm just surprised that I'm still alive. Somehow.

I try thinking back to the moments before I passed out. The Agents and the Inquisition forces were fighting the Chevaliers off, but...one of them said something, something in Orlesian. I haven't studied Orlesian in years, and it worsens my headache to recall it, but I feel knowing what was said is important. I faintly remember recognizing the words as they were said, yet the meaning eludes me now. Still, I strain for it, and eventually, after much frustration and pain, it clicks. And my anger bubbles up in my chest, the same anger I felt the instant I heard the order being given.

Celene wants us all dead. She sent these men for the three of us, and she is sending more men for Leliana. One final, last-ditch attempt to bring Ferelden to its knees.

My eyes snap open. I need to-to-

I'm suddenly aware of the pressure on my hand, the squeezing of it by a sleeping form beside me, and the strange surroundings I don't recognize. If it wasn't for the red hair, I would have tried to kill the woman bent over my stretcher-like bed.

Leliana is sitting on a wooden box, both hands folded around my one, held to her chest, while she sleeps. There are bags under her eyes, showing a lack of sleep, and her brows are drawn together like they always are when she's dreaming. Otherwise, she looks perfectly normal, carefree even. The sight makes a smile tug at the corner of my mouth as I lean back and squeeze my eyes shut. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. It ends up turning into a sigh of relief. She's fine, I'm fine, and I can see Alistair and my sister sleeping in their own cots. A healer passes between each of us, checking on everyone. He administers healing spells where needed, coming to me last.

He's a short fellow, bald with a red beard. "I told her she would only be in the way."

I frown and squeeze one of her hands with mine, reaching over to brush a strand of hair from her face. "She's fine where she's at. I'd have her nowhere else."


	17. Unexpected

_NSFW._

We needed a place to spend the night after helping Levi clear Soldier's Peak, so here we are, in a cleaned out room. Or rather, here I am. The others have gone down to Levi and the courtyard where we planned on eating, but I'm still within the castle walls, drumming my fingers on my thighs anxiously. I should change my clothes and join them, but I find myself stuck in place, frozen out of nervousness. How am I supposed to tell her? How am I supposed to tell Leliana that I love her?

I've spent some time thinking about it. I have wanted to dismiss my attention has something foolish and stupid, but every time she smiles at me, or laughs because of something I said, or kisses me, my heart beats a little faster. I've become obsessed with getting to spend time around her, making up excuses that I hope she'll accept. I make it my mission to get a smile out of her at least twice a day. She's the only person I try that with. She's the only person to ever make me feel the way I do. Her touch, her smile, the way her eyes light up when she finishes doing something important, all of it has me wrapped around her finger. The way she talks to me, so happy and carefree, makes me ache. All I want is to tell her how I feel, but I have no idea how to go about doing it.

"Dammit all," I mutter under my breath, somewhat angry and somewhat annoyed with myself. I begin removing my armor, arranging it in a haphazard mess by the foot of my bed, and change into my traveling clothes, the cottons I wear at camp. Just as I'm about to exit, a knock comes from the door.

"Are you in there Aedan?" Hearing Leliana's voice brings a smile to my face, but I quickly wipe it away. I don't want to seem like some lovesick puppy. "We're all waiting for you."

I pull the door open. Her entire face lights up at the sight of me and she smiles widely. She's not wearing her armor, but instead a fitted shirt I find completely distracting, and loose brown trousers. I try not to be obvious with my staring, but by the way her cheeks turn pink, I don't do very good at it. Clearing my throat awkwardly, I manage to say, "I'm uh...I'm not very hungry."

"Oh," Leliana says. She almost sounds...disappointed. "Are you sure? You don't want to come sit with me anyway?" Her eyes widen in the slightest at her words as she realizes what she said. "Er...I mean 'us'. Levi was going to tell us about the castle's history."

I resist the urge to laugh. Smooth, Leli. Smooth. "I have enough history lessons under my belt to last a lifetime, Leli."

"Well, yes, but..." She looks back over her shoulder. She's not as good at keeping her composure as she usually is. It's adorable. "I was...wondering if you would..."

I raise a brow when she trails off. "If I would...?"

After a moment of thought, Leliana shakes her head. "Never mind. I'm going to eat. You know where to find me if you need me." Then she turns around and marches away, back stiff. She's...mad? About what? What did I do?

Groaning, I step back into my room and close the door. Then I flop onto my bed, covering my face with an arm. "Women." My voice is muffled by my shirt sleeve, but Leliana is apparently still close enough to hear it, and I hear her snort as she walks off. I close my eyes at the noise, slightly annoyed, wanting to be mad at her, but I keep finding myself thinking about how she looked moments ago. Happy to see me, smiling, and...er...that shirt...it, um...yeah. No words for it. Maker, I feel my face reddening at the very thought of her. At the desire to grab her and have my way with her in the middle of the hallway...

"Fuck it," I grumble, rolling to my feet. I almost run out the door, chasing after the last person in Thedas I would've expected to want. An Orlesian, a bard, a Chantry Sister! I wouldn't have expected any of this to happen a year ago. I never thought I would become a Grey Warden, one of the last in Ferelden, or find myself doing everything in my power to make my one Orlesian companion as happy as humanly possible. "Leliana, wait!"

"For what?"

I turn a corner and accidentally slam into her. She yelps as we fall to the floor, not that I blame her. I'm a tall person, and broad-shouldered, compared to her average height and thin build. I could crush her easily. It's probably what I'm doing now, pining her to the floor as I am. She winces, flaring her nostrils to prevent from sneezing on my face. I push myself up and pull her after me.

"Ow," she growls halfheartedly.

I give a nervous laugh, forcing myself to keep eye contact instead of tracing her curves. "Oops?"

"Oops," she agrees, rubbing her face. Leliana looks me over once, frowning, and adds, "You have a solid chest. Thank the Maker you weren't wearing your armor. Hmm." She taps my chest, flicks her eyes up to mine, and looks back down before bursting out in laughter. I chuckle, confused, while she spends a good five minutes laughing hard enough that she falls on my chest, hugging me so she can keep her footing. The sound makes me feel lighter despite my confusion, and her warmth, pressed so firmly against me, makes my heart race. I'm suddenly aware of everything about her. The way she smells, the pitch of her laugh, the places she's touching the most. I swallow, squeezing my eyes shut to keep control of myself. I have no experience with women whatsoever. Leliana is the first woman I've ever wanted the way I want her now, and it is kind of unnerving.

It takes me a moment to realize she's stopped laughing to stare up at me. I don't recognize the look she's giving me, but it only makes my desire burn hotter. Holy Maker...

Leliana stands up on her toes to press her lips to mine. The kiss starts gentle while I wrestle with my swirling mind, but as soon as I regain control of it, I wrap my arms around her and crush her to my chest. Her hands roam over my back and my shoulders, ghosting over my neck and my short hair. The tingling feeling...the blinding lust...all of it is too overwhelming for me. My nervousness, the awkwardness I felt only moments before, is gone, replaced by a deep desire to just _fuck _Leliana until neither of us can walk. To hell with what just happened here, or how old the castle is. I don't want to wait to be somewhere else. I can't.

I spin her around and push her against the wall, tilting her head to the side to deepen the kiss. We've gotten this far before, but one or the other stops it from going too far. I find myself hoping with everything I have that she doesn't stop me now. I have no idea what I'm doing, but by the way she holds onto me, I take it that I'm doing something right. Well, that's a lie. After spending so much time around Zevran, I sort of know what I'm supposed to do. I sort of know how to make her moan.

The instant I think of having her sprawled out beneath me, a moaning, writhing mess, I groan and press myself closer to her, parting her lips with my own. She tastes like honey, sweeter than I could possibly imagine. I swear she can hear my heart beating by now; it's all I can hear.

She rolls her hips on mine. Stars burst behind my eyelids and send waves of lust shooting straight down. I move to suck on her neck, inhaling deeply. My lungs ache from their lack of air, but it's a good ache. I do what my body tells me to and press kisses down the column of her throat, reveling in her gasps for air.

"Oh Maker..." Leliana locks a leg around my waist and grinds against me. I'm already hard enough that my trousers are actually hurting me. She's not helping matters any. "Aedan, please...not out here."

"Oh? So this is all right then?"

"Maker yes!" she exclaims. "Don't stop. Please don't stop." I stifle a laugh by kissing the spot where neck meets shoulder. Her entire body goes rigid on mine, and for a moment, I think I did something wrong, but then she arches into my touch and tilts her head to give me better access. "_Aedan._" I do it again, causing her to whimper. Heat pools in my stomach at the sound. It's all I can think of now, getting her to make that noise again. I want to hear her moan, whimper, everything. I want to bury myself inside of her more than I've ever wanted anything.

My senses are on fire. I'm acutely aware of every movement she makes, all of her breaths, how she smells, how she feels pressed against my aching member. She's so...alive that it hurts me.

I kiss her neck again, the place making her whimper, but instead of that, she lets out a soft, breathy moan. Hearing that is what pushes me over the deep end. I pull away and set her on her feet, locking my hand around hers. Then I start pulling her down towards the room I've claimed. I can't stop looking back at her though. Leliana's eyes are dark, but she seems excited in a strange way, one I've not experienced before. It takes all of my effort and concentration to get the door open, and far more willpower than I have to get inside without touching her. Thankfully, Leliana has the brainpower to shut the door before making a move.

She turns to face me, but I'm already on top of her, crushing my lips to hers without a moment of hesitation. She's made it clear that she wants this as much as I do. Now I'm not going to stop. We're alone for the first time in weeks. This is the first real chance I've had to even try anything.

Her hands run all over my torso, leaving feather-light touches everywhere. She leaves a path of burning touches on my body. One of her hands drifts low enough that she can grab the hem of my shirt. Leliana lifts it off me, tossing it aside carelessly. Her eyes roam my exposed skin, and from the way she looks at me, I'm guessing she approves. Ten years of training relentlessly with a sword will give you muscles. I'm no exception.

I reach for her, pulling her body into mine, and she comes happily. Shirtless, I'm open to the full extent of her touches. Her nails trace invisible patterns on my back. The palms of her hands leave warm tingles on my abdomen.

It occurs to me in my lust-driven state that she's been rather quiet. I want her writhing.

I return my lips to her neck. Something about that place...she's sensitive to it. The briefest brush of my lips has her whimpering, clutching at my body for any purchase she can find. I suck on the skin there, pulling another moan out of her. Now Leliana digs her nails into my shoulders, head thrown back to let me continue.

"Touch...me," she begs, panting. "Please, Aedan. I'm so...I'm so..." She seems unable to finish her statement, instead opting to take one of my hands in her own. She guides me beneath her shirt and to her breasts. I feel like I've been smacked by a maul. She has no breastband on! Maker help me.

She rubs into my hand, moaning loudly. When I stand here, frozen in shock, she grabs my wrist and moves my hand in slow circles. The noises she makes...sweet blood of Andraste. I gulp past my sudden wave of anxiety and surprise to resume my kisses. The pressure in my abdomen is curling through my body like a fire, keeping me from pulling away. Leliana doesn't seem to care that I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing, either. She's whimpering and moaning in pleasure, far too out of it to know I'm lost. When her hand falls from mine to grip my shoulder again, I have the movements memorized. I palm her chest and press hot, wet kisses on her throat until she begins shaking. Her nails dig into my shoulders roughly enough to draw blood, but it feels so damn good that I couldn't care less.

But that moan...the way she quivers...I know she hit her release. She collapses against me, panting heavily, whimpering through the aftershocks. I hold her to my chest, smiling faintly. I still want her desperately, but seeing her like this...worth it.

"Was that...?" I trail off, unable to voice my question, too afraid to.

She giggles. "I'm fully clothed and just felt the best I have in a while. It was wonderful." Leliana wraps her arms around my neck to pull herself up for a kiss. "But that better not be where we're stopping."

I stammer for words, at a loss for how to reply, and she laughs. Her lips find mine again and she starts pushing me back towards the bed. My heart is hammering in my chest. My head spins. How can she still be up for this so soon?

The backs of my knees hit the mattress and she pushes on my shoulders, forcing me to sit. Leliana crawls onto my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist, and runs her fingers along my scalp. My hair is barely long enough for her to get a grip on it, but she does. She leans forward to press her mouth to my own, grinding her hips on mine like before. I grab her waist to steady myself, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises, but just as I go to apologize, to make sure she's all right, she tears her mouth from mine to lean her head back and moan wickedly. Her cries of pleasure come in time with the groans she pulls from me. I buck my hips into hers, holding her against me, and she snaps back forward, kissing me so hard that everything spins.

"Now," Leliana says. "I need you...I need you _now._"

The tone of her voice...her whimpers and moans...and she thinks she needs me? I'm aching for her, to finally feel her. Whatever sense of nervousness had crept back into my mind vanishes now in my lust for her. I want to claim her, right here, right now, to make her scream my name so loudly that all of Thedas knows she's mine. I'm never letting go.

I pull her shirt over head slowly, bracing myself. Her stomach is flat, but I can see her muscles contract with her heavy breathing. Her skin is pale...so pale... I gulp, unprepared for what I'm about to see, to do, and squeeze my eyes shut as I throw her shirt aside.

Leliana's hand brushes over my cheek and I lean into the touch, grateful for the distraction. "You can look at me, Aedan. It's all right."

"I...I know, I'm just...it's just that... I don't know what I'm doing."

She takes my face in both of her hands and turns my head to face her. "It's all right, Aedan. I promise. I won't hold anything against you; I understand."

I'm somewhat reluctant to open my eyes, but I do. The first thing I see are her eyes. Normally a bright, vibrant sky blue, they're now darker than night itself. She wants this as much as I do; I want to give it to her, to give her everything she ever wanted, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. So I settle for kissing her, holding her hips against mine. The kiss is slow, gentle, as earlier, but after a moment, it gains a life of its own. Leliana starts rolling and grinding on me again, crying out her excitement in moans and whimpers. I thrust my hips up into hers, but that only succeeds in making her impossibly loud. Her cries of pleasure become the only thing I can hear. My name falls from her lips like a chant. Her noises have me worked up, ready for what's to come, and after a few minutes of teasing with the clothed thrusts, she braces the palms of her hands on my chest and shoves me back onto the bed. She straddles my waist while working at the laces of my breeches, fingertips ghosting over my member. I clench my fists in the blankets and squeeze my eyes shut, groaning with each little touch.

I help her kick my trousers off. Her breathing quickens and she braces herself on my chest, leaning down to press kisses all over my neck and face. It's not long before she wriggles free of her own pants, and when she does, she moves her mouth to mine. Her hands guide mine to her breasts, urging me to tease the soft flesh.

Leliana stammers for words, begging for me to take her, or to let her take me, so I nod. She positions herself over my member, hands flat on my chest, and lowers herself onto me.

"Maker!" I let out a strangled gasp while she throws her head back and cries out. She's so warm and wet and tight. The pressure in my stomach threatens to burst right there, but I hold myself together. It takes all of my self control to let her remain in charge.

She raises herself off me before dropping back down, rolling her hips as she does so. A hiss escapes me. Her nails dig into my chest, sending waves of desire pumping through my body. I want my release, but not until she's found hers. Leliana pumps along my length, moaning occasionally. As she crests one motion, I raise my hips to meet hers.

"Oh Maker, Aedan! Yes...again, please...Maker..."

As her hips come down through the next rotation, I drive mine into hers, burying myself deep within her folds. Her breath comes in ragged gasps, moans, whimpers, but not anything productive. I'm in a similar state, lost in a world of sweat and pleasure. She squeezes me so perfectly, knowing exactly when to clench her muscles and when to not. Her hands ball up into fists and relax in time with my thrusts. She cries my name with each breath.

The pace she sets is slow, so slow I can't take it. I ache for her to fall off that edge and for myself to do the same. At this rate, it'll take forever.

I grab her hips before she can continue. I lift her off me, and as I pull her back down, I thrust up into her with enough force to make her breasts bounce. Her cries become more intense, eyes locked shut in her ecstasy, and her hands firmly planted on my chest to brace herself. Now that I'm moving her, she removes her hands to run them through her hair, whimpering.

Driving deeper into her with each thrust, I find myself staring at Leliana, looking for facial reactions. She makes few expressions I have not seen already, so I pin her hips to mine and sit up. The new angle feels so foreign yet so amazing that I groan into her shoulder. She threads her fingers into my hair instead of her own now, pressing hungry, desperate kisses to my mouth. Her tongue clashes with mine, leaving me with the taste of honey and sweat, but I don't care. I don't. It's so difficult to give a damn when I have the most beautiful woman in Thedas fucking herself with my body. I pull her close, forcing my length as deep inside of her as possible. She whines, grinding in me to even the score.

Her muscles start pulsing around me. Her breaths are even quicker than before and her cries are becoming more and more frequent.

And then she screams my name. Her body squeezes me so tightly that I see stars behind my eyelids. The feeling in my stomach is only a little from bursting, so I roll her over and begin thrusting into her with no self control whatsoever. Hard and fast. Leliana seems to will her muscles to pull me deeper, whimpering in excitement as I work her back up.

The coiled fire in my gut bursts and I grunt, shoving myself deep inside of her. I spill my seed into her without reservation, panting. My arms give out from under me and I slip from her warmth, flopping to my side.

Leliana brushes sticky strands of hair from my sweat-covered forehead. Our breathing comes in ragged gasps, but I pull her to me anyway, praising the Maker for giving me a woman such as this. I press my lips to Leliana's temple, exhaustion creeping over me. My muscles are sore and I'm sleepy. She's already drifting off in my arms, so I give into temptation. I close my eyes and fall into a dreamless sleep.

That's not how I expected tonight to work out.


	18. Denerim

Aedan and Elissa lead us through the gates of Denerim at a sprint, leaving me the second to last, and responsible for making sure Wynne keeps up. Darkspawn swarm around the party, but Elissa and Theorn keep them back with well-placed spells. Morrigan was nowhere to be found last night, but the Wardens seemed fine with her sudden disappearance, so I haven't questioned it. If they know where she's gone, then fine. Let her stay gone.

I pull up short, stopping so suddenly that Wynne runs into my back, and nearly knocks me into the sword I tried to avoid. The older mage throws a chunk of stone at the hurlock to clear the way forward, and I keep going without so much as giving her a nod of thanks. If I stop again, we could miss our opening in the rapidly closing gates, and then leave the Wardens without their healer. Elissa can suffice, sure, but Wynne has spent her entire life learning healing spells.

"Come on!" Aedan yells. His voice is barely a whisper as we cut through the horde. Behind me, I can hear Wynne racing to keep up, and the sounds of battle as the army collides with the darkspawn. We've gained momentum because of a risky tactic Elissa insisted on using, and I don't want to be the reason we lose it.

Slipping through the three-foot thick oak doors, I turn to see Wynne get through at the last possible second. We're cut off from reinforcements for the time being, but so are the darkspawn, and we have more troops outside of the gates than they do. I just hope that's enough to allow us to gain a foothold here.

"Look! Darkspawn!" Cyrus says cheerfully.

"What did you expect?" Zevran says sarcastically. "Courtesans and gold?"

The Nevarran man laughs. "Would it be bad to say yes?"

"And you're the Senior Warden!" Aedan says, exasperated.

"And Elissa's the Warden-Commander," Cyrus finishes.

"And there's a shitload of darkspawn, yet you insist on cracking stupid jokes," Elissa says. Then she bolts down the staircase at a run, vanishing into a horde of darkspawn. Alistair, Aedan, and Cyrus are the first to follow, leaving Talith and Sten back with me, Wynne, and Zevran. The latter disappears in the shadows while the elf and the Qunari follow the Wardens into the fighting.

A genlock detaches from the bulk of the small horde, running towards Wynne and I, but I have an arrow fired before it can get within reach.

"Someone work on opening the gates!" Cyrus shouts.

"On it!" Aedan yells. I fire three arrows into three different darkspawn, managing to catch a shriek before it vanishes in a puff of smoke. "Leliana! Let's go!"

Why am I not surprised he'd call for me?

* * *

A whole day. It's been an entire day since Elissa killed the Archdemon, but healers are still fussing over the four of us that went into the city after it. The remainder of the horde is being chased down by men from Highever, whatever darkspawn the army failed to chase to Fort Drakon, and our party...we're sitting in Denerim's palace, being tended to by some of Ferelden's finest healers. It feels...wrong. After a year of being one of the few people standing between the Blight and Ferelden, it is strange to be sitting here while someone else goes to kill the darkspawn.

But Maker, it's over. It's finally over.

Coming down from the tower yesterday, a half-alive Grey Warden in tow, I didn't feel hurt. Now, sitting on a cot in a makeshift infirmary, I feel like an ogre sat on me and broke all of my bones. Thinking of ogres brings back a memory I'm not so sure I like. It reminds me of the last time we went to Redcliffe; we found the village under attack by darkspawn, and with an ogre at the center of it. Elissa had me, Cyrus, and Zevran, along with her mabari, follow her down a hill and into the town ahead of the others. Me and her stayed back to use our bows while the other three engaged the darkspawn with the ogre, and accidentally left us exposed. The ogre went for me, but Elissa took my place, and it threw her a good thirty feet into the air before catching her. I had started back towards the Chantry to keep the darkspawn away from it and to get a clearer shot, but the ogre whipped her _at me _and knocked us both several yards into the building. Still, after we had cleared the village, Elissa finally came out and said that she thinks of me as a sister. It kind of made me feel better, but it kind of didn't. It was more of a...neutral day.

I've apparently had a cracked rib since then. Hmm. That would explain why my side has been hurting for the last two weeks. When the mage told me that my rib wasn't healing correctly from the injury, I was more surprised by the fact that it was the only wound I'd sustained from it in the first place. It's not everyday a Warden in two hundred pounds of silverite armor is thrown at you.

Unfortunately, that's not the only injury that needs to be mended. I managed to sprain my ankle fighting yesterday, and an alpha broke my wrist with its hammer towards the end. I'm covered in smaller cuts and various other bruises, but I honestly think I got the least of the damage. My ankle has been healed, but my wrist is still set in a sling. "Heal it gradually for the best results," he said. Yes, but now I can't do _anything _whatsoever. I'm right handed and it's my right wrist that's broken. I can't even eat normally.

Across from me is the "Hero of Ferelden" with her typical smirk plastered on her features. She has a bloodied gash running across her neck, but it looks more like a scrape. A wicked scrape that would have even the toughest of children in tears.

"I can't believe we're not dead," Elissa says, flexing her hand. When she charged the dragon, it tried (and failed) to cook her in her armor. The shielding spell she casted must have missed her hand because it's now wrapped in several layers of linen, burned almost beyond recognition. "I would've bet good sovereigns that one of us wouldn't survive the battle."

"You don't count Riordan?" I ask, wincing. In addition to all the other wounds I've listed off, I also have a few broken ribs from being knocked off a staircase, a large gash across my hairline, plus my recent headache, but the latter has nothing to do with the fighting from yesterday.

She shrugs. "I didn't know him very well. I feel bad that a Warden died, yes, but it's better than losing one of you." Her smirk had faded while she spoke, but it returns rather quickly. "Besides, I get to spend my time sleeping now. How could I be upset about that? You know how much sleep I've lost because of the Blight? I have a lot of catching up to do."

Her grin transfers to my face. If there's one person I can count on to be making jokes at a bad time, it's her, despite what she said to the men yesterday. Elissa is full of bad, and inopportune, humor. Just by being in the same room with her and her stupid grinning will make me feel moderately better. It's one of the reasons we followed _her _and not Aedan. He was always the better leader, but when Elissa came back, bad humor and newfound leadership skills ready to flaunt, it was clear she was in charge. Aedan had always deferred to the older of the two, happy to follow his sister's lead, but before she vanished, I would've followed Aedan more willingly than her.

"I'm not so sure," I admit with a shrug. "You _are _the Hero of Ferelden. People will expect you to put in an appearance sometime or another."

"Ugh," she groans. "Don't remind me." She falls back on her cot rather ungracefully, something I've come to expect from her whether or not she's tired, and asks, "How do you think the guys are holding up?"

"Well enough," I answer. "They both had less broken bones then we do."

"Their wounds were more severe," Elissa says. She sounds worried, and I can sympathize, having spent most of my night worrying about Aedan instead of sleeping, but I trust that the healers will do their jobs well.

"You killed a dragon and got blasted in the face with holy light," I retort. She laughs halfheartedly. "I'm wondering how you have yet to go blind."

"That's an excellent question, Leliana."

"Of course it was. I asked it."

"Oh haha, so very funny," Elissa remarks. I start to reply, but she cuts me off, saying, "One smart comment about how it was funny because you said it, and I'll get up and break your other wrist."

I stifle a laugh to prevent the pain it'll bring, instead opting to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.

The Blight is over. It's really over. No more darkspawn, no more sleeping out on the ground unless we want to, no more treaty-retrieving... I can't believe it. This doesn't feel possible. A year of shedding blood with these people, and crying with them, and hurting, and gaining, and losing, and winning, it's finally over. It can all end now. I could go back to Orlais if I really wanted to. No, I _should _go back. I'm needed there...

Thinking of leaving kills me. I can't just leave. Not after everything Aedan has done for me. The temptation lingers; normally I'd just leave to save myself the trouble of goodbyes and the hurt those bring, but...I can't leave. Aedan is too important to me.

I'm about to doze off when the door opens in a rush. I crack an eye, but bolt upright when the healers start fussing and talking frantically, carrying a wailing woman in. They set her on the cot before ushering off the soldiers that carried her. A few others, healers and a apothecary, trail in behind them, branching out to check everyone else in the room. Most of the women here are asleep, trying to block out the pain they're in, but it's hardly successful.

"Time for round two of strangers casting creepy spells on us," Elissa says sarcastically.

"It could be worse," I say without looking away from the woman they've found. "_You _could be healing people."

She winces, rubbing her collarbone. "Ouch. My pride." Then she laughs with an amused grin on her face. It shifts to a rather unhappy flat line when a mage makes it clear he's going to check on her. "You can't go help someone else? I'm fine! I can even heal myself."

"Queen's orders," he says softly. By the way he makes his approach slow and awkward, it's obvious he's afraid of her. I can't help stifling a laugh, causing Elissa to fix me with a glare. "Said you and your party members are to be healed as quickly as possible, she did."

"You mean to tell me I can't get a break? Dammit."

"Down," he says.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

I roll my eyes, giggling, when another mage walks to our row of cots to stop beside mine. An annoyed huff escapes me, much to Elissa's amusement, and he makes a motion for me to lay down.

"What's wrong with you?" he asks, pulling up a stool to sit.

"Some of my ribs are broken, others are cracked," I say. "Then I have my wrist and several gashes everywhere you could provably imagine."

He chuckles. "I'll give you credit, Warden," he says over to Elissa. "You've got a cheerful bunch."

"Did you just say Leliana's cheerful?"

I snort indignantly and the mage rolls his eyes. "If you're all they had to look forward to in the mornings, I'm wondering how you ever got them to help you end the Blight."

"Easy," Elissa says. "Leliana? Care to explain it?"

"I shot the Archdemon in the face with arrows."

"Exactly."

"Uh...all right," the mage says. I can imagine Elissa giving me an approving look for freeing her from the conversation, but we're both trapped by mages. "Let me see what I can do about your ribs first, and then I'll start the mending for your wrist."

"Yesterday the mage said you'll have to heal it gradually?"

"Unfortunately, yes," he says. "We can't always be sure we'll heal it correctly if we do it all at once, and even if we could, it takes massive amounts of mana to heal something like a wrist. We're to conserve our mana for other soldiers and civilians that may need it."

"Ah."

"Ribs, however, are quick and easy to fix." He smiles apologetically, adding, "And rather painful."

"Of course they are."

I try to ignore the urge to kick the mage away as he runs his hands over my abdomen, poking and prodding to find the ribs that need to be healed. I don't appreciate being touched in the first place, having a hard time to get used to even Aedan, and I definitely don't like it when strangers touch me, "creepy spells" at the ready. Still, I know he's just trying to do his job, so I do my best to refrain from fidgeting.

"What did you do, fall off a building?"

"Probably. So much happened yesterday that I can't keep it all straight."

He snorts, but I hear Elissa laughing. "Seriously, Orlesian, what happened?"

"Well, you see, there was this hurlock with a hammer...and a few staircases..."

"That's pleasant."

"You're telling me!"

He huffs, annoyed. Good. He doesn't need to be making smart comments about us to Elissa, and vice versa.

Apparently, he's so annoyed that he decides to 'forget' to tell me that he's going to start healing my ribs. I yelp, both from pain and surprise, and shoot him a glare wicked enough that if looks would kill, he'd be dead several times over. He has to lift my injured arm out of the way while he heals, but I only bite my tongue, refusing to cry out again. It hurts as much as breaking them did, and the healing potion he gives me to heal the bloody cuts and numb the pain doesn't do much in the way of helping. Still, all I have to worry about is my wrist now, and how I'm supposed to defend myself should I need to.

"So I can leave?" I ask, keeping my bitterness from my voice.

"Yes, you may," he says. "Wait outside and we'll send the Warden after you in a few minutes."

Elissa laughs, annoyed. "You lucky son of a bitch."

I grin at her as I get up and pass her cot. "Have fun, Warden." She rolls her eyes while I weave my way through the makeshift infirmary and out into the main courtyard. Having been separated from the men, I find a few from the group waiting for me by a small pool of water. It reflects an orange, Blight-infected sky, tinging everything the color of blood. Zevran's hair, paler than Elissa's, looks to be the exact same color of blood. It's...unnerving.

"There she is!" Cyrus says.

"Maker," I groan.

The Nevarran Warden laughs loudly, standing aside so I can join the small circle. "You're the first one out, you know. I hear Alistair was almost ready to be sent out, but that was an hour ago."

My throat tightens. "And Aedan?"

He shrugs and I make a point of ignoring Zevran's suggestive eyebrow wiggle. "Don't know. I didn't hear anything about him." I swallow, nodding as I look down at my feet, and he rests a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine, Leliana. Aedan's a tough guy."

I look up, arching a brow. "You say that like I don't already know it."

He winces for my benefit. "Your observational skills _could _be improved."

"You're lucky I can't punch you."

He and Zevran both laugh. Sten just stands beside the elf, looking to be rather unamused. Just as Cyrus opens his mouth to say something again, he pauses.

"Oh shit."

I follow his gaze. "What?" It takes me a moment, but at the last possible second, I catch sight of the brown mabari running across the courtyard at full speed. My eyes widen as the fur ball leaps, knocking us both to the ground. Wolf knocks all the wind from my lungs, but doesn't seem to notice as he licks my face. My gasps for air soon turn into giggles as I try (and fail) to push Elissa's mabari off my chest.

"Wolf!" I barely recognize the voice that snaps at the dog, but his face falls instantly, and he starts to crawl off me. "You know better than to just attack people like that! Bad dog!" A brown-haired man that looks a lot like Aedan grabs the mabari and hauls him off me before offering me a hand up. "Sorry about that. Elissa never really trained him well."

"It's fine," I say, smiling down at the mabari by my leg. His tail is wagging, and it's not long before he starts barking again.

"I hope so," Fergus says, chuckling. "Wolf never greets anyone but Elissa like that. She might get jealous." Wolf pauses, looking up at the eldest of the three Cousland siblings, and cocks his head to the side. "You heard me. Your mother might get jealous." He whines, but he reaches down to scratch behind Wolf's ears, quickly calming the beast of a dog. "All right, boy. I'm just teasing you. Go find my mother and bring her back here, will you?"

The mabari gives a happy bark before running off back the way they came.

"That dog reminds me of Elissa in so many ways," I comment.

Cyrus laughs. "What, the fact that they'll both tackle you for no reason?"

"Elissa tackles me when I'm about to get shot."

"Ah!" Zev exclaims, holding a hand up. "You forget about our dash to the Brecelian Forest for you, my friend. She didn't tackle you to stop _that _arrow."

I roll my eyes. "That's different."

"Oh really? How so?"

"You know what? Shut up." The Antivan laughs with his Nevarran friend, and then follows him and Sten while they go to find food for the three Wardens who will hopefully be joining us soon. I'm left with Fergus, and for a moment, the silence is awkward, but I hop up on the railing around the pool and look up at the sky, ignoring his presence.

"It still escapes me how you joined their party," Fergus says carefully.

I know what he means without saying anything. "I'm more surprised that I didn't find myself left behind at camp one night."

"My siblings aren't like that," Fergus says.

I smile faintly and look back down at Wolf. "Trust me; I know."

Fergus sighs, shaking his head, and says, "It amazes me, you know. It wasn't so long ago that the two of them were sparring in the courtyard as a demonstration for Howe's men." Unlike Elissa or Aedan, Fergus' voice doesn't catch at the mention of the man who slaughtered everything and everyone he ever knew and loved. It either doesn't bother him as much anymore, or he is better at concealing his emotions than the twins. "Now they're Grey Wardens and my little sister is the Hero of Ferelden."

"A well-deserved title," I say. "She earned it."

He smiles. "I know she did. I'm proud of her, of them both. It's just...not what I expected when I heard they were still alive."

"I don't think they expected to see you alive."

"I didn't expect to see them again, that's for sure," Fergus replies. "Howe never liked either of them. Too...pure for his tastes. Innocent, maybe."

I raise a brow. "I thought Aedan had been engaged to his daughter before. And Howe didn't like him?" The thought of someone _disliking _Aedan is so strange to me that I can't comprehend it. Everybody likes Aedan. He's nice, and polite, and funny, and...I'll just stop talking now.

Fergus chuckles. "Howe was a selfish bastard. I'm sure they told you what happened at Highever? He just wanted the power a marriage like that would bring him."

"Then I am glad to say he's dead."

"You're not the only one," Fergus admits. "My wife and my son were killed during the raid. Elissa...she told me she tried to revive Oren, but it was...too late." He looks away, and from this angle, I can see the tears shining in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Fergus."

He shakes his head. "It's all right. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it. I don't even know your name; how can I expect you to have done something?"

"I'm Leliana," I say.

"And just how exactly did they manage to recruit you? Where are you from?"

"I was in Lothering when they came through. It was just a day after your men passed through, if I remember correctly. That's where they found Sten, the Qunari, too."

"I assume you know how all the others joined then?"

I shrug. "More or less. Wynne was recruited after we saved the Circle, Talith came from the Circle as well, Oghren joined when we left Orzammar, Theorn just...appeared one day, and Zev and Cyrus tried to kill Elissa and Alistair."

His face blanches. "And she let them join?"

"I stopped asking questions after she set Redcliffe on fire," I say, putting up my left hand defensively. "I figured it was the safer option."

"It probably was. My sister has a temper like no other."

I scoff. "Some days that temper saved my life."

"I'm sure it did," Fergus agrees. He hesitates before asking, "How are they? Do you know?"

"I know Elissa was being her typical smartass self when the healers came through," I answer with a shrug. "Cyrus said Alistair would be out shortly. Aedan..." My voice catches and I have to resist the urge to scowl. "I don't know about him."

Fergus' brows crease. "What's with you two? Are you...um...you know..." He clears his throat awkwardly, unable to hold my gaze. I raise an eyebrow just to be mean, but he seems to take that as a question. "It's just that...whenever you were in Highever, he always followed you around like a lovesick puppy. Both times, as a matter of fact."

"Did he now?"

"I can see why Elissa is your friend," Fergus says, scowling. I laugh, holding onto the rim of the railing to keep from falling backwards into the water. "She would've said something along those lines."

"What can I say, brother? I trained her well."

Looking past Fergus' shoulder, the recently appointed Hero of Ferelden is standing with her arms crossed and her customary grin on her face again. It transfers to my face and Fergus', but his face falls when he sees all the bandages she still sports. A salve has been rubbed into her neck and covered with a patch, and her hand is still wrapped, but with fresh linen. My grin transforms into an apologetic smile, one she returns.

"It's good to see you well, sis," Fergus says, embracing her as gently as a man of his size can. "I was starting to worry."

She hugs her brother back, sighing as she says, "It'll take more than a lousy Archdemon to best me." I snort and smirk. Elissa fixes me with a look, so I shrug and say nothing. "Where's Mother? Is she here?"

Fergus nods as he releases her. "She arrived this morning. She's been fussing over anything to keep from worrying about you and Aedan." As I slide to the ground, Wolf comes bounding around the corner. He barks excitedly as he races to his mistress, and greets her with just as powerful a leap (but perhaps far more enthusiastic). Elissa seems thrilled by the sight of her mabari, laughing and hugging him as he licks her face. A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as I follow Fergus' gaze to the woman approaching the three of us. I faintly recognize her; she looks much different than she did when Elissa and I freed her from Highever's dungeons. She looks younger and healthier, but it's still obvious she's not...spry.

Elissa sees her mother when she stops beside Fergus and with a quick command, has herself freed from her dog's clutches. I feel somewhat out of place, like I'm intruding, when the Teyrna covers her mouth to stifle a sob. The fact that she practically attacks my friend with a hug makes it worse, but I don't back away. I hold my ground, arms folded over my chest, staring at my feet. I'm glad to see everyone happy, for the most part, but I feel like I should be elsewhere.

"I'm so proud of you," Eleanor whispers. "And I'm sure your father is too."

"Thank you."

"Where's your brother?" She actually looks at me like she expects me to know, but I only shrug, so she looks back to Elissa. "Is Aedan all right?"

"I assume so," Elissa says, exchanging looks with me. "I got the brunt of the damage. I mean, I did charge a high dragon with a death wish. He should be fine, just like Alistair."

Eleanor nods, shifting her grey gaze back to me. It's so intent that it sends chills down my spine. "You are the...Orlesian, correct?"

Elissa's face darkens. _Elissa's. _Elissa could barely tolerate me for the longest of times. "Leliana's my friend. She's saved my life plenty of times."

The Teyrna laughs and waves it off. "I meant no disrespect," she says. "I just wanted to know if she was the one with you when you rescued me." Her eyes meet mine again. "Are you?"

I nod once. "Yes, Your Grace."

"Please, don't use formalities," she says. "If you're close with my children, that's good enough for me." She smiles in a motherly way that I almost cringe at. "After all, you aren't even Fereldan, and yet you risked your life for my country. The least I could do is allow you to use my name."

Elissa and I both cringe though, when she says I'm not Fereldan. As far as I'm concerned, I am Fereldan. Since leaving Orlais, everything I loved has been here, and my mother was from this very city. Three of the four people I'm close to are Fereldans.

"Leliana is a Fereldan," Elissa says in a tone that no one would argue with.

"Er...all right."

"Accent has nothing to do with it," Elissa continues. "She chose us over them, she stayed to help defeat the Blight, and she was with me when I killed the dragon. She's Fereldan." The blond Warden smiles in my direction, and after a moment of nervousness, I return the gesture. I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like her, one that'll jump to my defense over her own mother, but that's when I decide I'll always have her back. A friend like that should be treasured. She's like my sister, and as long as she'll defend me, I'll do the same.

"Thank you," I say, offering a small friendly smile. Elissa returns the gesture with a large grin, and as she begins to say something, her eyes widen. She's looking past me now, blue eyes huge, and that grin turns into a look of disbelief.

I look back to see Alistair walking up to us. His hair is disheveled, something he's desperately trying to fix on his way over, but he doesn't manage to. The sight brings another smile to my face; that's normal. Anything normal would definitely make me feel better.

So would seeing Aedan.

* * *

"Hey, ginger." I scowl when I look up, shooting Elissa my best glare, but she only laughs. "Instead of sitting around reading, grab your daggers and come out to the courtyard with me."

"You act like you haven't had enough fighting in the last forty-eight hours."

She scoffs. "Come on."

With a groan, I flip my book on Fereldan history closed and push it aside. The Warden shoots me a victorious grin before leaping to her feet. In the last two days, neither of us have gone anywhere unarmed, but it's not like I can do anything anyway. My wrist is snapped, broken, destroyed, useless. She knows that. So what in the Maker's name could she want me to do with my daggers out in the courtyard?

I sling my belt over my shoulder and follow the Cousland out the door, through the winding hallways of the palace, and through a garden full of dead rose bushes before finally finding ourselves in the aforementioned courtyard. Alistair is out here, as he has been for most of the day, with Cyrus and Zevran. Talith returned to the Circle with Wynne after supper last night, saying that Ferelden needed its Knight-Captain and the mages would need Wynne. Sten is around here somewhere with Wolf, and Morrigan hasn't been seen since the night before the battle. Aedan...he's still in the infirmary, and if I wasn't so damn tired yesterday, I would've found a way to go see him. Today, however, I'm going to make sure I do. Somehow.

"All right," Elissa says, "step one." She spins around and stops cold in front of me, grabbing my right arm by the elbow. This morning the healers got enough work done that I could remove the sling, but it still hurts with every little twitch. A wince of pain escapes me, earning me an apologetic smile, and she says, "Sorry about that. It wasn't intentional."

"I know," I say past gritted teeth.

"Watch this," she says dramatically. The Warden takes my wrist between her hands as gently as she can before I realize what she's going to do.

"The mages-"

"They're idiots," Elissa snaps. "None of them have any experience healing. Wynne does, but they don't."

"And you do?"

She grins. "I'm a spirit healer. Hope gives me extra mana when I'm healing someone, so I can actually cast longer spells. Or more complex ones. Either way, if I had enough mana, I could go through and heal all of our wounded soldiers." She blinks, zoning out for a brief moment, and adds, "Besides, shut up. I need to heal your wrist before they let it set wrong." A moment later, her hands are glowing blue with healing energy, and my stomach twists into nervous knots. I have no problems being healed with magic, least of all by someone I trust, but I'm afraid of Hope. The spirit has made it clear that she doesn't like me, and the thought of her helping Elissa heal unnerves me. I've seen the spirit when Elissa's gotten upset about something; there's no way I'm going to be able to defend myself if she ever decides to kill me. No number of Templars would be able to, either. I can understand where Templars are coming from, wanting to keep mages locked up and all, just by being close to the mage healing my wrist as painlessly as possible. The process is slow because of it, but I'd rather her just get it over with so Hope is farther away.

"Better?" she asks, sounding somewhat nervous because of my fidgeting.

I flex my wrist through the bandages, checking that I still have my full range of motion, and nod when I'm satisfied that I do. "Much. Thank you, Elissa."

"So are we getting lunch now?" Alistair asks. "I'm starving."

Elissa snorts. "What, did you miss breakfast?"

"No," Alistair says suspiciously. He draws out the 'o' sound, saying that's exactly what he did. I roll my eyes, huffing, and he gets this defensive air about him. "What? I'm not used to having a schedule to follow! What idiot eats breakfast at dawn?"

"We did."

"That's different!"

I raise a brow. "How, exactly?"

Alistair's struck speechless as he tries to figure out a way to win the argument, causing Elissa to laugh harder than she already is. She thinks it's funny, but I'm completely serious. What idiot _skips _breakfast? I'm not even a Warden, but I've been eating quite a lot of food the past few days, so I do my best not to miss any meals.

"You know what, I give up," Alistair says. "There's just no way for me to win when you two are on the same side."

"Women are always right," Elissa says, shooting me a conspiratorial grin. I snort a laugh, shaking my head, and start out to the external courtyard where we've spent our time eating with the soldiers. "Leliana?"

"What?" I turn to face her, but see the huge grin, and when I go to ask why she's looking at me like that, I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

I can't help leaning back into his embrace. Or the large smile that finds its way onto my face.


	19. Blue Eyes (Pt One)

"Guests of the Inquisition," Alex says pointedly. "You're with them, and you're our guests."

I nod. "I have it memorized, Inquisitor."

"Good," he says, clasping my shoulder. "You be careful, Spymaster."

"You're telling _me _to be careful?" I ask incredulously. "I'm not the one inviting the three people who would see Orlais burning to the Empress' party."

"And I'm not one of those three people," he says with a sad smile. "So be careful."

"We'll be fine," I insist.

Trevelyan snorts. "You better be. You've got a kid back at Skyhold."

I huff, giving an annoyed eye roll. "Don't you have somewhere to be? Or something to...inquisit?"

His eyes widen dramatically. "Oh, yes, actually! I do! I have this great plan too. You stay here and...er...be Leliana while I go over there and be Alex with my guards. And you keep Elissa from flipping out on the Orlesians."

"I make no promises."

"Excellent!" He turns dramatically before marching over to his guards and starting a conversation with them.

Did he really pull that card? Did he seriously tell me I have a child to worry about like I don't already know it?

* * *

_"You really want to do this, Elissa? Are you sure that's safe?" Josie asks, brows drawn together. This has been the first time she's come up to the rookery when she knows Elissa and Theorn will be here. I'm not sure why she avoids it when they are; it's not like they scare her. Still, Elissa alone is intimidating. With Theorn playing the part of concerned lover (which Elissa fails to notice) and following her everywhere, she seems like she has a bodyguard. A very tall, very broad-shouldered bodyguard. Even I would be bothered by his presence if he wasn't already a friend. _

_"If Leliana's going, I'm going," she says resolutely. "It's just as dangerous for her as it is for me." _

_"You're the heir to the Fereldan throne!" Josie exclaims. "Te-"_

_"Technically, so am I," I admit with a shrug. "If Elissa dies and Aedan never returns..." I trail off, unable to finish the sentence, when I hear the pitter patter of two small feet running barefooted up the steps of the tower. I quickly compose myself and slap on a smile for the little boy that appears at the top of the staircase. _

_"Look out; it's Cameron!" Elissa says, doing something similar for him. _

_Cameron is almost two, but he's already smart enough to know when someone is sad, and pesters you about it relentlessly until he's satisfied that you're not anymore. It's adorable, and usually so cute that he reminds me of his father, but on some days, I don't want to feel better. I want to sit there and suffer through the memories of Aedan, or the memory of my best friend cracking like she did at the Conclave. When Alistair died, Elissa completely broke. She wouldn't say much of anything until after the Herald stabilized the Breach, and then I found her in my tent waiting for me after that very first war council. The Hero of Ferelden looked at me, tried to smile, and broke down in tears right there. I felt so horrible, guilty beyond belief, that I didn't know what to do. I ended up holding her until she couldn't cry anymore, and then I let her fall asleep on my stretcher of a bed before starting my day. The Herald walked in on me as I started to get frustrated with my praying, said he wished he could make life easier, and I demanded explanations for the Conclave. After all, he's the Herald of Andraste. Doesn't that mean he speaks for her? Why would the Maker do this, make His followers suffer? _

_And then he shot back with a nasty comment about Elissa being a supposed prophet. That only made me angrier, we argued, he left, and when Elissa woke, after crying some more, so did she. Only...she actually left. She left Haven without so much as a goodbye. "I'm going to clear my head," she said. "I'll be back." _

_I'm not sure if I'm glad she lied. When I look at Cameron, sometimes the resemblance to Aedan that he has is too much for me. I don't see it in Elissa that often anymore, but her and Aedan look very similar if I think about it. Having her near my son while I'm still cringing at how he looks? Not good for me. That's very cringe-worthy, and I don't know if I would've been able to keep from yelling at her about something. I didn't want to have to worry about doing it; she had just lost Alistair to her own stupidity, I was hurting over the loss of contact with Aedan, and I had Cameron to worry about. _

_"Momma!" The toddler does his little waddle over to us, bringing a genuine smile to my face, and he falls on my knee, arms wrapped around my armored boot tightly. "Gift!" He sounds perpetually excited like most children do as he presents me with a flower he must've picked with Mother Giselle's help. "You like?" _

_I stare at the flower in disbelief, voice caught in my throat. Elissa's staring at me to read my facial expressions, but I do my best to keep anything bad from surfacing. She knows Aedan's lack of communication is hurting me. She knows. She can tell; we've been thicker since Alistair's death because...what do you do when you lose everyone you love? You grab what you can and protect it. For me, that was Cameron and Elissa. For her, it was what's left of my little family. And by the looks they'll sometimes exchange, Theorn as well. _

_How could he have known Andraste's Grace would do this to me? Years ago, the flower would have reminded me of my mother like Aedan intended it to. And it still does, but I've often caught myself staring at the flower from afar, or from directly beside the bush, thinking of him when he gave me one during the Blight. _

_Instead of allowing the flower to sting, I make it remind me of the good memories as I crouch beside Cameron. His blue eyes are wide and his red hair is a mess. Usually that would bother me and I'd make him go get it brushed. Now I just smile thankfully, holding his present to my chest while I reach up to brush dirt from his cheek. His face scrunches up like it always does. _

_"Momma no!" His chubby little hand tries to smack mine away, but I have already gotten the dirt off. _

_"Yes, I love it," I say. "Thank you, Cameron." _

_His annoyed look at having to be cleaned turns to one of pride. "You welcome!" He throws his small arms around my neck and squeezes. "Love you Momma." _

_A flood of warmth spreads through my body as I hug him back. "I love you too." After kissing the side of his head, I let him go and say, "All right, go on and play." _

_"Be back suppy!" He toddles off to the steps and runs back down them to where Mother Giselle is undoubtedly waiting for him. I find myself smiling without even knowing it, amused by the way he says 'supper' and warmed by his gift. _

_"He's so adorable," Josephine says. "He'll grow up to be such a sweetheart." _

_The thought of it makes my smile widen. "He's a lot like his father in that department." _

_"If he didn't have red hair, I wouldn't think he was your son," Elissa teases. _

_"Neither would I." _

* * *

I follow Elissa and Theorn through the doors of the Winter Palace, keeping my expression tactfully blank. Elissa's in her Agent leathers for the first time in a while; after helping the Inquisition solve the problem of the Wardens, she decided to stay on and offer the Agents to the Inquisitor, and now accompanies me to war council meetings. She stays rather silent, just choosing to stare at the map, arms crossed, with a pained look on her face.

Theorn is wearing the same robes he's always worn, but he doesn't carry his staff. Alex asked us to not bring weapons through those doors on account of our current...status with Orlais. The lack thereof would make us seem less threatening, and in all actuality, none of us truly are unarmed. They are both mages, Elissa has her sword with its magical (and annoying) ability to just appear in her hand, and I have a dagger hidden in my boot, and another strapped to my arm. This armor affords much more maneuverability than the Inquisition armor I wear, but, like Elissa, the Agent crest on my shoulder makes me a walking target. It was Elissa's request that put me in this situation, but I trust her and my abilities to defend myself should the need arise, so I'm wearing armor very similar to hers.

We've barely made it up the initial staircase when the nobles go silent.

"You really do know how to make an entrance," Theorn whispers.

"I walked through a door. These morons are _making _it an entrance," Elissa retorts. "I haven't even said anything to anyone yet."

"Let's find a place to wait for the Inquisitor to call for us," I suggest, starting off in the direction of a corner that I can hide in. Behind me, I hear the two of them trail after me as I weave through the crowd. The nobles move aside for the most part, giving the three of us varying looks of disgust or shock. We're wearing masks, but by the way the glares are directed the most at Elissa, I gather few people are too stupid to not recognize her.

"If one more person looks at me like that, I'm stabbing them."

"No you won't," Theorn says. "Keep walking."

I feel horrible about Alistair. He was my friend, a good friend, and because I didn't stop Elissa from sending him inside, he's dead. Elissa and I both knew what was in there, and so did Alistair. But Elissa was needed elsewhere, I was to keep the Templars and mages away from her (at Justinia's request) and Elissa wanted a guard in there to keep an eye out for Corypheus. The only person she trusted enough to be that guard was Alistair, and that lack of trust between Elissa and the whole world is what cost him his life. She's come to me at all hours of the day, unable to sleep because her own guilt is killing her, or unable to work without something reminding her of him. It pains me to see my friend so distraught, but there's nothing I can do for her except promise that Corypheus will pay for what he's done.

* * *

_I'm sitting at the foot of the statue of Andraste in the rookery, staring up at what's supposed to be her face, when I hear the door open behind me. I look back, halfway expecting it to be the door to my room and to see Cameron standing there because of a nightmare, but instead I see Elissa coming up the steps. Wordlessly, she walks over to me and sits, staring at her hands. _

_"What's wrong?" I ask. _

_She scoffs. "I could ask you the same question."_

_"I...was thinking about Aedan," I admit. I show her the letter from him, the very thing she attached for me when the Herald contacted her for assistance after what happened at Adamant. "I couldn't sleep, so...I came out here. I thought maybe Andraste would have answers." _

_Elissa allows herself a small smile. "I can understand that." She looks up at me, revealing just how upset she truly is. Her eyes are bloodshot and there are bags underneath them. She doesn't even look like she's slept, let alone laid down to try yet. "I was thinking about Alistair." Her voice catches on his name, but I don't mention it. "When we were in the Fade...the demon kept tormenting me with him. It would say I failed to protect Alistair, just like Aedan, Oriana, and even Oren." Elissa snorts a bitter laugh out as she shakes her head. "Everyone I love ends up dead. Aedan... I hope for your sake that he returns soon." _

_"I'm sorry," I whisper, tearing my gaze from hers to look back up at the statue._

_ "You would think being like Her would get me answers," Elissa says. "The Maker doesn't tell me anything anymore except that I'm not working on killing Corypheus hard enough."_

_"I don't know what to tell you, Liss. He allowed the Divine to die. He allowed Alistair to die. All we're good for is dying." _

_"About that," she says, "He did tell me Alistair's death was my fault. That if I had done what I was supposed to in Kirkwall, He would've found a way to save Alistair. But...since I didn't, Alistair's death was my punishment for failure." _

_"And...that's the first time you failed, yes?" When she nods, I say, "That's harsh." _

_"You were there when He told me He went out of His way to keep us alive, even going so far as to kill someone else instead," Elissa says. "He didn't want to wrench someone else away from their loved ones for my mistakes. So Alistair died like he was supposed to, and I get left with bittersweet memories of the man I love." She laughs, unamused, and looks away. "Incentive to get revenge, He said. I'll give Him credit, revenge is a good motivator." _

_"It got you through the Blight, didn't it?" _

_"For the most part it did," Elissa says. "There wasn't a better feeling in the world than when I ripped Howe to pieces." The sardonic smile on her face as she looks back to me...it sends chills down my spine. Elissa doesn't have many contacts to track people down, but she's determined enough to hunt someone to the ends of the earth if they wronged her. If the Herald thinks people fear me, he should meet Elissa's enemies. Corypheus doesn't fear the Inquisition; he fears the Grey Warden sitting beside me. "But enough about me. Let's talk about you. You seem just as distraught." _

_"I'm fine," I insist. _

_"No, you're not," Elissa says. "You couldn't look at Cameron today. Why?" _

_"He...he reminds me of Aedan sometimes," I say. "How am I supposed to tell Aedan he has a son?" _

_She laughs quietly. "The same way Morrigan did? Send me on a hunt with Talith for a month, and then have me come back with news that he can't ever see the kid?" _

_A smile breaks through my wall. "I can't do that to him though. Don't you remember how upset he was when you told him?" _

_"You weren't even there," Elissa says. _

_"No, but he told me about it. He could barely talk, he was so upset."_

_"Then let's think about this logically," she says, trying to be somewhat amusing. It doesn't work; she's too upset for it herself, and I'm not in the mood. "Aedan doesn't like Morrigan at all, yet he slept with her when he knew it would produce a child, right? He did Morrigan's ritual because he didn't want to die if he killed the Archdemon. He wanted to stay here because _you're _here. And despite his dislike for Morrigan, he loves that child with everything he has."_

_"You say he did it because he didn't want to die. Have you ever stopped to consider he did it so you wouldn't die?" _

_Elissa nods. "That's beside the point, Leliana. If he can love a child he doesn't even know, why can't he love Cameron? Aedan's not the kind of man to run away when he sees a child. He loves children. He might not admit it, but he's wanted a family as much as Alistair did. Growing up, our parents hated me for my magic, and lived in fear of Aedan showing the talent until the day my father died. All Aedan and I have ever had was each other. He wants someone to love who'll return that love. And by the way you're sitting there because you miss him, I'd assume you love him too. So if he loves you, and you love him, I don't see the problem with telling Aedan that you have a kid." _

_"It's just...I wouldn't know how to begin," I say softly. "I didn't tell him I was pregnant or ever give any hints that I wanted a family. We're Wardens. Wardens don't have children with anybody, least of all other Wardens. How do I explain-" _

_Elissa rests her hand on my knee and offers an encouraging smile. "It's not impossible for Wardens to have kids, Leliana. Yeah, it's harder than a dwarf's skull to have a family with a non-Warden, and it is really rare for two Wardens to have children, but it is possible. And before you ask, Aedan told me in one of his letters about a pair of Wardens he met at Weisshaupt that have a family together. So he knows. He might be surprised, but it'll be all right. I promise." _

* * *

The way the Orlesians in here frown, I know they're not pleased. Even with her mask, I can see Celene's face contort into an expression of disgust when she sees us. We're behind Alex's companions in introductions, but I'm fine with that. This way, I get to watch the crowd for any signs of trouble. Fortunately, most of the Orlesians seem focused on the three of us and not the Inquisitor.

"And as personal guests of the Inquisitor himself..."

Elissa smirks when the man's voice cuts off in shock. "Damn straight you bastards."

Theorn is looking around nervously. "Perhaps Josephine was right, Elissa. This is a little dangerous, walking into the Winter Palace when we're at war with Orlais..."

"It's a statement," I whisper.

Before I can continue, the man recovers himself to announce my friend. "As personal guests of Inquisitor Trevelyan and the Inquisition, the...the, ah...the Agents of the Maker."

"Too scary?" Elissa mutters, raising an eyebrow. "Good. They should be afraid of us."

"The Commander of the Agents and of Ferelden's Grey Wardens, heir to the Fereldan throne, and the Hero of Ferelden-"

Elissa frowns. "Do I really have that many titles?" I shoot her a look to shut up.

"-Elissa Cousland." The room erupts in polite applause, probably an attempt to appease the mage marching up to face the very woman who would rather see her dead. Elissa bows the same way the Inquisition did, but lingers beneath the Empress a little longer than she should. The two exchange dirty looks; Celene is appalled by our presence and Elissa is appalled by being here. But like I said, this is a statement, and it's important.

While Theorn is announced, I do a once-over of the crowd for anything suspicious. The right side of the balcony is rather quiet and calm about their annoyance, but the left side isn't nearly as polite. They whisper to each other, saying things about us under their breath.

At the very end, closest to Celene, I swear I see Morrigan just as she turns away. I can't do anything to investigate that though. I hear my name and I walk forward like I'm supposed to, stopping beneath Celene. I bow, start back to Elissa's side, and hear her say, "Leliana is an Orlesian name. You would turn your back on Orlais for Ferelden?"

"Fereldans aren't self-centered," I say coolly. Then I march back to Elissa, spin on my heel, and clasp my arms behind my back.

"You're playing a dangerous game," Theorn whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

I know I am. I have to be careful though; I don't want to get myself killed and leave Cameron without both of his parents.

* * *

The procession back to Skyhold is met with a messenger as we start across the bridge. I'm not anywhere near the Inquisitor as he takes the man's missive, so I miss what's going on, but the way he looks back at Elissa and I...I don't like it. I resolve to ask Alex about it as soon as we get into the keep.

"What do you think that was all about?" Elissa asks.

I shrug. "I don't know. I _will _figure it out when we get inside though."

"Good," she says.

Her and Theorn fall back a few feet while I make an effort to get closer to the Inquisitor. I don't get anywhere near him until we're standing in the courtyard, and by then, he's calling us for a meeting. I give an inner groan as Morrigan strolls past, Talith and the boy on her heels. Morrigan will undoubtedly be there because of Celene's insane notion that Elissa and I are trying to corrupt the Inquisition.

"Leliana?" Alex's voice snaps me back to the present and I turn towards him, brows knit together. "Can I speak with you? Privately?"

I don't like his tone. "Of course, Inquisitor. What is it?"

"This came for you," he says as he pulls me off to the side. "It was from Highever, I think. And there's something-"

Just as he hands me the letter, a little voice cries, "Momma! Momma! You home!" The toddler appears at my side a moment later, arms stretched upwards. "Up! Up Momma! Up!" With a sigh, I reach down for Cameron and pick him up. He wraps an arm around my neck, smiling widely. "Miss you, Momma."

"I missed you too."

The toddler grins before looking over to the Herald and saying, "'Ello, Inky!"

Alex smiles and holds up a hand, so Cameron smacks it. "Hello, Cameron! Did you keep Skyhold safe while we were gone?"

"Yeah sir!"

Alex and I laugh. "Did you feed the birds?" I ask, giving my son a serious look.

"Birdies!"

"Yes, did you feed them?"

"Yeah! Miss big doggy! Scare the birdies a lot!"

I frown at him while Alex rejoins the other three advisors to speak with them. "Big doggy? Who did it belong to?"

"Templar! Look for rats, he say. Find birdies and dirt." He giggles. "Lots of dirt, Momma!"

I roll my eyes, not at all surprised by his response. "You just love getting dirty, don't you?" Cameron giggles again. "Fine, have it your way. I'll come get you for lunch in an hour. Now go play." I kiss his forehead before setting him on his feet.

"Bye bye!"

As I watch him run off, I cross my arms to keep the warmth from going away. During those first few months, I was terrified. I was sick and upset all the time, scared of what having a baby could mean, and how unfair it would be to the child for bringing them into a world like this. But when I first held him in my arms, all the fear in the world wouldn't stop me from protecting him. I didn't know I could love someone as much as I love Cameron until I saw Aedan's blue eyes staring back up at me.

I would do anything for that boy.


	20. A Haircut

_I know chapter 17 was smut, but...I wanted to do this chapter before I forgot it...so...smut! And some teasing from Zev later! NSFW for extensive...fingering. _

I follow Leliana upstairs after eating enough food that I feel I may explode later. I drank a little, not much, but enough to give me a buzz in the back of my mind. It'll wear off shortly. I hope. I don't want to go to bed with a headache.

On the bright side, I'm kind of excited. This is the first time Leliana has offered to cut my hair for me, and I would rather have someone else holding scissors to my head. She'll make it neat and even without impaling my skull. I would make it look haphazard and shitty with the occasional drop of blood dripping onto my hands.

Stepping into our room, I briefly wonder how smart it was to take the one next to Zevran's, but the thought is wiped away when Leliana turns and stands up on her toes to give me a kiss. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer, savoring the feel of her soft lips on mine. My other hand slides up her neck to tangle in her hair, but she pushes me away, smirking.

"Haircut," she says tauntingly. I resist the urge to scowl as she leads me by the hand to sit on a chair. "Shirt. Off." I do as told, throwing it across the room at an angle so it hits her in the back of the head while she rummages around in her pack for her pair of recently bought scissors. Leli ignores me and my shirt for the moment, opting to find her scissors first. Then when she finds them, she throws my shirt back at me before running around behind my chair.

"Sneaky," I comment.

She giggles as she winds her arms around my neck. I flick my shirt aside and twist so I can look her in the eye. Her hands hang on my chest and her chin is set in the crook of my neck so that her mouth is right beside my ear. "I like your hair this way."

"Mmm. I don't," I say. "And you already agreed to cut it."

Leli sighs, playing with the strands of hair on the back of my neck. "Well, I suppose I can do it as long as you don't tell me to pluck your eyelashes out and throw them into a campfire."

"I was actually going to offer them to you as a present," I say.

She smacks my shoulder, laughing, as she releases me. I feel Leli walk so close to the chair that the back of my head is against her stomach. Thoughts of what I would really rather be doing right now swirl through my mind and I clench my fists, digging my nails into the palms of my hands hard enough that all I can focus on is the pain. It helps at first, but then I feel her hands in my hair, playing with it rather than cutting, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut.

"Please stop."

"Stop what?" Leli asks a bit too innocently.

"Stop teasing me," I say flatly.

She laughs, runs her hands through my hair once more, and then sets to work. For a brief moment, I think I'm safe, but then she starts being a little rough about it. I bite my tongue to stifle the groan straining to come out of my throat. Leli either doesn't care what she's doing to me, or is having far too much fun doing it to stop. Either way, she's well aware of just how much I'm enjoying the feel of her hands in my hair, and is purposely doing it like she does when we're together. The thoughts return and I let out a strangled gasp. I hear her laugh quietly to herself, amused, as she begins snipping away.

I quickly find that listeninge to the sound of the scissors' blades to be distracting enough to help, so I focus on it. Once in a while, Leli will pause in the cutting of my hair to brush it off my shoulders, or blow it off. Then she'll sneak in one little run through my hair before resuming her task. The feel of her fingers ghosting over my skin, or the light tingle of her breath on my neck makes concentrating on staying in this chair all the more difficult. Several times I'm more than tempted to whip around and shove her up against the wall before ravaging her. The idea of it crosses my mind more than once, and those thoughts lead to dirtier things as I imagine her sprawled out beneath me, crying out my name in ecstasy. It doesn't help any that she's got her entire body pressed against my back.

Her free hand slides down my neck, over my shoulder, and down my chest to get rid of small pieces of brown hair. She gets so close to my belt, but then drags her hand back up to move my ear away from the blades of the scissors. When the hair there is trimmed, she leans forward to blow the flecks away. The sensation sends tingles down my spine and goosebumps to my skin.

"You're killing me," I breathe.

"That's the idea," Leli says pleasantly. "Hold these, will you?" She offers me the scissors and I take them from her, slightly confused.

"Don't you-?"

"I need to brush the rest of your hair down first."

Oh Maker.

She wipes hairs off the back of my neck before running a hand up into my hair with a light touch. My eyes drift shut of their own accord and I lean back into her hand, breathing deeply. Instead of turning my blood hotter, she manages to make the motion soothing, and I feel her eyes on me while she does it. After a few minutes of using one hand, Leli's other hand joins her first, and she ends up playing with my hair. The feeling is so intoxicating and yet so calming that I'm not sure what to do with myself, and then she takes the scissors back.

"You enjoy this," I say. "You enjoy torturing me."

Leli giggles as a few strands of hair fall on my shoulder. She flicks them away before leaning down and pressing her lips to the recently cleared skin. Her own hair tickles my face for a brief moment. "I really do," she whispers, breath hot on my exposed flesh. "I like to make you squirm." Then she straightens and resumes cutting my hair, humming to herself.

"I'll make _you _squirm," I retort.

"I'd like to see you try."

She takes as long as she possibly can to finish my haircut, but once I know she's done, I lean back to stare up at her, eyes blazing. She has tossed the scissors onto a nearby table and is now leaning down to wrap her arms around my neck again. I have no idea how she manages to look sweet and innocent after that display, but she does as she rests her cheek on my bare shoulder to stare at me.

"I love you."

I bark a laugh. "That's not getting you out of this, but nice try." Leli sighs in defeat, closing her eyes briefly before forcing them open.

"I'm tired?"

"That won't save you either."

"And what will?"

"Accepting the inevitable," I say, pressing my lips to hers in a brief kiss.

She giggles and begins tracing small patterns on my torso, smiling at nothing in particular. "So I see you enjoyed your haircut then?"

"More or less," I say. "But..." I trail off in an attempt to bait her.

"But what?" She blinks, confused, and for a half a second, I think she's serious. Then I see the glint in her eye and I leap to my feet, grabbing her by the arms. I pull her against me and walk us into the wall, placing my face so close to hers that I can feel her breath on my face. I often find myself wanting her against a wall. Hmm.

"But now I'm bored," I whisper. "And you look...entertaining."

She shivers, visibly swallowing. "I don't see how I could possibly entertain you."

"Oh, I'm sure you can find a way," I mutter. I have my hands braced on the wall on either side of her head, but now I move my one down to her shoulder, running my fingers down her sleeve slowly. I make a point of holding her gaze while I trail my fingers down her arm, over her ribs, and down to her hip. I pause there, leaning slightly forward so that my lips brush over hers in the slightest. Then I drop my hand lower and grab her leg, hooking it over my hip. When I talk, I come so close to kissing her that I'm tempted to not play games with her. "You are quite entertaining for me now." Leliana's eyes flutter shut and her breathing quickens as I press myself against her.

"And you say I tease you," Leli says.

"You do," I say. "And you're going to have to suffer through it as I have my way with you."

I press my body to hers and close the distance, crushing my lips to hers. At first, I start the kiss gently, running my hand up and down her thigh, enjoying her shivers. It's so hard for me to ever get the upper hand that I want to savor the moment. But I also want her to think that I'm going to give in and snap when I have no intention of it.

Slightly annoyed, I tilt her head to the side to deepen the kiss.

"Why is it," Leli starts, pulling away from me, "that I always find myself against a wall or a tree when I'm with you?"

"I like you against walls," I admit, forcing the words to come out of my mouth with enough volume that it doesn't at all seem that I'm embarrassed about it. Still, I feel my face redden and I fix her with a hard stare, begging her to argue.

"Oh, so you think about it quite a lot then?"

Fuck. How did she turn it back to me?

"Yes," I say. "All the time. Every time I see you I think about pushing you into the wall and having my way with you."

Leli almost looks thoughtful as she stares past the side of my head. After a while, she says, "We could stay here." I jump, so taken aback that I nearly drop her. She raises a brow. "What?"

"It...it's just that...wouldn't you rather...er...not be trapped between me and a stone wall?"

She laughs. "You think I haven't found myself in stranger positions?"

My eyes go wide and I swallow, resisting the urge to ask her _what _positions she's talking about, and settle for feeling a little possessive. I don't usually think of her like an object, but Maker dammit all, she's _mine. _And I don't like to share. Thinking of her with other people (other women for crying out loud!) only makes my possessiveness worsen.

"Isn't it...uncomfortable though?"

"Aedan, I've been in stranger positions to get information from someone," she says. "Yes, my back may hurt in the morning, but I'll get over it. Besides," Leli presses her mouth to mine, "I like you a great deal more than those other people." Her hand traces patterns on my shoulder blade. "Perhaps you could persuade me?"

I gulp. "Maker, Leli. Stop with the damn teasing!"

"Aren't you supposed to be teasing me right now?" she asks. "Wasn't that a part of your plan?"

"It was," I say, swallowing past the lump in my throat. I won't deny that I want to strip us both right here and right now and do everything under the sun to make her scream my name, but I'm not as mean as I try to be.

"So what happened to that?"

"You happened," I growl under my breath. She giggles, eyes alight with amusement. "You know, I may love you, but on some days, you pain me."

"That's my job," Leli says.

I don't let the conversation continue. I step her back into the wall so that she's left hardly any room to breathe and kiss her so hard that my head spins. Her nails dig into my shoulders as I press my aching member against her center. My hand grasps at her leg, pinning her to me.

I move my lips to her jawline, pressing hot kisses down the column of her throat, and her breath hitches. She smells faintly of road dust and something else. That flower, maybe? It's sweet, intoxicating even. It only makes my blood burn hotter and my desire spiral higher. I love the way she smells all the time, but it becomes so overwhelming when we're this close that if we're not wrapped around each other like this, I quickly become distracted.

My hand slides up her leg to her abdomen, slipping beneath her shirt to run over her stomach. I have her leg locked around my hip with my arm and elbow, and my other drifting dangerously close to her hips and the waistline of her pants.

As my lips brush over her shoulder and neck, she arches into me with a breathy gasp. I take the noise as incentive to keep going, so I turn my hand and pull her shirt over her head, flicking it off my wrist impatiently. I return my mouth to hers, probably as far as I'll get with the teasing, and allow my lower hand to slip between us. Leliana stiffens for a half a second before tightening her grip on me. Her breath quickens as I move my kisses back down her throat to her shoulder. I suck on the soft skin and start rubbing her through her pants. Her hips jerk forward, and for the first time tonight, she cries out.

"Maker Aedan!"

I allow myself a small smile while she shakes and quivers. Her hands grasp at my shoulders for something to hold onto, and while I want her like nothing else, I'm more focused on making her writhe. So I reach behind her back and undo the clasp of her breastband, pushing it off her without so much as a glance down. My thumb brushes over her nipple and she arches into my touch, whimpering.

Her chest heaves against mine, straining for air that she can't seem to find. She's trying desperately to free herself and even the score, but I keep her pressed to the wall, giving her little wiggle room.

I feel her drag her nails down my back as she moans, leaving red marks that'll undoubtedly be there tomorrow. I don't really care; I'll gladly sport the marks when I go out to spar with Alistair. As long as Zevran isn't there, nobody will say anything.

Leliana gives a sharp cry and holds me against her, whimpering and mewling through her climax. I let her hold onto me, but I don't stop my touching. Within seconds of finishing, I have her crying out as she hits her release _again. _She's shaking so hard that she really does have to hold me for fear of falling. Even after she gets through her second wave, she still rolls her hips on my hand to urge me on.

"_Aedan...!_" She screams my name loudly enough I know someone outside heard her, so I move my mouth up to hers. Leli moans into my mouth as I slide my tongue over her own. "Please..."

I kiss her cheekbone. "Please what?"

She fists what little hair of mine she can in her impatience. "I...I want..." Her breath is coming in ragged gasps and pants, worn out but still driven enough to want more. "Aedan...please I..._unnh..._I need..." I remove my hand from between her legs and she whines, rolling her hips on my member. A wave of lust washes over me and I bite her shoulder to stifle my groan. I can practically hear my heart hammering in my head. Once I've regained control of myself, I begin undoing the laces of her pants. I push them off her before setting to work on my own.

"Tell me what you want and I'll consider it."

Leli laughs, sounding breathless. "You know."

"I want to hear you say it," I growl. "Say it or I walk away." I step out of my breeches and kick them away, doing the same with her pants. "Well?"

Just as she goes to answer, I start rubbing her through her smallclothes. I see her chest heave in annoyance. "I...I want..." I put pressure on her and she cries out, hips jerking against my hand. "Please Aedan...I want...I want you."

A grin forms on my face before I kiss her, thoroughly wiping away any witty retort she might be thinking of. "Was that so hard?"

"Y-yes," she stammers breathlessly. "No more...teasing?"

"No more teasing," I agree, voice cracking slightly. "I promise." In the back of my mind, I thank the Maker that I'm about to burst and give in. I want to, but I'm so stubborn that it's not fair for either of us.

I start to kiss her again, but outside I hear a very familiar Antivan accent 'say', "Animals!"

Leli laughs and I step away to pull on my trousers again before marching to the door. She shuffles around behind me as I yank open the door. There stands Zevran and Cyrus, the latter actually red-faced and embarrassed, but the former grinning wildly. The elf raises a blond brow expectantly and makes a show of peeking over my shoulder. I jerk the door shut so he can't see what he's looking for, but that only makes him revert his attention to me, and my momentary forgetfulness earns me an appreciative stare from the assassin. Normally, that would make me a stuttering idiot and I'd look as embarrassed as Cyrus does now, but I don't have it in me now.

"Willing to share?"

I growl low in my throat, to which he responds with a laugh. "I'm not amused, Zevran. Why don't you save everyone the trouble and go find a prostitute like you usually do?"

He wiggles his brows suggestively. "Ah, but alas, I already have! I thank you for your concern, Warden, but it is unnecessary."

I scowl, taking brief note of my sister coming upstairs with Alistair in tow. I start forward, muscles clenching in preparation to hit him. "Woah, woah, woah! No!" Elissa steps between us, arms outstretched, eyebrows furrowed. "I know Zev can be annoying, but you can't just go around punching people, brother."

"Er...I'm pretty sure Zev deserves it this time," Cyrus says.

Elissa snorts. "He always deserves it, but-"

"Hey!"

"-Aedan knows better." My sister fixes me with a hard look. "Don't you?"

With an annoyed grunt, I drop my fist. I glare daggers at the shorter elf past my sister's shoulder. "Yes," I snap. "For now."

"You can punch him all you want after the Archdemon is dead."

"Good." Without another word, I whip around and reenter my room, slamming the door shut behind me. Someone in the hallway laughs (I wouldn't be surprised if it was Elissa). Leliana's in bed now, facing away from me, blanket pulled up to her shoulders. I can't really say I blame her; I'm not exactly in the mood now that Zevran's successfully managed to embarrass me and piss me off all at once, so I just crawl into bed after her. My arm slides over her abdomen only to be covered by hers. A smile creeps onto my face and I pull her into my chest, pressing my lips to her neck.

"I thought you said you were done teasing," Leli whispers, sounding wide awake. "Did you lie to me?"

* * *

The next morning, I find getting dressed to be far more difficult than it usually is. This is one of the few times Leli has stayed in bed until I woke, and watching her gather her clothes up and throw the necessary pieces on before her armor is distracting. I barely have my breeches on by the time she's ready to start our day of preparing for the Landsmeet, and she gives me a disapproving, but amused, look.

"Do you need help getting dressed?"

I clear my throat awkwardly as I feel my cheeks flush. "Uh...no, thanks. I was just...distracted."

Leli laughs knowingly, rolling her eyes. "Sure, call it what you like. Now hurry up; you and I both know I'm going to have to help you into your armor."

I nod hurriedly as I pull my shirt overhead and tug on my metal-plated boots. Leliana brings me my chestguard, allowing me to get it on before crouching beside me to tighten the straps on my ribs. I busy myself with adjusting the chain collar and the strap that holds my shield to my back. When she steps away, I flex my legs, freeing the skirt trapped under the metal guard on my torso. While I go track down the Cousland sword and shield, she tosses my gloves and pauldron at me.

"I'll see you downstairs," she says.

"Make sure my sister doesn't eat everything before I get down there!" I call after her.

Leli snorts indignantly. "I'll be too busy trying to get myself food. How am I supposed to protect some of it for you?"

I groan, exaggerating the sound, and send her downstairs laughing. I fidget with my shoulder guard and my weapons before chasing after her. She's already in the dining hall of the Cousland estate, sitting next to my sister while Morrigan and Wynne argue about something I'd rather not know about.

Dropping onto the bench beside Leliana, I shoot her a half-sarcastic glare, but she just shrugs, smirking. Not a minute later, Zevran and Cyrus choose to grace us with their presence, and sit across from us. Talith scoots closer to Morrigan to avoid the Antivan assassin, but luckily for him, Morrigan doesn't seem to notice.

"So I heard some very interesting things last night," Zevran says conversationally.

Elissa chokes on her water. "L-like what?"

"What on earth would possess you to ask a question like that while we're eating?" Leli snaps.

My sister laughs. "What can I say? I'm a curious person. So Zev! Spill it; I want to know!"

He opens his mouth to verbally explain my...escapades with Leliana last night when Fergus joins us. The Antivan turns to face my older brother, eyebrows drawn together appreciatively. My brother doesn't notice Zevran's staring until he's halfway through biting an apple, and at which point, realizes everybody at the table is watching him.

"What?" Fergus asks.

"Oh nothing," Elissa says, waving it aside. She resumes eating, so the rest of us take that as our cue to do the same, but Zevran keeps his eyes locked on my brother, and Fergus squirms uncomfortably.

"All right, what the hell is he staring at me like that for?"

"You are a very handsome man," Zevran says. I had been getting a drink, but when he says that, and my brother's face blanches, I nearly choke on the water from stifling a laugh. "It seems to run in the family, no? An attractive bunch of Fereldan nobles? I wasn't aware Fereldans could look this amazing."

Fergus looks to me for help. "Are all of your friends like this?"

"Nope, just him," I say. "Get used to it."

"Zev flirts with everyone! Right?" Elissa says. The Antivan nods, grinning.

"Especially the attractive ones," he says. "Or the ones with big bosoms." He gives Wynne a pointed look all the way down the table, but she ignores him. Zevran sighs sadly, turning back to us, and adds, "Unfortunately, nobody here seems to fancy me as much as I them. Would you like company later, Ser Cousland? I'm sure I can make it worth your while."

Elissa and I laugh out loud at our brother's face. "Ah...no, thank you," Fergus says. "I am not...in the habit of keeping men as company."

Zevran's face falls. "That is the same thing your brother told me." He looks wounded, like a kicked puppy, while he picks at his food. His demeanor changes back to his usual one quickly however, done with his attempts at pity. He lets us eat in peace for a while, but eventually, he says, "So, Elissa, you wanted to know what I heard last night?"

My sister glances at Leli once and says, "You know what, on second thought, no, I don't. Not if it's sexual, anyway."

"Damn," Zevran says. "I'm sorry I didn't get to tell everyone about your prowess, my friend." He directs the last statement at me and my face reddens, but I'm not sure if it's from embarrassment or annoyance. "You seem excellent in pleasing your woman." Alistair groans, Elissa's jaw drops, Leli clears her throat nervously, and I clench my fists. He is lucky that my sword is by my foot and not on my hip yet.

"Good morning." My head snaps up and around to see my mother standing in the doorway, a pleasant smile on her face. "I trust you all are having a good breakfast?" She sits at the end of the table, dangerously close to Zevran, and looks at us expectantly.

"Well, some of us are, Your Grace," Wynne says.

Mother blinks, confused. "Is something wrong?"

"Maker, yes!" Elissa exclaims. "And before he starts yammering on, I'm out!" She leaps to her feet. "Let's go Alistair."

"Right behind you," he says, scrambling to grab his things and get up.

Elissa points at Leli and I. "Meet us by the Alienage in an hour." She points at Zevran next. "And you keep your mouth shut, or I'll let Aedan clobber you before that dragon is dead." With that said, Elissa and Alistair leave before Zevran begins saying something inappropriate again. The warning was pointless; we all know that he'll say something further, and we all know Elissa really won't let me hit him before the Blight is over.

Zevran is polite enough to wait for Elissa and Alistair to be gone, however, and then he looks to Leli. "Did you at least make it hard for him?"

She blinks, eyes narrowing suspiciously as she tries to find the sexual meaning to his statement. "Um..." It clicks in my mind just as she says, "Yes...?" I groan while he laughs, hiding my face in my hands. She looks between us, confused. Not much escapes her, but this went right over her head, and she looks to me to explain it. Somewhat reluctantly, I lean over to whisper the explanation in her ear, and her eyes widen. "Zevran!"

"Yes, my bard?"

Leli cracks a grin and looks down at her food as she says, "That was actually amusing."

"Ha ha!" Zevran exclaims victoriously. He turns to my mother, smiling apologetically, and I have to resist the urge to fling myself across the table at him. "I am sorry, Your Grace. I only intend the highest of compliments to your family."

"Thank you...?"

"Tis true," Morrigan says. "Although he may go about it in a strange manner."

"Yes!" Zevran says, jumping on his opportunity to gain Morrigan's support. "I only wish for you to know you have mothered very aesthetically pleasing children while you yourself are very...attractive." Before my mother can say anything, he gets to his feet. "Now if you'll excuse me, I will go spend my sovereigns at the Pearl. Good day." He winks at me. "And keep up the good work, my friend."

When Zevran is gone, my mother looks at me, eyes wide in shock. "And where did you find that one?"

I throw my hands up innocently. "Elissa did it, not me!"

She sighs, saying, "The sad part is I actually believe you."


	21. Uncertain

We're on our way from Soldier's Peak to the Dalish camp in the south when he says it. Awkward and shy first, but more confident the second time. His smile is hesitant, and by the way he waits, I assume he wants me to say it back. Of course he would. Why can't this be simple? I knew I shouldn't have let it get this far. I'm such an idiot. He is a Grey Warden. He needs to be focused on the Blight. He can't afford to worry about me.

I just nod and pick up my things before standing. I walk over towards the fire to sit with Wynne, thinking I'm free of the pressure.

Barely sparing a glance back over my shoulder, I see Aedan watching me with a pained expression on his face. I regret my actions instantly, but I don't get up to fix it. I tell myself it's for the best despite the longing. I tell myself he needs to be able to focus on what's important. I'm not. I don't want it to, but if it comes down to a choice between me and ending the Blight, he needs to be able to let me go.

I only wish feelings were so simple.

"Why aren't you with Aedan?" Wynne asks. She's got her nose buried in a spell book. I catch a glimpse of one of the drawings as she turns the page, and I'm suddenly glad I'm not a mage.

I look back down to the trap I'm working on and shrug. "I needed my space."

She chuckles. "That would be a first for you two."

I bend the metal to the side and wrap a cors around the joint before yanking my hand back. The trap's jaws snap shut, and after a few tests, I'm satisfied enough to set it aside. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are always sitting with him, or talking to him, or talking about him," Wynne says. She still refrains from looking up, but I get the feeling she's hiding her amusement. I'm not sure if I should be irritated by it, or if I should be...embarrassed about how obvious I made my attraction to the Warden.

Instead, I try to deflect the conversation to something else. "Oh I get it. Now that Elissa and Alistair aren't here, you're going to poke at Aedan and I." She looks back to the brown-haired man, who has gotten up to talk to Sten. I follow her gaze and feel a pang of guilt. And jealousy. I want him to be talking to me instead of the Qunari, but I want him to stay away from me at the same time. Only trouble can come from this. I shouldn't have let feelings get involved. Aedan is too sweet and...innocent to do this to.

But when his eyes flick over to us, they darken, and he doesn't even pause to catch his breath as he launches into another discussion with the stoic warrior.

"What was that look for?" Wynne actually makes eye contact when she asks. Her brows are creased together in a frown, and she glances between Aedan and I, and the sudden cold glare Aedan and I are sharing. "Did something happen?"

I look away first and shake my head. "No, nothing is happening. Not anymore."

And I hate myself for it. I can't tell him. It wouldn't be fair to him or to the people depending on him. What if I get hurt and die? What if something happens? It's better for Aedan to believe I'm just as cold and bitchy as Morrigan. Better for him, better for me. If I can distance myself, I can get over this irrational dependency on his presence. Then I won't have to worry about him as much. Yes, ending our relationship now really is for the best.

"Why?" The question is so simple that it stings.

I shrug. "Better choice," I mumble halfheartedly.

I take a twig that missed the fire and poke at the flames, feeling rather morose and annoyed with myself, and with Aedan. It is not fair for me to be annoyed with him, though. He really has no experience with things like this; how could he know how painful and dangerous it is? No, this is my fault. I let it get this far. If I had shot down his attempts earlier, a simple crush would never have gotten to this stage. He never would've liked me, and I never would've liked him.

I know the dangers of loving someone. I know how badly they can twist that affection around and use it as a weapon. And I know how easily someone else can exploit it as a weakness.

"Are you sure about that?" Wynne asks.

"Yes."

The older woman sighs. "He went through a massacre not so long ago. How would suffering from heartbreak be better?"

"Less trouble."

"That's not really fair of you, then." My head snaps up and I'm about to snap something about how life isn't fair when she continues. "You don't come off as the kind of person to play with someone's feelings." I want to laugh at how wrong that statement is. I did it all the time for Marjolaine. "Why would you start something you couldn't finish? And with a man like him? He's so naïve on occasion that he's worse than Alistair."

"What do you want me to say, Wynne? That I'm sorry? That I was a fool? Yes, I'm sorry, and I was a fool for getting involved with him. But...I just... I couldn't stop myself." I snap the branch between my thumb and my forefinger before tossing the pieces into the flames. "I caught my mistake, though, and now whatever disaster would've come from it will be diverted."

She sighs sadly. "You are throwing away one of the few good things I've seen since joining the party."

"It's the best option," I say forcefully. I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince her, or myself. "Getting involved was a bad idea from the beginning."

"So following that logic, Alistair and Elissa should stop?"

"Yes! No...maybe? I don't know," I say, giving a frustrated groan. "Look, I'm doing the right thing. It's best for the both of us. Now I'm going to sleep while I can. Wake me up for my watch shift." I take my trap and head back to my tent, ducking beneath the flap and carelessly tossing the metal deathtrap to my pile of equipment. Something clatters off it; I don't bother to check. I'll deal with that in the morning.

Right now, I just want to sleep, and hope that Aedan can forgive me. It really is for the best. It doesn't matter how I feel, or how he feels, but that we're letting those feelings get in the way of stopping the Blight.

I lay down on my bedroll rather ungracefully. Then I begin tossing aside my boots and my cloak before rolling onto my side, pulling up the blanket, to face away from the entrance. I close my eyes, truly intending to sleep, but find myself unable to. There's a pain in my chest that I haven't felt since Marjolaine betrayed me. Like someone stuck a branding iron through my heart. It aches, makes me feel cold.

Curling up, I try to push it away and find the sleep I so desperately want.

All I find are reasons I shouldn't have done what I did. My eyes are still closed, but I scowl at myself anyway. I try reminding myself why ignoring that final advance was necessary. I try to convince myself that there's no way Aedan was telling the truth.

I fail. I fail so badly that it's shamefully pathetic. I know Aedan loves me. He didn't need to say it for me to know. Maybe...maybe I was just hoping that it was a simple, childish infatuation, one similar to what teenagers will feel on occasion. But the way he smiles, the easy laughs he lets out when he's with me...I recognize those. I was like that around Marjolaine sometimes.

Now I put all of that energy into spending time with the Warden outside.

At first, I was flirting with him for a reason. If I could make one of the three Wardens like me, I stood a better chance at staying. Lately, I've done it because I actually do like Aedan, and I really don't want him looking at Morrigan the same way he looks at me. Though I suppose I didn't need to try so hard after those first few months. It was obvious, his sudden appearance at my side every night, and my own desire to spend countless hours just talking to him. That act...those lies...they ended up being true. I really do love his smile, his laugh, the way his eyes light up when something works out. I really do like him.

And that's why I have to push him away. I can't open myself up again. Not after Marjolaine. No one is worth the trust and the compassion that needs to be put into a relationship for it to work. At least...no one I know.

No one but Aedan, and we can't afford that right now.

Falling asleep is nearly impossible. Ever since that night at Soldier's Peak, Aedan has slept beside me, and without him here, I feel distinctly cold, like someone took my blanket.

I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. I don't give a damn about him. He's just another Fereldan, insignificant and unimportant. A waste of space, of breath. Zevran and Cyrus should've succeeded in killing the Wardens. Aedan doesn't matter.

Having to convince myself that I don't care about him...that's what tells me I've gotten in too deep. I _do _care, perhaps a bit too much. This isn't that simple crush I wanted it to be. This has turned into so much more, something I thought Marjolaine and I had, but was wrong about. How can I be so sure Aedan's not like her? He could be...he could just...

But then Elissa and her friendliness would be just as much of a lie, and how would Aedan be able to convince his twin to be what she's not? No, I'm over thinking it. Aedan is not like Marjolaine. Nothing about them is similar. Thinking back on everything, there are distinct differences between the ways they treat me. Aedan is polite, kind, helpful. The things you expect someone who loves you to be. Marjolaine...she was never any of that. Not unless it suited her. When I'm with Aedan, I feel like I matter. Not with her. He'll jump to my side in a fight. She wouldn't. He's killed people to protect me. He killed _Marjolaine _for me. She only ever killed people that were threatening the both of us.

I don't realize that I'm smiling at first, but when I do, I decide this really isn't stupid and childish. Not for him, not for me. This is real.

And now I'm scared. Scared of what it could mean, of what I just did to him, of what could come of it. I love him, but what if something happens? He's a Grey Warden; he could die at any second of any day.

Wait. I just...I said it. It's so simple. I do. I really do love Aedan.

The thought is terrifying and yet oddly liberating.

But now that I've successfully managed to mess up the first real relationship either of us have had, how am I supposed to fix it? Or would it be better if I just left it go, and hoped our feelings went away?

Probably the latter.

* * *

The first few days are awkward. Aedan and I barely say three words to each other, let alone look. He leads the party cross country, and I do what a follower is supposed to. Follow. I keep my mouth shut and eyes forward, taking orders and listening to them, but never saying a word. Wynne and Sten notice, but they don't comment on it, and our party is quiet and lonelier than ever. Not even Wolf barks or growls. Me and Aedan's recent wave of silence kills the group.

We're about halfway across Ferelden when Aedan finally decides to come talk to me. Not that he has much of a choice. Sten isn't much of a talker and Wynne can get a little too motherly even for my tastes. And I'm trying to get a bath in a river when Aedan strolls onto the riverbank.

"Maker!"

I quickly revert from taking my shirt off to pulling it on. "Do you mind? Haven't you ever heard of privacy?"

"I didn't know you were out here!"

"I specifically said I was coming to get a bath!" I retort.

"Yeah...w-well I-I...uh...er...you..."

I roll my eyes. "Yes, thank you Aedan. Now go away."

"B-but," he stammers. He blinks, does a double take, and adds, "Wait. I forgot. I don't matter." He shakes his head and turns away. "I don't even know why I thought..." Aedan looks over his shoulder at me. "I'm such an idiot. Maker, I don't know what I was thinking." He grumbles something to himself angrily. "Enjoy your bath. Make sure you're back at camp before the watch rounds start." He makes a frustrated motion in my direction before stalking off, back stiff and shoulders hunched.

Before I can stop myself, I call out to him. He doesn't stop walking. In a matter of seconds, he has managed to disappear within the brush again, and after a little while longer, I can't even hear his footfalls crunching on the brambles.

The idea of a bath isn't very appealing anymore. I just sit on the riverbank and draw my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms about them. How do I always manage to pull off a stupid stunt with everyone? The last one was making the mistake of ever trusting Marjolaine. Now I'm hurting Aedan and myself by trying to ignore my feelings. And it's obvious I'm failing. Not just to me, but to Wynne, too. Aedan is either completely oblivious or capable of playing a game just as cruel as the one I am.

I spend my allotted time away from the camp sitting here, moping, angry with myself and with Aedan. But when the moon passes the treetops, I get to my feet and start back to our small camp. A bath would've been a good idea, and it was, but I couldn't make myself move, nor did I want to. I wanted to sit there and feel sorry for myself.

When I walk close enough to see the fire, I spot a lone figure sitting beside it, back to me. It's not hard for me to recognize Aedan's back, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. He took the first watch, the shift I volunteered for the instant I heard him say he was too tired to stay awake. I figured I'd take the shift nobody wants and get myself alone for a little longer than the norm, but Aedan apparently had other plans, and now I'm stick with a partner I don't need.

I cross behind him and go to the opposite side of the fire to sit. Closer, I can see the bags under his eyes, and I'm overwhelmed with the urge to tell him to go to sleep, not because I want to be rid of him, but because I don't want him to be so tired. And then I silently berate myself for falling back to that, and tell myself that I believe the former option. I don't want Aedan out here; I want to be alone. I repeat those two statements at least a hundred times, but that doesn't make it anymore right than it truly is. That is the complete opposite of what I want. I'm so far done with this awkwardness and hateful glares, but they are my fault. I started this, so I resign myself to suffering through it.

Not once do I think Aedan really does hate me. He's not the kind of man to do that. His feelings are important to him, and they don't just magically disappear for anyone as a rule. It has barely been a week since he told me he loves me; a feeling that strong doesn't vanish that quickly. I should know. Once again, thanks to Marjolaine. I'm starting to expect things opposite of what she did. Attention, smiles, even just feeling important to that one person, and I found myself enjoying a simple kiss on the forehead from Aedan more than sleeping with my former teacher. Aedan has never once done something similar to Marjolaine except tell me he loves me.

I don't exactly understand what I'm afraid of anymore. He's different, and he doesn't just toss me aside like a plaything, not even after what I did to him. If I could tell Marjolaine I loved her, why can't I do the same for Aedan?

"How'd that bath work out for you?"

His voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look up from my hands, hoping to catch his gaze, but he's not looking at me. "After you left...I didn't really do much but sit on the ground."

"Sounds fun."

I just shrug a single shoulder. "Better than sitting around where Sten can glare at me." Aedan flicks his eyes up to mine for a brief second, smiling halfheartedly, and I return the gesture. "Speaking of baths..."

"Yes, I know I need one," Aedan says. "Wynne decided to tell me that as soon as I got back."

"You really do," I say, wrinkling my nose. "Maker, Aedan. I don't think I've ever smelled someone so rank in my entire life!"

"Now you're exaggerating."

"Not by much," I say.

"Thanks for telling me when I can't do anything about it," Aedan grumbles. He shuffles a little so he faces away from me no matter where he looks.

Sighing, I get to my feet and go sit beside him. "You can still talk to me."

He shakes his head vehemently. "No!" he exclaims. "No, I can't. It...it's too weird." He pauses. "And painful." The look on his face is so sad that it hurts me. And it should. It's my fault. "I won't send you away, Leliana, but I don't want to talk to you and be reminded of how stupid I was." I hesitate before reaching over and putting my hand on his. Aedan cringes, but doesn't pull away, so I take that as encouragement, and slide my fingers through his. "I don't know what you're doing, but cut it out. Don't play your stupid games."

I give a bitter laugh. "Oh, it's too late for that."

"I'm not in the mood-"

"I'm sorry," I blurt. The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, or think of how to adequately express just how sorry I really am, and I can't take it back.

"Sorry doesn't make me feel better," Aedan snaps. "You still used me."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," I snarl, suddenly just as irritated with him as he is with me. "I really am sorry, but you can't just tell someone you love them when the world is falling apart, and not expect them to panic."

"And why not?"

"Because it's not fair," I retort. I throw his hand back at him and get to my feet, crossing my arms as I walk to the edge of the firelight. "You shouldn't be risking your life for mine when I'm not as important. It's not fair to make me want to tell you that I-" My eyes widen and I cut myself off, but it's too late. Aedan isn't as stupid as he claims to be; he knows exactly what I was going to say.

He's on his feet and right behind me the same instant, saying, "Well, what if I don't think my life matters more than yours?"

"Then I'd say you're a lovesick puppy."

"Perhaps I like it that way," Aedan says. "Maybe I want to be."

"That's not a good idea-"

He grabs me by the shoulders and spins me around to face him. "You were saying about something not being fair?"

"It was nothing," I say. "Don't worry about it."

"No, continue, please. I want to hear this."

"It's not important, Aedan, really. I just-"

He cuts me off, pressing his lips to mine, and no matter how much I want to push him away, I can't. I really, really can't. The voice in the back of my head tells me not to get involved in this, that it'll only bring heartbreak, and despite how right it could turn out to be, I ignore it. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him close enough that there's not an inch of us not touching.

"I love you, Leli," Aedan whispers when he releases me.

And I smile. This could turn out to be the very thing that allows Loghain to smother the Wardens, but I couldn't care less right now. The warmth spreading through my body, the way my heart races as he says it, I know there's no point trying to tell myself otherwise. Why should I put him through that pain too?

"I love you too."


	22. Blue Eyes (Pt Two)

Andraste's tits, there are so many stairs in this place. Who the fuck puts enough steps in a building that could kill a man? Maker!

"This way, brother," Elissa says, waving me down the hallway after her. We cut through someone's office, go out into a hallway with a hole in the wall.

I think that deserves some comment. "Uh...why's that not fixed?" I stop to point at it, enjoying the cool breeze as it wafts in. It tickles my hair and my stubble. I need to shave. Desperately. Like...before I see Leliana desperately. "You do know there are people out there capable of getting through there, right?"

"Yeah," Elissa says. "And if some fool makes the mistake of getting in that way, then I get to kill them." She shrugs before turning and continuing on down the hallway. I really don't like the version of my sister where she's willing to walk up to a guy and just...kill him. Happily, even. It's...unnerving. Sickening. I don't even have words to describe my sister when she's like this. Probably because it's not my sister. The same thing that happened to Anders is happening to her, but she swears left and right that she's in control. Or she has been. She was in Highever waiting for me. The only reason I'm here is because she came to show me. I hadn't even heard of this place until I set foot in Orzammar's territory. Our conversations on the way here went something like this:

"Where we going, sis?"

"To the Inquisition."

"And where's the Inquisition?"

"In the Frostbacks."

Every. Single. One of them.

Elissa throws open two massive doors and leads me into a large room with stained glass windows. Three people are standing around a table with a map, and that number quickly grows to four when Elissa joins them. I recognize Cullen, but not the other two.

"I take it your trip to Highever was successful?" the tanned woman asks.

"Absolutely," Elissa replies. She beckons me to her side as the doors swing shut behind me. "This is my brother, Aedan. He's the Warden-Constable of Ferelden."

"Hello," I say as pleasantly as I can manage. My tongue suddenly tastes like sand. My heart hammers like it belongs to a madman.

"You already know Cullen," Elissa says. He and I nod our acknowledgement, a brief, but friendly, greeting. "This is Josephine Montilyet, the Inquisition's lead ambassador."

"I understand you're the reason Leliana left Orlais so suddenly after the Blight?"

I clear my throat awkwardly. "Er...yes, my lady." She giggles and I instantly understand how they're friends.

My sister laughs and gestures to the elf. "And this is Arin of the Levallan clan, the Inquisitor and Herald of Andraste."

The way he grins...I get the feeling he's going to crack a dirty joke or say something to make my face redden even further. On different occasions, I might find it amusing, but they all know I'm here for Leli, and they all seem to be having entirely too much fun with this situation.

"Hello, Aedan," he says. He offers me a hand in an all too humanly manner, but I shake it anyway, putting on a friendly smile. "Gonna keep our Spymaster sane?"

Elissa scoffs. "Sane? He's half the reason she's nuts."

I snort and say, "And Elissa's the other half."

I look at my sister, one brow raised, arms folded across my chest, in a dare for her to say something else. She copies the pose, chin up in a challenge. We stare at each other for a good three minutes before I crack and start laughing. Elissa manages to hold it for another thirty seconds before she breaks down in giggles too. After a moment, the Inquisition's leaders begin laughing too, and before we know it, we all sound like children laughing at a bad joke.

"Is there a reason you're all-"

The sound of her voice kills all the laughter at once. We whip around as one, and for a half a second, I can't tell if she's mad, surprised, happy, or a mix of all three. Her mouth moves, but no sound comes out, and I want to laugh again, if only to slow my erratic heartbeat.

"Fish out of water?" Morrigan asks, weaving into the room from behind Leli. The witch's voice snaps her out of it long enough for her to shove Morrigan in an annoyed manner, the way she does with Elissa. Except...with my sister...it usually seems more...loving. When she pushes Morrigan, she actually seems upset and irritated.

"Shut up, witch," she snaps. Then she turns her attention to me. Her expression stays impassive and neutral as she walks up to the war table, and without so much as even sparing a glance in my direction, she steps between Elissa and Cullen. "Elissa?"

"Yes?"

"Would you care to explain to me how the hell a dead man is standing at the table?"

My sister sighs dramatically. "All right, you caught me. I'm a blood mage. I went to Weisshaupt in the middle of the night and found Aedan's corpse in perfect condition, brought him back with some spirit of whatever, and got back here all before you woke up."

"Can I hit you?"

"Do you want to be hit back?"

"If it'll get my life back to normal."

I clear my throat. "I'm real...?"

Her head whips around to me and her blank expression now turns so dark that I'm actually a little scared. She comes back around the table to my side, hands on her hips, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes narrowed to slits. Her eyes roam my face for a moment, and then, out of nowhere, she shoves me. Hard. Harder than she shoved Morrigan. "How could you do that to me?" Her voice is so low...so dangerously low...

I know an apology won't cover it. "I'm sorry, Leliana." Three years of nothing when my injuries only had me incapacitated for three months... I'm such an ass!

"Sorry?" She snorts. "You're sorry?" She marches up to me, and for a moment, I think I see tears in her eyes. "Do you have any idea what you did? Do you?!" I shake my head and open my mouth to reply, but she throws her arms around my neck and pulls herself into my arms, burying her face in my shoulder. I hesitate, feeling awkward and nervous, before I wrap my arms around her back. That only makes her hold me tighter, and I actually laugh, grinning at my sister. She returns the smirk.

Morrigan gags and the urge to strangle the witch becomes overwhelming. "Did you call this meeting so we would all be forced to sit through them, or was there an actual purpose?"

Arin shrugs. "It can wait until later, I think."

Morrigan groans in annoyance. "You are quickly becoming a rather irritating person to be around, Inquisitor."

"Like you're not," I snap. "Bitch witch."

"Foolish boy."

"Maker, I hate you," I say. "What dumbass let you walk through the gates?"

"Empress Celene's orders," Arin says. "Only way we were getting permission to enter Orlais with Agent troops."

"Dammit," I say. "So I can't kick her to the Fade?"

Morrigan gives an amused snort as she strolls past to the door. "No, and I, unfortunately, cannot blow you to bits for the hounds."

"Try it, witch. I dare you."

"You recall our conversation about Flemeth and I being hunted by Templars?" She raises a brow. "Remember, that is how terrifying I find you, Warden."

I tighten my grip on Leliana, shooting her back a glare while she retreats to whatever hole she crawled from. The rest of the Inquisition members trickle out after her, my sister being last, and she smiles in my direction as she closes the doors behind her. Leli remains frozen in place, face hidden in my shoulder, hugging my neck.

"I missed you?" She doesn't reply. "I'm sorry I didn't write?"

"Be quiet," she says, moving her arms from my neck to my chest. "I want to savor this a little longer."

I snort a quiet laugh, allowing a smile to tug the corner of my mouth up in the slightest before I press my lips to the top of her head. She lets out a little content sigh, the same noise she used to make when I'd do it before. The thought makes my smile widen. I really have missed her. I missed her so much it hurt some days.

"How have you been?" I ask softly, trying to cover up my accidental inhalation of a few strands of her hair.

She pulls back to look me in the eye, one red brow raised, eyes watery. "You did _not _just sniff my head."

"Er...sorry?" I wince as I try to stifle my laughter, but she fails, terribly, and hides her face again. "It really was an accident. I swear to the Maker it was." She says something, but it's muffled by my armor, so I say, "All right, fine. You caught me trying to breathe while I was hungry. And I'm sorry to say that your hair looks like this weird red wheat they had at Weisshaupt."

She whips back to look at me. "You're joking."

I crack a smirk. "Of course I'm joking. Red wheat? Pfft. I've seen enough red with the group of Red Templars we encountered on the way here."

"Do you have a problem with my hair color now?"

"Definitely. I've been trying to dye it black since we met." Her mouth moves, but she doesn't form any words. I can't tell if she's confused, amused, or speechless. It has to be all three. Sometomes my jokes don't even make sense to me. "Remember when you woke up with a pile of dirt by your head? My failed attempt at scrubbing it into your hair while you slept."

She snorts. "I woke up with a pile of dirt by my head quite a few times if I remember correctly. We slept outside a lot, you know."

"Yes, I'm going to forget all of those awkward times you woke up with your head in my lap," I say. My cheeks flush at the memory. I made the mistake of...'thinking' about her on watch duty during the Blight, and didn't pay much attention to it until she woke up and couldn't stop laughing. And I won't say that I didn't find it funny after the initial embarrassment faded. Honestly, it was probably the funniest thing to happen during the Blight. Except for the bitch-slapping thing I had going with Elissa and Cyrus. That was pretty funny, too.

Leli's eyes widen. "Maker, I forgot about that." She stares at me for a moment, unblinking, and her expression goes from mortified to very amused within the span of a half a second. She starts laughing so hard that she has to hold onto me for support. I couldn't care less what she is laughing about. Any excuse to hold her is good enough for me, even if it is at my expense. Besides, it was funny. It was hilarious, to be exact. All I can do is thank the Maker Zev wasn't around when that happened, or I never would've heard the end of it.

"Damn," I say. "I should've kept that to myself."

Her laughs die into a fit of giggles, and eventually, calm completely. We stand in a comfortable silence for quite some time when she starts. She pushes me away and and runs to one of the windows, opening it to lean out and check the position of the sun. When she leans back in to close it, she actually looks scared. I don't know why, but-

"I need to go," Leli says.

"Do you want me to go with you?" I ask. I can't deny that I'm a little more than hopeful she'll say yes, but I don't know why she would. She has important things to do for the Inquisition, and plenty of those things don't involve anything I'd be useful with.

"No." I nod, accepting that answer, and start to reply when she quickly adds, "But I'll be right back. You can wait in Josie's office for me."

My mind drifts back to that meeting not so long ago where she took a shot at Leli's sudden departure from Orlais for Kirkwall. I'm not even sure myself why she left that abruptly. I'd like to think it was because she missed me, but Leli made a point of avoiding us until Elissa got hurt. Some days I'm positive I have her figured out better than anyone else, but others she confounds me so easily I think she's a stranger.

I remember a conversation we had a while ago. After the Blight, when we were investigating the darkspawn incursion in the Hinterlands with Elissa. Morrigan had been there, and ever since setting eyes on the other, they hadn't been thrilled with the prospect of traveling together again.

_"I know Morrigan used to like you." _

_The statement catches me off-guard and I jump, looking over at her. She's staring into the campfire, refusing to look up at me, hood and shadows completely concealing her face. "So what? I never liked her as far as I could throw her. And besides, she has Talith. They seem happy together. Or as happy as a bitch like her can be, anyway." I hesitate before asking, "What brought this on?" _

_"I was just thinking," she says. _

_"About what?" _

_"You and me. I was wondering why you chose me over her." She shrugs a shoulder and draws her knees up to her chest. "It's nothing. I won't question it, selfish as it sounds." _

_I want to laugh. She wonders why I love her? Still? I haven't told her enough times already? And here I was thinking I was smothering her. "Why would I like Morrigan instead of you?" _

_"Because you're a man. And men tend to like women with a mysterious air about them more than women like myself." _

_"And you don't think I spend my days wondering about you? Why you say what you say, or do what you do? I never liked people that sent off a...dark feeling. Yeah, Morrigan's mysterious and pretty to look at, but she sends off all the wrong feelings. You have your weird moments that make me stop to think about your intentions, but everyone does. And I think you're far more attractive than she is. And...you're more modest about...things." _

_She looks up, but all I can see are her eyes and eyebrows as she raises one. "Things?" It takes her a moment, but she gets it, and has to cover her mouth to stifle a laugh. "Oh. You mean that." _

_"What can I say? I don't like it when people check out my sister. Why would I like it if people were looking at my wife like that? I'm not one for sharing." _

I don't realize I've moved until Leli's standing up on her toes to kiss my cheek. Then she walks off through another door and vanishes from view, leaving me here dumbstruck. I really don't have any brainpower with her around. I didn't even notice we left the war room to stand in this office until now. She really does have me wrapped around her finger.

Someone gives an amused snort and I look for the source. The Antivan woman Elissa introduced as Josephine. "I see you are thoroughly entranced, Ser Aedan."

I blink rapidly to clear my mind if any stray thoughts. "You don't have to call me that. You can just call me Aedan." She makes an affirmative humming noise. "And what's that supposed to mean, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that I saw your expression a moment ago."

"So? That's my wife. I can't look at her now?"

She just laughs, head still down as she scribbles something on her desk. "You can sit if you'd like. Leliana will be back in a minute or two."

I take the indicated seat gratefully. My feet are killing me, and I didn't even realize it until sitting was offered. For a moment, the only sound is that of her quill scratching on paper, and that of my fingers tapping on my knees anxiously. "Do you know where she went?"

"The same place she goes everyday at noon," Josephine replies.

"Ah," I say. "Another player of the Game, I see."

"Yes, but that has nothing to do with it," she says. "I just do not wish to give away the surprise."

"Surprise?"

"Unless Elissa told you already, yes, there's a surprise," she says. She scratches something else down before looking up at me and folding her hands over her desk. Her eyes narrow as she searches my face, and I'm suddenly uncomfortable. I never like being stared at that...roughly, let alone by an Antivan. I squirm under her stare, finding the books and stacks of papers on her desk suddenly interesting. She can't be older than me, but the look I'm getting right now is motherly almost, and I don't like it. "No, I don't think she did. Excellent. A surprise for both of you, then."

"For me and my sister?"

"No." She sighs, exasperated. "I don't see how Leliana could fall for a man as thick as yourself."

"It hasn't exactly been a good day for me," I admit. "I nearly fell off a snow drift this morning." She and I share a laugh at the thought. "So...I take it the surprise for Leliana was me?"

"It was," Josephine says. "I'm not sure what you've heard about the Inquisition in Weisshaupt, but-"

She's cut off by the sound of the door opening. I twist to look for Leli, smiling when I see her, but she's looking behind herself, holding a hand back for someone. I frown. Who would she do that for? My frown quickly grows to jealousy. It happens in about a second.

And then I see the little boy as he enters the office, and how his face lights up when he looks at Josephine.

"Lunch!" he says excitedly, dropping Leli's hand to bound across the room. He hops up on the ambassador's lap fearlessly, grinning from ear to ear, eyes wide with anticipation. "Flower!" He hands the Antivan woman a small white daisy, which, much to his delight, she puts in her hair. I look back to Leli, about ready to ask what's going on, when I see a similar flower in her hair too, right above her ear.

"Thank you," Josephine says. "It's very pretty."

My eyes drift back to the boy as he runs to Leli again, holding his arms up impatiently. His hair is the same shade of red as hers, cut far shorter, and he's up to the middle of her thigh. She picks him up anyway, smiling brighter than I've ever seen anyone smile at anything.

"How was your morning?"

"Bad. Dori shows me books."

Leliana laughs, and while she carries him over to the other chair, my head whips around to Josephine. Her smirk broadens at my wide eyes and confused look. "Well, you have to learn to read sometime."

"Boring, Momma!"

And my heart lurches. I feel sick, terrified, that she found someone else while she thought I was dead, but then I realize this boy is too old to belong to another man. He looks to be somewhere around three, maybe four, and it clicks. That last night together...Maker. Why didn't she tell me?! I would've come back!

"Aren't you going to say hello?" Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I lift my eyes to hers. I don't expect what I see. Vulnerability, fear. Her voice does t betray those feelings; it is steady and calm like it always is.

He glances at me, but shakes his head and looks away, burying his face in her shoulder.

"He's shy," Leli says. "Cameron, say hello."

"Uh-huh."

"Why not?"

"Scared."

She laughs. "I think Aedan is the last person you have to be afraid of, sweetheart."

Reluctantly, the toddler turns to face me. His eyes meet mine, and the color registers instantly. They're blue, but not the sky blue of Leliana's. They're the same bright, vibrant color I see when I talk to my sister, or when I look in a mirror.

Right then and there, that's when I swear to myself to never let him get hurt.


	23. The Little Things

_All right, I figured I'd give a heads-up for this chapter. It bounces around a lot, as it is a collection of times the two have touched (not NSFW) or cute/sweet things they've done. Lots of fluff for once. All the angst was getting to me. They're all from Leliana's POV. Oh, and thanks for the reviews. I figured I'd stick that in there now so I don't have to go make another AN elsewhere. I'm glad you guys are enjoying Aedan and Leliana as much as I am!_

I'm sitting at the campfire my second night from Lothering, watching the Wardens as they go about their nightly business. They seem to have a routine, dragging logs and the like around a fire while the Chasind-looking woman, Morrigan, collects and removes the stones lying around the campsite. I'm the only one besides the dog not doing anything, and I feel useless. So I occupy myself with scratching said dog's ears while he lies next to my leg, watching his owner go about her business with the other blond Warden, Alistair.

My thoughts wonder from my uselessness to trying to figure each Warden out. Alistair is a rather simple problem I've already solved, but the other two...the siblings...they're another matter altogether. Neither seem particularly happy, let alone social, and the woman, Elissa, has made it clear she's got the typical Fereldan dislike for Orlesians. I don't say much to her on purpose. She spends her time giving me glares when she thinks I'm not looking, or questioning what little I do say, or even outright telling me she doesn't like that I'm Orlesian. Aedan, the man, however, seems more tolerant, although I do see him agreeing with his sister about the Orlesian topic more often than not. So they've been raised like normal Fereldans. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. By the way they know quite a few things about the Game and Orlais, I get the impression they've either been to Orlais, or come from nobility. It would explain the ingrained dislike of Orlais and anything Orlesian, but last I checked, Orlais was trying to come to peace with Ferelden. One of the two teyrns just went across the border not too long ago... Cousland, I think. I don't see the famed Hero of River Dane tolerating any Orlesian long enough to cement a friendship between the two nations.

Aedan is the first to join me, dropping onto one of the moved logs rather lazily, and pats the spot next to him. "Why don't you come sit with me? Wolf doesn't make good company all the time, you know." The mabari growls at him in response, but he only laughs. "Shut up, dog. You're so soft that you could be a nug." Wolf's growl turns to a soft whine of hurt and Aedan rolls his eyes. "Elissa, your dog is being a wuss again."

"He's not a wuss!" Elissa says defensively. "He's just...soft. But hey! He's my dog. Shut up you ass." She walks over towards us and crouches on his other side, farthest away from me, and ruffles his ears. The warhound gives a contented bark as she stands. For a brief moment, her eyes meet mine in what I can only describe as a challenge, and her entire expression darkens. But she says nothing to me and beckons her dog after her while she walks off to join Alistair.

"Leliana," Aedan says. He waves at me. "Come on. The least you can do is sit on the damn log. It's probably more comfortable than the ground."

"Probably," I say. "The ground is softer." I get up to sit next to him regardless, if only to irritate his sister. She doesn't seem to like that Aedan's being polite, but I get the feeling Aedan doesn't like how close Elissa is with Alistair either. It might just be they both want to keep the other in a box for the rest of eternity.

As I sit, my shoulder brushes his and he cringes, shying away awkwardly. I sputter out an apology as quickly as I can, far from eager to have him dislike me as much as his sister does. But after a minute of stuttering and cursing, his face softens, and even though he doesn't smile, I get the feeling this is the first time he has relaxed in a while.

* * *

I've never felt so nervous going into bed with someone as I do now. It isn't like Aedan and I have not been together before, but it feels...different. I feel like something has changed between us since he proposed, and I've been driving myself crazy to figure out what, but I just...can't. I always feel so close to figuring it out, only to have it slip away just as I'm about to get it.

Aedan must notice my hesitation. His hands run up and down my spine slowly, tracing the bone in lazy patterns through my shirt. The gentle brush of his fingertips is calming enough to make my eyes drift shut as I lean back into him. His other arm wraps around my waist and pins me to his chest. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. Other people have done similar things with me, tried to take it slow or rush through it all so fast that neither of us really knew what happened, but it never feels...forced with Aedan. I don't have to tell myself I want him. I don't have to think about what I really want. It just...happens. It's simpler, easier, far more natural than it has any right to be. Only he can touch me the way he does; only he can make tickling my spine soothing. All those other people...this would've made me sick and I would've killed them to get away. But not with him. No, the way his fingers feel is far too different.

And I love every second of it.

* * *

Aedan's eyebrows furrow and he points at another. "And that one?"

I crane my head back to see the constellation he's asking about. "That one?" I ask for clarification. He scoots closer, reaching behind me so that the hand he was leaning on is now on my left. His chest presses against my shoulder and his cheek presses into my ear as he tries to see what I'm seeing. My heart beats a little faster and I swallow to keep myself together.

"No," he says, grabbing my wrist to shift my aim. "That one. What's it called?"

"We haven't gone over this one before?" I frown. "I thought we did. I _swear _I told you about him yesterday."

He shrugs. "Tell me again?"

"That's the Hunter," I say. "One of few constellations named after something elven in origin. He saved a Revered Mother who later went on to become the Divine. In turn, she named the pattern 'the Hunter' in his honor." I stare at the stars for a while, watching them twinkle and sparkle, ever-changing, and smile. When I look back to Aedan, he's staring at the stars, too, but with a thoughtful expression on his features. "What is it?"

He shakes his head and looks at me, plastering a rather goofy grin to his face. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing really. Just thinking about everything. Do you ever do that? Just...drift?"

I nod. "I think I know what you're talking about."

He laughs. "Of course you do. You're always drifting when we're not talking." I start to object, but he only laughs harder before leaning over to press his lips to my temple. "It's all right, Leli. I love you anyway." He says it into my hair, breathing heavily, as his arms wrap around my waist. Aedan seems content to hold me like this, unfazed by the awkwardness of the position. "Do you think I've told you that enough today?"

I crack a small smile. "Tell me again?" I repeat.

Aedan chuckles at my own use of his question earlier. "I love you."

My smile widens and my heart flutters. I don't know what it is about those words that set me off, but they do, and the way Aedan says it like I should already know it, like it's a fact, is probably the sweetest thing anyone has done for me. "I love you too." I tilt my head to the side and lean up to press my lips to his in the softest way I can manage. I try to convey just how much I love him into that kiss, and he does the same. I never knew it could be this simple.

* * *

He has a thing for hands. Playing with them, I mean. Aedan likes to run his fingers over my knuckles and weave them through mine before fondling my palm and repeating the entire process. I don't understand his fascination with it. I mean...they're just fingers. It's just a hand.

I find myself trying to figure it out one night I'm not on watch with him, frowning at my fingernails and the bandage covering the vestiges of a burn from one of the abominations we ran into in the forest. Wynne offered to heal it, but I laughed the mage off and told her to worry about more severe wounds, that a bandage and some time would suit me just fine.

"What are you doing, Leliana?"

My head snaps up and my gaze locks with Wynne's. Her smirk tells me she knows more than she's letting on, so I shake my head and look back down, trying to not seem embarrassed. "It's nothing. I just...I was thinking about this thing Aedan does when we're sitting together is all."

"Ah," she says, her knowing grin spreading further across her face.

I resist the urge to scowl. "Not like that. When we sit up on watch at night, he'll play with my hands, and I can't figure out why."

Wynne shrugs. "Have you seen Alistair with Elissa? He does little gestures like that all the time. There's no real point to it, Leliana. They just do it to show their affection."

I frown. "It's strange."

The mage laughs as she gets up. "Well, bring it up with him when you go to bed. It's Sten's turn for watch."

I check the position of the moon before following suit. She wanders over to the Qunari's tent while I head to the one I share with Aedan, stepping carefully over Wolf as he snoozes in front of the flap. He's sprawled out on his back, one arm tucked under his head and the other thrown over his chest, half under the blanket. He sleeps without a shirt no matter how cold it is, and never seems bothered by it in the slightest.

After carefully setting my quiver and bow on the pile of equipment in the corner, I lie down beside him and roll onto my side, facing the entrance. Not a moment later, he rolls over so he can press his chest to my back, and throws the edge of the blanket over me. He makes a concerted effort to cover the both of us with the thin, sorry excuse for a blanket, and gives up when I'm covered by most of it, settling for drooping an arm over my ribs.

"You shouldn't be up," I say softly.

"Well I woke up about an hour ago and couldn't fall asleep," he says. "I figured I'd wait for you to show up before trying again."

"You don't have to do that."

He buries his face in my neck, sighing. "I felt like it."

* * *

"Have you ever thought about what you would do once the Blight was over?"

Aedan looks surprised at my question. "No, not really. I've always looked at it like I could possibly die, so why worry about it if I might never see the end?"

I frown. "Really? Not even a little bit? We're so close now, and you haven't even thought about what comes after?"

He shakes his head. "No. Why? Do you want me to?"

"I was just curious," I admit. "We're going to be fighting the horde tomorrow, and I never felt like we would make it this far. I figured I'd ask."

"I never expected it to end," Aedan says. He sighs, scratching his head, and looks past me for a minute. "I don't know. I'd probably go to Highever, spend some time with my mother and Fergus before helping rebuild the Wardens here in Ferelden." He quirks a brow. "What do you want to do?"

I shrug a shoulder. "Elissa suggested taking a nap. I can agree with that, honestly." We both laugh for a while, and I feel a little bit of the pent up tension rolling off my shoulders. Sitting here as we are, a day from Denerim, a day away from finally seeing the Archdemon, and I'm actually calm. I feel tense, like I'm about to leap off an edge, but I'm not scared. We have made it this far. The Maker wouldn't let us get here only for all of us to die before the Archdemon. I have to believe this will end.

But Aedan has admitted to being afraid of what will happen. And I'll admit I'm afraid he'll get hurt tomorrow, but oddly enough, after seeing so much darkspawn, the idea of fighting them doesn't scare me anymore. Still, I know that the moment I see them, I will be as terrified as the next person.

Aedan helped me deal with Marjolaine. He kept it together when Elissa disappeared. He's gone through so much without anyone telling him where to go or what to do, and he got us here. Elissa might be our unofficial leader again, but she hasn't been here with us in four months. But Aedan follows her, so that's what we do.

The least I can do for him is be here when he needs it.

"Seriously, though. Now you've got me curious too," Aedan says. "What do you plan on doing? Do you want to go somewhere in particular?"

"I'm not sure," I say. "When I told you I liked the traveling part of this, I wasn't lying. But now that I'm sitting here before the end, I truly think I could stand to sit around and do nothing for a while." He chuckles at the thought. "I'll stay in Ferelden for a few weeks, get myself together. Then I'll go back to Orlais."

"No room in life for me anymore?" He sounds like he's joking. By the hurt look in his eyes, I know he's not.

"You'll be too busy with the Wardens to even notice I'm gone," I reply. "If I stayed, we'd only fight about how I never saw you anymore."

"I hate it when you're right," Aedan grumbles. I have no real viable response to that, so I make no attempt to reply, and our conversation lapses into an uncomfortable silence. I feel guilty already, and far more lonely. The idea of leaving hurts more than I realized it could. I've never felt this attached to anyone. The dependency on his presence is strange, foreign, and I'm not sure I like my happiness balanced on one person's very existence. It's scary knowing that your entire life can just collapse if something would happen to them.

"Do you think you'll come back?" he asks. His cheeks are flushed, but they weren't earlier, so I'm well aware it's a blush, not from the heat of the fire's proximity.

"Of course I will."

He lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank the Maker. I was afraid you'd say no."

"You're joking."

"No."

"Do I look like I'm about to go back and change what happened between us?" I raise a brow, using the expression to try (and fail) at covering up the hurt I felt when he said that. He picks up on it instantly and guilt flashes across his features. He starts to reply, but I interrupt. "It took me a while to want to admit that I love you, Aedan. It took a while for me to even be comfortable with the idea of trying anything with someone after Marjolaine. You know better than anyone what she was like, how she treated me. But now I have you, and you're one of the kindest people I've ever met. Why would I throw that away?"

He hesitates. "You're making this harder everyday, Leli."

"Making what harder?"

Aedan shakes his head. "Nothing. It's nothing. Let's just try to get some sleep before tomorrow, all right?"

He gets up abruptly and returns to our tent without another word.

* * *

I'm walking down the hallway when I hear Aedan's voice. Frowning, I pause. Who would he be talking to this late at night? Then they reply, and it sets my mind at ease. It's just Cameron. I start to join them, but Varric speaks up, followed by the Inquisitor, and I stop. My frown returns as I lean on the wall to listen.

Of course I'd catch them talking about me.

"I thought shems would be more attracted to flailing breasts than the Chantry Sisters," Arin says.

Aedan laughs. "Morrigan was a lot bitchier during the Blight." So that's where Cameron has been learning to swear. Aedan and I need to have a talk. "And it wasn't so much as the looks that grab me when I look at someone. It's how they act." He pauses before adding, "And I like how she looks just fine." Nice save. Smooth.

"Bet you regret that now," Varric says. "I remember when Nightingale was a lot...calmer. And drunk." One time. I got drunk _once._

"Why would I? People change, Varric, and not always for the better," Aedan says. "Have you seen my sister lately? It's hardly ever Elissa anymore. I'm not the same person you met in Kirkwall. How is it fair for me to expect Leliana to be the same? As a matter of fact, she's probably closer to the same person she was than Elissa or myself. Cameron is as normal as any kid can be, and I haven't been around to see him until now. She must be doing something right."

I wish I was doing more.

"Momma's nice," Cameron says.

Aedan laughs again. "I know she is, buddy."

"So when did you find out about him?" Varric asks. I can only assume he means Cameron.

"The day I got here," Aedan says. "I don't know why she wouldn't just tell me. Who hides their son from his father?" Morrigan. Me. We have more in common than I thought. But what was I supposed to do? Write in 'oh, hey, by the way, I'm pregnant?' No! I couldn't do that. I was scared when I found out. How was I supposed to tell Aedan through a letter? And by the time Cameron was born, I saw no point in telling him anyway. He was talking about coming back south, saying it wasn't really going great for him at Weisshaupt, so I figured that could be a sort-of surprise. Then Aedan stopped sending letters, the First Warden sent me his condolences (surprisingly), and I thought he was dead.

I was scared to even let Aedan meet Cameron when he got here. I was afraid he'd leave right then and there without even thinking about it. I was afraid he'd think I moved on and slept with someone else. I thought having a son would freak him out. I never once thought about his curiosity with Morrigan and Kieran, the kid that gives me creepy stares every time I go to get Cameron from Mother Giselle. I don't think Morrigan lets Kieran talk to Cameron, but he's told me that the other boy scares him. And I can't say I blame him. The very thought of the boy sends chills down my spine. Sometimes I swear it's the old god watching, not him. I only feel like that on bad days, though, days where I find my eyes locked on his. And I see no reason to expect Urthemiel to have forgotten who was there when Elissa killed him.

I know it's just the thing's soul, or is supposed to be, but some days I highly doubt that.

"Well, it's time for bed, kiddo," Aedan says. "Enough of Varric's stories. You can talk to him tomorrow."

"But-"

"But bed," Aedan says forcefully. "Let's go." Cameron gives his typical annoyed grunt as Aedan starts leading him in my direction. And not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, I shift back into the shadow of a statue, waiting for them to pass and for Aedan to disappear to our room to leave.

* * *

While Elissa goes to speak with the Teyrna and the Queen, I spend my time searching for Aedan. The fact that Anora is here, that she's in Highever, tells me Aedan made it here. The last few days have been full of shock and panic, worry, fear that the Chevaliers will return to avenge the ones burned with Denerim. I couldn't focus on even that much. I was too worried about him, afraid that he actually didn't get out no matter how much he insisted that he would.

I push through the crowd, scouring anyone with brown hair to see if it's him.

"Aedan? Aedan!"

"Leliana! Hey, watch it! That's my face!" He's shoving people out of his way, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Someone must've hit him with something, but right now, I couldn't care less. There he is, standing in his Warden armor, and I don't think I've ever found him this attractive before. The thought is so sudden and random that I don't have the opportunity to push it away when he finally wraps his arms around my shoulders.

"Thank the Maker."

He chuckles. "I told you we'd get out, didn't I? What? Don't you have faith in me anymore?"

"It's the idiot you're trying to protect that I don't have faith in," I say. "The only reason Ferelden is still independent is because Celene's too afraid of Elissa. Anora has no part in that whatsoever."

"No, but Ferelden needs its leader," Aedan says. As he pulls away, his brows furrow, and he gestures to me. "What's with this? The Warden armor?"

"Elissa insisted we all wear it when we left Amaranthine," I say. "Something about confusing any Chevaliers we might meet on the road."

Aedan smirks. "Well it looks good on you. I'm glad you're able to keep it."

I laugh. "I was just thinking the same thing about you, actually."

"Quite the welcome to the Wardens, huh?"

"It could be worse," I say with a shrug. "I could've had to go without the compliment."

Aedan's cheeks flush, but his smirk broadens into a grin anyway. "What? It's true. Warden armor looks good on anyone. Especially you."

I smile up at him. "Thank you."

It really could be worse. I could be dead instead of a Warden. I could be in Orlais without him. I could never have even met him.

I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

* * *

My eyebrows furrow. Why isn't he looking at me like I'm stupid? I expected him to. I'm supposed to be perceptive, not the idiot swooning over someone who was so obviously using me.

"And how do you feel now?" Aedan asks.

I keep my expression indifferent as I shrug. "Fine. She probably doesn't even know I'm still alive."

"Well, if something happens, I'll deal with it," he says. "I'll keep you safe."

I bite the inside of my cheek to refrain from giggling. "Thank you, Aedan, but I really don't think anything will come of it. Marjolaine doesn't know where I am even if she knows I'm alive."

"We're friends," he says. "And friends look out for each other, Leli." He smiles, but it's forced, and returns to the fire to talk to Talith, the elven Knight-Captain we picked up when Elissa decided we'd need the Templars' assistance in Redcliffe.

We're friends, he says. I find myself smirking as I join him and the others for supper. He thinks I forgot that blush the other day when he hugged me. He's wrong.


	24. What's Important

"Have you ever had decidedly unholy thoughts?"

Alistair does a double take before looking back at me. "You mean of drawing faces on paintings of important people, right? Like...a mustache on a Lay Sister or something?"

I snort out a laugh. "No, I mean about women."

My fellow Warden clears his throat awkwardly. "Er...are you sure you want me to answer that? I-I mean...your sister...she's the, uh...erm..."

My face blanches. "Oh. Right. Yeah. You can keep that to yourself now that you mention it. I'd rather not know what you want to do to my sister."

After a moment or two of awkward silence, Alistair speaks up cautiously. "Why do you ask? Do _you _ever have decidedly unholy thoughts, Aedan?" I bark a laugh again, much to Morrigan's annoyance. She glares at Alistair and I over Elissa's shoulder, making my sister turn and smile at the Warden beside me. Then she turns back to speaking with the witch.

"Do you honestly want to know the answer to that? You cringe every time Zev says something about sex."

Alistair gives an indignant snort. "I sealed the deal already. What have you done, talked to her? Where is the noble courage you're supposed to have? The ability to have women swooning at your feet? Last I checked, all you do is stutter and blush when you talk to Leliana."

"You didn't just say that about my sister."

Alistair opens his mouth to say something, and even though he blushes awkwardly after realizing how straightforward he just was, he says, "You don't scare me. You can't even tell Leliana you like her."

I punch his shoulder. "Yes, I have, and that's none of your business."

Alistair goes to say something, but Zev plops down on the other side of the fire, and we both silently agree to split. The Antivan can be heard laughing behind me as I decide it would be a perfect time to check up on the subject of me and Alistair's most recent bitching match. She's sitting in front of her tent with her usual blank expression, but when I sit beside her, instead of slapping on the fake smile, she just leans on me. Yesterday I'd finally gotten the guts to kiss her, and I've been stupid and smirking ever since, and although she admitted to liking me back, she hasn't been herself all day.

Leli hasn't really been herself since we were down by the Brecilian Forest.

When I go to voice my concerns, she wraps her arms around my one and sighs almost mournfully. "How did you deal with it?"

I blink confusedly. "W-with what?"

"Howe," she spits bitterly. "I walked in on him beating Elissa senseless. I found you broken and bloody in a cell. How didn't you see that in him?"

I hesitate before saying, "I was never close with Howe. Neither was Elissa. Our parents were too afraid he'd find out Elissa was a mage, and they didn't want me near him because I ran the risk of being one too."

"But you must have seen it!" she exclaims. "Nobody that...that...evil just hides it!"

I cringe at the sudden change in her demeanor. "Howe did, Leliana. If I'd known what he was, I wouldn't be sitting here, and Howe would've been dead years ago." If I had known Howe would turn around when our backs were to him and stab us, I would've killed him right then and there. He butchered half of my family, all of my friends. My nephew died at the age of eight because a man with soldiers as sick as himself decided it was time to claim what he thought was his.

So Oren died. Oriana died. Father died. Nan, Ser Blanchett, Jason... All dead.

"You make this worth it, you know," I say carefully. She's on edge already, due to Marjolaine, and what she saw Howe do, both in Denerim and Highever itself. I've barely made it clear that I like her; I'm dancing on a bed of hot coals, and if I say something even an inch in the wrong direction, I'm going to get burned.

Her eyes drift shut and she leans into my shoulder with a contented sigh. It would be a little strange that she was leaning on me like this if she had just started yesterday, but Leliana has leaned on me so many times since Lothering that I don't find it awkward at all. I find it normal, like it's part of a routine. What puts my heart in overdrive is when she squeezes my hand in hers. My heart does little flips of nervousness at the simple gesture, but I remind myself the affection is mutual, and that it's normal to hold her hand too.

"You said the same thing last night," Leli whispers. "More or less."

"Well...it's true."

"And silly," she says. "And dangerous, and terrifying, and different, and nauseating, and...and...and..." She groans in frustration and tilts her head to the side so I can't see her face. "I'm sorry. I'm making a mess of this."

I laugh once. "Good. We can make a mess of it together." She doesn't laugh back, but her grip on me tightens like she's anxious, and I regret my words instantly. "Leliana?" I forget sometimes that despite how knowledgeable she is, she is just as new to this as I am. She's a bard, or used to be, and has had lovers, but she has admitted to not knowing what caring for someone else was like, much less when that care was returned. Marjolaine was her only example, and I hate myself for forgetting what she just went through.

Thank the Maker we've already eaten. Leliana doesn't let go of me, or say another word, but clings to me the entire time. The rest of the night we don't have to spend on watch, she hugs my arm, and I start to think she has fallen asleep, but then she'll shift a little too much for a sleeping person, and settle back to clinging. Zev and Cyrus, especially Alistair, seem amused, but for some reason, I don't find myself fearing their teasing.

I'm afraid of Wynne's. The last week or so she has been pestering Elissa and Alistair, but she'll get bored and switch to Leli and I soon enough. Her teasing, while less...dirty, is far sneakier, and oddly, more laughable than Zev's or Cyrus'. Alistair and I will give playful jabs at camp when we're alone, but his jokes aren't dirty or mean.

Unfortunately, the mage has to pass us to go to her tent, and she gives me a knowing smile that makes my cheeks turn red. But she's retiring for the night, meaning the others will be doing the same, and I can't help but smile at the thought. I have the first half of the watch rounds while Cyrus has the other, and I can pester whomever I want to stay up with me. Or I can just stay up by myself for the next four hours.

Yesterday we were cold all night. The nearness to the Wending Wood had chills running up and down my spine, but we're well past it tonight, and the warmth of the coastline washes far enough inland that we're warm. Still, winter is approaching, and I don't like the thought of being in the Frostbacks when blizzards are threatening. Fereldan winters are as harsh as Marcher thunderstorms. Hopefully though, the snow will keep the darkspawn from advancing any further, and keep most of the Bannorn safe. Otherwise, we'll have to split up and send people to warn the banns.

Talith is the last to be up and about besides myself, and I need to talk to him. So I do my best to free myself from Leliana's grip and get up; she'll be fine for a few minutes.

I walk up to the former Knight-Captain and frown. He never goes anywhere without his sword and shield. The elf doesn't seem to care though, and asks, "What?"

Yeah, typical bland, emotionless Talith. "I just wanted to thank you."

His face remains blank. He rarely shows emotions around anyone, but I guess it was my decision to let him stay in the party. "For what?"

I shift awkwardly. "For being able to keep the party moving while I was out of it."

"I was given an order and I followed it," he says. "Why does that surprise you so, Warden?"

"Aedan," I correct him. "And it doesn't surprise me. It's just...I was too busy worrying about Leliana to take my sister's place while her and Alistair were gone."

"It is understandable," Talith says flatly.

My frown deepens. "How can you understand? I have yet to see you even crack a smile at anyone here."

He shrugs a shoulder. "I still feel. I just hide it. If I don't, people will exploit my emotions and I will learn my lesson one way or another."

My frown quickly changes to a smirk as I recall where he spends most of his evenings. "I suspect Morrigan has begun to exploit them, then?"

And the red-haired elf scowls. Actually scowls. I've successfully managed to annoy the stoic elf. He's usually so broody and blank that he reminds me of Sten. But I guess that would make sense, as the two rarely talk to anyone but each other. Sten has taken a liking to Wolf and Talith has taken one to Morrigan. I might have as well, had Leliana not shown up as early as she had. Morrigan is beautiful, yes, but it took her quite a while to warm up to me, whereas Leliana and I would spend the entire day talking as long as we weren't busy otherwise.

"Good night, Warden," Talith snaps coolly. The statement is regarded from his shoulder as he marches back to his tent. I haven't even put mine up, but I've spread out my bedroll, where my weapons lie ready to be taken and used. I find it far too hot in the Coastlands to sleep in the stuffy things. Which is somewhat ironic, as I can't ever get warm enough anywhere south of here even if I'm in my tent.

When I turn back to my designated spot to keep watch, I find Leli well and truly asleep on my bedroll, and I have to bite my tongue to refrain from laughing. She has watch with me first every night, or every other night, depending on Zevran's moods. Rarely does she fall asleep when we're on watch, but something I've come to expect, just not quite so early.

I retrieve my shield and my sword, strapping the former to my forearm and the latter to my belt, and set out into the treeline, pacing the camp from five feet out. I make a few rounds, stop here and there to investigate strange noises, and then return to the firelight. Deciding to let the bard invade my space, I sit on a log I dragged in earlier, and remove my shield, setting it by my leg. Boredom quickly sets in and the yawning starts, but I get up whenever my eyelids start to droop and pace around the camp a few times before sitting again. This is one of many reasons we keep two or more people on watch at all times. If you get bored while you're tired, there's a good chance you're going to fall asleep whether you want to or not.

One of those times I'm meandering around, I find myself looking up at the stars, and thinking of Leliana. It's rare for me to not find something to remind me of her. Even things that she has nothing to do with. Like this morning, when we had passed the last remnants of the forest, I could faintly hear the waves crashing on the cliffs to the east of Amaranthine, and thinking of that place had me thinking of Howe's death, and how we're heading to Highever to inform my mother and brother. And somehow, thoughts of Howe led to thoughts of the humming bard now in my company. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly happy that my mind had associated thoughts of him to thoughts of her, and I spent the better part of the morning brooding over that.

"Is there a particular reason you're letting me sleep?" Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look over to my bedroll. She's still lying on her side, seemingly having stayed completely still when most people would stretch after waking up. And the fact that she hasn't moved whatsoever makes me think I was just hearing things. I often find myself remembering her voice anyway. Maybe-

"I asked you a question, Aedan." I stumble over an apology, barely able to get out the word to make it an apology, and groan in frustration. She seems to find this amusing, giggling quietly, as she sits up to face me. "I'm glad to see it's not just me stuttering like a child."

I snap my jaw shut instantly and look away, crossing my arms, to regain my wits. "I am a grown man." My head snaps around to fix her with a challenging look, but she only laughs harder, falling over on her back. "Maybe I'll just let the darkspawn get you next time."

"Oh, how chivalrous of you," she teases. "Perhaps you are the one noble not taught correctly, then?"

"Hey, I told you yesterday we teach ourselves," I retort. "Chivalry isn't even in my vocabulary."

"Yes, so I've noticed."

"I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?" She sits up again, raising a red brow questioningly. But even from this distance, I can see the humorous glint in her eye, and I know she knows what I'm talking about.

"That thing where you make everything I say a joke," I reply. "The only other person I've seen do that is my sister, and I hate it when she does it too."

Leli smirks and shrugs as she gets up. She goes to sit on my log, right where I was returning to a moment ago, and broadens her grin. She's not stupid. She knows that's where I was sitting. "No. You find it endearing, or we wouldn't be talking anymore." My brows furrow again. "When Elissa does it, you walk away or change the subject. When _I _do it, you find it in your good graces to put up with it."

"J-just because I..." I scowl at her as I drop down onto the log rather stiffly. I don't see the point in arguing about my affections anymore; after all, I was the one that kissed her, right? I've made it clear I feel for her, so arguing about it like an embarrassed boy won't really get me anywhere. But I can't say I haven't had enough of being unable to form coherent sentences around her.

She drops the subject though, and finds something else to talk about rather quickly. Like how the merchant in Denerim had the _audacity _to try and talk her into buying several little bracelets instead of the one. And I get confused. When did she go to buy something in the market?

"Speaking of that," she says, slipping something off her wrist. "Before you and the other three were...taken, when we were in the tavern, I snuck out of my room to wander the city, a-and...I found that merchant hawking leather bracelets. Red and brown things I honestly thought were tasteless. I don't know why I stopped to look at them. But I found this one, and I thought you should have it. I just wasn't sure when I should give it to you."

Leliana hands me a leather cord with strings of red woven throughout, and I can understand why she didn't find them very interesting. She prefers flashy things, not dull browns and blacks. The red doesn't help the bracelet's case much.

At first, I don't know why this is so special. Don't get me wrong, I already like it just because it's from her, but the way she singled this one out, like something about it was important, confuses me. I turn it over in my hand to figure out why, and then I see the black piece of metal tied to the leather with the red string, and the laurel engraved in it. Not just any laurel, either. Highever's laurel. The same laurel on my shield, on the pommel of my sword. Elissa's laurel. _My _laurel.

My mouth curves into a smile. Leliana's already rambling on about something completely unrelated to the bracelet she just gave me, something about some plant I don't recognize. But I do recognize the tactic as one I've employed in the last forty-eight hours quite often. Anything to avoid the awkward strain last night put on our relationship.

"Leliana."

She stops talking about how four leaves are lucky to say, "What?"

"Thank you."

Her smile is hesitant. "So you like it?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm just honored that you'd think spending any amount of your money on me was worth it."

She laughs. "You've bought me things before. Why wouldn't I try to return the gesture?"

"Because everything I've bought you has been useful and necessary."

"No," she says, shaking her head. "You've bought me quite a few useless baubles from vendors we've stopped at. I still have them. Tucked away in my pack, where they're safe from the darkspawn and various bandits we come across."

It makes my stomach flip, knowing she kept the pointless things I've given her. All the stupid stuff I've found on this trek, and all the stupid stuff I've bought, but she kept it. And that makes me grin. I can feel the largness and goofiness of it; I don't need to hear her laugh to know I look ridiculous. I succeed at looking ridiculous without the awkwardness I go through around her.

Before I can stop myself, I lean down and press my lips to hers. Leli shifts so she can kiss me back almost instantly, pressing her body against mine. My heart is racing just from the brush of her hand over mine, but the thunder in my ears comes from the disbelief that I'm kissing her, and she's not trying to get away from me. Last night, I was far too relieved that she had the same feelings for me to pay much attention to any of the kisses we shared, no matter how heated they got. Now that I feel less...nervous, I can fully understand everyone's fascination with this simple touch. Her breaths come in time with my own, little gasps between breaks, and I can feel her body heat even through her clothes. I feel...closer to her.

She said it earlier. These feelings are dangerous and terrifying, but for some reason, I find the risk of getting attached worth it.

The kiss is over far too soon for my liking, but I'm not going to push. Besides, breathing does feel nice. And it's not like she moves away from me. In fact, she moves closer, hiding her face in my chest, right under my chin so that there's no possible way I can see her. I don't mind though. As long as she's hiding from me, she can't see my blush, and with the way she's leaning on me, I can wrap my arms around her shoulders.

I don't know how I never noticed before. These last few months have been such a blur to me, but she was giving signs, subtle and...not so subtle, that she wanted to be more than friends for a while. Me, being oblivious and not as bright as I could be, couldn't tell. I was holding her hand just a few weeks ago because she was terrified, and she even gave me a kiss on the cheek after I calmed her down. I could've acted on my affections for her before they turned into this, long before they turned into this, and she would've been fine with it.

Although, I'm not sure _what _exactly I'm feeling for her. It's a warm spot in my chest, one that ignites with each of her smiles and laughs, with every conversation we share, with the looks she'll shoot me some nights, and more recently, with our kisses. It turns into a possessiveness when I catch Zev looking at her the way he did after he got her drunk a few weeks ago, or when I catch anyone looking at her. I'll get defensive and overbearing, but she doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes she'll even thank me later, but reassure me that she can defend herself.

And that's when I realize I'm in love with her. The Orlesian bard we picked up on the whims of my sister's bad wording, and I love her.

I struggle with myself for a minute. The rush of warmth I feel at the realization tells me I'm right, but I don't know if I should tell her or not. Leli just watched me kill her former lover a week or so ago, and up until yesterday, our relationship was strained and awkward. I want to tell her. I want to like nothing else, but she's probably not ready for that. But then comes the question... When do I tell her? Should I even tell her in the first place? Does she even feel the same? I know she feels something, so at least the attraction is mutual, but what if it's just that? A simple attraction?

So I settle with holding her while I can, enjoying what little comfort other thoughts bring. I don't want to think about what I'd do if I told her I love her, and she said she didn't love me back.

"Aedan?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you," she says. I'm about to do the same thing Talith did and ask what I did to deserve that, but she must sense the question before it even leaves my mouth. "For being here for me. I...I know I told you I'd be here for you, but I didn't think you would do the same. It has been a while since I found someone who cared enough to let me ramble on to all hours of the night." Leli shifts to rest her forehead on my shoulder, sighing. "It means a lot to me, Aedan."

"Well...you listened to me talk about Howe. And you put up with my moodiness while we talked. You helped me deal with the loss of half my family."

Leli shrugs. "It's not that big of a deal."

"And why isn't it? I did everything in my power to keep you safe from Marjolaine and no matter how much you insist you could've done it on your own, we both know there's a good chance she would've killed you the moment you opened the door. You couldn't stop telling me how thankful you were after you recovered." She shrugs again. "You couldn't have been there to help me with Howe, but you were there afterwards to help me cope. It's just as important to me as Marjolaine was to you."

"I suppose so."

"It was. And I've never gotten around to thanking you for it. So...thank you."

Leliana ends the conversation there, sliding further into my arms while I finger the gift she gave me. It's a simple leather bracelet, something I never would have stopped to look at on my own, and yet it somehow means so much more than it would have if someone else gave it to me. Just because she bought it when _she _was still sulking over Marjolaine, because I'm important enough to her to be on her mind while she's upset, makes it the best gift I've ever been given.

She's watching me play with it when I decide to slide it over my left wrist. There it'll be safe from harm. Right behind my shield. I won't lose it. I never plan on taking it off to lose it anyway. It carries so much meaning and so little all at once. It was a trivial expression of her feelings to her, but I think it has more meaning than any of the kisses we could ever share.

Forgive me for being sappy.

"I am glad you like it," Leli says.

I smile at her. "I like it because it's from you."

She snorts. "That's silly."

"But it's true."

Leli looks up at me, brows drawn together. "Really?" I nod slowly, confused as to why she can't understand how much she means to me, when she kisses me again. I kiss her back, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer, but something about this one...it feels different. Dare I say it's almost loving? Could I even be that lucky?

She's pushing at me, trying to drive me further to get something, and my brain sees no problem with pushing back. I kiss her just as roughly as she's kissing me, enjoying the way she grasps at my hair and my shirt, when she moans softly. My heart practically stops. That noise is so nerve-wracking and wonderful at the same time that it sends shivers down my spine. It makes me want to smother her entirely, to consume her.

Then she breaks off and looks away. "Aedan...I..." Leli hesitates, but shakes her head. "Never mind. It's not important."

And that tells me it is.


	25. Waited Forever

_All right, let me apologize for how long it took to get this chapter up. Far too long. Real life got in the way, but I have returned with fluff and adorableness! It's in Leliana's POV again... My muse has basically turned into her, so I'm not sure when I'll put up an Aedan chapter again, but it seems Leliana is the favored POV anyway...? Oh, and this chapter will feature lots of breaks. It spans a certain nine months I have been very eager to write for a while now!_

I didn't think Aedan would be so...ecstatic. I had hoped, yes, and spent hours wondering how I would tell him...but not once did I think he'd be so happy. Though...I suppose he's taken what excitement I might have had. I'm not feeling much of anything but terror. I don't know what to do with myself. It's not like I have much experience with family. My mother died when I was four, and I ended up as little more than a glorified ward of an Orlesian noblewoman. She was kind and loving, yes, but often had more important things to worry about than myself.

How am I supposed to be a mother when I don't know what mothers do, let alone how they act?

Aedan doesn't seem to be as worried. He seems more excited than anything, following me around like a lost puppy as he is. I don't even have to ask for something; he just does everything for me without being told to or asked. He's up first every morning, bringing up the tonic Josie has to keep me from getting sick all day. He hardly lets me leave the rookery, and the worst part is, Arin doesn't seem to mind my absence from the war room when he calls a meeting. He'll come check on me every few days, and every time I demand to know why he allows Aedan to trap me in here, he shrugs it off and laughs his way into another subject.

I feel smothered, truth be told. I don't get to do much aside from reading and writing reports, and I hate it. I've always been independent, but the way Aedan spends his time hovering around me is getting overwhelming. He asks me if there's anything I need so many times a day that I want to scream.

"Leliana..."

I cringe when I hear him say my name in his teasing tone. He _knows _the attention gets on my nerves, and sometimes, I swear he only does it to amuse himself. He's not a member of the Inquisition, and he's not a Warden any longer, so he has nothing to be in Skyhold for. I don't understand why he stays here when he could go be with his sister. She needs him more than I do, though I won't complain. He was gone for so long; I don't think I could stand it if he left again.

Aedan kicks his feet up on my desk and leans back in his chair, raising a brow. "Leliana...?"

I let out a sigh and toss my report aside before looking up at him. "What is it now?"

He shrugs. "Oh nothing. I was just wondering if you needed anything."

My temper flares, but I bite it back and return to reading the slip of paper. He laughs at the expression plastered to my face, reaching over to push the report aside. "I'm serious. This is usually when you get hungry, so I was curious. Are you?"

"Can I get my own food if I say yes?"

"No, you have work to do," he taunts. "So get to it. I'll be back with our supper shortly."

* * *

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I could throw a shoe," I snap, burrowing further under the covers. Aedan laughs as he runs his hand up and down my arm as soothingly as he can. I've been in a sour mood all week, and after getting violently sick in the middle of the night, I haven't exactly been happy, let alone pleasant to be around. Still, Aedan sticks to my side, hovering like he has been since I told him that I was pregnant. A month ago, I think? So...I suppose I'm three months along now. My armor is more difficult to get into each morning. I haven't even tried to put it on today; I don't have the energy, or the willpower, to even get up.

"In a good way? Or a bad way?"

"Both?"

He cracks a smile and brushes my hair from my face. "I hate seeing you sick like this, love."

"I'll be fine...eventually."

Aedan's smile broadens. "Well, it'll all be worth it in the end, I think."

My brows furrow and I catch his hand. "You think?"

"Don't worry about it," he says, shaking his head. "I'm just thinking about you."

And then I understand. He's afraid something is going to happen to me or the baby. For all his excitement...he's scared. All that does is scare me more, and I tug on him. "Lay with me." The words feel stuck in my throat, taking several tries to get out. "Please?"

"It's not like I want to leave," he teases, kicking off his boots before rolling under the blankets with me. "I just got back."

I feel small when I fidget my way into my usual place between his arm and his side. Small and weak, and I hate it. If something goes wrong... I don't want to think about it. I just want to enjoy his warmth and make up for the sleep I've missed.

Aedan squirms a little until he's comfortable before pulling me into his arms, sighing contently as he presses his lips to my temple. It's soothing almost, some sort of reassurance. His embrace is what calms me though, knowing he's here again. That's all I've wanted since he left, and now that I have it again, I don't want him to leave and take it away. I've been beyond lonely in his years away. I thought he was dead...and yet here he is, and here I am, expecting a child.

It doesn't feel real.

"I missed you," I whisper into his shirt.

"So you've said," Aedan replies, chuckling. "I missed you too. But I've got you now, for however long we have left."

"Years and years," I say, yawning. I shift so my head is on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his torso as my eyes drift shut. "Mmm. You're a good pillow..."

He gives a soft laugh. "Tired still? You slept like a rock until...well, _that _incident."

I open one eye and fix him with a stare, raising a brow. "Carrying a kid around is exhausting."

"Oh please. I don't think you've even started showing yet."

"Then you're not paying close enough attention," I grumble, burrowing further into his arms. "I know I am. I can barely get into my armor anymore."

He scoffs. "Are we going to start with that already?"

"With what?"

"Thinking you look fat. That thing."

"I'm going to get fat and we both know it," I snap. "You did this to me."

Aedan raises a brow. "Not _once _have I pressured you into doing anything you didn't want to do."

"I was seduced by a madman."

"Seduced? Pfft. I'll show you seducing."

My other eye snaps open when he shifts around just enough that he can lean over me. His lips brush over my neck, my jaw, anywhere he _knows _will make me twitch. He keeps at it long enough that my hand snakes into his hair and holds him against me. This is just...it's not fair. He's just teasing me at this point.

"Stop that," I manage.

A laugh rumbles out of him as he moves his lips just beneath my ear. "And why would I do that?"

"W-we can't..."

"I know that," he says, nipping at my skin. I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a whine, tightening my grip on him. "I can still _touch _you, though, can't I?"

"Maker's b-breath, Aedan... You're going to drive me...insane."

He responds with a pleased hum, trailing his kisses down the side of my neck until he reaches that same spot he always hunts down. My skin turns to fire under his attention even as I feel that ache for him start building. Every part of me wants to be with him, but I'm not sure how safe that is, and neither is he. We'll just have to settle for the touching.

* * *

"Of all the people in Thedas to get pregnant, you were honestly the last person I expected."

I pause halfway through taking a drink of my tea to narrow my eyes at the Warden sitting across from me. Her arms are crossed over her chest and one brow is raised in her typical challenge. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounded like," Elissa says, cracking a smirk. "You don't seem like the motherly type is all."

"Thank you for confirming my fears," I retort sarcastically.

She laughs. "Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine. It was just a joke."

I huff at her as I swallow a mouthful of rather bland Fereldan tea, grimacing in disgust. "I have no idea how you drank this for so long without getting sick."

"Easy. I just didn't drink tea," she replies, kicking her feet up on my desk. "Unless it was Orlesian, anyway. Which it usually wasn't, considering my father's dislike of anything Orlesian."

"I can't imagine he'd be very happy with your brother."

Elissa shrugs and leans back in her chair, staring up through the rafters. I haven't been up there to clean anything in...weeks now. I should probably get someone to do that now that I think about it... "For an accent? Pfft. He'd get over himself, and if he didn't, then who knows? I doubt Aedan would've cared. Our mother wasn't happy about Alistair and I, and you see how well that worked out for her."

Rolling my eyes, I say, "Clearly."

"What? Aedan and I are more alike than you realize."

"He's also not a mage," I retort.

"No, that's my curse," she says, laughing. "A possessed mage, at that."

"Leading a heretical army against the weakened Chantry."

She blinks as her eyes narrow, frowning. "You sound bitter about it."

"No, I'm just worried Cassandra won't give up easily," I say. "She never agreed with me on this, and she's far more stubborn than you can be. I fear she'll wait to surrender until all of Orlais has fallen around her and you're standing at the doors of the Grand Cathedral itself."

"The Chantry has no army left," Elissa says.

"Some people are faithful to the end. Change scares them."

"Change is coming whether they like it or not. I'm not giving up at this point. Too many good people have died in the pursuit of an accepting Chantry."

I shake my head and decide for a change of topic. Not much of a pleasant one, but a happier one, I suppose. "Has Orlais surrendered yet?"

"No, of course not," Elissa says. She seems more annoyed by that than I thought she would be. "Empress Celene refuses to 'surrender to a Fereldan dog lord.' She's above that, it seems."

"I was hoping she'd be the one who would."

"Gaspard wouldn't have either. Briala...I don't even want to wonder about. I'm just glad Celene is smart enough to stop with the raids into Ferelden."

"That leaves her Chevaliers in the cities, though," I point out. "Places they know they can defend and fortify."

She gives a sad sigh. "Where we camp, supplies stop coming. All we would have to do is park it outside the Winter Palace and starve Celene out." She takes a drink of her wine, and for a half a second, I'm jealous I can't have any for another six months. "It looks like that's what we're going to have to do. It'll cost less lives, and without Aedan's help, I'm not sure how responsive the east flank will be."

I cough awkwardly, whispering, "Take him. Please. Free me."

Elissa blinks once before bursting out in laughter. "I remember when you'd look all sad and mopey because he was gone."

"Yes, but now he breathes down my neck! I can't do anything without him there and I haven't left this blasted tower in weeks!"

"You could ask him for some space," she says, shrugging. "Or, you know, you could just let him be. He's only doing it because he loves you."

"It's overwhelming!" I hiss.

"Would you rather I left?"

I nearly fall out of my chair from jumping so badly. This...this is what I get for sitting with my back to the steps. And for getting so distracted by my conversation with Elissa, who is presently holding her sides from laughing so hard. "You scared me half to death!"

"Oops?" Aedan gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before walking around to my sister and handing her a scrap of paper. "Looks like you're needed in the Emprise."

She sighs. "Now what? Did Dworkin blow something up again?"

"Probably," Aedan replies.

With a quick scan of the report, she nods and grunts. "I'll be back in a few weeks. The Agents have found something they want me to look into. Brant says it's got 'Wardens' written all over it."

"Oh. Well...be careful," I say.

"When am I not?" she asks, scoffing.

"You don't want either of us to answer that," Aedan says.

She laughs once before grabbing her things and heading out of the rookery. It's annoying, how every time she tries to come see me she gets called away for something or other. She's like a sister, is a sister in every sense of the word, and I hardly get to see her anymore. As a matter of fact, I think I see her even less now that Corypheus is dead. Elissa used to act like Cullen's shadow, but in the field, and would relay his orders out to camps while keeping her Agents up to speed with the Inquisition. But she'd find a way to come back and make stupid jokes with me more often than not. Now...now there's just no time anymore when there should be.

"What's wrong?" Aedan asks, crouching beside me.

I shake my head and inhale deeply, blinking back the dry feeling in my eyes. "Nothing, I'm just...tired is all."

He hops to his feet and helps me up without another word. "Feeling all right?"

"I don't feel sick if that's what you're asking," I say.

"That's good to hear," he replies, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "I hate seeing you so sick all the time."

"It'll pass."

He gives an exasperated huff. "Yes, I know. I just don't like being unable to help you."

"I'll be fine," I insist. "It's normal."

* * *

I think the most annoying part of this is the lack of sleep. No, not even that. The inability to find a comfortable position to sleep in. That's what annoys me the most. I spend hours tossing and turning—or whatever you want to call my fidgeting—in vain attempts to get comfortable, and only end up falling asleep because I get so exhausted from all the moving. It's so ridiculous I hardly ever want to go lay down, no matter how sick, or how achy I feel.

So, of course, Aedan fights me every night to go to bed, and when he inevitably wins, he usually falls asleep on my shoulder with an arm thrown over my stomach. It seems to be his favorite position, considering I can't fall asleep unless I'm on my back anyway. I end up burrowing into his chest while he holds me and staring at him until the restlessness starts.

And despite how _annoying _I find this entire experience, I find myself running a hand over the bump without even meaning to, or resting my hands there almost protectively when a stranger comes up to discuss meetings with Arin. Aedan is there during those, armed, and while he keeps his distance, he's always close enough to intervene if something happens. I'm grateful for that; I doubt I could use the dagger I keep hidden in my shirt sleeve even if I wanted to.

I never wanted children, never even stopped to consider having a family. Aedan was a Warden, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I made a note to never bring it up, or think about it. I didn't want to put myself or a child through the pain of not knowing when he'd not come back. And when I joined the Wardens...by then, I barely had the chance to stop and think about anything except where I could buy more arrows. The last ten years have been a blur of "shoot first, ask questions later," and now that it's over, I don't know what to do with myself. Not that I have much time to do anything, anyway. Now all I do is work, or deal with the side effects of being pregnant.

Still, laying here as bored as I am, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Elissa hasn't called Aedan away to help her manage the Agents, so I don't have to worry about him, and I'm _pregnant. _The idea of it still blows my mind, and it has already been five months. I can't come to grips with it. But no matter how shocking I find it, or how ridiculously annoying it can be, I love the baby. There's no way I can't.

When Aedan isn't laying on my chest and rambling on about the day to my stomach, he's off helping me do something or other while I lay here and read aloud, or recite a story from memory, or just talk about whatever comes to mind. He tends to talk about me, telling the bump about how wonderful of a mother they're going to have, and I'll just huff and roll my eyes. Sometimes he'll come back from getting me something, or running off to tell Josie or Arin or Cullen some important tidbit of information I have for them, and I'll be here, whispering about him and how goofy he is to my stomach.

A week or so ago, Aedan was talking about one of his escapades through Highever with Fergus and Elissa while I dozed, and the baby kicked against his hand. It scared me half to death, scared me awake, and after he stopped laughing—and I recovered from my near heart attack—he plopped back down on my chest and continued telling his story. I couldn't fall back asleep even if I had wanted to, so I listened with half an ear while running my fingers through his hair.

But that was the beginning of the end. Now all the baby does is kick at my hand, or Aedan's, sometimes even Josie's, and feeling it move...it's frightening, but fascinating all at once. I can't help the smile that cracks my face when they kick while I talk to them, or the one when Aedan grins because he talks to them and gets a response. It's endearing, those grins. He seems so happy and excited just by listening to me read out of a book for the child. He'll smile at me for absolutely no reason whatsoever sometimes, and I'll return the gesture.

The fear I felt a few months ago...it's still there, but I wouldn't give any of this up. I remember the last year, always fearing who could be lurking in the shadows, wondering who was going to try to assassinate myself or any of the other three who run the Inquisition. It made me bitter and cold, but since Aedan came back...

I've been so much happier than I have in a long time. The excitement he has, his enthusiasm, has worn off on me, and I'm just as excited as he is, if not more. Thinking about finally being able to hold the little person growing inside of me...it brings a ridiculously large smile to my face, and it helps calm me down when I get worked up about something. I remind myself it'll all be worth it in the end, and then I'll sit in bed, or at my desk, and grin at nothing for hours afterwards.

I'm so ridiculously happy sometimes that I don't know what to do with myself, and for the first time in my entire life, I'm fine with that. What happens will happen regardless of what Aedan or I wish for. And oddly enough...I'm not afraid of what that may be.

* * *

Aedan fidgets nervously as he squirms into bed with me. "Can I...?" His eyes flick down to my stomach like they always do when he wants to talk to our child. _Our child. _The very thought of it brings a smile to my face.

"You don't have to ask."

His face breaks out in a large grin as he leans down and presses his lips to mine. I return his kiss tiredly; it was a long day, and I'm sore all over. "It's only polite," he says before shifting around to rest his head on my chest. "I was raised to treat women properly, you know."

I smile faintly at the back of his head, starting my usual fingering of his hair. I know he enjoys the feeling; I can see him relax the instant my fingers start combing through. "I know, but you don't have to."

"I choose to," Aedan says softly. His hand comes up over my stomach and he starts tracing soothing patterns on it through my shirt. I allow my eyes to drift shut; this is usually the easiest time for me to fall asleep. "So what should I tell you about first? My sparring match with the Iron Bull or lunch with him and his Chargers?" I don't pay much attention to what he says after that. I doze off, slowly stopping with my brushing while he talks. I hear him laugh, mutter something about me being tired all the time "because you exhaust your mother." The statement brings a half-asleep smile to my face. He gets a kick out of the baby for that remark, and I crack an eye open.

"Well, it's true," he says, laughing. "She barely gets anything done because you're such an important responsibility for her. You know she complains about how heavy you are all the time? You're going to be such a little terror that she won't know what to do with you half the time." He pauses to yawn, shifting a little to get more comfortable. "She's stern, you know. Big and bossy when she has to be, but she's probably the kindest person I know. I love her more than I've ever loved anything or anyone...but now we have you, and I love you so much that I can't describe it." My smile broadens. "She loves you too despite her complaining. That's just what babies do to women. Make them angry and tired all the time, with little else to do but complain."

"And eat," I mumble halfheartedly.

He laughs. "She eats more now than she did as a Warden."

"See? He calls me fat. This is what I put up with."

Aedan sits up and looks back at me with a brow raised. "I'm not calling you fat, love." He presses his lips to my forehead as he settles next to my side. "You're the most beautiful woman I know, pregnant or not, and I love you."

I smile up at him. Those words used to scare me so long ago, but now they just make me smile, and make my heart beat a little faster. "I love you too, Aedan."

He had already been smiling faintly, but now it turns into one of his lopsided grins as he lies down beside me. I wiggle into his arms, sighing contently when he hugs me to his chest. "I love you both more than anyone has ever loved someone." He sits up again, but this time to press a kiss to my belly, and then resumes his original position.

That gesture is so heartwarming that it turns my cheeks red.

* * *

So...so exhausted... I don't ever remember being so tired in my entire life. My chest is heaving, and somewhere far away, there's crying. I just...just need to sleep...

My head rolls to the side as I gasp for air, eyes drifting shut. Faintly...my name, and then someone telling someone else to let me rest. Thank the Maker for sleep. I need it. I feel like I could sleep forever...

I don't know how much time passes before I wake, but there's something—or rather, someone—warm pressed into my side. They're whispering to someone else, someone making soft noises back at them. The sound of that voice...it's familiar, comforting even, and it pulls me out of my sleep. I must shift or do something to alert them, because not a moment after inhaling, I hear them saying something new, different.

"Shh, she's waking up." Aedan...? Yes, that has to be him. He whispers my name a few times, but I just give him a sleepy moan. "Leliana..."

"J-just...let me sleep."

"I think there's someone you need to say hello to. He's been waiting."

He?

My thoughts race as I try to remember _why _I'm so tired. It takes a moment, but it clicks. The baby... I remember panicking when I felt it—him—coming. Panicking, terror, and so much pain it wasn't even funny. It was there so abruptly, and gone just as quickly as it came. And then...so much exhaustion that I ache everywhere...

I crack my eyes open and squirm so I can see Aedan, holding a bundle of towels in his arms, with the biggest grin I've ever seen plastered firmly to his face. "Here," he says, offering the bundle. "You've only been asleep for an hour or so, but...well, the healer made me let you sleep. I would've woken you up sooner otherwise."

No matter how tired I am, the thought of finally being able to hold the child I've been carrying for nine months, of holding me and Aedan's child, our son, is so exciting that I make my arms move even though they want to hang limply at my sides. Aedan passes the baby off to me, and the instant my eyes hit his, I can't stop the huge smile I feel creep onto my face. There's a rush of warmth in my chest, much like the one I feel when Aedan tells me he loves me. I don't have words to describe the feeling, or how much I love this little boy just by seeing his blue eyes staring back up at me.

"So adorable," I whisper, letting out a breathless laugh. "I've waited so long to see you." I brush a kiss over his forehead and linger there for a few moments just so I can collect my thoughts. It's been too long, so much time waiting and wondering about the baby in my arms, and now that he's finally here...

"Maker's breath, but I love you already."


	26. Goodbyes

_I need prompts for this story, guys! You want to see a scenario or anything in particular, drop it in a review or PM me! This chapter is for the guest reviewer, who seriously reviewed just as I was finishing up with chapter 25. I feel awkward writing wedding scenes, so this is gonna be the night Aedan leaves for Weisshaupt. So y'all get some smutty feels! And bare with me, this is my first time writing smut from Leliana's POV. So...without more rambling...chapter 26!_

This...this is where Aedan leaves me. We agreed to part ways at Val Royeaux, and here we are, almost a month later, stopping at an inn just within the city walls. The thought of being without him makes me sick, and when we order supper, neither of us really pay much attention to it. We're both Grey Wardens, but not even that appetite will make me eat. He's going away for at least six months. _Six months. _I hate being away from him for even a day, but six months? It'll crush me. I've become so dependent on him that it scares me.

"Justinia is probably looking for you, Leli."

I look up from my potatoes to see Aedan's eyes locked on me. "I know," I mutter. "I just...I don't want to leave you."

He gives me a comforting smile and reaches across the small table to take my hand in his. I flip my hand over almost immediately to squeeze my fingers around his, swallowing deeply. "Nor do I want to leave you, but someone has to go look for a way to fix this blasted problem of ours, and Elissa can't because Ferelden needs her."

"Let me come with you." I hate sounding so needy, but the thought of him being so far away for so long...

"You know why you can't," Aedan whispers. "The Divine needs you."

Those words irritate me beyond belief. "I'll have to choose between the Chantry and the Agents at some point. Why not now?"

"Because right now, all the Agents are is a small cult with no real chance of survival," he says. "You need to be able to fall back on the Chantry if this thing blows up in our faces." He pauses before adding, "That, and if it _does _blow up, we'll be tried for treason, and convicted. At least this way you can claim you were just spying on us for Justinia."

"Aedan, I can't—"

The look he gives me cuts me off. "I don't want you to get caught up in this if I can help it. Please...if this goes south and Elissa, Alistair, and I get arrested, tell her you were just spying on us. I don't want to see you die, Lel. Please."

I look back down at my food and shake my head once. "I've already told her where I stand on the matter. As soon as the Agents gain a shred of credibility...I won't be the Left Hand anymore."

His face falls and he looks away as soon as I look up. "It was Elissa, wasn't it? She forced you to choose between Justinia and us, didn't she?"

"Justinia... Aedan, I love her, but not as much as I love you, or Elissa, or Alistair. It would've been the Agents regardless of what Elissa did or didn't say." I swallow past the lump in my throat to say, "But...yes, Elissa made me choose back in Kirkwall. Hope...I was afraid she'd hurt me, or Elissa, or someone innocent. Cyrus stopped her, thank the Maker."

"I don't like the way Hope glares at you when she's taken over Elissa, or the monster she turns my sister into."

"Elissa only bonded with her because she was worried about you, Aedan."

"That doesn't mean I have to like the spirit," he says defensively. "I can love my sister and hate things she's done. Bonding with that...that thing...is one of them."

I sigh as he shifts his gaze back over to me. "Fine, fair enough. Let's not get into this now, all right? I just...I want to enjoy the last few hours we have together."

Aedan gives me a small, almost sad smile as he nods. "Yes, I can agree with that." I glance around the dining room carefully; we chose a booth as far away from the rest of the patrons as possible, but I still don't feel comfortable. "I'm going to miss you."

My gaze flicks back over to his and I return the sad smile, squeezing his hand gently. He does the same, running his thumb over my knuckles. " I'm going to miss you too." _More than I probably should._

"I won't be gone long," he promises. "After all, I have you to come back to, right? Or...I will. And you're good incentive for me to work my ass off."

"I hope so."

He laughs a little, shaking his head in amusement, and continues, "I'll be back before you know it, Leli. Then you can spend the first few days nagging me for having messy hair. Make up for all the time you missed."

I crack a smirk at him. "I'll be too busy fussing over the scars you'll undoubtedly bring back."

He visibly shudders, but the grin tells me it's a joke. "Berating me over getting injured. As if the wound didn't hurt enough in the first place, no, I have to deal with you and the silent fury." I roll my eyes, only half amused, as I stare at him over my wineglass. Sweet, with a honey aftertaste. Much better than some of the wine I've tasted, but it's definitely not the best. And the honey aftertaste...that just confuses me. I've had a few wines spiced oddly enough to leave that flavor behind, and while it tastes...nice, it's not something I look for.

"I'm going to worry about you," I whisper at our hands, unable to meet his eyes as the words leave my mouth.

He squeezes me again, leaning over the table to peek up at me. "It's just Weisshaupt. A few hundred Grey Wardens, plenty of food to keep me good and fat. There's nothing to worry about, Lel."

"But you won't be _here,_" I say forcefully. "I won't get to see you in the mornings, or sleep next to you, or...or..." I trail off and shake my head, letting out a bitter laugh. "Listen to me prattle on. I sound like some lovesick fool."

He smiles comfortingly. "So? I find it sweet that you care so much."

"Of course I care. I love you, Aedan."

"I love you just as much, if not more," he replies. "It's nice to know you'll miss me, though. I didn't expect any different... I just..." He shrugs, unable to find the words he's looking for. After a few minutes of staring at our hands, he releases me and withdraws to his side of the table. "Let's finish eating, and head to bed, all right?" I nod once, but I still don't have much of an appetite. He doesn't seem to either, but he eats regardless, watching me with his brows furrowed. "You have to eat, love."

"I'm not hungry," I say, shaking my head again. "I think...I'm just going to go to bed."

He frowns as I get to my feet. "Are you—"

"I feel fine. I'm just tired." I get up quickly and retreat to the back of the inn, heading up the stairs hidden behind a wall, and wander all the way to the opposite end of the hallway. Once I've come to the door of our room, I go inside, and kick it shut behind me before locking it. Aedan has the key; he'll be able to get inside when he comes up. And after what I just did, that probably won't be for a while.

I take a moment to collect my thoughts, pull myself together, before stripping out of my armor and down to the clothes I wear beneath it. Throwing the leathers and blues into my heap of equipment, I hop onto the bed, and roll under the covers almost immediately. This isn't the nicest inn by far, but neither is it something you'd find in a poor city, so the bed isn't all that bad. It's actually nice, or as nice as any bed would feel after being on the road for a month.

After staring at the door through half-lidded eyes, I make some annoyed noise in my throat and roll over, slipping further under the green blanket. The far wall offers little in the way of entertaining me, so I let my eyelids drift shut. I start falling asleep at just about the exact same time the door opens and closes. The shadow on the wall tells me it's only Aedan, and I close my eyes again, settling back in for sleep while he does his best to get out of his armor as quietly as possible. Eventually, after so many curses I think he's probably pissed off the Maker, he crawls into bed behind me.

I'm not even looking at him and I can feel the awkwardness of the stare he's giving my back.

His hand brushes over my shoulder gently as he scoots closer. "Are you awake?" I grunt my answer and he sighs. "This is going to be our last time together for a while, Leli..."

"I know."

He shifts a bit. "I want to be with you tonight. J-just in case—"

I look at him over my shoulder, brows drawn together. "You'll come back."

"I don't know that."

The fear of that...of him possibly never coming home...it terrifies me. "You'll come back," I repeat, this time more forcefully. "Promise me, Aedan."

He smiles sadly. "I promise."

I roll over and press my lips to his briefly. "Good." His hand brushes over my cheek as he leans forward so our foreheads are touching. "I'm going to miss you."

"You've said as much," he says, forcing out a strained laugh. "But I promised to come back, didn't I? So don't worry about me. I'll be back before you know it." I shake my head slightly, irritated with myself for making him promise me something he might not be able to do. "I keep my word."

I know he does...but he might not come back alive. I can't stand the thought of it. It makes me cold, sends chills down my spine. The thought of losing him, of never being able to hold him again, it terrifies me. I don't know how I'd go on without having him. I'd be just as depressed, if not more, as I was when I finally got out of that prison. No...I would be far more upset than I was after that. Losing Aedan...it would be the end of my world.

Without thinking, I press my lips to his again, much harder than I did only a few seconds ago. He kisses me back just as roughly, shifting around so he leans over me. I go to wrap my arms around his neck when he shifts his lips to my jaw. My breath hitches in my throat and I press myself closer to him. The warmth spreading through my body puts me in overdrive, and I give his shirt an impatient tug towards his head.

"Off," I whisper.

"Straight to the point, hmm?" Aedan muses, laughing.

"I don't like playing games."

"Oh, the irony." He pulls away, leaning on his left to take his shirt off. He flicks it across the room with a swipe of his wrist before fixing me with an expectant stare. "Your turn." I sit up and pull my shirt overhead, raising a brow at him as a challenge. "You know...I never tire of looking at you. Even with your scars, you're perfect." _That _makes my cheeks turn red. And, of course, that makes him smirk at me as he reaches out to run his thumb over the one Marjolaine left when she betrayed me. His brows knit together as he frowns at it. "I'll never understand how anyone could think of you like she did."

"That's because you didn't know me before I joined the Chantry," I say softly. My voice gets stuck in my throat when I try to continue. "I...my friend said I was like her once and I was _proud _of that."

"They didn't know you, then," Aedan decides. "You're nothing like her."

"You didn't know her," I snap. "You didn't know what she was like."

"But I know you wouldn't turn on me," he says as he sits up. "Would you?"

I shake my head. "No, never."

"Then hold onto that," he says, scooting closer. "You're better than Marjolaine could ever be." I crawl onto his lap while he talks, putting us on eye level, and wrap my arms around his neck as I tilt my head to the side, frowning slightly. "You believe me, don't you?"

I shrug a shoulder, leaning my forehead into his, and squeeze my eyes shut. "I want to."

"You should," he says. "It's true." I laugh once, but it's dry and humorless. "What?"

"It's nothing. I'm just still in awe that you can't see what I am."

"My wife? I can see that perfectly clearly." He kisses me briefly. "Besides...I love you, flaws and all. If I didn't, we wouldn't be sitting like this, now would we?"

"That's...probably true."

His hand slides up my back so he can push me closer. "It _is _true. All of it. I don't understand why you can't see that." I give him another halfhearted shrug and he rolls his eyes before kissing me again. He draws it out long enough that my lungs ache for air, but I don't want it to end. He doesn't seem to want it to either, and it turns into breathless panting against the other. "I'm going to miss this."

"Then stop interrupting," I mutter.

He shivers, laughing. "Sorry."

With a huff, I press my lips to his again, running a hand up into his hair. He pulls away sooner than I thought he would, rolling us over again before kissing along my neck. I let out a whine as I fidget and squirm beneath him. That's just unfair; he goes right for my neck every time and I can't do anything but writhe in frustration. Still, I won't tell him to stop it. The feeling of his lips on my throat and my jaw is too much for me to handle most of the time.

He waits for my whining to turn into moans to kiss the juncture between my shoulder and neck, and by then, I can't deal with either of us still having clothes on. I jerk my hips against his to get the point across, but he only groans and bites down on my skin to keep from crying out. My head falls back and my back arches as I let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan. He doesn't normally do that! Maker's breath, I can't... I don't even know anymore. It's so easy for him to arouse me and all I can do is lie here and take it. The ache is so strong that I roll my hips on his again, and he jerks back this time. I moan and tighten my grip on him, tugging on his hair impatiently.

"There you go," he whispers, pressing a kiss just below my ear. "Moan again."

"Aedan, please..."

He thrusts against me again and I cry out, bucking into the movement. "Good. Keep that up and I'll move faster."

"And you say I tease you," I pant.

He chuckles. "I'm teasing myself." The statement is so absurd and ridiculous that I can't help laughing. "What? It's the truth. I have you ready and willing, and yet I make myself wait just to mess with you." I laugh again, rubbing my cheek on his as he plants a kiss under my jaw.

"The worst kind of torture."

"Depends on the way you look at it," he muses. Before I can reply, he raises his mouth to mine, giving me a kiss so painfully sweet that it makes my heart ache. "I love you."

"I love you too."

I feel the smile as he kisses me again, rougher this time, hungrier. His tongue slides over my lips and I open up for him, moaning softly. He tastes like the wine from earlier, but not overbearingly so. It's...gentle almost, like it's there but not there at the same time. I lose myself in the kiss, chest heaving as I sneak in little gasps of air. He's shifting around, moving and touching my hips, but I'm not really paying that much attention. Not until I feel his fingers graze over my skin, and I jump, brows creasing together.

"How do you do that?"

He leans back a little, brow quirked in amusement. "Do what?"

"Undress me without me noticing."

He shrugs a shoulder. "Perhaps you should pay better attention?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, running his hand up my leg, stopping just below my breast, and I huff at him, frustrated. "What?" he asks innocently.

"You," I say, pulling him back down so I can kiss him. He chuckles as he moves away, brushing his lips over my cheek. "Maker's breath, Aedan! Please..."

"Only because you asked so nicely." He leans back and kicks off his pants before settling over me again, pressing his lips to mine before entering. My back arches as I let out a breathy gasp, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Oh Leliana... I don't know if I'll be able to leave..."

"Then don't."

Aedan presses his lips to my neck before giving a sharp thrust forward. I whimper over the feeling and raise my hips to meet his. He groans right next to my ear, sending little tingles of warmth through my body. "I have to."

And I hate how right he is. He's doing this for us, doing this so we don't have to succumb to the Calling.

Before I can reply, he starts moving again, settling into a rather...energetic pace. I match his thrusts with my own, moaning with each push he gives. He's rough, squeezing my waist and my hips, biting my neck and shoulders, and I enjoy every second of it. I push myself closer every chance I get, holding onto him tighter than I probably ever have. My heart races from the straining; my stomach lurches with each of his movements. It feels so unbearably good that I don't know how I hold on.

I hook one of my legs around his waist, moaning breathlessly as he drives himself deeper. My fingers curl in his hair, grasping at it and tugging for him to go faster, and he obliges, letting out a moan of his own. The sound is so rare from him that I don't know what to do with myself. It makes my blood burn in my veins, makes me want every inch of him against me, and I squirm closer, pressing my chest to his. I can feel him panting, straining for air as badly as myself. But I'm touching him, and in my dazed mind, that's all I want. His skin his hot, warmer than I remember it ever being, and just _begging _to be touched.

My hands roam over his back and sides, tracing patterns not even I understand. I flex and grasp at him, pulling at his ribs, digging my nails into his shoulders when he does something I like. All it takes is me doing it once and he gives an erratic thrust out of time with his pace.

"Maker, Leli! Don't...don't do that." I laugh once as I press my lips to the side of his neck, squeezing my eyes shut when he jerks again. "You're going to...be the end...of me."

"You'll die...happy," I pant, nipping at his throat. He groans as he thrusts, burying his face in my shoulder, and pulls my other leg around him, aiming to turn me into a writhing mess beneath him.

And it works.

He hits that spot repeatedly, pounding into it, and all I can do is buck against his hips, crying out with each twitch. His teeth graze over my shoulder, alternating between kissing and biting, as he trails down towards my chest. How the tables have turned so easily! He's a sneaky man.

As his lips brush over my chest, I find my hand tugging on his hair again. I'm shaking so badly that I can't take it, so close but so far at the same time. "Aedan... I need m-more." I gasp as he draws my nipple into his mouth, teasing me with his tongue. "Harder," I whimper, tugging on him. "Please...! I'm so...so...close..." He hums around my flesh, sending pleasurable tingles over my skin in a rush of heat. I moan and arch into his touch, dragging my hand down his back.

He doesn't even have a pace anymore. He's moving so quickly that I can barely keep up with him, and my throat is raw from crying out so many times. We're both hanging on by threads. I can feel it creeping up on me, making me shake and twitch violently, but still...not quite there. It's the most frustrating thing ever. I can't describe how much I hate it, being stuck so close to finishing, but having it waved over my head like I can't ever get there.

Aedan jerks another time, grunting out my name as he finishes. The rush of warmth and the way my name sounds throws me over the edge, and I cling to him, crying out his name as I fall into wave after wave of trembling. His hand braces me against his chest as I shake, whimpering through the aftershocks. I can feel his heart pounding as he pants and holds himself upright with one arm. We stay locked in each other's embrace until he catches his breath and I stop shaking, and he flops onto his side, tugging me into his chest.

"I'm going to miss you," he whispers. "More than anything."

I squirm closer, burrowing into his arms, and allow my eyes to drift shut. "Just be safe."

He kisses the top of my head. "Always."

* * *

The next morning is quiet, awkward, and every time we speak, it's forced. Neither of us want to move out of the bed, and we waste away most of the morning in each other, trying to get as much time together as possible. We didn't really sleep last night, and I'm exhausted from all the times we went at it. Sore everywhere, but it's a good feeling, and laying next to Aedan is the only thing I ever want to do. He makes me feel safe, accepted. He doesn't care what I've done before we met, looks at me like I _matter _to him.

And I'm about to lose all of it.

"It's almost noon," he whispers. "We both need to go. The Divine needs you and I need to go to Weisshaupt."

I bury my face in his chest, sighing. "I hate this."

He runs his hand up and down my back soothingly. "I do too, but I'll be back before you know it."

"It'll feel like forever."

Aedan laughs softly, giving me a reassuring squeeze. "Don't get into too much trouble without me, all right? It's my job to get smacked around, not yours."

"I've gotten hit by plenty of things. I'll be fine."

"You're going to worry about me, right? So let me worry about you. You'll be in more danger than I will. I'm just going to be stuck in a fortress all day everyday. You...you'll be off doing...whatever it is the Left Hand of the Divine does."

I squeeze my eyes shut and wrap an arm around him. "Aedan...please don't leave. I can't stand the thought of being away from you."

He snorts. "You're the one who left after the Blight, not me."

"And I regretted every minute of it." I swallow nervously, disgusted with myself for being so attached to another human being. "I don't like being separated. I can't sleep most nights and I worry about you constantly."

"Think of it like I'm coming back, then. The minute I leave, I'm on my way through a long path home."

"It's not that easy."

He sighs, resting his chin on my head as he thinks. "Leliana, I don't want to go either. I hate the thought of it just as much as you do. But I love you, and I'll _always _come back for you. I promise."

I wish that promise was as certain as he sounded.


	27. Hope

_This chapter will end up switching to Elissa's POV briefly for nasty possession-y reasons. It starts out in Leliana's, though. Thank you for the suggestion, Serithus!_

* * *

_Blackwall was a liar all along. I knew, and so did my friend, but neither of us said anything. _

_"I'm a Warden," he said. _

_No, no you aren't. Not until you drink that blasted blood and spend countless hours of your nights writhing from nightmares of darkspawn. 'Grey Warden' isn't just a title that can be dropped on you; it's a responsibility, it's _what _you are. It's not something you just become, like a Templar. _

_And as bitter as I might be about being a Warden, even I don't like people masquerading around as one of our order. I don't like liars (oh, the irony) and Blackwall...he told the biggest lie there was ever to tell. _

_"I was in Ferelden during the Blight," he said._

_Perhaps, but you definitely weren't there to fight the darkspawn. If you were, you would've died at Ostagar and we'd never have had to deal with your lies in the first place. _

_"I don't fear the Calling," he said._

_I wonder why? _

_"I was to become a Warden, recruited by the real Warden Blackwall, but he was killed, and I assumed his mantle." _

_You won't become a Warden now. Not after that. We may accept any, but without any other Warden to command them, the Orlesian Wardens have fallen under Elissa's command, along with what few Fereldan Wardens remain, and not even she would allow someone pretending to be one of us into the order. No, she'll have him killed first. She's a lot like Alistair in that respect, believing the Wardens are above recruiting people who don't deserve anything more than their grave. _

_And I honestly can't say I believe otherwise myself. When Riordan suggested that Loghain, of all people, Loghain, the man who betrayed the Wardens and King Cailan at Ostagar, become a Warden, even I reeled, and I was still several years away from joining myself. _

_"A noble cause to dedicate yourself to," Justinia had said when I told her. "The ideal is what Wardens fight for, is it not? Who you were before matters nothing to them, as long as you're willing to kill darkspawn." _

_I had nodded, said that despite how angry I was with being one of them, I was proud to some degree, and happy the rest of the Wardens had been ecstatic to accept me into their fold. _

_"Fought the Blight?" Sigrun, that Legion of the Dead rogue Elissa and Aedan had recruited, asked. She gave me a once over, studying me, or appraising me, something, and nodded quickly. "Good as a Warden can get. Allow me to be the first to officially welcome you to the Grey Wardens." That...was the last time she was ever so serious around me, but it meant more than she probably realized._

_And Blackwall wasn't even honest about how much of a Warden he really was. Nothing more than a recruit, acting as if he mattered more than he really did._

_I had gone down to him that first night he was in Haven, had to actually track his lying ass down because I couldn't sense where he was. I was furious, seething, and demanded to know what it was he thought he was doing. And him, not knowing that I was an actual Warden, asked me what I was talking about. I had stepped in his face, eyes narrowed and hands on my hips to keep from strangling him. _

_"You're not a Warden," I hissed. "And don't tell me you are. I _am _a Warden, and I know for a fact you're not." He'd had the decency to look nervous at that comment, something I still get a sick smile of pride over. "Our papers—how did you get them?" _

_He shook his head, handed them over without being told to. "I just want to help." _

_"That remains to be the only reason I have for not sending your miserable ass back to the Hinterlands," I snapped. _

_From then on, he would cast me wary glances every time I passed, and Elissa would glare at the liar with me when we were both out and about around Haven. "Darkspawn tunnels have been sighted in the area," she said as she passed him once. "But I don't suspect you'd know anything about that, right? Too busy helping the Inquisition." She sneered, marched past him and hit the Herald with her shoulder on her way past. Arin had looked at me, questioned why Elissa and I hated Blackwall so despite him being right there, and I simply told him the man was a liar, and went after my friend._

_When Elissa asked me to head out to Crestwood to meet the Champion for her, I incapacitated several Wardens shouting that I was a traitor, made a quick sprint through the small town, and hid in the cove Elissa had said Hawke would be waiting for me at. She didn't show up for several days, and then she came with the Inquisitor and his party of lunatics on her heels. _

_"Leliana? Where's Elissa?" _

_I was too busy glaring daggers at Blackwall. I had left my typical armor behind in favor of my Warden leathers, and by then, Arin was wide-eyed, Blackwall was probably mentally cursing himself, Dorian was more or less unfazed, and Sera just shrugged and said something about breeches. _

_"You're a Warden?" Arin demanded._

_"You think there might be a reason I was always out looking for darkspawn around Haven?" I retorted. "I nearly died in those blasted mountains, and only survived because I joined the order."_

_"Why didn't you tell us?!"_

_"There were more important things for both of us to worry about, and besides, you have your Warden." My gaze had flicked back over to Blackwall, narrowed my eyes, and sneered. "He seems to know what's going on most of the time. Why don't you ask him how he feels when he goes to sleep every night?" _

_I went through explaining me and Elissa's theory about Corypheus, and when Hawke asked if I was hearing this Calling too, all I could do was nod. "I know I'm safe from it, however. I haven't been a Warden very long. Seven years, give or take a few days." _

_"What about you, Blackwall?" Arin was concerned for his friend, and the instant the words left his mouth, I had tensed, prepared myself to hit that lying idiot harder than he had ever been hit. "Are you hearing the Calling as well?" _

_He hesitated, glanced at me, and shrugged. "I don't fear the Calling." _

_I had pulled him aside afterwards, glowering at Arin to keep him from joining us, and whispered, "If you're going to pretend to be one of us, at least make it look good." Then I shoved him off and refused to explain myself to the Inquisitor, saying either Elissa or myself would meet them in the Western Approach. _

_It ended up being the both of us. And Arin showed up with his Warden friend in tow. What we walked into...it was horrifying. A Tevinter magister putting the Wardens under his control, ordering them to kill Elissa and I for betraying them, saying they were raising a demon army to go into the Deep Roads and wipe out the darkspawn forever. Hunt the two remaining Archdemons down before they could awaken. I wanted to laugh, say there was one buried under a forest and old ruins for them down in the Korcari Wilds. _

_The magister had scrambled off after Arin shot back with a flick of his wrist, leaving the seven of us to fight off more demons and Wardens than I thought possible. I climbed up onto the railing to get a better view of the fighting, had a shade come at me, and nearly fell off before Elissa could come get it back. _

_Elissa...more like Hope sneering about how stupid I am. _

_A half a second later, I shot an arrow right between a rage demon's eyes, keeping it from burning her in a flash of fire and ash. The spirit just glared at me before finishing it off with Elissa's sword, and leapt back into the fray, coming ridiculously close to decapitating Blackwall on more than one occasion. _

_It took some shouting afterwards, desperate pleading on my part, to get Hope to release my friend, and she collapsed on me when the spirit finally relented. She apologized to all of us personally if she came close to hurting us, but Blackwall, she just stared at blankly. _

_I remember thinking to myself... _This could be a problem.

_It ended up being the biggest problem I've seen in my entire life. Not even the Blight could compare. If I had the option between fighting an Archdemon and fighting Hope, I'd take the Archdemon without a moment of hesitation. _

_We went to Adamant after that, and...Elissa could barely contain the thing living inside of her. Hope has never been happy around blood mages and demons, made Elissa act strangely around them every time I was with her and we encountered them. Hope wants them all dead, and there's very little keeping her from getting her wish; Elissa has admitted to hating mages who give themselves over to demons just as much, if not more than, as Hope does. She only tried to control the damn thing because there were Wardens inside that weren't going along with Clarel's brilliant plan. _

_But the instant her fellow Warden-Commander got shredded by Corypheus' dragon (I know for a fact that I killed that damn thing, but look! Not dead! Fantastic.) she lost it. Not that it mattered. We were thrown into the Fade right alongside Hawke and Arin, naturally meaning the Inquisition's resident Warden went with us._

_And in the Fade, there's no holes barred with Hope. It took more effort just to keep Elissa from killing Blackwall than it did to get to the rift to get out. _

_I don't hate anything more than I hate spiders. Why did it have to be a spider?_

_Still...I volunteered to stay behind to give them all the chance to get out. So did Elissa, and so did Hawke. Hawke claimed it was her fault this happened because she released Corypheus (once again, Elissa nearly flipped) but Elissa wanted to stay because we were only here due to the Wardens' stupidity. _

_"A Warden should fix this, and you need Leliana alive," she had said._

_"The Wardens need someone to lead them out of this mess!" Hawke retorted. _

_"They'll have Aedan!" she snapped. _

_Arin...he chose Hawke to stay behind. Elissa was far more important to Thedas than Hawke was, and Hawke said it herself, she had no one left back in the real world. It was Arin's reasoning to keep those of us needed alive, and leave the one who wouldn't be missed so dearly. _

_Hawke and Elissa...they didn't get along very well after Leandra died, and I could understand why. But the two had embraced right then and there before Hawke chased us all out of the rift. _

_Elissa later admitted to me that she felt she could've fought the fear demon off and made it out with Hope's help. We all could've walked away from Adamant, Varric would still have his friend, and Carver... Hawke had thought him dead when we found his body. We got out of the Fade, and not a moment later, he came running through the crowd looking for his sister. Not dead, but wounded. A healer had revived him while we were traipsing through the Fade. _

_We got back to Skyhold, and I actually shed a few tears for the Champion of Kirkwall. But that mourning, the depression that comes with it, changed to fury rather quickly, and when it was announced that the Wardens were only allowed to stay in Orlais and Ferelden so Arin wouldn't need a new Spymaster, I was done. Elissa was just as furious, I was ready to punch the elf, and we both shut ourselves off in the rookery._

_It wasn't until Arin came asking for my help to get Blackwall out of prison that either of us really left that tower._

_And the irritation between the two of us, the pent up need to pummel something, came back full-force when Blackwall returned to Skyhold._

* * *

The corner of my mouth turns up in a sneer as I stand off to the side of the main hall, Leliana right beside me. Neither of us have seen it fit to return to our normal armor, and when they drag that miserable bastard into the room to be judged, my sneer turns into a glare. I don't understand why I hate the man so much, but Leliana seems to, and I assume it's Hope's feelings on the matter anyway.

Still, I wouldn't like the man on my own regardless. Pretending to be a Grey Warden just to keep from being arrested? Pathetic.

I think Arin is going to imprison him, maybe get answers before shipping him back off to the Orlesians, but then he says he wants Blackwall—Thom Rainier—to be given to the Wardens. For a moment, I'm not sure I heard him correctly, but when Leliana snaps to know why in hell he'd think we wanted that man, Hope flares.

That was the final straw.

"The Wardens accept all, do they not? If this man was supposed to join your order in the first place, should you not take him now?"

"What makes you think—"

It hurts so much to keep Hope in check. It's a war in my own head, and I mean that as literally as I possibly can. I feel myself go completely rigid and my eyes squeeze shut, shaking from just how much effort it takes.

I know killing him is wrong, but the urge is so strong... I can barely contain myself.

"Remember why the Wardens are still here, Spymaster," Arin snaps.

And that's it. I falter for a half a second, and that's all Hope needs to take over.

"You have no right!" she shouts furiously. "The Inquisition is nothing more than a renegade army overstepping its boundaries! Do not threaten what you have no right to keep!" The words are out of my mouth, but it's not me, and while I agree, I'd never be dumb enough to say something like that.

I take a step forward and Leliana reaches for me, but I shove her off and march closer.

Behind me, she shouts for the guards, and scrambles to tackle me before I get too close. She strains to keep me down, but I inevitably overpower her, and pin her to the floor by her arms. Her eyes are wide with fear, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I faintly feel terrified for her. But right now, all I care about is just how scared I can make her, and just how many dead guards it'll take to make Arin see sense.

I bring up a fist to knock her out, but a hand locks onto my arm, and jerks me off her surprisingly easily. I throw an elbow back at them, but they duck and push me away from Leliana and the Inquisitor. The familiar sound of a sword being drawn surfaces, and as I turn to face them, I extend a hand for my own weapon, rolling my fingers on its hilt.

Cullen.

"Stupid Templar. I should've killed you in Kirkwall."

He sidesteps closer to Leliana, offering her his free hand behind his back. He pulls her up without taking his eyes off me, and without lowering his sword.

"Move before I fix that mistake."

"Drop your sword," he says.

I blink once, surprised he'd even suggest such a thing, much less think I'd actually do it, and laugh. "You first."

"I don't want to hurt you. Drop the sword and we can forget about this."

I twirl my blade, straightening a bit. "Hurt me? You can barely throw me."

A few Inquisition soldiers shuffle to his side, standing between me and the rest of the room like that's going to keep the nobles safe.

"Elissa please," Leliana says. "Let us help you."

"Help me? I don't need your help. I _need _to make a point."

She steps out from behind Cullen to come closer, hands out to show she's unarmed. I want to laugh, but I don't. I only narrow my eyes suspiciously. "Give me the sword, Liss." She steps closer, holding her hand out expectantly. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone. Please."

"You seriously underestimate just how furious I really am."

"Look, I understand that you're mad at Blackwall, or whatever his name is, and I understand why you're upset with Arin. But you can't just go off and kill people when they hurt you. It's not right." She wiggles her fingers. "Please. Just give me the sword and we can all walk away happy and uninjured."

I shake my head. "I can't do that. I'm sorry that it came to this." Her eyes widen as I lunge, but she spins out of the way before my sword can hit her. I quickly turn and revert to swinging at her neck. Leliana ducks, hooks her foot behind my knee, and pulls. As I go to fall, she jumps up and reaches for my sword, but I catch myself with my left hand and whip my weapon out at her chest. It glances off the silverite plate protecting her and she staggers back, eyes widening in horror when she seems to realize I'm serious.

And that's when I see the rip in her shirt sleeve, and the large gash stretching over her arm. She doesn't understand what I'm staring at until she follows my gaze. Leliana looks more confused than anything at the red stain on her shirt, and even more confused at the blood running down her arm. She looks back at me, a hurt expression on her face, tears in her eyes.

"What's happened to you?"

I march up to her and she takes a few steps back, covering the wound in her arm. With a shove to her shoulder, I force her to her knees, place the edge of my sword on her neck.

"Elissa, please. Look at yourself. Look at what you're doing." I press the tip of the blade into her skin and she winces, shying away. Frost covers the side of her neck, freezing the trickle of blood to shards. Her arm is turning blue from how cold the sword was when it got her. "I'm your friend."

"I have nothing."

"Yes, you do!"

My eyes narrow. "I am alone, as always. I'd have it no other way."

She sighs and hangs her head. "Then kill me."

As I bring my arm back, I'm struck by how familiar this is. It reminds me of Kirkwall, when I had Anders on his knees before me, broken and bloody like she is now. He was my friend, and I killed him without a moment of hesitation. I had been ready to do the same to Leliana only a few hours before then, and only Cyrus had stopped me. The fear of killing someone closer to me than Anders snapped me out of Hope's control, but it was too late for him. Anders was dead, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. He deserved to die for what he had done, but he was my friend when Aedan and I were in Amaranthine, and I killed him. Killed him without batting an eyelash.

That's what I'm about to do now, but with someone I consider family.

I had been terrified that I would have killed her if it wasn't for Cyrus, and here I am, holding a sword to her throat.

I look back down at her, but the glow from Hope is gone. She notices at the same time I do, looking at me nervously until my hand snaps open and my sword falls away. She leaps to her feet and grabs me in the best form of a hug she can. Her right arm doesn't move, but she gets me with her left one, and I cringe. I almost... I just...

"Thank the Maker," she says. "I thought you really would do it for a minute there."

"Wait...what? You _wanted _that to happen?"

"I didn't think you'd actually kill me," she says. "I have to put my faith somewhere, and you haven't let me down yet."

I laugh once, bitterly, and throw my arms around her. She yelps, but I don't care. "Thank you. For...being a good friend."

I don't think she knows what she just did. She may understand that she kept Hope from hurting everyone, but she saved everyone from dying. I was so close to giving into that thing, and she stopped me.

I don't think I'll ever be able to thank her enough.


	28. Diversion

I'm finishing up a report when I hear a hiss from across my desk. A quick glance up tells me it's Cole, but I return to signing my name.

"He's worried."

I'm not doing this today.

"You're scared."

No. I refuse. Go away.

"I can help."

You've tried and nothing works!

"He feels stronger when you're with him," Cole says. "Feels like iron, strong and unbreakable. Without you, he feels like the boy he was before you met." I sigh, running a hand down my face, and shake my head.

"Cole, I'm busy," I say. "Can you bother me another time?"

He cocks his head to the side, confused. "But you're curious. You want to hear. Why would I go now?"

"I...well, yes, I want to hear what you have to say, but I'm busy and need to finish with my work before I can go to bed."

"You never sleep," he says. "It frightens him. He worries, hates that he's weak without you. You keep the nightmares away." I pause in my writing for only a second, but move on to the next report almost instantly. "He wants to see you more." Another sigh. Wait...did I just sign that without reading it? Ugh. "He doesn't like the way you've changed."

"I'm still me, Cole."

"No," the boy says. His voice sounds far off, like it belongs to someone else. "You are more, and you are less. You are Sister Nightingale, but not Leliana. You're a whisper in the dark, but not the light in the shadow. A source of pain instead of healing." I freeze entirely, fist clenching. "You're not the Leliana he knew. You've changed." I look up at him, swinging his legs off the support for my desk. "I see you through him. You were his light. You kept him going when the darkness threatened to crush him."

"Cole—"

"He's scared for you," he interrupts. "He remembers a young woman smiling and laughing. He sees a bard cloaked in shadows. You scare him." My mouth opens, but I can't say anything. Does Aedan really look at me like that? Have I really fallen so far that I've lost myself in my shell? "But he scares you too. You remember a Warden with wit. You see a man who has lost his softness. I can help. I can make you forget."

"Forget what?"

"Forget the pain."

"That pain is a part of life," I retort. "It's what love is. It's learning to love someone even with their flaws, seeing past the change."

I think I see him blink. "You can still be his light. He's scared now. He worries about you. He doesn't sleep either."

"I'm busy."

"He wonders when your work became more important," Cole says. "But you wonder why he'd place the Wardens above you."

"Leave."

"He doesn't understand how much he means to you. He can't see how it hurt, how the void couldn't be filled even with the distraction. He wants to understand why you shut him out, but you're afraid to. What if he leaves again? What if he laughs? You can't see how you hurt him. What if she doesn't love me anymore?"

"Cole! That's enough!" It hurts. It hurts to hear this from him. I've never been against Cole, or him being here to help the Inquisition, but I've never liked how he seems to flock to me at every turn and lay my insecurities out for judgement.

"I'm trying to help."

"You're making it worse."

"How can I help?"

"You can let us work this out on our own," I whisper. I've been staring at this report for the last five minutes. It's still got my signature, but I haven't read it. Well, not exactly. Something from Charter about the goings-on in Crestwood and Caer Bronach. That's all I've gotten out of it so far.

I look up again when he doesn't reply only to find he's gone somewhere else, gone to sit on the railing separating us from the gap in the rotunda. "He was nothing to you at first. Nothing but a means to an end. But then he made you smile. He made you laugh. You felt real again. He was your friend and you loved him. A reason to keep living. _Your _light in the dark. But what if he's like her? What if he betrays me too? I'm scared. I shouldn't give my heart away so carelessly."

Another sigh.

"The woman that hurt you... You loved her but you knew what she was."

"No, I didn't," I whisper.

"You did," Cole insists. "You wanted to see her as a light, but she was the one who brought you the dark. She's the one that made you hurt. She was like this. She is you."

No. Don't say it. No, please, don't. It's not true. It can't be.

"You are her," he says, voice full of that curiosity that nothing can tarnish. "It's what you've been afraid of. It makes you run. It makes you hide. It makes you lie. It makes you the shadow behind the Inquisition. It makes you feel strong, but dark. You hide from it and use it as a shield."

I want to drop my face off my desk.

"But he makes you feel like yourself again. He's what keeps you you. He makes you remember what it was like to be Leliana. He helps."

"Y-yes. He helps," I agree. There's nothing else I can do, is there? Cole is right. He's _always _right.

"You help him. You made him see reason. You made him whole again. He forgot what it was like to breathe. He remembered because of you. You make him feel strong again. You make him smile. You're his reason to smile."

I suppose that's comforting.

Cole tilts his head to the side again and stops kicking his legs. "I don't understand."

I swallow. My throat has gone tight and my mouth is dry. "What don't you understand?" I think I hear my voice crack.

"I don't understand what he's thinking about." Now it's my turn to frown and be confused. Cole usually understands everything. He knows why we do things before we even know ourselves.

"What's he thinking about?" I ask softly. I feel small, like less of a person. Am I really that horrible? Am I really the monster Josie tries to make me see, tries to fix? The last time she tried to make me feel better...all I did was humor her.

"Your warmth pressed into his side," he says. "He misses being able to touch you. He misses the scent of your hair. He misses your laugh, your smile, the way your eyes light up when you sing. He wants you back, but is afraid to tell you what he sees when he looks at you. I don't understand."

I don't say anything. All I do is stare at his back, finding it difficult to breathe, and wonder what has become of me, and what has become of Aedan. I wonder why he came back, why he stays even now if he's so afraid of me, and why I'm afraid of him leaving. I wonder why it still hurts so much to think of the day he left, and why I didn't try harder to convince him to stay. I wonder about what life would've been like without losing him for so long, and I wonder about where I'd be if he had remained. Would I still be the Inquisition's Spymaster? Would I be in some Grey Warden fortress, worrying over how best to avoid Corypheus and the fake Calling he can create? Would I even still be alive?

"You're in pain. I can help."

"No, Cole. This...this is something I must weather on my own."

"But it makes your chest hurt. It makes it hard to breathe. It makes you scared for tomorrow and wonder why you still try breathing when it seems so pointless. It makes you want to run to him and fix everything with a few words, but makes you want to run away and let him think you dead."

"Such is the way of things," I say, looking down at my reports.

"Is this love?" Cole asks. I look back up, and now he's sitting on the edge of my desk again. "How can it be love if all it does is cause pain?"

I shake my head. "I don't know."

"Why strive for something that makes you ache? Why fight for it if it hurts?"

I find myself smiling. It's a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. "We fight for it because of the good moments. We fight for the feeling of importance, for the idea that we matter, that we mean everything to someone. It's just the way people are. We want to feel important, and even the pain it brings is worth the warmth of the feeling it gives. We want someone to fight for us. We want someone to care; we cling to that care and nurture it until there's nothing left but love. And when we lose it..." I trail off and look away. "When we lose it...we break."

"You're broken," he says. "He's broken. So many are broken and so few are whole."

"Love makes us feel whole."

"Then why are you broken?"

"Because there are some wounds that never heal."

"Her."

I nod solemnly. "That wound will never go away."

"It makes you scared of him and reminds you of the pain you suffered. You want to hate him for it, but you can't. You only love him more. It makes you remember you're strong. Makes you strong."

"Cole, I really need to—"

"You make him strong," he repeats. How many times has he said that already? Three? "You made him remember what it was like to live. You _gave _him a reason to live when there was nothing but shadow. He loves you more than he loves anything, and it makes him feel brave. You make him feel like a better man." Cole pauses, but starts swinging his legs again. "To him, you're his reason for life. He fights for you."

I can't deny that sentiment makes me feel warm all over. It reminds me of Aedan's sappiness during the Blight, how he'd say things so sweet that I'd blush without even intending to.

"I'm not doing this today. I have better things to do."

I expect him to say something, but when I look for him, he's gone, and I can let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

The next morning, I'm returning to the rookery from a brief visit to Josie. Nobles are already engulfing the main hall with their meaningless chatter, drowning out pretty much everything that might come in from the open doors. People pass to and fro effortlessly, but the noise makes my head ache. The swarm is blocking the door leading towards Vivienne's balcony, so I'm forced to go through Solas' old rotunda and up the stairs there.

"Cap's looking for you," Varric says.

I stop and frown. "Really? He knows..." I shake my head. "Never mind. Did he say why?"

Varric shakes his head. "He's just looking for you."

"Do you know where he went?"

"Outside, I think."

My frown deepens, but I nod. "Thank you, Varric."

Changing direction, I turn and head for the wide doors, bracing myself against the cold breeze. It feels good on my face; it can get stuffy in there with so many people and so many fires. And when I inhale, the cool air feels even better in my lungs. It's sunny, thankfully, but chilly enough for some to be in their cloaks. I never feel much of a need for mine. My hood does everything I've ever needed my cloak for, keeping my ears warm.

As soon as I readjust to being outside, a new sound comes from both courtyards. It sounds eerily like arguing in the lower and a lot like running guards from the upper. I cross the small balcony and look down at the crowd, brows furrowing. What in the—

Blue and silver uniforms, then the black and silver, and green and orange. Chevaliers, Agents, Inquisition troops. It looks like the first two got into some sort of argument and the latter is attempting to break it up, but both sides are pushing back the Inquisition forces. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened, but Arin wouldn't listen to me when I told him it was a bad idea letting either group anywhere near each other.

Just as I start to go down and do what I can to settle this, there's a sharp cry of pain loud enough that the people in the main hall can hear it. I don't think Skyhold has ever been so quiet, but all sound literally ceases to exist. I freeze, eyes widening, as I see the Inquisition soldier fall to the ground in a spurt of red. He was near the outside, apparently trying to pull apart an Agent and a Chevalier, and when it came to blows, he got caught in the middle. Both swords are bloodied, but while the Agent is trying to come to terms with what she just did, the Chevalier takes his advantage and shoves his sword through her abdomen.

Then all hell breaks loose, and there's a free for all in the courtyard.

"Red!"

I'm halfway down the final set of stairs when a deep voice calls out in my direction. It's the Iron Bull, naturally, standing outside with Krem right behind him. I look for Cassandra, but she's nowhere near the training dummies she usually spends her time at. Either she's off with Arin, or she's already down there. Honestly, I'm hoping it's the former.

"What's going on?"

"Fighting in the courtyard," I explain shortly. He and Krem have now met me halfway towards the stairs, but I stop him. "Find the Inquisitor and Cassandra. Send as many guards down as you can before this escalates into something worse."

He nods. "Stay with the lady, Krem."

I start to say something about how I don't need any help, but Bull is already gone, leaving me with the Vint. He gives me a cross look, saying, "You armed?"

"I don't think a dagger is going to be much help," I reply.

He actually looks excited at the thought. "After you, Spymaster."

I want to roll my eyes, but the shouting intensifies, and I swear I hear Aedan's voice. Wasn't he supposed to be with Cameron though? Why is he out here? Did he...?

"I need you to do something for me."

Krem raises a brow. "Chief left me to your orders."

I feel...off for asking this of him. Cameron is my child, but... "Can you go check on Cameron? I thought I heard Aedan and..." I make a helpless motion with my hands and he smirks before nodding. "Thank you."

"Of course. Now go fix your mess."

I return his nod and we break off, him running back towards the main hall while I start down the second set of stairs. By now, the ramparts around Cullen's office have exploded with activity; guards are running for the courtyard as well, presumably following orders he'd given them. I suspect he'll be outside within the next few minutes, but for now, this is my issue to resolve. Alone. Great. And there's at least twenty people in the brawl already.

What am I even supposed to do?

Probably start at square one. There's a pair fighting nearby, and them I can reach without risking getting myself killed. The Agent is the closest, but his back is to me. It won't be hard to put him out and talk down the Chevalier.

"Break it up!" That seems to be a common phrase coming from Inquisition soldiers, but few even remotely attempt to listen to them.

After running up behind one of Elissa's men, I wrap my arm around his neck and knock his sword from his hand, pulling him to the side and out of the way of his opponent's blade. The Chevalier looks almost scandalized that I'd intervene, but I fix him with such a dark look that he doesn't do anything but glare.

"Stop this madness right now," I snap. "Both of you. As long as you're in Skyhold, you're allies. Got it?" The Chevalier is the first to nod, albeit reluctantly, but as soon as he does, the Agent I'm trapping does the same. "Good. Now either sit down and wait for the Commander to come and straighten you out, or help me keep your men from dying. It's your choice." I release the man and take a step back, watching him carefully as he whips around to face me. The Chevalier is already gone, shouting in Orlesian for the rest of them to stop fighting, but this man...he is not happy.

"What gives you the right to order me around?"

"The same reason Aedan can."

He blinks, staring at me like I've grown a second head, and _laughs. _Actually laughs. He shakes his head too, stooping to pick up his sword. "You're not one of us. You don't know what we've gone through, or what these Orlesian bastards have done to us. If you did..." He levels his sword at my chest. "You'd understand."

I put my hands up. "Don't do something stupid."

"It would be rather simple to pin your death on one of the Chevaliers," he says. "That would get the Commander moving. She would be proud of us for killing every last one of these idiots."

Oh, that's nice. That's _really _good to hear. I can only imagine what Elissa or Arin will do once they get their hands on this one.

He lunges, but I sidestep at the last possible second. I drive my foot into the back of his knee, pivot beneath his swing, and lock my arm around his neck again. He drops his sword to try and pry my arm off, but I hold fast until he starts calming down. It doesn't take much longer for him to fall unconscious, and when he does, I release my hold on him. He crumples into a heap at my feet and I move on to the next pair. This time, it's the Chevalier that tries to take my head off, but the Agent stops him with a swift punch across the jaw.

"Ma'am," he says, nodding once. Good to know not all of them hate me.

"Help me break it up."

He nods again and runs off, stepping between two swords to shove them apart. By now, the guards are managing to stop most of the fighting, but a few determined souls on both sides are doing what they can to keep it going. I, however, stand here and look around wildly for Aedan. I swear I heard him at one point, but ever since I got down here, I haven't seen or heard from him again.

"For the Empress!"

It's not hard to figure out who started this fight after hearing _that _particular comment.

Then I see him. He's across the courtyard, by the gates, trying to separate a larger bunch of Chevaliers and Agents with the help of a few guards. I start towards them, but quickly find myself cut off by two of the Orlesian troops. They're both wearing full armor, heads protected by their helmets and covered in the blue and silver armor they're issued.

I'm not sure what happens next. For a moment, I'm defending myself from two swords at once, weaving between both Chevaliers like it's something I'm used to doing, and the next, I'm on the ground. There's a sharp pain in my stomach, and faintly, I'm aware I've been stabbed. So...so faintly. It hasn't exactly registered yet, but when I look, there's blood. On my glove, on my armor, on the ground, and on the sword of the Chevalier standing over me.

"Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster." I reach for my dagger, but he kicks my hand aside. "Vous allez mourir."

He raises his sword, but almost instantly, another comes through his chest.

"Cassandra!" Arin?

The Chevalier is shoved to the side and my would-be savior is forced into killing yet another of the Chevaliers.

"Let me help you up." Arin's standing over me, hand offered, and I grab it. He drags me to my feet, holding me upright by my shoulders. "Do you know what happened?" I shake my head numbly and blink. His voice sounds far away, like it's not his, and then I see Cole, drifting between bodies lying on the ground. He speaks to a few of them, kills one of the Agents, and then comes to join Arin and myself.

"You're in pain."

Not this again.

I blink, and he's gone. Instead of seeing him, I see Arin, and he's shaking me madly. "Leliana!"

I shove him off. "Let go of me."

"What was I supposed to do? You were giving me the death stare."

"The...what?"

"I thought you were dead!"

"I told you she was fine." A new voice, one crouching on the ground. "Mild shock is all, Inquisitor." Dorian. "You'll be fine in a couple of hours. I healed the wound on your side."

I just nod, trying to remember what happened. I was trying to find someone... Aedan! Without thinking, I grab Arin by the shoulders and jerk him once. "Where is he?"

He frowns. "He who?"

"Aedan! Where's Aedan?"

"Oh, him," he says, nodding in the general direction behind me. "He's back that way. Got nicked by one of the Chevaliers, but he's in better condition than you were a minute ago."

I let him go, but I don't move. _Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster. Vous allez mourir._

_Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster. _

"This means war."

Arin snaps his fingers in front of my face. "What are you going on about?"

"The...the Chevalier that ran me through. He said, 'Ceci est la guerre, Spymaster.'"

"Okay, well...I don't speak Orlesian," Arin says. "You're going to have to tell me what that means."

"He was challenging her," Dorian interrupts. "Or taunting. Either way, a rough translation would be 'this means war.'" He shifts his gaze to me. "Might want to tell your friends about that."

"I didn't know you spoke Orlesian."

He shrugs. "I've picked it up reading. It's not that hard of a language."

I shake my head, ignoring both of them. "But...the Agents are already at war with Orlais. This isn't anything new. Celene and Elissa only agreed to a standstill while Corypheus was alive."

"And now he's not, so..."

"None of this makes any sense," I say. "They've been in Skyhold together for months and nothing like this has happened."

"Maybe Celene got over it?"

I'm about to disagree when Bull joins us. "Hey boss." Arin nods in greeting, and the Qunari giant looks to me. "Where's Krem?"

"Krem..." My eyes go wide. "Oh no."

I don't think I've ever run so fast in my entire life. Someone calls out to me, Aedan maybe? Or Arin. One of the two. Their voices are eerily similar. Even I have a hard time distinguishing between them.

When I make it past Vivienne's balcony to the sleeping quarters, I hit the door with my shoulder and try turning the handle. It doesn't budge. I do everything I can possibly think of to get past the door, but _nothing _works. It doesn't do much more than shake on its hinges.

"He's looking for you."

Cole.

"He doesn't recognize the man. He's crying." No no no no no no no no no! "He doesn't understand why they're hurting each other. He wants it to stop." I shouldn't have left him alone! "Krem is hurt."

I start panicking. "Cameron!"

"Warm. Safe."

I back up a bit and kick the aged handle. It gives, but not much. Another kick and I should have it. I hope. As my foot connects with the iron again, the handle snaps off and clatters to the floor. The door swings in from the force of my kick, and I waste no time in sprinting down the hallway. I think someone follows, but it's probably only Cole. There's a turn up ahead, a fork that I need to go to the right on, and I nearly slide into the opposite wall trying to catch myself.

The door's open. The hallway is too quiet.

"He's nearby," Cole whispers. "You feel warm and cold."

"Quiet," I hiss.

"Close," Cole insists. "Scared. Can't get caught or they'll kill me. Can't run or she'll kill me too. Trapped." I take a step, keeping my back pressed to the wall nearest the open door. "Tense. I'll be a hero if I pull this off." I reach for the nearest handle, but Cole's hand stops me. "No. Further."

I hesitate, but trust his judgement. "How far?"

"Not hidden well enough. Will they see me?" I frown back at him and see Arin, along with Bull and Dorian, running towards us. I make some sort of motion that gets through to them—quiet. "What was that? Do they know?"

"Tell me when I get it right."

My hand drifts to the next doorknob, but Cole says nothing, so I keep going. We pass two more doors when we come upon the one that's wide open.

"Now's my only chance. Window?"

I don't hesitate to leap into the room. It's a mess, there's blood, and now that there's noise again, Cameron starts wailing. It makes my heart ache, but it also infuriates me beyond belief. Usually his crying is exhausting, but I'd rather have it here than gone. _No one _is taking my son.

I'm across the room in only a few strides, grabbing the man standing in the window, and yanking him back into the room. He swings his fist at my jaw, but I lean back to avoid the blow. My elbow connects with his throat and I shove him into the wall, taking particular care not to slam him against it with everything I have. But I don't let up the force I push into his neck, watching his eyes as they bore back into mine. I narrow my eyes at him as his eyelids flutter, and I'm just about to finish him off when a hand grabs my shoulder.

"Leliana, stop!" Aedan jerks me off the man and gives me such an intense look that I snap myself out of whatever fury had possessed me. He holds my gaze for several long moments, and then sighs. "Cameron's safe. All right? You got here in time."

I blink, frown, and check the man who is now coughing with a pair of guards holding him upright. "Where is he?"

"Cole's with him out in the hallway." I take a step, but Aedan catches my arm. "Are you sure you're all right, Leli? You... That was frightening. Cole couldn't even find words to express..." He trails off and looks away, swallowing nervously. "Well, I can't say I wasn't upset either."

"I'm fine."

His brows knit together and he studies my face. "No, no you're not." I squint at him for quite some time before he risks pulling me into his arms. I'm not sure how long we stand here, or when I wrap my arms around him, let alone when I start crying, but Aedan doesn't let go of me at any point. He just hugs me, allowing me to calm down on my own time. I listen to the beat of his heart, focusing on the way it slows as he calms himself. It races for much longer than my own, but for some reason, I feel like he needs comforted too, and I wait for him to let go of me before I do the same with him.

"He likes your hair," Cole comments from the doorway. He's holding a bundle in his arms, one hand suspended over Cameron's face so the toddler can play with his fingers. "He hasn't seen it all day."

I don't know why...but I let out a laugh of disbelief, shaking my head. "Here. Let me see him."

Cole crosses the destroyed room and hands me the bundle of blankets. The little pair of blue eyes lights up when they meet my own, and he giggles. "Safe. He likes red." I find myself smiling without meaning to, and when I look up, intending to thank the spirit, he's gone.

Aedan wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, smirking at me with a raised brow. "You know...Cole has been hovering over Cameron the last few days. I wonder why that is."

I shake my head again, never taking my eyes off Cameron's. He's falling asleep already, a trait he got from Aedan, and watching his eyelids flutter is far more adorable than it has any right to be. "I've no idea why."

"Perhaps because he's concerned that we hate each other?"

My smile fades for a moment, but it comes back when the boy yawns. "I don't hate you, Aedan."

"I don't hate you either," he replies, "but I'm worried about you."

"You shouldn't be," I say softly. "Time changes everyone, and while you were gone, I just...I had to protect myself somehow. Instead of... I thought it safer to develop a wall. And I haven't quite gotten used to not needing it anymore."

"So you'll be all right?"

"In time."

He kisses my cheek. "I'm glad to hear it."


	29. Dancing

**A/N:**** Many, many apologies for taking so long to update! I write this story as it comes to me, and sadly, my muse for this has been somewhat low. But thankfully, the little bastard has returned, and with fluffy ideas too! That last chapter doesn't count—I just looked at what I had so far and decided to finish it, and will probably go back later and add a chapter involving the Inquisition looking into the Orlesians and Agents that had taken part in the fighting. But for now, chapter 29, with an Inquisitor I introduced in some other chapter...not sure of its number, but I know it's Blue Eyes (Part One). Alex Trevelyan! I'll start using him more, as I prefer him to Arin on my playthroughs, and he's got more personality. And yes, I know what I said, but for real, here's chapter 29! Hope you enjoy it!**

Clasping my arms behind my back, I stroll across the ballroom, doing my best to carefully avoid the same gaze I'm trying to get to. Leliana's eyes are roaming over everything, never settling on one person for more than a few seconds, but she sees _everything. _And even if she'll never say anything about what she notices, I'm more than willing to bet she does, in fact, notice every little detail. What I still want to know is how she stores all of it for later.

That being said, I'm well aware she's going to see me at some point, but that means she hasn't seen me yet, and I'm fairly sure she has. I think she catches my eyes once, and I see the corner of her mouth turn up in a smirk, but I don't know if she's looking at me or past me. Either way, she's seen me, to however small a degree, and my surprise that wasn't going to be a surprise is ruined. Eh. I shrug at the thought, trying not to smirk as I turn onto the side of the balcony she's occupying. It becomes more difficult with each step I take, nagging away at me as I go, and just when I'm about to catch her, she gets up and _leaves. _

I'm stunned for a moment, frozen in place as she so casually walks out towards the entrance hall, shooting me a taunting look over her shoulder. She slips out just afterwards and I scowl. That little... She's teasing me!

A hand smacks my back and the owner of it presents himself, grinning from ear to ear. The recently named Inquisitor, Alex Trevelyan. I've heard of the Trevelyans on a few occasions, but they've never been well-known. Not minor enough to be overlooked, but not important enough to be a household name in the Free Marches.

"Enjoying the Winter Palace, Warden?" he asks. "You look a bit flushed."

I shake my head. "Just a bit warm. It's stuffy in here." And it is. So many people packed into one room, no matter how well ventilated it is, only produces heat. Several doors to various balconies are open, allowing in pleasant enough breezes, but that only goes so far in the way of cooling things.

His grin broadens. "Oh, but of course."

I arch an eyebrow at him and fold my arms over my chest. "And what's that supposed to mean, exactly?"

"Nothing," he says innocently. "A mere observation."

"Who was I to think the Herald of Andraste would be willing to play games?"

He laughs, actually laughs, hard enough that he has to hold himself up with the table. Now both of my brows are raised, partially in concern, partially in amusement, and partially in confusion. Alex laughs himself to the point that he sits on a small couch, motioning for me to join him. Bewildered, I do, crossing one of my legs over it.

"You, my friend, are barking up the wrong tree," he says after calming down a bit.

"You'll have to explain."

He frowns so quickly that it's almost funny, the contrast in facial expressions. "With the Spymaster. I've already tried, but to no avail. She's married, and she'll use that as a shield to get you away from her, actually." I blink, blink again, and blink some more. Is he serious? He's not serious. He _can't _be serious. The idea of him being serious is so funny that I can't help laughing, but he apparently takes my laughter to mean something else. "I'm serious. I'm far more charming than you are, and she rejected _me. _Me!"

That hurts, but not enough for me to stop laughing. "Thanks for the advice," I say. "But I'll take my chances with your Spymaster."

He shakes his head pitifully. "Then I wish you the best of luck."

I don't think Leliana explained who I was to the Inquisitor. He had requested one of us come to the Winter Palace with the Inquisition, and gave Leliana run of the situation since she was the one to originally be concerned about us. I'd been in Adamant, assisting a few Wardens with collecting our dead, when the message appeared on one of our birds, addressed to me. Cyrus, the man Elissa had appointed to take command of the southern Wardens, forwarded it to me. And the day I showed up at Skyhold, I was greeted by the Inquisitor and a few of his friends, but ultimately, sent up to the rookery. There I was to "follow the Spymaster's orders until dismissed" and here we are. I suspect I'll be dismissed upon our return to the mountain fortress, but seeing Leliana, even so briefly, was well worth the trip.

Well, either she didn't explain who I was further to the Inquisitor and his other advisors, or she did give my background and full name, and just didn't do Alex the courtesy of explaining _that _much. Still, he has no idea, and that makes it all the funnier.

I get up, straighten out the blue and silver dress shirt, and make my way towards the doors Leliana had fled through a few minutes ago. I pass a crowd for the double handles, but the instant my fingers grasp the iron, a hand falls on my extended arm. It's covered by a dull gold glove, but I still manage to recognize her touch, and turn to see her bemused expression as she takes a few steps back into the ballroom.

"Where did you come from?"

She's smirking. "I never left. I just...blended in."

"Oh, so you're doing that...bard thing again," I say, raising a brow yet again.

"No, just waiting to see if the Inquisitor was still pining," she replies with a shrug. "I knew if I looked like I had left, Alex would stop you and try to convince you from coming after me. It's actually kind of sweet in an odd way."

"Why didn't you tell him we're married?"

Leliana shrugs again. "Josephine and Cullen know, and I don't think he'd be so...friendly if he knew _exactly _who you were. Besides, I hear him and Dorian talking more often than not, and if anything, he's actually trying to keep you from the 'heartbreak' he suffered."

I frown. "What did he do?"

"Nothing," she says. "Just constant flirting, but you know I can more than handle unwanted attention."

I sigh and shake my head. "Well you got that right."

"Oh?"

"At this point, I just figure it's safer to admit you're right and I'm wrong than to even attempt arguing," I say, smiling faintly. "It's not worth fighting over constantly."

She snorts a laugh, rolling her eyes, and waves for me to follow her. "If it's at all reassuring, I saw Alex with Dorian earlier, dancing. I don't think it's much of an issue anymore, but him truly trying to be as kind as possible."

"They're fitting," I say absentmindedly.

"And why do you say that?"

I shrug as I follow her out onto an empty balcony. "Nothing specific. Just a few comments I've heard from the both of them, and they sound to be of like minds. What, don't you think the same?"

She leans against the bannister, sighing as she looks at the garden on the other side of the courtyard we're currently hanging over. "I have my suspicions about Dorian, but that means nothing until he acts in such a manner that I can do something about it."

"What's wrong with the man? I know it's not him being a mage. Is it about him being from Tevinter?"

"Yes and no," she says. "I've never had a problem with the Vints I've met before. Krem is fine in my opinion." I raise a brow in confusion. "He's one of the Iron Bull's Chargers and he's from Tevinter. But what I've dug up on him says he has no reason to be spying on us for the Venatori."

"And Dorian does?"

"Dorian wants to restore his home, but he claims to want to do it through other means than these fanatics," she explains. "So far, he's done nothing but aid the Inquisition, so I've done nothing against him, but I still watch."

I nod and follow her gaze to the garden. She's been staring at it since we walked out here, and after a moment of searching, I can see why. Her friend is speaking with one of the noblemen. I'm not entirely sure that's Josephine, but I can assume it is just by the intensity of Leliana's stare. Her eyes are glued on the man, never wavering, and I sigh.

"Do you _ever _stop working?" I ask.

Leliana blinks and her eyes flick over to mine. "Of course I do. I have to sleep, don't I?"

"Why do I get the feeling you hardly do that?"

"Because you know me so well," she replies. "Why do you ask?"

I shrug a shoulder. "We've been here all day and all you've done is sit and listen to gossip. And now we're outside, but you're intent on making sure Josephine isn't about to be assassinated."

Her brows knit together as her eyes return to the nobleman speaking with her friend. "Aedan, I know or have heard of everyone in this building at least once in my life. That man...I don't even recognize him."

"Then why aren't you over there making sure she's safe?"

Leliana shrugs after a moment of thought. "Because I'd rather be here with you, and Josie can defend herself from one man. And after Corypheus' failed attempt at Empress Celene's life, the guards are watching everyone they can see."

I shake my head in amazement. "I'm still wondering why they'd keep the party going after something like that."

"Because it's not a proper Orlesian event until there's an assassination attempt," Leliana says, smirking faintly. "Now is when the real fun supposedly starts."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning now is when the nobility relax a bit and start to share the best secrets," she whispers. Her tone is almost conspiratorial, and she leans in to say it like the statement itself is one of those secrets she just told me about.

I return the grin, rolling my eyes. "Now I'm wondering why you aren't inside to hear these secrets of yours."

"Because you're more important." It comes from her easily and she doesn't even blink, that admission, and she's looking at me like she's waiting for me to do something about it. The problem is, I'm not exactly sure what I _should _do about it.

"More important than the Inquisition?" Teasing her probably wasn't my best idea, but she laughs and shakes her head, amused.

"I can't be even a bit selfish?" Leliana asks.

"Well..."

"Well what?"

"I could be persuaded to let this one thing pass," I say. "But it'll cost you."

She raises a brow. "And how would I go about persuading you?"

I tap my chin and make a noise in my throat, doing my best to look like I'm seriously thinking about it. "It's going to cost you a few minutes of your time."

"And what will I be doing?"

I know exactly how she's looking at me just by the tone of her voice and I refuse to let _her _win so easily. "No, don't do that to me in public."

She laughs. "It's hard to resist when you look like you haven't been crawling through a battlefield for hours on end."

I smirk. "Too bad for you we're not going to be alone for another fortnight at the least."

"I'll live. Now, continue. I want to be forgiven for being so selfish as to put you before the Inquisition."

I make a thoughtful expression again. I already know what I'm going to do, or rather, ask, but it's amusing to see her watching me so intently. "Oh, I have the perfect idea." Leaning down so my lips are right next to her ear, I whisper, "The very sight of you takes my breath away, and since this is as close to 'alone' as we're going to get..." I kiss her once, but it doesn't last nearly as long as I want it to. We draw it out as long as we dare, long enough to get the point across, but brief enough that rumors don't start circulating, or that people actually catch sight of us. This might be Orlais, but there's some form of propriety, and while how good _I _look to the Orlesians doesn't matter, it matters for her.

"I'm going to miss you," she says softly, burying her face in my neck. I smile faintly and hug her to my chest. "Remind me why Cyrus needs you with the Wardens."

"For the Fereldans," I reply. "They don't listen to him as well as they listen to me, and all we do is relay Elissa's orders to the rest of them."

She makes a noise in her throat, irritated. "I... Can I tell you something? It's...it's important."

"Of course."

"I...I might become the next Divine, Aedan." I know that. I also know Alex is supporting her. That doesn't mean I like the idea of it, but she wants the same thing my sister is fighting for, and if Leliana can change the Chantry without anymore bloodshed, who am I go argue? "And I'm seriously considering it, but..." She seems stuck on her words, but I don't pry. It's several more moments of listening to the sounds of the ball before she speaks again. "There's a greater chance that I'll be set aside if we..."

She doesn't need to finish that statement.

"Do you really want this?" I ask after a moment. "Do you really think you could make a difference?"

"Yes."

I let go of her and give her a sad smile. "Then don't worry about it. Just do what you think is right. And besides, rules can be changed."

She lets out a laugh, a pained one. "For now, I'd like to forget what I just told you. You're right anyway, but there remains the fact that I'm a Warden, the Spymaster for the Inquisition, and I'm one of your sister's Agents. The Chantry despises the existence of the Agents of the Maker, so there's a good chance they'll choose Cassandra instead, regardless of who is being supported by who."

"Then there's only one thing left to do," I say. I take a few steps back towards the ballroom and extend my hand, smirking faintly. "Would you like to dance, my lady?"

Leliana's brows go up. "You're saying 'my lady' now?"

"It only seemed proper for a woman of your stature."

She laughs. "I would be honored, Lord Cousland."

My grin broadens. "I haven't been called that in...ten years."

"Is that all right?"

"I'm smiling for a reason." Not because I have a fondness for the title, no, but because I _can _be called it. I lied when I said I haven't been addressed as such in the last decade, but that was the first time I heard it and didn't cringe, or feel a jab of pain in my chest. My sister doesn't seem to have been bothered by the massacre of almost everyone in Castle Cousland for years, but if I look closely, I can see the same hurt when Howe or our father is mentioned.

I used to be jealous that she was the one to kill him. Now it's a matter for the past, a matter I'd rather not think of and be glad that it's done with. I could be resentful and bitter over what happened. I could be the same man I was when we first joined the Wardens, cold and snappy, or I could be the man Leliana made me want to be. I prefer the latter.

Frowning as I lead her back inside, I pause at the doorway. "Have I ever told you that you're the reason I'm not the same man I was at the beginning of the Blight?" She just blinks, stunned to silence, and shakes her head numbly. "I take it you didn't expect me to say that," I whisper, smirk returning. "But it's true. You made me want to smile instead of being bitter and angry all the time. You made me laugh, and after a while, I realized that..." I trail off, heart racing, and I notice that my hands are sweating. I silently thank the Maker that the both of us are wearing gloves and I squeeze my eyes shut, nervous. Why is it so hard to say?

Leliana seems to have recovered her wits. "That...?"

I take a deep breath. "You're my reason for living, Leli. If I didn't have you, I wouldn't have done that stupid ritual with Morrigan, and I would've made sure my sister wasn't the one to kill the Archdemon. It sounds...very backwards, but I didn't have anything when Highever was destroyed, and...well..." I shrug sheepishly. "I don't know how to say it. But I know that no matter what happens, I'll always love you, and you can always come to me if you need me."

She stares at me for a few minutes, just stares, searching my face with her eyes, and after a while, she takes my hand and pulls me back outside. I frown in confusion, but allow her to take me where she will, and we stand face to face in the center of the same balcony.

"In there, we have to dance with the group," she says softly. "But out here, we don't have to look so ridiculous."

I manage a wry grin. "You think the dancing is ridiculous?"

"Not as much as you probably do, but yes," Leliana admits. "I've spent far too much time in Ferelden and falling into your patterns."

"Well, you're Fereldan," I say. "You even look like it. What Orlesian has eyes the same shade of blue as you? What Orlesian has the same face shape as you? They're Fereldan features, not Orlesian. Your accent isn't what defines you, and you know that."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm Orlesian, Aedan."

I shake my head. "What happened to the woman who said she was Fereldan?"

She shrugs. "I've accepted that I'll be considered Orlesian regardless of my background."

"I'm Fereldan," I say. "My family is Fereldan. Last I checked, we're married, and you have a Fereldan background. You're Fereldan."

"It doesn't matter that much anymore," Leliana says. "And they're starting to play something not distinctly upbeat."

"Thank the Maker," I breathe, and she laughs.

"Here," she orders, pulling me closer. "I wanted to dance like normal people instead of those who have nothing better to do than make a point _by _dancing." She straightens me out (I'm not a good dancer, though I never had much choice of learning thanks to my mother) and rests her head against my shoulder. I let her take the lead at first, but once I settle into the pace of the music, she concedes control and I'm the one leading. I don't much care for the music, but I know she grew up with Orlesian music, and I know she likes it, so I keep my mouth shut about how there's too many pauses and just enjoy getting to hold her. It's been so long and I've done my level best not to think about what I'm missing by being away, but now that I have her in my arms again, I'm not sure I can bring myself to leave.

"You know, I'm still not used to loving someone and having them love me back."

She sounds small, but that doesn't faze me. "You'll get used to it eventually. Someday I'll say something stupid and sappy, and you'll just smile and laugh. Someday my words won't matter anymore."

"They'll always matter," she whispers. "Don't you understand how scared I was when you left? I thought you'd find someone else and I'd be forced to move on while you loved them. I'm still afraid you will, even with me here. I keep thinking you'll get bored of me and set me aside."

"Why would I do that?"

"I know you won't, but it still nags away at me all the time."

I sigh and press a kiss to the top of her head. "Leliana, I know what Marjolaine did to you, and I know what you're used to, coming from being a bard. But I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm never going to have sex with you for my own personal gain. I love you more than Alindra's soldier loved her, and I'm _never _going to leave you for someone else."

She makes a noise in her throat, one that I think is reminiscent of being content. "Tell me again."

"I love you." But words can't express how much.

"I love you too."


	30. A Strange Family

**A/N:**** Can you believe it? This story has been up for an entire year! Thank you all for your support and reviews (I know this story is second on my list of priorities, and I apologize for that). I figured it was about time I got around to updating again, considering my last A/N said I'd get better at it when I really haven't (I'm sorry). But, if you like this pairing (I'm assuming you do if you're reading this), I have another story up with a male Cousland and Leliana, and that's primarily what I've been focusing on lately. Wasn't originally supposed to have a plot, but...well, shit happens and it somehow ended up with one. **

**Anyway, past chapters in this story have mentioned Arin and Sera briefly meeting the Hero of Ferelden and co. during the Blight, and this chapter will have a mix of that and a little surprise for Skyhold's resident Spymaster. Next chapter will deal with Aedan and Weisshaupt (Aedan gets sidelined a bit more often than he really should, I know, but he is a minor character for a reason). But, without further rambling from me, chapter 30! Hope y'all like it!**

* * *

At the sound of feet racing up the stairs, my mind starts running through possibilities as to why. A messenger from Charter? Did something happen in Val—

No, it's Arin and Sera...again. This is the third time today that they've come running upstairs to hide from whomever they've pranked, and while it's distracting when inevitably their victim comes looking for them, I don't necessarily mind allowing them to come here. The first time it was Josephine; she's the hardest person to lie to about their whereabouts. The second time it was Solas, and most recently, it sounds like Cassandra, unless it's Cullen. The two have a largely similar gait, especially in that armor. I suppose it has to do with all their time fighting.

I don't even look up this time. I just point with my quill to the stack of crates behind the balustrade, and the two of them clamber up into the rafters, past my ravens, and up high enough that the light if the torches doesn't reach them. A few moments later, Cassandra slams the palms of her hands down on my desk, and by the sound of her breathing, it's obvious she sprinted here, and still couldn't keep up with the elves.

"Where are they?"

"Where's who?"

"Leliana!"

I keep my face blank as I finish writing an order for Charter, and promises for supplies she needs for...delicate reasons. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about." Faintly, I think I hear Sera snicker, and it almost becomes too hard for me to keep a straight face.

"I'm not fooled as easily as the _last _two, Spymaster."

Now I can't resist and the corner of my mouth turns up into a smirk as I flick my gaze to hers. "Debatable. I'd say you're far easier to trick."

She groans. "Where are they hiding?"

I shrug. "I assume you mean the Inquisitor and Sera?" The Seeker nods. I lean my arms back and stretch in such a way that I can see the two elves' faces, and by the way they're watching, they probably think there's a chance I'll rat them out this time. I let them, sit back forward, and sigh, shrugging again. "I'm afraid I really have no idea."

"We both know they're here."

"Perhaps."

Cassandra makes one of those disgusted noises she always makes, taking a seat at my desk, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see Arin shift nervously, climbing a little closer. "You coddle them too much, Leliana."

I arch a brow. "Now I _really _have no idea what you're talking about."

"You have a soft spot for the two of them," she says. "It's no secret that they come here to hide after attempting to destroy the Inquisition's reputation."

"Isn't our reputation more of Josephine's concern than yours?"

"It's _everyone's _concern, Leliana."

"My concern involves our enemies, not our reputation."

"Our reputation with our enemies," she corrects. "And dealing with them in an...appropriate manner."

"What's gotten into you? So professional."

"Something you're severely lacking in as of late," Cassandra retorts. "Now where are they?"

I look back down to shove the orders and list of supplies into an envelope, then stand. She follows me to the railing as I whistle to one of my birds. "I've no idea," I say as I extend an arm. The raven lands on my glove, giving an annoyingly loud squawk in my ear, and after rolling the envelope into the canister on its back, I head outside to the balcony. She follows me there too, arms folded across her chest.

"Leliana," she says. Her voice is the same she'd use to chastise some templar for making a mistake. It grates on my nerves, but at this point, I deserve it. We both know I'm lying, but I'm stubborn enough to keep it up until she can't.

"I'm a little busy at the moment."

"Where's the Inquisitor?"

"What did they even do _this _time?" Her cheeks actually redden, and I decide to drop it. "Never mind."

"Just tell me where they are?"

"Well, by now, I'd hope they're smart enough to have made a break for the main hall," I reply nonchalantly. I throw my arm up and the raven kicks off, heading east towards Crestwood. "Though they're evidently not the brightest people in this keep."

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "You realize you _do _coddle them."

I shake my head. "No, I don't."

"Leliana." Now it's that voice she uses when she _knows _that _I _know I'm lying, something similar to the same one Justinia would use if she was attempting to mother me. The same one parents use when their child is in trouble, but won't admit to doing whatever it is that got them there when there's no other possible explanation.

I groan. "_Fine, _maybe I do coddle them. So what?"

Cassandra laughs in disbelief. "Of all people, you are the last I'd expect to put up with Sera enough to actually _coddle _her." I roll my eyes, debating about going back inside where it's immensely warmer, but decide against it. They might need more time to get out of the rookery.

"And what makes you say that?"

She huffs. "What makes _you _protect them so much? They're adults, not children, but if they're going to act like children, then they should be treated as such."

"Exactly why they need someone to—"

"No, stop with the lies." I snap my jaw shut. "I want the truth. Why?"

With another sigh, I turn around to rest my elbows on the balustrade and fix her with a quizzical look. "Why does this matter to you?"

"Because it's ridiculous and I want to understand."

I scoff. Cassandra. Wanting to understand. Now _that's _almost as ridiculous as what I'm doing with the two elves. Never before have I heard of her trying to be so...so friendly to want to understand the way someone else was thinking. Except with the Inquisitor himself. They've gotten rather...close. Varric and I have a bet on when they'll actually do something about their feelings rather than dance around them.

As the thought crosses my mind, I realize how ridiculous I've actually gotten in the last few months. I act like I've grown from the same idiot that trusted Marjolaine, but really, I'm just the exact same idiot, and all that's changed is how I deal with people and view the rest of the world. I've gotten over the idealism, stopped expecting everyone to be good just for the sake of being good, and even gotten used to it, but somewhere, that same stupid fool of a self I was twenty years ago still functions better than _me._

That, or I really am just friends with Varric and choose not to admit it. Or both. Probably both.

I debate about telling her that, or the whole truth, and after a moment, decide it's just smarter if I tell her how it really is. She's standing beside me now, arms folded over her chest and leaning her back on the stone railing, watching me with that creepily intense stare of hers.

"Have you ever felt responsible for someone?" My voice is barely above a whisper, half embarrassed and half unwilling to speak of those memories. "Have you ever looked at someone who considers you a friend and realize you treat them like little more than a pawn, and then decide to better yourself for them?"

"Once or twice," she admits.

"Now imagine if you owed that person your life on top of that, and then you'll get what I've got with those two."

"I see," Cassandra says. "You mother them because you feel like you owe them for something that happened during the Blight." How in the Maker's name would she— Oh, right. Arin.

"You could say that," I say. "You could also say I mother them for similar reasons Justinia mothered me."

"You deserved that."

"Now you're the one getting off-topic."

She snorts. "Continue."

I find myself twisting the ring on my finger through my glove as I peer down at the courtyard, watching Cole flit between people and doing his...helping thing. Either he knows I'm watching him the same way anyone knows they're being watched, or he can hear my thoughts even at this distance. I think he smiles, and I assume it's the latter. Cole and I get along rather well until he starts digging on one of my bad days, and doesn't shut up about the pain. Those are days I have to send people out of the rookery to actually work on their own. No one needs to hear about my past. What's already public knowledge is the limit I'm willing to share.

"So Arin told you we had a brief encounter in Denerim's Alienage?" She nods. "And you've seen darkspawn." She nods again. "And you also know Arin's as good as an orphan." Another nod. "Did he tell you what happened when we found him and Sera? What was going on?"

"Only that once the Warden-Commander bribed him for information, and the other time was when the horde reached the city."

"The first time doesn't really have anything to do with it," I say. "Aedan, Alistair, and I were too busy watching for guards while Elissa paid them." Cassandra shrugs and I sigh again. "The second time is what really gets me."

"Oh?"

"Aedan and I ran ahead of Elissa and Alistair, intending to help some of the elves evacuate or get to someplace safer than the Alienage. The two of them stayed back with Aedan's brother and kept darkspawn from running in after us, so we only had to worry about the darkspawn in the southern district of the city and the ones in the Alienage itself. We'd barely crossed the bridge when we caught a pack of the things setting fire to some of the homes and dragging off children for Maker-only-knows what, and Sera was one of the kids."

Cassandra can only nod.

"Darkspawn, they take women to...for breeding purposes, and that's the only possible explanation I have for them leaving Arin behind." Her eyes have widened at this point. "Anyway, an alpha was dragging Sera and some elven woman through the streets, and while I went to deal with that issue, Aedan had heard someone screaming from inside one of the burning shacks, and broke the door down to get whomever it was outside. It was... Aedan tells me Arin was hanging over his mother's body. She'd died of smoke inhalation."

"That...Maker."

I give her a sad smile and look away. "The woman had run off when I killed the hurlock, but Sera was petrified, and I had to actually carry her away from the darkspawn. Aedan was busy forcing a healing potion down Arin's throat, so I had to keep the creatures back, and, well..."

I try so desperately not to remember what my first immediate opinion of Sera was. I didn't remember her straight away, not when she first joined, and I did _not _like her. It took Arin asking me if I was "that woman with the Wardens" during the Blight for me to remember, and now, I just feel guilty constantly.

"Well?" Cassandra urges.

"I left my side exposed in the fighting after I ran out of arrows," I explain. "And when I turned, there was a shriek, claws inches from my head, but impaled on a fallen sword."

"Sera was holding it?"

I nod carefully. "Sera was holding it." I pause for a few minutes, swallowing back the onslaught of so many things I could say to actually get my point across that I'm still beyond grateful for what she did _when she was ten. _"And Arin...I don't know. I feel responsible for him because I still see the boy ridden with shock as he watched his home burn. He trusted me enough to come and talk about issues he was having when we were still in Haven. He's my...friend, but I can't get past the wide-eyed elven children sitting on the ground, watching monsters drag away their friends and family, and kill anyone not fit enough for their standards." I shake my head furiously. "What _child _deserves to see that?"

"It was the Blight," Cassandra says simply. "It wouldn't be so terrifying if it was pretty."

I snort a bitter laugh, still playing with the wedding ring. It has become a nervous habit of mine, especially when that itch to run to the Deep Roads becomes unbearable. No one here knows I'm a Warden except Cassandra and Blackwall, and Blackwall only knows because I confronted his stupid ass for lying about it. Cassandra knows because...well, I wouldn't have really been able to hide it from her, what with me telling Justinia and Cassandra watching the woman like a hawk.

Watched her as well as I did, and we were still powerless to stop the Conclave.

I'm more disgusted by the fact that Elissa _knew _it was going to happen, and she still didn't warn me about Corypheus.

"I thought they died before the Archdemon fell," I admit. "I remember thinking about the two of them while I was having my injuries looked over, thinking that the healers would be better off looking for children like them and saving their lives instead of fussing over a couple broken bones."

"You had broken bones?"

"I was knocked down a staircase in Fort Drakon and launched over the railing of said staircase, and fell twenty feet onto a table. Yes, I had broken bones. Just an arm and a couple of ribs, though. Thankfully, it was on the way down from fighting the damned dragon." She raises a brow. "Darkspawn came out of an armory to the east and chased after us. I was in the back and...you know how it is."

She rolls her eyes and snorts in a sad way of amusement. "I assume you didn't expect to see either Arin or Sera again."

"Like I said, I thought they died. After all, what chance did two small children stand against the horde? I had no idea Arin was a mage."

"Quite the reunion."

"I only work during the dramatics," I reply, laughing once. "Dramatic darkspawn battles and I'm there."

She grimaces. "How poorly did your encounter with Corypheus go?"

"The short version? I killed his dragon, but its got a bad case of red lyrium corruption and decided to show up at the worst possible time with its darkspawn magister."

"I despise your sense of humor."

"Really? I'm not sure when that developed, actually." I shrug. "Let's just leave it at it wasn't pretty; I nearly blew up a cavern with myself and my friends still inside, and we found Corypheus less than an hour later, testing his orb and opening Fade rifts."

"Sounds like this is a notch down on the totem pole."

"I'll take the boring over the deadly at this point. Ten years of being chased by darkspawn, demons, and Maker knows what else, only to end up as the Spymaster for the Inquisition? I feel like it's a promotion. There's a lower chance to find giant cave spiders here and there's no darkspawn. I'm perfectly happy sitting at my desk all day for that trade off."

She laughs. "If you say so, Spymaster."

"Besides, if I want to leave, I'm sure Arin's offer to go on one of his trips to the Hinterlands still remains."

"I'm sure it does," she agrees.

The conversation fails for quite a while, lapsing into a friendly silence, and I'm glad for it. Cassandra and I don't speak very often as of late, mainly due to her training with Cullen's soldiers, or being out with the Inquisitor, or me being busy with paperwork. When I said I was glad I was only tackling paperwork nowadays, I wasn't joking. This is the first break I've really gotten since the Blight and I'm not complaining. I finally have the chance to relax, just a bit, but it feels so good that it's almost unfair.

Cassandra's stiffening and the rustle of armor tells me someone is in the doorway, and I turn. One of Cullen's "half soldiers." They're little more than glorified messengers, but they run information between me, him, and Josie all day.

"Lady Montilyet requests your presence immediately, Spymaster," he says. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he scurries off to deliver messages elsewhere.

I straighten, stretching, and say, "I'll see you later, Seeker."

"You as well, Leliana."

She lingers a while longer, no doubt to hunt for the source of whatever embarrassment she suffered, and I head down through the tower. Dorian nods politely in my direction, but when I pass Solas, we exchange equally hateful glares. His eyes are full of contempt, as I assume mine are. It doesn't matter, however. We have more important things to worry about than the identity he conceals...poorly.

As I cross through the main hall, I do my best to remain inconspicuous, but when it's typically messengers coming to and fro within this tower, it's a difficult task even for myself. Most people ignore me, thankfully, and a couple look in my direction, but that doesn't matter, either. I'm across the vaulted room and sneaking through the first of two doors to Josie's office. I push the second door open, hearing something above the doorframe click, but by the time I realize what it was, it's too late. I'm already halfway through stepping into the room when a bucket tips and spills water on my head, much to the amusement of the Antivan woman, the Inquisitor, and a very familiar Fereldan face. _Two _Fereldan faces.

"That water had to be colder than your heart," Arin quips.

I spit out a mouthful and wipe a torrent of it off my forehead. "Very funny," I say, shaking off my hand. "Hilarious." Josie is still giggling, as are the two Fereldans, and I give the three of them the darkest look I can manage while being drenched. "Now I'll have to spend all night cleaning my armor so it doesn't rust."

The man snorts. "You can, or you can get new armor."

"I'm not a nobleman that can afford such things," I retort.

He grins. "But you're married to my little brother."

My face must pale, or the realization of what he said must hurt him too, and the room goes completely silent for an uncomfortably long time. I broach the silence carefully, asking, "How's he settling in? Has he said anything?"

"Aedan's as happy as he can probably be," Fergus says. "Gets lonely without...you know."

We both shift uncomfortably, glancing at the older woman in the room, whose expression has darkened. It's easy to forget what happened to this family during the Blight, and I hate myself for it. They've accepted me simply because Aedan did, and I repay it by forgetting what Arl Howe did to them. Ugh, I'm horrible.

"So," Arin says, clasping his hands together. "Would you like to introduce everyone? You seem to know all of us, Spymaster."

I feel like he's mocking me, but I keep my opinion to myself. "Inquisitor..." He nods, a small smirk tugging at his lips, and I gesture to the two Fereldans standing in the room. "This is Eleanor Cousland, Teyrna of Highever, and her eldest son, Fergus. Allow me to introduce—" I grind my teeth at the word, much to Arin's amusement, "—Josephine Montilyet, ambassador for the Inquisition, and Arin Lavellan, Herald of Andraste and our Inquisitor."

Pleasantries are exchanged quickly. Whatever the two of them are here for, they must want to get it over with, and fast. I don't even want to think of the chaos Highever's been in since Denerim burned.

I skirt around to Josie's side, leaning over to whisper out of the corner of my mouth. "What did you need me for?"

"Sera's prank," she replies. "The Inquisitor made a—"

"Of course he did." She smirks and shrugs, saying something about how I need to lighten up, and I laugh once. "If there's nothing else, I have an elf to track down."

"We'll speak after supper," the Teyrna says. It isn't a request either; it's a statement of fact. I nod hurriedly, taking a step closer to the door. I remove the bucket from its trigger cord and make a motion with my hands, but before I can go, Fergus traps me in a hug.

"Meet us in our quarters in an hour," he whispers. Then he releases me, and I leave like nothing was ever said.

* * *

As ordered, I slip into the guest quarters allotted to most upstanding nobility. I don't think we've actually used this wing since arriving, other than to set it aside for someone of the Teyrna's stature.

I don't knock; I slip inside quietly, shutting the door behind me, and take a few steps into the room. I'm not dripping water like I was when I chased Sera down, scolded her halfheartedly, and went to change. I'm in simple clothes now, a fitted shirt and loose trousers tucked into my boots, and am actually halfway grateful for the excuse to wear something more comfortable.

"It's frightening how you just...appear," Fergus says, looking up from a notebook he's scribbling in.

I shrug, looking around the room. It's rather large, probably why Josie had it sectioned off for the better of the nobility. "Why am I here? I'm very busy."

He gets up and crosses the desk, passing me an envelope. "I had to dig this out of our things. Mother and I came to draw some of the Orlesians away from Highever's lands, giving Anora a break from the raids. This way, we get an excuse to leave, and we get to deliver this." He gestures to the envelope in my hand. "Surprise, surprise!"

Frowning, I turn it over in my hand. There's no seal on the wax. "What is this?"

"What do you think it is? I'm not travelling halfway across a country just to deliver a secret message for just _a__nybody._"

I try not to let my smirk show, but he sees it anyway. "Thank you, Fergus."

He nods, smiling. "It's the least I could do. You've done much for my family, and I've never repaid the debt we owe. I figure if I can start now, perhaps I can find the others that helped us take back Highever."

"You don't owe me anything for that. It needed to be done and...whatever you might've owed any of us has been repaid by your siblings twice over." His smile broadens, but it looks forced, and before I can second guess myself, I grab the man in a hug. He's a good four inches taller and far more broad than Aedan is, and when he returns the gesture, I feel like I'm about to be swallowed by the world.

Maybe that's what it's like to actually have a family. To feel smothered to the point of bursting, but accepting it because you love the person smothering you.

"You're actually very small," he whispers with a laugh.

"No, you're just huge," I retort.

He laughs again as he releases me, patting my shoulder. "I still have no idea how he got past the accent. Maker, it's overwhelming."

I roll my eyes. "Just like your sense of humor."

"That hurt!"

"I specialize in hurting people."

"Right, forget I said anything," he replies. "Anyway, if there's anything you need from us, we'll be here for the rest of the week before starting off for Highever again. Mother wants to speak about calling the Orlesians out of Ferelden for the time being in turn for our resources, but we'll see what happens."

"Sensible," I agree. "Thank you for the, ah...letter. I'll leave you to it."

Fergus nods politely as I head back out into the hallway.

The only one in this keep that can be dead serious, and I have the strangest of people I'm close to.


End file.
